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Author Topic: Sitting by an empty grave  (Read 2966 times)

Midlander

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Sitting by an empty grave
« on: March 25, 2012, 08:22:04 PM »
I dreamt I was sitting beside a freshly dug grave for the man I love but haven't seen for a long time, caused by him becoming severely depressed and backing away (true in waking life). I had things with me; pieces of work I was doing. I was alone beside this empty grave. His family and others were entering the little Church I could see across the Churchyard but I was excluded, invisible, alone. They were muttering things like 'how tragic, only 34!'
 
I realised that they would be coming to bury him and I didn't want them to find me there, beside the grave and so I gathered my things and moved them a short distance away but the ground was wet and boggy. I left the things there, thinking it'll do for now. Then I stood away from the grave.

I suppose this dream is telling me what is obvious; that I haven't been acknowledging the loss and grief of this situation and have been putting on a show and carrying on with life. It depicts the sense of isolation, too. The grave is empty because he's not dead - he's absent. I don't talk about it; I don't want to appear pathetic, so much time has passed and it feels as though I should have 'moved on' but the lack of resolution has been difficult to surmount.

But I wonder, Tony, whether you see anything else here? Also the number 34 is odd - he's not 34; I wonder whether the number means something?


Tony Crisp

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Re: Sitting by an empty grave
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2012, 11:38:31 AM »
Midlander – The first impression I get is that he is dead but not buried – the grave is empty.

The figure 34 is a strange one symbolically as it has links with many points of view. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/thirty-four/

But I like the meaning given in the I Ching for Hexagram 34 which starts off -

“When many wide connections exist with great inner ability and power there arises extraordinary brilliance. This quality may awe those less gifted or having fewer connections. Its force shakes the world and brings changes.
Understanding its workings can lead to deep insight into the nature of things. Certainly persistence in this direction will bring great reward.”

But I had an insight into your situation while exploring a dream about my dead father. I managed to open up and let the thing flow from within. I saw that anyone we deeply connect with, even if they have died, yet lives on inside us. And unless we deal with them as a living but maybe troubling part of us we will find no peace.

The thing that give peace is to image the person we are feeling alive inside us, open to them as fully as we can, and see and feel all the hurt and distress. That is seeing them as something that will continue to be a sore part. The next thing it to see what parts of them you can add to your store of things you can build into yourself.

This is why it says that you should honour your father and mother. It say this because they are so much a part of you, as this man is in you, that to not sort it out you will be left crippled. So it isn’t accepting their weakness but almost like digesting it so what is healthy can be built into you, and what is not can be passed out.

So do not weep beside an empty grave.

Tony

Midlander

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Re: Sitting by an empty grave
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2012, 11:46:34 AM »
Thank you Tony. I just want to check that I have made it clear that this man hasn't actually died?
What you say makes absolute sense and something I encourage people with when someone dies and have had to encourage myself with of late over the death of a dear friend - not so easy to do as it has been to say, of course!

Do you think this dream is about the death of the relationship that hasn't been buried?
 The message from the I Ching seems to suggest something different..........
"Certainly persistence in this direction will bring great reward" makes me think of persevering through this sense of being outside, abandoned and alone .......

Tony Crisp

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Re: Sitting by an empty grave
« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2012, 08:23:57 AM »
Hi - It is a difficult one to decide whether it is goodbye or an encouragement - difficult being outside your dream. It is usually clearer when you get into it yourself - imagine yourself in the grave you were sitting next to and explore any feelings an images that occur.

I did realise that the person was still alive. But the dream suggested an end of some sort.

An interesting point is that his relative - in your dream of course - are getting ready to bury him.

Tony

Midlander

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Re: Sitting by an empty grave
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2012, 11:49:03 AM »
Thanks Tony, that is helpful - I started to go back into it but didn't finish the process. Yes; I hadn't thought about the action of the relatives!! Worth a good ponder and exploration! There was also the sense of being excluded by them, that was interesting.

Thanks again!