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Author Topic: Father in dream  (Read 3403 times)


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Father in dream
« on: December 10, 2011, 01:24:01 PM »
Hi everybody!

Last night I had a dream about my dad; I had been working on father issues until late at night so it wasn't surprising. But I still can't seem to get what the dream was trying to tell me. In the dream  Iwas with my dad and he was constantly asking me for help, how to do something, how to solve something and I was explaining to him over and over again. There was a slip of paper involved with some kind of password on it and I kept telling him to get it but he'd lost it and I couldn't find it for him. I was feeling frustrated but didn't want to show it to him. My real dad is a lot like this, and often makes me feel frustration because he's not catching on and often throws up his hands and challenges.

If this is about my relationship to myself, what is it that I have lost? Am I frustrated at myself for not taking on challenges? I am actually taking on quite a few challenges at the moment; could this dream be about self-judgement? I had a look at the "father" section in the dream dictionary, but remained non the wiser. :)

Thankful for any thoughts!! And thanks, Tony, for a great forum and a wonderful dream dictionary!


Tony Crisp

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Re: Father in dream
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2011, 11:50:13 AM »
Pia – So, “I had a look at the "father" section in the dream dictionary, but remained non the wiser.  ” Me too  .

The difficulty about understanding dream fathers and mothers is that we are so mixed up with them we cannot see them easily as representing something we are carrying with us inside. Also although we have a relationship with an outer parent, we still carry them inside us, and it is imperative to work out what that is to find peace.

I had a hell of a job with my inner father. It had changed the whole direction of my life. The pain involved was enormous. So in your dream it sounds as if you carry with you the habitual feeling that whatever you do is not quite right or getting through, and this could foul up your relationship with any man you get close to, and also to the way you relate to the world.

I would suggest you having a good talk with your dream father – and don’t get it mixed with your real father, as sometimes there is a big difference. You need to imagine yourself back in the dream, and start of being him – literally step into his dream body. Don’t worry, it is you after all, but maybe an aspect of you that you have not fully realised before. So see the following as it may have some hints: http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/acting-in-your-dream/

And then change roles several times till you reach satisfaction. Sometimes it needs a bit of creative thinking to get past the blocks. Here is an example of such a dialogue:

At that time I was exploring a problem of not wanting to be an active part of life. There was I realised a very powerful behaviour that led to repeated destruction of what I had carefully built up - like refusing yoga weekends - being snotty so they will not invite me anyway - writing to cancel it once I had accepted it. Also by making a good start so it looks as if I had tried, then withdrawing effort when it comes to extending into the unknown, insecure area of advancing a cause. I can then look around and say - you see, I really did try, but it’s no good, life, circumstances were against me. Feel sorry for me. Maybe I blamed it on our lack of money, not enough time, psychological pain, but not on my own terror of walking out into the unknown and exposed areas of insecure life.

As i worked on this I felt like an egg, like a chick in the egg. Somehow my shell had been taken away and all I wanted was to curl up and not have to be alive. Events were not offering me what my instinct had led me to expect. Without any certainty of being wanted, I was exposed, alone and vulnerable. There was nothing for me to unfold for or want to live for. Prior to this experience I had watched a documentary on the hatching of turtles on a beach. They were all impelled to run toward the sea, and if they made it they were comparatively safe. But on the way the seagulls swooped and ate many of them. As the baby I had no impulse to run for the sea. I was too aware of the dangers to want to move. I didn’t even want to be without a shell. There was no way the baby me wanted to unfold and participate in the adult life of Tony. So the baby me said “NO” to Tony who was asking me – the baby - to take part in life, because without it I was a failure. But as Tony, observing this part of myself that had decided right at the beginning not to get involved in the difficulties or possibilities of life, I realised I had to find a way to induce it to change. If I did not manage this, a whole spectrum of my energy and potential would be missing.

A dialogue began between my adult self and this curled up ball of feeling deep at the core of me. I tried to convince it that I needed the enthusiasm for life that it had withdrawn through its retreat from experience. Its only response was to curl up tighter and set itself against any possibility of opening. I could see that the baby in me had a great fear of being attacked, because it felt so unprotected due to not having a sense of connection with its mother. But the image of the baby turtles appealed to it, and its response was that it didn’t want to run because it would get eaten. However, I suddenly realised that meeting the risks of life didn’t necessarily heighten vulnerability. So I communicated to my baby self that lying curled up as it was, made it more open to attack than if it ran. At least if it uncurled and ran it would stand a chance. This was so obvious once pointed out that I could sense a swing of feelings in the baby. It was ready to begin being a part of my life now in an active way. And this marked a major turning point in my life.