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Author Topic: Dream Theater safety  (Read 3280 times)

Rain_Dancer

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Dream Theater safety
« on: December 05, 2011, 02:57:42 PM »
More of…what have I gotten myself into??? !!!

Saturday I played “dream theater” with 2 other women.  One I’ve played with before, and also done several dream shares with.  The 3rd woman was new (sort of…I vaguely remembered taking dance classes with her many years ago).

This was my dream:  I am leaving a store, and realizing that, once again, I left my purse and other valuables in the front seat.  (I have done this twice in waking life this past year, once my purse was stolen).  I am wondering why I did this to myself AGAIN, and I notice that my purse has been rifled through, but it and my other valuables are still in the car.  As I go through my wallet, I sense a setup.  “They” left my stuff in the car on purpose.  I turn and a young woman with two companions approaches me.  She is carrying a black pistol.  I freeze, and feel the fear intensely.  I black out, feel like I’ve been hit by a car, and wake up in an ambulance.  I cry softly, once, “they hurt me”, and feel something release.  The EMT’s on either side of me caution me to be still and not breathe too deeply, I’ve been seriously hurt – I feel my broken ribs on the left side and understand they don’t want me to puncture my lungs.  I take tiny sips of air, as I realize there is no pain I begin to become aware that I am dreaming.  I take deeper and deeper breaths, and a smile spreads across my face as I know I am dreaming now, and awaken.

So.  To get out of character (and honor my “shiva” dream), I played the woman with the gun.  My friend played one of the companions.  She was having a great time, getting into it, very comfortable with “teenage troublemaker” energy. 

I was *very* uncomfortable.  I started to play out what was going through my mind…”You are weak, you bitch, you are so stupid, so spacey, I oughta kick you, you make me sick.”  I could only barely touch the feelings beneath it.  I noticed that I now had my back turned to the other two women, and I described to them the shame I was feeling…I couldn’t face them, I didn’t want them to see me this way.  I *know* the role of the perpetrator, and said, “I can play this role all day long…as long as I am alone, with someone I know I can abuse.  I don’t want you to see me this way, I don’t want to be this way in front of kind faces, I don’t want to scare you. “  I also felt very exposed, not only showing how I have treated others, but how I can treat myself in my own mind and also how my parents spoke to me as a child.

I knew I was experiencing shame, but I just couldn’t be present with it.  I allowed it to a point, and decided instead of diving in I needed to be very gentle with it and not force it.  The other women were feeling it, too.  I was nervously talking, and aware I was being neurotic to avoid the feeling, one of the other women jumped in with her own story, in a attempt to ‘help’ me feel better.  She shared how she bit her brother once, and I shared that I once pulled a knife on my sister.  The 3rd woman seemed shocked (she is a psychotherapist, so it didn’t occur to me that this would be shocking to her, otherwise I might have been more sensitive).


I’m not a trained professional, I’m not even very mature, I’m just someone interested in dreams.  I question whether I even have any business delving into this stuff with others…do you have any suggestions for how I could have handled it better?  Or for how I can created a safer container for this kind of play?


Tony Crisp

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Re: Dream Theater safety
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2011, 08:53:35 AM »

You are blaming yourself for another person's lack of experience. If she was a psychotherapist she must have been avoiding all deeply felt issues - as some talk therapist do. You were in a situation where it is safe to expose your feelings, so do not start being 'sensitive ' with someone who actually needed the experience.

I have allowed everything in what is a safe therapeutic environment. Our society is so sick from being 'held back' it is the only way to be real.

Here are a couple of people's description of 'letting it out'.

‘The worst day for me was undoubtedly the one where A, letting that other part of himself flow out to me, pushed me into the appalling realisation that I’d been shutting life out and still was.  And for the rest of that awful day and the ones to follow there was nowhere to hide, nowhere to go.”

"Now the body contractions became deeper and I could feel some real deep emotion in my chest just beginning to come up. ‘Dirty,  I’m dirty,’ I was shouting.  ‘I’m a father and I’m dirty’.  Then my body just gave a big heave like I was having a baby or something, or a tooth out, and I was just one frozen block of pain, and a great moan of pain came out.  I was sobbing and moaning about my children.  Hardly able to say it because of the pain and sobbing, nevertheless the words squeezed out of me ‘D…. Duh …Does.. a… Does a father…’  I just couldn’t go on for a while.  My body contorted up with this inner emotional pain again, and a sort of bellow of it came up from deep down.  Then the words came again.  ‘Does a father…Does a father kill his children?’"

Tony