Posts Tagged ‘closer to baby’

The Maternal Womb: The First Musical School for the Baby

by Ruth Fridman

Editor’s Note: Prof. Ruth Fridman has been a pioneer in revealing the important effects of the first sounds that babies hear including the sound of mothers singing to them in the womb, at birth and as infants. In this paper she reminds us of her inspirational work with pregnant mothers she teaches to compose lullabies to sing to their babies. Her many presentations, travels, books, and song books are included in the impressive list of career milestones at the end of this article. Ruth is the current President, International Music Society for Prenatal Development (IMSPD). Please direct any correspondence to her at Coronel Diaz 1564, 1425 Buenos Aires, Argentina or via email to: ruthf@ciudad.com.ar.

In 1971 I began to tape sonorous rhythmic intonated expressions of many infants. It interested me how early infants could begin to sing, to repeat melodies and tap rhythms. I had the feeling that these manifestations had a special origin, that the cultural environment was not the only cause. As I had several ideas about it, I started taping the voices of babies who were full term, premature, or significantly retarded. I recorded their expressions from their birth up to fourteen months old. The taping took place in a children’s hospital of Buenos Aires. As I listened to the babies’ cries, I realized that if I separated the cry from the sounds included in it, it could be labeled as “musical”. Analysis through electronic devices confirmed my hypothesis. Baby cries had the proper characteristics of sound: frequency, timbre, and intensity. When reviewing the bibliography about infant sounds, I did not find any systematic study of the first mass of sounds and their sonorous rhythmic structure in relation to musical activity. Infants’ most elementary vocal rhythmic schemes make up the physiological matrix for future language and music acquisition.

The analysis of infant cries led me to study their expressions from the very instant of their birth. I first undertook a longitudinal study of three newborns up to their first year of life. After this I studied triplets and a Cesarean-born child. The main feature of the first group was that one of the babies sang properly when she was 9 months and 7 days old. The processes used with these infants has been described in my book The Beginnings of Musical Behavior (1974).

My work with infants from their birth on made me realize how important music is during the gestational period. I started teaching music to pregnant women. Both, the mother and the unborn baby benefited.

What is the advantage of the musical stimulus? Mothers discovered personal characteristics they were unaware of as I encouraged them to create lyrics and tunes for their unborn babies. Through a questionnaire, I learned about their musical knowledge and preferences, as well as their doubts, fears, and hopes (Copies of this questionnaire are available from the author). As a result of my research, I decided to work with pregnant women. I was greatly moved by their anxieties, fears, and doubts. I also felt that if a pregnant woman sang to her baby as I had done with my two children, she would establish a closer bond with this baby.

A video made at the Fernandez Hospital and at the San Martin Education and Cultural Center, reveals the mother’s emotion, expression and interest in creating short songs. They did it shyly but with great tenderness. Many of the lyrics revealed their fear of losing the baby, or that it might be defective, and other worries. I had not expected to find these problems. Since I could not help, I suggested they consult a therapist. (I was afraid they would reject my suggestion and stop attending my classes but fortunately this did not happen.)

The experience I had at the hospitals was very productive, in spite of the limited time and space I was given to work there. Pediatricians and neonatologists supported my work, but not the obstetricians and midwives. I will never forget a couple who attended the second class at the Fernandez Hospital bringing a guitar and a quena (Indian reed flute). The man sang the song they had composed for their unborn baby, and the woman introduced the song by playing the quena. I also remember when the mothers came to show me their newborn babies, they reported how they used music at the birth of their babies. This was also true of the single women.

Every pregnant woman is a different world. I invited each to dream about their unborn babies, to imagine their unborn babies little bodies, to imitate the movements babies made inside the womb, to draw pictures for them, and to pamper them with words. They created both a musical and a spoken language as I encouraged them to tell their babies where they were and what they were doing at the time, commenting on whether it was warm or cold, and such. It was quite an experience for them!

The inner language of feelings, which is present in every human being, became a powerful form of expression for these mothers, different from formal language. I remember when I had a similar experience with my two children, and how it brought me closer to the human being inside me. I believe the advantage of these activities is that they establish a prenatal bond which contains tenderness on the part of the parents to be, a promise of protection, and the wish to see and hold the baby in their arms. Pregnant parents created these songs naturally, songs that would stay with them the rest of their lives, invented in a period of love, anguish and expectancy. It is of great significance for babies to hear music, to hear parents talking to them, and to be gently massaged during the gestation period. The mother’s emotional expressions benefit both herself and her baby. When pregnant women sing, the unborn babies answer by moving their bodies. They are little acrobats when they have enough space. These rhythmic movements of the unborn are certainly very important to motor development. And according to some experts, fetal movements provide an activity which contributes to the development of psychic functions as well.

