I had a very upsetting dream today. In the dream, I think was at someone else's house, and it might have been a party because there were other people there, although the details have faded. There were definitely other people around. A woman (the hostess of the party?) knocked over a vase or something and it shattered. I felt responsible to clean it up but also I kind of felt frozen, like it was her job to clean it but I felt more qualified. Before I could go for a broom or something, I checked the bottoms of my feet to make sure that they didn't have glass sticking to them, although where the glass shattered was tile and I was standing on carpet.
The bottoms of my feet just weren't there. It was like the skin just ended at the edges of the bottoms of my feet and the bottoms of my feet were actually divided very neatly into sections -- not squares, more like what it looks like if you're flying over farms, the way the crops are planted in different shapes and are different colors and textures. In each section was definitely organic, but looked more like tiny weird sea plants in clean white and grass green, depending on which section. Little -- leaves? tenticles? moved in each section as though they were under water, but they didn't grow outside of the natural shape of the foot.
My feet didn't hurt, but once I saw this, it felt very vulnerable to walk on them, as it felt like anything could drop inside and cut or infect what was growing there. But it wasn't hard to walk, and it didn't seem like the carpet dug into the vulnerable-looking open areas.
I remember thinking, I know I used to have skin on the bottom of my feet, maybe it's something you just have when you're a child. My brother was there, and I asked to see the bottoms of his feet and he had the same sections with the sea-plant-looking things, and I felt satisfied that if he had the sames bottoms, that it was normal. I didn't feel like I needed to ask anyone else around about their feet but I was a little afraid that their feet would look whole. I also didn't really want them to see mine, but it was more of a preference than an overwhelming fear.
When I think about the dream, the image of the bottoms of my feet are very vivid -- and I don't have much of a visual memory, I actually have prosopagnosia so I hardly every remember what anything looks like in detail. When I think about the dream, I also feel kind of upset and vulnerable, like how I felt after a full shift as a cashier when I first started working outside the house after being agoraphobic for 10 years.