Old Friend and potential lover

[Yoma]

Hello Tony!
I had this dream last night with lots of action and sci-fi but only few come into my mind right now. At some point,before i woke up, i reached a dark room where i met an old friend who could be a potential lover (2 years ago). She was smiling,so were i,because we found eachother again. Suddenly the room turned into a bizzare one,divided in 2 spaces by objects. The first wall had a library and a blue,shining ninja costume. My "ex" friend started laughing and started dressing with that outfit. Me,on the other side i found 2 peculiar objects. 1: a cilindrical,long,glass vase with very thin white flowers. Whenever i tried to pick one up,it would turn into a long match that i could burn. 2: an occult statue representing a man or a woman (about 45cm height) with its hands reached out and a pedestal with a red globe that would reach the statue's hands. When they were put together the globe would start to shine and burn and release warmth. It felt like a firepit perfect for that room.
The dream ended with me and her looking mesmarized at that globe and the white flowers while she was still smiling in that ninja costume with her beautiful smirk on her face.

[Yoma]

Update:
This time i dreamt something pretty weird but spicy. I met this girl (i cant remember the place) but she looked soo much like my ex girlfriend and she was even older than me with about 5 years (im 23). Some kind of chemistry happened between us in an instant (at that moment i realized i was already in a relationship whit my actual gf) but i didnt care,i took a bit of courage and talked to her. In very short time we started hangig around on a daily basis and i kept repeating myself how much she looks like my ex (but she was even more beautiful and kindherthed and sensible and i felt at ease around her and that she is the perfect fit for what i need now). At some point,after several dates,she asked if i wanna go at her place and "habe fun" and my hearth started racing and we both laughed our way to her home and felt in love. She kept telling me stories about her room mate and how funny and crazy she is and when i got there,she was actually my ex. She looked very surprised and thrillled and happy for her friend cus i was the one she heard about but at the same time i had a rude attitude and i've upset my lover. I went to her to apologise and we only kissed that night but all those kisses were full of passion,love,honesty,hearthfullness.
Thats when things suddsnly changed în my dream,she told me ( you know,only my face looks like her but from the neck down im very different,i might be a demon) and she blinked an eye at me and smiled and i saw a beautiful,indigo demonic face (she would always wear a tracksuit and i always felt like she was hiding something). At that moment dream took me to a dark place and i woke up for 5 minutes. I felt like,in dream,she's still there,hiding from me because in an instant she was afraid i wouldnt accept her like that and she sent me back to the material world. I forcibly went back to sleep and started to look for her in all places we've been together. At last,i found her again,surrounded by lots of ppl,in her old tracksuit. She was hiding from me. I made my way through those ppl,grabbed her hand,pulled her to me and kissed her with the same passion. She was crying tears of joy and thats when i woke up for real.

I did a bit of introspection about these dreams i had 2 night in a row,whit 2 different people i had a very potent chance to fully be with. And i look at my actual relationship and i realize i miss what i had whit each of those girls. My ex was indeeed funny, passional, sexy, rude, lascivious but she had attitude issues and demoralized me to the point i broke up with her. Now that i look back,i was just immature and pretentious and i feel bad for loosing her. The second girl had almost the same traits but she was a balanced person (she was exactely what i needed) but the context made it so that we got into a huge fight and we split up. Thinking of all there was and what i have now i realise my actual gf is EXACTELY the opposite of me and of my last 2 lovers.
Im not satisfied with my actual relationship (its already been 2 years) but we gave it another chance this summer,blaming it on the hard times we both had separately (we study in different towns and we barely see eachother or barely talk but we keep telling ourselves this is love). What is love anyway? I can translate it through everything i am. But what i wanna find in love is sacrifice,commitment,being prezent,being yourself (true to yourself,you feelings and other ppl),honesty and whats more important: passion and true feelings. My actual lover had toooo few moments when she was the way i felt her to usually be.
And i know several times in the last 2 years i wanted to break up with her but something inside me didnt let me do it,and im not talking about fear of being alone. It was depression...and now that im undergoing treatment and i feel myself again,i realized i should have broken up with her long ago and that all the love that i need has always come from whitin myself. People feel this love and get attracted to me. And i get attracted to the same people.
Im just thinking....maybe these dreams are my subconscious telling me i should break up with her? And look again for those things that make me happy,those things i can find in only few people. Those things that define me and recharge my batteries.

