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Author Topic: Killing an Aspect of Myself  (Read 2303 times)

Tony Crisp

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Killing an Aspect of Myself
« on: January 11, 2021, 10:22:21 AM »
Here goes:

 I’m in the car with my boyfriend, he’s driving. We are finding an area to park in and there is construction all around us. Everything including the road, is covered in light grey colored cement. The car is leaving a bit of tire marks as we drive through.

We’re now away from the car and my boyfriend gets a call that someone has stolen our car so we rush towards where we parked it. Soon after, a young street savvy lady pulls up in our car and parks it where we had left it. Somehow she managed to locate and return the car to us. It looks different to me but I look at the headlights and fully recognize that it is in fact my car.

I’m now in the backseat of a car filled with girl-friends and I’m telling them about the car situation. I remember that a girl named Maylin had stolen my car once before and had written me demanding $250 in return for my car. I was angry that she had once again been stealing my vehicle.

My friends pull up to a school and one of them asks where all the 15 year olds are and I tell her that those are freshman. I’m now walking through the schoolyard and I spot Maylin, dressed in school uniform. I hate her stuck-up face and detest her, she reminds me of a know-it-all. I grab Maylin and look around to see if my friends were coming to help but they weren’t around so I begin to beat Maylin until I kill her.

I’m now in Puerto Rico in my mother’s house. I’m in the bathroom sink putting the remains of Maylin’s body in an empty plastic bottle of water which I’m going to find a way to dispose of tomorrow. My mom is sleeping in my bed and my dad and cousin have fallen asleep while sitting in the dining room table. It’s nighttime and I tell them that if they are going to sleep, to at least shut both the front and kitchen doors.

I get in bed with my mom and begin to worry about going to jail because I killed Maylin in a public area where I’m certain people saw me.

-end

Overall, what I can understand is that I have killed an aspect of myself that I clearly dislike and had been robbing me of something. Whatever that something was, when it was returned to me, it was not the same as before.

I have looked into the dream dictionary to find the meaning for the significant symbols which have definitely served to give me great understanding but I am having a hard time putting this all together in way that gives me that “aha” moment.

Thank you Tony, any information is appreciated - Kae


Tony Crisp

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Re: Killing an Aspect of Myself
« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2021, 11:01:09 AM »
Kae - The dreamed of boyfriend  often explores what you fear might happen in the relationship, and what you hope will happen. So, it is not your boyfriend that you are dealing with but yourself – we dream about them and use them as a symbols of what we picked up from the relationship. Only you can know that, but your dream does say that what he represents in you is doing the driving.

I see there are two major conditions in life. One is being in charge of your life in a reasonable degree and making your own decisions. The other is being directed by your fears, lack of confidence or other people’s influence or manipulation. Being in charge and directing your life is being in the driving seat. Being influenced by other people is being a passenger.

Being in the driving seat is a state of mind. It is nothing else. IT IS NOTHING ELSE!

Everything you do leaves marks - the tire marks, but what drives you leads often to not having the car. The loss of something that enables you to go where you want to in life, or that you are carried along by to your goals or toward something. This loss can be a belief or a fear or any strong feeling or motivation that carried you through life and enabled you to reach goals. If you connect your car with independence, then this links with the loss of that and your ability to have your own space or freedom.

Maylin - To understand the friend you need to be that friend. I mean imagine yourself in their body and see how it feels, and describe yourself as them, even ask them questions. In doing so do not forget that this is a part of yourself you are making more real. Don’t get the silly idea this is someone else, even though they have the face and body of someone else. If it is, as you said -  I hate her stuck-up face and detest her, she reminds me of a know-it-all. I grab Maylin and look around to see if my friends were coming to help but they weren’t around so I begin to beat Maylin until I kill her - a bad one, you learn and try to avoid repeating the mistakes.

If you enter Kaylin as described above the lessons will start to be come clear. Aman who did tihs with a body he had killed said, "In ‘being’ the body in the dream the man said, “But it wasn’t until I got into the role of the dead body that any depth of feelings emerged.  Almost as soon as I was in the role of the dead body I began to think about and feel things connected with the way I had killed my sexuality as a teenager.  Gradually these feelings deepened and I was describing my feeling hatred in regard to sexuality and how the masses were pulled along by their genitals into some sort of conformity and performance.  I felt anger and loathing for what I felt at the time were the cattle human beings were. At the time I despised and hated them.  I also felt repugnance at the way people talked about sex or appeared to enjoy it.  It has to be understood that in that period in history in the UK, most of sex was depicted in terms of smut, dirt, animal desire, hidden pornography, or loveless fucking.   I wept deeply, at times hardly able to breathe, with the pain of seeing what I had done to myself.  I said sorry over and over.  I saw that I need not have killed my love and sexuality, but could have expressed it in a tender and loving way."

With you all the way - Tony