Okay - This basically about your personal efforts to grow psychologically.
The tools beside you show that you have ability to do the work but in the dream you are not doing it. Also the compost shows that your basic self is fertile enough to produce excellent growth. So you are all set to achieve.
You are going through a tough time. I had a lot of those and used to curse whatever was producing them, but having grown beyond some of the tough times I can look back and see that they were all ways of training me to gain new skills when I met the 'Big Un' - through what I experienced and learn I was prepared tp take the next step.
Recently I have been reviewing some of the classic ways of meeting Life creatively. One of them was Jung's circle within a circle. It was his way of showing that the small circle is the small self we know as our personality and view of life from our limited senses - the bigger circle he named The Self - The Big Un.
Other descriptions of this may be a bit clearer:
In Yoga is the statement that we are all Sachidananda – or Sat-cit-ananda which is our fundamental self below everything, also a descriptive term or description of the subjective experience of the ultimate unchanging reality, called Brahman. The term means that we are basically Being, Consciousness and Bliss.
This is the very heart or basis of Yoga thought:
I am of the nature of consciousness.
I am made of consciousness and bliss.
I am nondual, pure in form, absolute knowledge, absolute love.
I am changeless, devoid of desire or anger, I am detached.
I am One Essence, unlimitedness, utter consciousness.
I am boundless Bliss, existence and transcendent Bliss.
I am the Atman, that revels in itself.
I am the Sacchidananda that is eternal, enlightened and pure.
Although your dream hints at work, we often have a strange view of work. Form the classic paths to the best in us they say things like -
There is no way – there is no path
The strange thing about yoga is that although one may make efforts to gain enlightenment, in fact we all have it and so there is no need to make an effort.
This life – of enlightenment – is just a describer, and one of the things it sees is that this state does not belong to anyone. It’s not something you can get from someone. It’s who everyone is. From here, the highest volume is the sound of the infinite ocean that we all are. Suzanne Sega.
If you stop editing your thoughts and emotions, and let things happen as Jung suggests, material that had been repressed and unconscious starts to emerge. If you are still totally identified with your emotions, your body sensations, your sexual urges and thoughts, then you could be tossed around like a rag doll by a dog. So, ‘Do Nothing but let things Happen’.
R. D. Laing sums it up in his book `Politics of Experience' by saying: “This journey is experienced as going further "in", as going back through one's personal life. in and back and through and beyond into the experience of all mankind, of the primal man, of Adam and perhaps even further into the being of animals, vegetables and minerals. In this journey there are many occasions to lose one's way, for confusion, partial failure, even final shipwreck: many terrors, spirits, demons to be encountered, that may or may not be overcome.
He also said, “‘What you are looking for is what is looking.’ Enlightenment is not a state of mind you can create or develop. It is something beyond any change, outside of anything you can develop. After all, development suggests change.
Since there is nothing to meditate on, there is no meditation.
Since there is nowhere to go astray, there is no going astray.
Although there is an innumerable variety of profound practices, they do not exist for your mind in its true state.
Since there are no two such things as practice and practitioner, if, by those who practice or do not practice, the practitioner of practice is seen to not exist, thereupon the goal of practice is reached and also the end of practice itself.
Padmasambhava
Of course the above statements are made from a mind free from the restraints most of us live under, for as another Yogi said:
“The disciple is a being whose essential nature is Knowledge, isn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“Then there is no need to give him knowledge but simply to remove the veil of ignorance that hides the existent Knowledge. This, of course, is not to be done at one stroke, since the disciple is immersed in age-old ignorance and needs repeated instruction, perhaps through life after life. And what is this instruction through speech about what is beyond speech? Isn’t it like removing the cover? Ignorance conceals the pre-existent Knowledge just as water plants cover the surface of a pond. Clear away the plants and you have the water. You don’t have to create it; it is already there. Or take another example—a cataract grows on the eye and prevents a man from seeing; remove the cataract and he sees. Ignorance is the cataract. The universe is the efflorescence of the indescribable Maya, which is ignorance; yet ignorance is needed to illuminate and dissolve ignorance … Jnana is not something to be attained, it is eternal and self-existent. On the other hand, ignorance has a cause and an end. The root of it is the idea that the devotee is a separate being from God. Remove this, and what remains is Jnana. (Jnana refers to pure awareness that is free of conceptual encumbrances – See The way of Mary ”-
So the virgin posture of the soul is an attempt to bring about an inner state, an inner feeling of fertility and love towards your invisible and unknown potential - purity from preconceived ideas - the offering of your whole being as material for your potential to use in creating a new self - the act of supplication in which you let go of your thoughts, emotions and body, so they can be played upon as a piano or organ by Life. There should arise a feeling of warmth toward and desire for the unseen Life, openness to any possibility Life may have in store for you, good or bad, allied with trust. If you have a temperament capable of this, then make it an act of love, a real devotion, approaching ones darling.
T