Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Author Topic: High frequency  (Read 155 times)

Yoma

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 22
    • View Profile
High frequency
« on: May 13, 2019, 10:32:50 PM »
Hello Tony!
It's been a while since i last time wrote you. I know dreams are just projections of our subcons mind and usually i could find meaning for myself in evey dream but this time i had a very disturbing one and i woke up really sad and troubled...and i kind of know what it means for me but i need an opinion from some1 with more experience than my intuition. Ill start from where i can remember the most.

I dont know how my problematic brother died but he came back to life immediately in a zombie state. The scene started like this: he stood in our common bed while i was up-standing near the door and lookin at him decaying. When our eyes met and i saw his deadly look,i kind of panicked and tried to look at the window and see the beauty of nature but a small religious icon took my eyes and somehow forced me to push myself to look into my brother's decaying eyes. At that moment i felt like i had a deep divination-kind-of-thing. Our bodies and minds swapped and i started chanting a throat mantra for his rotten soul. Some kind of diety awoken inside of my while my brother was so angry and JEALOUS. Thats what i felt from him: hatred and jealousy,because i became able to chant a divine mantra that helped rotten souls find peace and he didnt wanna leave the living world. He then turned into a black dog with demonic powers and started biting my left hand,without any success. I casted him away and went outside to my nature,to discover my throat singing. I kept on practicing until i could chant it with only my mind,and the whole world around me could hear and feel the divine vibrations. It felt like i reached a higher self. Thats the moment i saw my decaying,(literally and methaphorically) brother arguing with our father on the balcony and turned into a black dog and started to molest our father from behind in such a disgusting way. The dream ended with me going to him into a rush and as my fist was reaching his devilish mouth (he had such a satisfied expression,like he knew that would hurt me greatly. It was really distrubing,feelig all that hate) he kind of pushed me back out of my dream and woke up crying my soul out. And that throat mantra kept ringing into my ears and i realized that my roomate's soft snores sounded like 100 buddhist trying to chant it together....i felt a bit paralyzed.

Tony Crisp

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3210
    • View Profile
    • Dreamhawk.com
Re: High frequency
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2019, 11:25:29 AM »
Yoma – I would like a bit more information; is your brother actually dead or did you dream his death?

However, here is my best impression of your dream with the feeling your brother is not actually dead. It is not unusual to wish a sibling is dead and so out of your life.

“I hated my brother. When he died, all I felt was happiness: It's a rarely admitted truth but some siblings loathe each other.”

So it may be that you have tried ‘killing your brother inside you’, because that is what it sounds like from your dream. It also seems that you tried the so called ‘spiritual path’ which is very one-sided.

Example: Quite soon afterwards, still dreaming, the sound of a door creaking open made me sit up. Then from behind me two black men who looked as if they had risen out of a grave with flesh peeling off them approached me. I quickly made the sign of the cross and said some holy words and the figures disappeared. I lay back again thinking it was a good thing I knew how to get rid of them. But as soon as I settled to sleep again the door creaked open and the two figures appeared once more. This time all my hand waving and holy words had no effect on their advance, and their hands closed around my throat and I woke screaming in terror. My wife, feeling my fear, got up and we switched on all the lights.
 
That was my own experience and it taught me that taking the ‘holy road’ does not take into account that we are all dual in nature and the dark side needs to be integrated for things to work.

Anything inside you that you repress, as you and I were trying to do by trying to get rid of your feelings about your brother, and me by trying to stop my inner zombies which I had literally put in the grave until they were rotten with flesh peeling off them, does not does not die, it simply creates a terrible smell that you have to live with.

There should be no force or conflict involved – with your inner brother or emotions. If you give up your efforts to 'get rid' of your brother, gradually you will see that your way of dealing with, or responding to, difficult emotions, fears and stressful events, is changing. You feel more able to meet difficulties, allowing you to grow as a person, and be more creative. Of course it took me years to understand that and see the results. If you stop trying to repress such feelings by ‘holy’ them away an inner and effortless growth will appear.

