I don't know what to make of this recurring dream theme -
the gist is, a male (varying ages/race/body types) stands behind me and is grabbing my body just under my armpits, digging his fingers into my flesh and it feels excruciatingly painful, and paralyzing almost like an electric shock.
Last night, in my dream I was feeling diseased. I turned my thoughts toward, "God is the love in which I am healed."
Instantly I felt healed and relaxed and as if I were gently and softly falling backk onto a soft bed, blissed.
Then I felt those hands grab me and lift me as if to fly me upwards.
For a split second I relaxed into it, enjoying the upward flight, but then the hands dug deeply into the flesh.
I grabbed the right hand and pried his fingers off of me and turned and commanded him in the name of Jesus to GET OFF ME.
I have NO idea why I revert to calling Jesus, it's very weird to me...and it usually doesn't work anyway, I usually end up feeling helpless and impotent.
Surprisingly, though, this time it worked and I felt strong and in command. I also felt PISSED. I got him off my back, and put him in front of me and he sort of fell over on his side while I did something that felt like shooting laser beams or something at him, I felt so angry and I wanted to send him a message to STAY AWAY from me.
Then I woke up.
I feel like maybe this is a sadistic part of me…but I don’t know what to do about that.
I don’t want it grabbing me and hurting me! It feels confusing that I feel relaxed and free at first, and I love to fly and I would LOVE to feel surrendered to a male, lifting me up and flying but I don’t want him to hurt me like that when he does it. It definitely is touching something because I feel tears rising and my throat choking as I type this. I feel frustrated and not sure how to relate to this dream, what do you think?