I could talk for hours about these things and give more details about my actual and ex relationships and i can easely come with a response to every missing part of me and a resolve for them but i simply dont know what to believe in my sotuation.

[Tony Crisp]

Yoma - Answering the first dream - Yoma – Before you woke up you were in a dark room, which represent you were not fully conscious. So waking up in dreams represents a very big growth step. You become aware of life and the world in an expanded way.

That is because humans live in two very different dimensions. The one most people identify with is the three dimensional physical world of the body. There a lot of rules to learn in this world; when very young we learn not to touch hot things; not to rush out into a road with moving cars. But as adults we have learnt not to step out into space while at a height because we will fall and have a major injury or die.

The second dimension is totally different and is experienced in dreams or deep mental activity. It will surprise many people to realise that in this dimension you have no physical body – the body is not needed – although most people are so locked into thinking that their reality is their body, that they create a body image of themselves.

In this dimension we are in a wider awareness, in this wider awareness you leave the limited view of the three dimensional world most of us are trapped in, and enter a world beyond time and space. So forget the clumsy explanations of telepathy and precognition, for they are explanations from the body’s limited senses. Beyond time we are aware of all time, past, present and future – all at once. So we do not look into the future, but are it. Our body life is to learn important lessons by being locked in time, space and our body, with its gender and limitation. You can find out by using https://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/acting-on-your-dream/#BeingPerson and reading https://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/characters-or-people-in-dreams/

It is important for you to clarify what you friend represents, because in dreams, when you think about a lover, a friend or a person you know, you are only taking in your thoughts, impressions and feelings about them. So many people do not realise that they have an inner person equally as powerful as the external person you know. You have taken in millions of bits of memory, lessons learnt, life experiences along with all the feelings or problems met by meeting or living with them, and they change you and make you the person you are. The memories and experience we gather unconsciously change us and are not lost. It is part of you and is symbolised in dreams as a person or event. Such an inner person can appear in dreams because you still carry the memories or impressions of them, and so they influenced what you hold within you.
 
The room division is saying that our whole life is dual – pain and pleasure – male and female – dark and light – body and mind. On one side of your division is a library, which represents an enormous amount if life experiences you have gathered in your long existence. Remember the no plant or creature grows from a dead seed, and each living seed carries within it all the past gathered from all its forebears. So, the seed in your mother’s womb is as old as and even older than human kind, and you carry that wisdom or memories in you. But in this life you developed a new brain, and the memories you gathered this time are what you built your personality from, but beneath that is a very ancient self.

Whatever you associate with your friend she/you are trying to ‘dress up’ as a shinning blue ninja figure. Is that how you imagine yourself? But you contact the real thing in the shinning globe and the white flowers. I feel it depicts something you need to do – reaching out for warmth and shinning. Maybe imagine it.

The smirk on you friends face suggests she, that part of you, could teach you a thing or two. I think there is an important growth spurt you are experiencing.

Tony

[Yoma]

Thank you very much for your wisdom Tony and i can assure you im experiencing a huge growth right now. Right after i wrote my second dream this morning i felt something unbelievable,something i only felt once at the age of 14 when all my good experiences and bad ones kind of made an implosion,the pieces collided and reuinted in the man i am today. But this morning it was quite different. I felt like i had a huge releaase of tension and everything about that i lost ar some point that i dearly loved,came back to me into a perfect symbiosis. I felt perfectly balanced and aware of who i am,who i should be,who i should have kept being,and who i want to be. all those thoughts came into my mind in like 3 seconds and i started to look back to find what used to love about me,about people and i peojected all these feelings into my actual relationship which took me to the heartbreakiing decision to break up with my lover. I felt so much pain doing it,because i know she got hurt more than me because of my sudden change of thoughts and she will be hurting for even more the days to come,but i came to realize that what i am and what i need it all comes whitin me and its stupid to hope after 2 years of fighting to keep planting flowers in a garden of which owner lets them whiter so easely,that anything will be better any soon. And i felt a huge tranzition inside me,fast,furious,like the wind. And even tho i wish my lover could be wirh me,she wouldnt have been able to kesp up. I must act on it now and fullfill my inner self's wish. Thank you again for taking the time to listen to me,to so many of us,and help me create a better picture of myself and others. You are a beautiful soul.

[Tony Crisp]

Yoma – WOW, what a story and a real ‘growth spurt’.

