Hey Tony,
I had this dream medley last night. I will preface it by saying that it is a little gory.
Any insight you can give will be appreciated:
I had a dream that I was on a vacation with three female friends of mine. We are old high school friends. Only three of us are still close now, but somehow, we all found ourselves on vacation. The vacation was going well, but then it got interrupted. We got back together at my grandmother's place, which felt very colorful and rich as always with nice rugs, and furniture. Yet, when we got back, we had all our stuff, in our suitcases, laying all over the place trying to re-pack. I was laying down and my grandma was complaining about me lying down amongst the mess. I think I was just tired. The song "Highway to Hell" came on the radio. I thought it odd that my grandmother let it play, considering that she is a Christian.
At some point during the vacation with my friends, I think I also saw my ex, who I recently broke up with. I think we smoked his marijuana and had sex. We had a cool time on vacation with Tiki huts & sun.
Then I had a second dream where my mom had me tied up with rope in the kitchen of my current apartment. She was controlling me, trying to mistreat me & hurt me. She had me tied up, but it seemed that it was done loosely because I was able to break free. I felt I had to hurt her seriously because she was going to keep me tied down or kill me. I was worried about her controlling me & not being free.
I did not want to kill her, but I managed to get her on the floor and I stabbed her several times. She would show a threatening movement and I would stab at her or cut her. I stabbed her in the stomach and blood came pouring out. I didn't want her to die, but I didn't want her to control me & hurt me. After all of this, I still tried to call for the ambulance.
As I woke up, while in between the dream state, I imagined her saying “just kill me please.” I know that she wouldn't want to live like that, in that state.
After I woke up, I did remember the time that my mom was stabbed by an ex after a fight. She survived, but I thought if I lost her, I would never have so much anger towards her the way I have had for so long. I would miss her & feel like I lost a chance to be with her. Yet I feel like I need to accept this time away from her right now.
In addition, I will add that my mom and I have not been on speaking terms since the beginning of the year. I made her mad and she would not take my call, and I did not fight it. In that time, I have had about 4 dreams about her. One or two of them was her doing something hurtful or seeming threatening, but others were her seemingly waiting to talk to me and one she apologized and said sorry. But now this dream....
Could you also shed some light on the wanting to keep her alive part of the dream?
Thank you.