Omega – It took me an age to sort out a way to answer your post. But here goes.
“I look really beautiful, natural, it's definitely me but younger, glowing with beauty and health and pure goodness.” Wonderful, but I wonder about two things, firstly we are always of dual nature, and ‘pure goodness’ might not be the whole picture – but it’s a good start.
The second thing, is the beauty you found is it in any way an adult feature? By adult I mean could your pure beauty be put down by people’s criticism or hurtful remarks such as, “You smell like a cats droppings!”
If so then you are still vulnerable to the ‘invading energy’.
Examples – The only way I can describe what happened is to say that I was lucid and wandering around a big and dark building. I realised this meant I was exploring the dungeons of myself. I didn’t know where I was going, but was led into a dark cellar, and there, curled up, was a little boy. I was deeply shocked, because I realised this child had been locked in here alone for years. I tried to get near but he shouted to me, ‘I don’t want anybody near me. I’m dangerous. Keep away.’ Being awake to what is happening, I realise this is myself, and hurt as a young boy, and trapped in the misery I felt then. I know too that his being ‘dangerous’ is a defence against being hurt again. So I say to him, ‘How old are you, little dangerous being?’ He says, ‘I’m three. I’m only little. But I’m dangerous. I will KILL YOU if you get near me. I’ll bite you or something.’
There followed a back and forth communication too long to report. But gradually I gained the child’s trust and the boy came into my arms. In this way I recovered a precious part of myself and became more whole. So this sort of healing, with oneself or someone else, has to do with the gradual development of a caring and trusting relationship through which real change can be effected.
I give that example because it is not about denying anything, because such denial would be a denial of a hurt part of yourself. That small me had been trapped in his misery and vengefulness for about 35 years of my life. Also it shows an adult relationship with awful parts of ones life. Buy the adult understanding of the child and the ease of facing its rejections didn’t come easy. At first you have to deal with the fears and misunderstanding of what dreams are and how to meet their extremes.
Here is another example - I touched the strange creature to stroke. This was okay and I was thinking there was no problem when the creature leapt at my throat in a flash of movement and ripped my throat out. That sounds disturbing but I simply observed this and thought to myself that stroking and trying to be friendly was no way of dealing with this thing. It was as if I was in command of the imagery in that I simply formed another body. The creature ripped out my throat again and dived into my body to eat it.
As I say, first meet the fears, and then understand how we create our dreams. If you realise there is nothing to fear and that you are dealing with a self created virtual reality, you can move to change the situation. The creature was my own hatful and violent feelings about my mother – that were eating me away inside.
On exploring the dream however - It started with primitive sounds along with a feeling that something organic and alive yet buried was moving and trying to be recognised. It was a strange feeling because I sensed that this thing had deep connections, and as it began to move in me I felt it was linked with strands in my body and mind.
To sum it all up it was saying and feeling and recognising how my mother had raised me in such a way that I reacted to it by becoming alone, a loner who struggled to be independent. That wasn’t news to me, but there was hatred pouring out of me particularly towards women partners. But it was deeply buried, and a form or long term anger and hatred. I said that I had never really given myself to any woman, but always remained separate inside. Then I would leave them as a vengeance instead of staying to sort out the difficulty. Of course there was always a valid excuse for doing it.
Gradually the outburst ended and I sought to see if I could ask that part of me to learn to love women more fully. But I feel as if the thing that I released was a part of me, not a dominating part of me, but something that has been causing mischief in me and now it had been integrated into learning to love not hate.
Tony