Chris – Wow interesting dreams. At last the greyness in your life has been pinpointed – I think – to something that happened. It is an overwhelming grief you experienced as you/the child you.
The grey suggest to me, but I may be wrong, that it happened in the past, maybe the long past. Only you can really know be tuning into the grief that is now part of the present.
I don’t know if this is relevant, a man’s description of such a past memory.
“Suzanne told me my voice changed as I cried out again and again for release from the pain of losing all my children, my husband, even my parents. My hands were clawing my legs in an effort to express the misery, and I was screaming that I could not bear to live any longer with such pain. I cried out to God to take me, for there was nothing left for me to live for. “Why? Why did this happen to me? Why has everything I loved been taken from me?”
There was no response to these awful cries and tearing sobs. But slowly a shift began. It seemed to me as an observer witnessing this awful pain, that by entering this place the spirit of that woman had woken in me. But as she had died in such unresolved agony of loss, that is what was met when she awoke. But gradually she realised she was alive again in a new way. She began to recognise that I was holding her within me. Because I was not frightened of pain and emotions, the misery could play itself out in me. And because my understanding of what was happening flowed into her awareness, she slowly saw and felt her loss in a different way. In fact, we were both realising she was experiencing resurrection, and that in turn meant there was no final death as believed by many. Therefore, there was no loss as she had originally felt it.”
But you started by saying you were a bride smoothing the gown with a grey child in front of you. To me this is sure sign that a great and important change is about or is ready to occur to you – the marriage of you to yourself – the becoming whole.
There is something you need to attend to, something ‘in front of you’ – the greyness and the boy. It is a hole in the fabric of yourself that you have tried to deal with, which leads to sadness/greyness. There are so many things that are part of you, like the feeling of abandonment, the sadness, the greyness in your life, the boy killed while in the process of seeding, planting his harvest, the huge house that is slipping from your memory with its colour.
How will you deal with it all? Well it seems like you have slowly moved this far, and are meeting things that are signs of great change. Maybe you could try
http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/practical-techniques-for-understanding-your-dreams/#TalkingAs or
http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/opening-to-life/ Tony