As I read it I felt certain you had shifted from normal awareness to an awareness of yourself seen from your inner world. A great thing, because it summarises so much more than we are capable of ordinarily. As usual I want to quote something, for I read that scientific research has shown that our brain registers 11 million bits of information every second.

“I do not believe this interior intuition or vision of nature’s secrets is a supernatural process, for it is also natural. A very large part is due to the mind’s unconscious ability to scan huge amounts of small bits of information and experience and see them as a whole, as patterns or structures. Therefore, the very ordinary experiences and memories we have of walking down a street, of seeing our family and friends in their everyday experience of life, of witnessing the seasons, of being involved in change, are all crammed with information. When all the tiny pieces are put together we see certain cycles, certain processes working at all levels of existence. In this way we glimpse the powers of nature, of Life, touching the world and our personal existence.”

I want to add to this that in a way we cannot ever hurt anybody except physically, our emotions and feelings about ourselves are like a keyboard that is played upon by people and events. If we are praised or rewarded our self confidence and therefore performance will usually be enhanced. That is fine except it means we will usually depend upon the world and events to create our moods and our sense of our own value. This makes us victims. We may not be dependent on a drug, but often we are dependent like a drug addict on praise, success, money, being admired or wanted. Without them we may experience the lows the drug user does on withdrawal. So people hurt themselves. I know because I used to tear myself apart – in fact I did. Once it lasted three years of misery.

Also, if we place ourselves at the centre of a circle and put all our dream characters, animals and objects around the edge of the circle, and if we add to this all the many things that impact upon us such as peoples influence on us; our thoughts and emotions and how we are swayed by them; our physical urges such as hunger and sex, and of course pain and pleasure; our desires such as ambitions, our sense of being a success or failure, the films, adverts and things that grab our attention, the books we love, the art and music that speaks to us, and the hundred and one other things that hit us as we stand in the middle, as well as our intuition, social pressure, hormonal influences, fears, ideas and images from media or people, our instinctive drives etc., we would see what a diverse mass of influences we stand in the middle of. If we allow all of it to make us victims of our emotions, we would live in constant pain. Please see https://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/trauma/#Misery

Tony

[Yoma]

I've read your story about the misery you carried within for so long at that point in your life and all i think about is,and i dont want to seem arrogant but people like you,Tony,like me, i feel like they are born with the 3rd eye half open.  And thats what makes us so different,moody and maybe impossible in others eyes. We go through daily introspection since we are kids and we always try to find deep meanings and true feelings and desires to ourselves in everything we do. We analyse alot and grow alot because what we feel and think we come to believe is true and we realize we develop an even higher intuition for ourselves and others. Im sure at 80's you see these words as trivial matters because you're so much more "high level" than i am,but i will never stop growing. And i have to say that im really glad i feel this way and that i found a person,randomly on the internet,from whom i can learn so much and i can validate my inner self's thoughts.
When i had that "recomposing" 3 days ago and i broke up with my lover,for the next 2 days i somehow regained all my resources and i realized that "this boom" was only mental for me at that point,but my soul told me im not sincere enough with me. And he's right. I came to understanding so many things in that morning and breaking up with my lover was a harsh decision i was unable to make,but i did it anyway. After 2 days i talked to my "ex" lover again and explained what happened to me and that i found whitin myself the power to grow and to forgive again. So i gave her another chance to take the right decisions in our relationship and we gave it another chance,not because i feel dependent,but because i see a great potential in her even from the 1st second i met her. The energies that i felt when i met her for the first time are still a part of me and they give me resoueces for one last "push".  This way i am sincere to me,that i gave her this last chance. I could talk for hours about her and me and why i decided to nullify my break-up,but it would get me to the same conclusion. I found myself again and breaking up for good wasnt the answer. The answer is love,compassion,sacrifice and the strong feeling that this is my role now. To be there for such a beautiful soul with a messed up mind. And i realised my role once i talked to my ex ones and aplogised for not trying enough to understand our situation at that point and that helped me release all the tension i built these years,a tension coming from unspoken words and unfullfilled desires.  Its laughable when i say that i am a martyr to my intuition,but it never failed me either. I can only grow! And whatever happens the months to come, i wont loose myself again. And i wont hesitate to make the right choices.

[Tony Crisp]

Yoma - True. My trials didn't finish once I had dealt with that misery. That was in 1978, and the trials that followed were what I see as learning material. We learn about ourself and gain strength to move the rocks in our way.

I'm still learning.

Tony