For ripe fruit just drops off the trees, it doesn’t make any difference voicing holy word, for Life in nature is the greatest ripener.

Tony
« Last Edit: May 14, 2019, 11:29:58 AM by Tony Crisp »

Yoma

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 22
    • View Profile
Re: High frequency
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2019, 05:31:02 PM »
Thank you very much for your feedback,i really needed it to confirm my intuition. And you were right on spot,he's not dead but i told myself many times that i wouldnt give a damn if he would die someday soon. Its not like im eager for him to die, but i feel caged because of his attitude and actions. He brought much suffering to my parents and that situation hurts me badly. I had a very very hard time because of him last year around this day. I mutilated myself by smoking drugs on a daily basis just to run away from the real factor. Its been an year now since i gave up that behaviour and i feel really blessed for stopping my daily mutilation. But there are scaras i cant accept. And i know thats what this dream means for me. Somehow i cant forgive myself for letting myself wither. And i know that my own weakness, thats him (my brother), lead me to these emotions. Its been really  hard...and i dont know how to fight these emotions. That divine part in the dream felt like reaching a higher underatanding of who i am, but that doesent change the fact that his actions dont depend on me. I just wish i had the strenght to pet that black dog and tell him its okay...and that im sorry for how i feel towards him.

Tony Crisp

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3210
    • View Profile
    • Dreamhawk.com
Re: High frequency
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2019, 12:11:18 PM »
Yoma – Thanks for saying that, it makes it clearer to me.

Perhaps I have said these things before, but to make it plain I will repeat some things. So I feel that it is your inner brother you need to deal with - When you think about a lover, a brother or a person you know, you are only taking in your thoughts, impressions and feelings about them. So many people do not realise that they have an inner person equally as powerful as the external person you know. You have taken in millions of bits of memory, lessons learnt, life experiences along with all the feelings or problems met by meeting or living with them, and the experiences change you and make you the person you are. The memories and experience we gather unconsciously are not lost. It is part of you and is symbolised in dreams as a person or event. Such an inner person can appear in dreams because you still carry the memories or impressions of them, and so they influenced what you hold within you and the way you live your life.

As an example of dealing with such feelings; because my grandmother had been my prime carer, and had died before I had reached the age of two, I had already experienced great loss. This had left me open to the fear of abandonment. At three my mother without warning put me in a convalescent hospital, being at the hospital released this terror that I had been abandoned.

Meeting that terror again in my late 40s was almost more than I could bear.  although the feeling was originally connected with my mother, as usually happens, whoever we love becomes the target for such fears. In meeting these awful feelings, I traced the origin of them back to the events mentioned. But the terrific anger I felt to my mother at exposing me to such unbearable emotions, also spilled over onto my wife. I tried to forgive my mother but the anger did not abate and it became obvious that unless I could forgive my mother, I would ruin my marriage with that anger.

It was difficult to find this forgiveness because I felt that what my mother had done was unforgivable. Of course none of this was neatly rational. The feelings were burning beyond reason, and could not be rationalised away. But I could not ignore the fact that this was not, in the end, about my mother, but about me. My continued anger was ruining my life. So for my own sake I had to sincerely forgive my mother. This was not a fast change, and it was not easy. But it did release me from the crippling effects of the anger. And some effects of non-forgiveness in these situations are quite subtle.

I found that admitting that it was my own inner mother/brother that was doing the damage was the first step in dealing with it. The next step was to love and not to hate and try to kill my mother/brother. This was helped by the realisation that it was myself – a real and powerful aspect of myself I was dealing with that was causing my inner turmoil.

Love and forgiveness is the same thing. If we can love yourself it opens the door to love other people, because loving yourself means accepting and loving the very ordinary, the very wonderful, the very awful, and that covers all men and women. Also it means you stop judging other people, and most important judging yourself. For when I finally forgave my mother/brother/myself, I saw with open mouthed wonder that because I had judged and condemned my mother/brother, I had been an awful judge on myself. That was a real smack in the face and an awakening that freed me.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

Tony
« Last Edit: May 19, 2019, 12:23:44 PM by Tony Crisp »