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Author Topic: End of innocence  (Read 1814 times)

mikey

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End of innocence
« on: December 15, 2019, 10:21:45 AM »
Hi Tony,
I had this powerful dream which has clouded my thoughts for days now
Walking down a road I see a little Chinese girl in a pink dress ,her father is on the other side of the road,he has his back towards her,almost unaware she is where she is,
She runs across the road to join him,only to be hit by a car,which rolls over her chest then her head,flattening it,as you can imagine this was horrible to witness.
My take on this after deliberation is based I think on my recent revelations.
I have come to the conclusion at the late age of 64 that the concept of an all loving compassionate divinity is nonsense even though I think like most it would be nice if there was, but alas,life is not all light love and fairies,
I do  believe most strongly that love though is the greatest gift we have,and is the only thing that  makes it all  bareable.
In the dream I was appalled that such a thing could happen that innocence ,that purity,trust was snuffed out ,just like that,
I remember Joseph Campbell saying,God is love ,God is light you say,God is horrific as well,the end of the universe with fire and ash,then flood that's God, this was his talk on Shiva,but I felt relavent
No doubt this is a part of the journey,have you experienced this,the destruction of ones concept of God.
A great un-learning has taken place ,leaving me feeling the presence of a void,I do not know where I go from here.
I am most grateful for yours and Anna's support not only for myself,but for the countless others who come here asking for advice ,help and understanding.
Look forward to anyone's thoughts.
Regardsds mikey

- anna -

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Re: End of innocence
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2019, 01:33:23 PM »

Hi Mikey 😊

I feel the dream is telling you that you do not need to go anywhere
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I do not know where I go from here.
because "It" is coming your way; 
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She runs across the road to join him.

The subtle feelings of the Love that just IS, are easily missed when you are not aware of them
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he has his back towards her,almost unaware she is where she is,
and they can be easily crushed or flattened by too much thinking, strong emotions etc.

Remember that the destruction of a concept is just that; the destruction of a concept; it can never destroy what IS.

Take Care!

Anna

mikey

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Re: End of innocence
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2019, 06:48:27 PM »
Anna ,
you are awesome ! I understand what you are saying thank you.
Mikey

- anna -

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Re: End of innocence
« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2019, 01:28:28 AM »

Mikey,

I am glad you could hear "It". 💗

Anna 😊

Tony Crisp

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Re: End of innocence
« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2019, 01:44:59 PM »
Hey Both – I came across this yesterday. It is the most succinct of any such descriptions, and in my mind completely on the ball.

"Neither heavenly nor earthly, neither mortal nor immortal have we created thee, so that thou mightest be free according to thy own will and honor, to be thy own creator and builder. To thee alone we gave growth and development depending on thy own free will. Thou bearest in thee the germs of a universal life. 
Pico della Mirandola 

Oratio de Hominis Dignitate

For it inclides all humans experience that we find in the world ---- from murder, rape, porno life, to the great beings that we find in our world. To me it gives us complete freedom to be anything, not a rigid right or wrong that we must live by, but creators of our own lives. And by our decisions we create our own future."

I remember the first time I felt communicated by my larger self. “One day I experienced the following. Now I stood after going through an experience of finding freedom and I stood facing a great Light, hands together and I felt my wrists were chained and I held them up to the Light for the Light to free me. It was then as if the Light said, “Tony you hold up your arms to be freed but you have never been chained only by yourself.” I stood there before the Light knowing I was nothing yet I was loved it was as I understood I was No bloody good yet wonderful. Now a great love welled up in me for what had given me love It was so tender. It was as tender as the love one feels for a newborn baby, a flower, a sleeping child, yet as passionate as for a lover. And expressing these feelings I said I love you I love you I love you I cannot describe my emotions or That Presence huge benign formless yet close prescence that was directed at me alone with great love person to person. There was no personality yet there was a person. If you are doubtful that Life itself can speak to one like that I had been spoken to by Love and that was the root of my own being.” As Mirandola wrote - Thou bearest in thee the germs of a universal life. 

To be otherwise we would be like robots with no ability ot choose - but be the victims of a 'caring' god.


« Last Edit: December 16, 2019, 01:53:27 PM by Tony Crisp »

Tony Crisp

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Re: End of innocence
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2019, 11:11:59 AM »
Mikey – I cannot rest in myself having just wrote a very non everyday reply. You have come back often, maybe seeking inisights. But there is so much in your dream and to explain what I see that is vitally important I will tell a story, because I hope it is an example that has meaning.

In the early 1970’s, after years of active discipline I learnt to allow the dream process to break through into my conscious life, so I could experience a dream while fully awake. For many people this might not seem much because they have no understaniding of what is involved. But for me, I discovered that dreams show us the things we are refusing to acknowledge about us, that are horrible to witness, we are scared of, so we built a huge wall to protected us from seeing our own ignoble self. But also dreams often reveal universal truths.

As I learnt to allow myself to experience thes dreams consciously, at first it was traumas that emerged with deeply felt emotions and once experienced they were gone and the underlying depressive emotions wiped out. But after that had gone for some time – I used to practice every week – I experienced this:

''It started with a waking dream in which I was in the First World War in Germany. The Germans had taken a hill we had been defending, and I had been captured. The dream process continued as if it was something very real. I experienced, in a very deep sense, being a prisoner and being tied to a bed. German officers tortured me by crushing my left foot, but I wouldn't give information. During the fantasy my body actually took on the position of being tied and tortured, and I cried out with the pain. It all seemed real to me, and knowing my name as that soldier, I thought it must be memories of a past life. 

Because I would not talk I was strapped on the bed face down and a line of German soldiers came and one after the other, buggered me. I lived this all out with my body and feelings too, and I really understood what people meant when they say 'I feel buggered:' It was as if my personality had been smashed, broken, and I was just a body walking around. On talking this over with a friend however, I noticed when I came to the past-life descrption, I didn't look her in the eye, and I thought I must be avoiding looking at something in myself.

So I continued to explore. It took a long time because we do not want to see what we have done to ourselves. To cut a long story short I slowly realised that when I was thirteen an uncle who had lived through two wars gave me a series of volumes about the first world war, all photographs of the horrors we do do each other in such conflicts. 

I gradually realised that I had lived through a huge conflict, a first world war, in my youth as a thirteen year old, and my dream graphically described it. I was in my forties as I was realising this. For from thirteen until twenty one I had killed my sexaul self. I had no sexual experience, no ejaculation, nothing. I had killed or maimed the huge experience of sexual growth. So instead of expressing it outwardly the sexual energy had turned inwards into myself over and over causing a fragmenitng of my person.

So instead of owning it and seeing the damage I had done to myself I projected it onto a past life, into mysticism instead of real life.

The cause of it was that I had been born prematurely and wasn’t breathing but my grandmother managed to get me breathing. So my mother had a terrible fear that I wasn’t strong enough and could die, and at the time Tuberculosis was everywhere, and as sign of TB was greater sexual need as one died, probably to procreate. So my mother, fearing I had TB because I had started masturbating, one day erupted emotioanly and screamed at me, “Daddy and I don’t want you to die, and if keep masturbating you will die.”

The shock of that lasted till I was 21, and it wasn’t easy to become a normal person again.

So the message is dreams show what you do or have done to yourself and projected it out as done  by others. So I ask, “Why have you crushed your inner female?”

Tony
« Last Edit: January 01, 2020, 11:12:56 AM by Tony Crisp »

mikey

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Re: End of innocence
« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2019, 08:23:02 AM »
Toni,
Thank you for your extraordinary dream account,and sharing a personal area of your life in so much detail.
You have given me much to consider.
Kind regards mikey