That's great thank-you Tony. Thank you so much for your response..
Interesting about the windows being perception.. I do feel that as I'm allowing myself to feel my feelings, I'm getting the benefit my natural instincts more, without being confused by religious and new age intellectual distortions.
I think this same character, same age, same blonde hair, same pretty/elegance..may be a development as she's been around before..in the past 6 months..
One - I was a man and she was my partner and I killed her, not graphically just a knowledge I had done so as I looked at her body under the floor boards, I walked down the street feeling unbelievable stress and hoping I wouldn't give myself away as a murderer by my behaviour and get caught..
Another I was this incredibly powerful beast, I somehow attacked this woman, she had been behind slightly mirrored glass in the foyer of a building, the glass shattered and she lay in a pool of blood.. The glass was embedded in my face and hands..I ran out onto the dark street looking for a public garden I usually hide in at night.. I was running with all this glass in my face, I felt huge, a monster, but fearful I would be caught..
Last week. I can barely walk, I'm incredibly weak and my legs are just about to buckle beneath me. Hundreds of migrants are starting to fill the road, I'm afraid I'll be trampled on, I manage to make it to a stairs at the side of a building. On the stairs is a blonde lady talking about how she works in publishing. I'm just relieved to be safe and able to rest, I don't really engage with her.
This week I had a lovely dream about meeting a really nice guy who really wanted to be with me, we were walking by a river homewards, a really nasty female stalker was behind..but I wasn't afraid of her and she seemed to disappear..then I noticed in the river this blonde lady was walking on the surface of the water effortlessly, I was amazed and thought she must be an angel or some very masterful being..but I was kind of acceptant then that she would be doing that and just turned around and carried on walking home with the guy..
Then the dream I mentioned already..
P.S. what does it mean to be a 'bigger person'? Healers I've gone to say I have great energy. Which confuses me as I've gone to them because I'm suffering. All my energy has meant in my life so far, is that I attract limpets and people who want to drain me, not praise or appreciate me. My energy does not come from being cherished and protected in my childhood anyway!!
What would actively being this bigger person look like?