Last night I dreamed I was in a house where there was a Yeti wandering about, a dark and ominous presence.
There were others with me, and I got into a very large vehicle, the size of a fire truck, to go find it and run it down. I was surprised they trusted me, and how capable and competent and able to operate this vehicle. I drove toward it, and it became triplet babies, and then a figure made of sand that dissolved and blew away.
In the next part of the dream, the ominous, dark, unseen presence returned and this time, for some reason, I ran screaming GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW! to everyone in the house. I felt panicked and urgent, and when we all got in the car together safe and sound, I woke up.
So...in waking life - today, I am at the store and I hear a man SNAP and go off on his young daughter. I hear him grabbing her and without even thinking I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame and I just stand there. He has her by her arms and is shaking her and I stand there looking him in the face until he notices me. I tell him, you are coming across as being very cruel. She is very small. She is very vulnerable. It feels distressing to hear and see this.
The little girl says, "It's ok" and I'm like...no, this isn't ok. I tell the father again, you are her father and I respect that AND she is very small. She is very young.
He apologized that I had to see that (grrr....) and the energy dissipated and he walked away
and I bring this up because...the feelings, the FEELINGS were exactly the same as the first part of my dream last night.
Part of me wants to worry about whether he is going to take things out even worse on her when they get home, part of me wonders why I didn't go ignore it or go in the other direction, part of me wonders if I made a positive difference by standing up and saying something, part of me wonders if I got worked up over nothing and part of me wants to not analyze it too much and just shift focus and finish my homework
This has been a whole week of standing up to scary feelings - getting into an argument with my son and not being "nice" or pretending things were ok when they were not (I've been scared to be in conflict with him because I worried he would not let me see my grandson); getting cheeky with my roomie over something small and letting him know I felt angry (when usually I'm just kind of compliant and agreeable); my instructor walked out on our class this week and I hunted him down and told him (essentially) I PAY FOR THIS CLASS AND THIS IS NOT OK FOR YOU TO JUST WALK OUT WHEN IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT YOU HAVEN'T COME UP WITH A CURRICULUM (he actually came back and apologized for being an asshole - his words - and sent an apology email to the whole class!).
I kind of want to know what it all MEANS
. Maybe I'm just maturing as a woman. I've let myself be vulnerable and had a ton of "deer in the headlights" moments recently where I just let myself feel naked and exposed (showing my ignorance...literally on stage under the bright theater lights, ha) so perhaps that's giving me courage. I don't know. I wonder what you think?