1. Someone says "this is what her parents gave her." A small dark child walks up to me. She shows me her right palm. There is a half white/half purple capsule perpendicular between the palm. What is that? I ask. Someone says "Adderall" (a drug for attention deficit disorder).
Then the child sits on my lap. She looks at me...she is the picture I use on my Facebook page. The face is a black stone sculpture and with a tear running down her right cheek.
The child says "And now you will hold me" which almost sounds like a question. The image also reminds me of an audiotape "Warming the Stone Child" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
2. Image of a ball or sphere on the floor. There is white light breaking through grey clouds above. The light from above lights up the top half of the sphere while the bottom half is shadow, and the light also casts a shadow of the ball on the dark floor.
This might be about my own polarities or having been hit "below the belt," i.e. sexually.
3. Image of my father, he is sitting reading the newspaper...facing left...his face is mostly hidden and he is not looking at me. On the right, facing the same direction, my son is sitting on the floor facing left. My son is not looking at me...he is looking at the floor.
(My son has autism...he is non - verbal...17 years old...does not like face to face or eye to eye}. This dream brings up a lot of rage and grief. Feeling abandoned by my father in many different ways, men in very different ways and also by my son. I have acted out the rage I feel, and also abandoned them in different ways, not really dealing with the grief and guilt. The shame/guilt I felt when I thought their behavior was "something about me"...my father was an alcoholic, had ptsd from WW II, had a volatile relationship with his family and my mother, grew up in an extremely competitive family and raised us that way, but probably had learning disabilities himself. If we felt hurt, disappointed, embarrassed and expressed any feelings we were beaten with a belt. I grew up with black and white thinking about myself. If I feel bad...I must be a bad person. I do not talk about my "negative" feelings...I bury them.