hello from new york city

[warriorqueen]

Hello everyone,
and especially Tony-I've been using your dream dictionary since I discovered it at a small bookstore in the 1990's and I sensed the depth of trust in the world of dreams that I share.  I'd like to get a lot more skilled at interpreting my dreams, since I feel I have lost my inner compass (and the anxiety of being in my late 40's has descended upon me with ferocity).  I am beseeching my dreams to begin to speak to me in their own way so I can find my way back to making a life I feel more alive in.  So far, I've used your technique of imagining myself waking up and writing down what I remember, since I had not had any dream recall for awhile, which was alarming.

There were quite a few people from my past in the dream--since they engaged in professions I have also called my own at one time, I wonder if this is what those character's symbolize?  Also, a man named Philip (I don't know any men by that name) who was part of an emergency medicine course I was taking.  He was second to last on the "list" and we were attracted to one another (we kissed).  I did look up and see the name philip means "lover of horses".   I wondered if something about unbridled life force had become low on my list of priorities?  Also he takes off his coat to stay.  And what can "kissing" mean if both philip and myself are parts of myself in the dream?  I will look that up under symbols.

Another important image seemed to be this girl I knew in 4th grade (we used to play doctor)--she was now an adult, a doctor, an she was putting her stethoscope on in a certain way, rolling it up, and tucking it into a pocket in her chest so it "wouldn't swing around and get in her way".  Something about listening to the heart?

Lastly, Philip goes through my private journals (right upper drawer of desk) and I feel afraid he'll find my unhappiness and it will put him off.  "find anything?" I say.  He tells me he remembers once when he was very sad.  I'm afraid he'll leave but he doesn't.  I wake up, and I know there's one more thing he's trying to say about what he wanted, but I fall back asleep.

I'm wondering how to put these "clues" together in some way?  I think I'm hoping that my dreams will give me some instruction and guidance for how to find my way to a life that feels more vital.

Well, I think maybe I've written my dream in the "introduce myself" area of this forum.  If this is so, I hope it's not a problem.  I look forward to being able to learn from others' dreams and from any guidance Tony can give.  Meanwhile, thank you Tony for all you have contributed to this field.

Warriorqueen.

[Tony Crisp]

WarriorQueen – It is so good to hear of another copy of my book. I often wonder what they get up to out of my sight  . And in NewYork too!!

What you say about menopause touches me. I too have had a hard time with it because of what it did to my marriage. Also I entered a dream from a woman that really taught me so much. Please read http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/questions/#Meeting Menopause

If you wish to learn more about interpreting your own dreams I would suggest starting with the entry as follows, and slowly work through the other chapters/pages/sections. http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/practical-techniques-for-exploring-your-dreams/

Having so many dreams to look at and ponder upon I have learnt a great deal that was not included in the published book. So I would also suggest reading http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/dream-yoga/

Sorry – if am putting too much in front of you. I was quite moved by what you wrote – “I sensed the depth of trust in the world of dreams that I share”. So I am like a little boy rushing around trying to show you all my new toys. (I know I’m silly. I get worse the older I get).

As far as or dream is concerned, I feel it is a step toward meeting the difficult feelings you are in. Phillip is not someone you know, but is a part of your emergency medicine course. So it suggests that he is a part of you that is needed to meet the emergency you feel you are in life.

He was low on the list because you didn’t feel as if it was so important for you to meet and kiss him. And kissing can be many things, but I feel it relates to the fact that a kiss is always a merging with the person or creature that is the dream character. Because we are always, inside of ourselves, male and female and also everything we dream about, it may therefore be show you merging more fully with these other sides of you; or in your case a more full meeting with the male side of yourself. It is possible that although we may be born a white female, we also have within us the characteristics not only of the opposite sex, but also of the other racial types, animals, plants, and even minerals. So meeting Phillip is important way of becoming more whole.

The doctor aspect of you is also about healing. Her swinging stethoscope tucked into her chest pocket is, I believe, showing you that she is looking into you, into your heart, where you will find the answers to who you really are – not an ageing female.

Then the journals – Phillip can never leave you unless you kill him out, because he is your male self, and can be called on whenever you need him. Also he may appear in many guises – such is the nature of dreams and of course your own real nature, for you are a shape shifter.

You can find your way to a vital life by living your true self, and not all the illusions we usually take as truths. The truth is that you are a projection of Life itself in a body. Look around you at the flowers. They like you were young and showed their sexuality in all its colour and beauty. But then they changed and that is what Life wants us to do. It is your true nature to age and change as you get ready for your next journey. And believe me, it isn’t awful when we are in touch with Life that grew as and knows what it is doing.

Tony

[warriorqueen]

Well Tony,
If you are being silly I like it.  And your box of toys has quite a lot of treasure in it.  It is interesting when I dream of a man I don't know and there is some sort of sensual/attraction oriented contact.  While body and dream mind might be separate, my body feels as if I really have connected with a male, and a feeling of deprivation is eased.

I looked over the part of my dream with Philip and the journals, thinking of him this time as myself--that I am afraid of leaving myself if I see the full extent of my unhappiness (related to deprivation of human contact going all the way back to my early years and coming up lately).  Then the Philip self shows empathy.  And then I feel trust/relief of anxiety.

"The doctor aspect of you is also about healing. Her swinging stethoscope tucked into her chest pocket is, I believe, showing you that she is looking into you, into your heart, where you will find the answers to who you really are – not an ageing female. "

Thank you for that sentence-gave me some hope of success, for I am struggling to listen, using all the means at hand--dreams, my meditation practice, conversation with friends--I know that I am seeking a very personal, Jungian-individuation-style expression of my own uniqueness--not the "who i really am" of the hindu/buddhist path. 

Ageing female--well, that is happening, and my mind is really struggling to integrate such change, wishing to keep myself attractive to male others, and my libido strong, esp. as I look well.  I think women have a different experience from men in this regard, for reasons I won't elaborate upon in a public forum.   Your comment about flowers makes me think that perhaps change is not necessarily loss.  I can still feel my aversion to the ever growing catalogue of losses!  Ah, life.

  I like the idea of being a shapeshifter. I often feel like an animal, and am very close to the plant world, being a professional herbalist among my many guises.

And finally, thank you so much for generously sharing your ideas--I will follow the links.  I hope I keep dreaming.  Nothing yet since that night.  I will post on the dream discussion forum if new images arise.

Take Care,
warriorqueen