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Author Topic: Sexual Abuse-Imported from Comments  (Read 30 times)

Tony Crisp

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Sexual Abuse-Imported from Comments
« on: June 10, 2018, 09:50:33 AM »

Tony, Thanks for the response.

In the example you described of the man in his 40’s cutting off sexual feelings, that resonates very deeply. I’m in my late 20’s and those feelings have never been present while awake, only at times recently in my dreams did I feel true arousal but when they do arise I suppress them immediately with my body in my dream. As my peers went through puberty and developed in that area it was as though I wasn’t going through what they were going through in their “flowering”, I felt as though I couldn’t relate and felt very alienated. I didn’t develop in that area as my friends did in adolescence; I was basically shut down/non-sexual. I get the impression those feelings are still there, only locked away due to something.

I also am getting the sense that I’m hiding something from myself, though at the present moment I don’t know what I’m hiding though I think I’m moving closer towards it.
My question to you is, does the event/trauma have to be sexual abuse or can it be something non-sexual that blocked the flow of energy. Thanks.

Alex

Tony Crisp

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Re: Sexual Abuse-Imported from Comments
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2018, 09:57:53 AM »
Alex – The man in his forties was me; I get fed up with saying, “I did”, or “I was”.

So your description of your situation was one I knew well. It wasn’t caused by sexual abuse but by my mother screaming at me when I was thirteen that I would kill myself if I carried on masturbating. So the causes can be almost anything.

True later in life I realised why she felt I might kill myself – it was because at that time TB was rife, and several people I knew had the illness. My mother was terrified I had TB and she must have heard that those with TB often express extreme sexual activity – a sort of procreate before I die thing.

But added to that I had another side to the problem – to ejaculate left me feeling as if I had been left half dead.

It does seem as if you are hiding something from yourself and so lock your natural feelings away. I found that the reason many people are sick or ill is because there is a natural impulse to pull your hand away when you touch something hot. The same applies when we encounter difficult or painful feelings, people avoid them. Such avoidance is everywhere in the use of extreme alcohol, smoking, medical drugs and such.

It was desperation trying to find a way, other than medication and alcohol to deal with my depression and emotional pain. I got to the point I was ready to die if necessary, so the idea of facing pain didn’t bother me. But I was lucky because a friend started having LSD therapy sessions with R Laing – they were legal at the time, and he asked me if I would accompany him – sort of look after him on his journey home. Laing asked me if I would be interested in trying it. Having read the literature thoroughly because I had realised that it was like releasing the dream process while awake I said yes.

Having used dreams as a way to find healing for years, the session was an extraordinary burst of insight for me. I saw what was holding me and many people back – we were all trying so bloody hard, thinking and feeling, that the more effort and intellectual fervour we put into our search, or by religious intensity, we would get through our pain.

In the session I saw that by doing nothing but simply watching and allowing that I made amazing breakthroughs. Of course the session was like a tremendous dream, but because I had learnt to go beyond the symbolism by years of exploring dreams – not the intellectual fervour of interpreting them – I had found a way. It took me step by step to a normal life beyond suffering.

So I have tried to explain this in https://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/opening-to-life/

Tony