I worked most enthusiastically at the San Martin Cultural Center where women attended my classes of their own free will. At first, they came out of curiosity but they listened with great interest. These classes were also attended by male parents, doctors, and professionals who wanted to learn about musical training of mothers-to-be. In my opinion, these musical experiences should be offered at every maternity hospital and would improve the mental and emotional health of both parents and children. The last trimester of gestation is especially important and parents must make the most of this period of rapid growth.

At times I worked with babies in incubators. All the sounds they had heard in the womb and were familiar, were now replaced by the noises of the incubators. The previous experience of natural sounds was lost. Therefore, I advised parents to record their voices and songs for their babies in incubators. Although nowadays, a radio is sometimes placed in incubators as a stimulus, I think the parent’s voices are best.

Mothers quickly demonstrated that music was not the property of elete members of society or those with advanced education. My students at the San Martin Education and Cultural Center and at the hospitals came from all different socioeconomic classes and different cultural levels. However, each of them was able to create songs and to communicate with her baby in a personal and genuine way. Each of them found their own way and their own rhythm as they progressed through pregnancy. Not only did they realize they had conceived a human being but many of them discovered a way of communication they had never thought of before. In music, mothers would say things they would not express verbally.

Although lack of communication, lack of essential stimuli, and other maladaptive problems are inevitable in some cases, I believe sincerely that babies and parents could avoid or resolve many of their difficulties if they were offered prenatal music classes maternity hospitals. Beside the experiences I have shared briefly with you here, I can confirm by observing the babies from their birth onward that music was a formative element in their lives. When a baby has been stimulated by his mother with music, by the fifth month the baby already shows affective memory towards sound. At only nine months old, one of these babies was singing the song his mother had systematically sung throughout his prenatal days.

Finally, I am hopeful that the scientific contributions of neuroscience, genetics, and psychology will help to illuminate the nature of the very early musical responsiveness which appears to be an innate function of all human beings.

Milestones in the Career of Prof. Ruth Fridman

Do Children Exist Prior to Conception and Birth?

Elisabeth Hallett

See Elisabeth’s site and books at Light Hearts

Do our children really exist somehow before conception? And if they do, what are the patterns that bring us together as parent and child? Personally, I would love to believe that my children were destined for me and nobody else… that I was chosen as the ideal mother for this pair of wonder-kids. And indeed many stories of pre-birth communication do support the view that our children are predestined to be with us.

An Australian woman recently sent me her story. She had two daughters, and didn’t plan to bear any more children; her husband had undergone a vasectomy following the second girl’s arrival. But six years later, the mother had a vision at the edge of sleep. Three beings in luminous robes presented her with a beautiful baby boy and told her that she was ready to have her “next child,” and that this child awaited her. The message and vision were compelling enough to lead to a vasectomy reversal-and the birth of a baby boy the following year.

The stories in last month’s column (“Trailed By A Cherub”) suggest there are persevering souls who are determined to join their destined parents. But are these arrangements hard and fast? Some experiences point to a certain creative flexibility at play in the pre-conception world. For example, a four-year-old girl told her mother that before she was born, she and Jesus used to sit together while she decided whether to be a boy in one family or a girl in another. “She said she decided at the last minute to come to us as a girl,” the mother reports, “and then she and Jesus laughed and went off to play till it was time to go.” It may not be hard evidence, but it’s thought-provoking!

When parents-to-be experience a persistent “visitor,” there is sometimes the suggestion of a time limit-a window of opportunity. Patricia was fearful of becoming pregnant, although she had powerful dreams of a little boy for over a year. While wide awake one day, she finally heard a clear message that this was her last chance to bear this child, as he had to “move on.” Move on to where? Perhaps to another prospective family?

Sharon was the mother of two small boys when she wrote, “As Daniel is getting older, we think often about whether or not we will give birth to another child. I still feel the presence of a little one ‘waiting in the wings,’ a little blond boy.” After a year of uncertainty, Sharon decided against having another child. But she mused, “I have a question as to what happens to these little guys who seem to have such a strong spirit, when you say ‘no’ to their birth?”

In researching my book “Soul Trek,” I occasionally encountered a situation where a woman felt uncomfortably pressured by the sense of “someone wanting to be born.” In one such case, a mother already had three children but was reluctantly preparing to conceive another boy whose presence she felt around her. “I’m pretty resigned that I will do it,” she wrote, “because I don’t want to get to the other side and meet this person who will tell me that I just didn’t want him to come.”

True, there are stories of pre-birth experiences that seem to suggest we’re duty-bound to bear the children appointed to us by destiny or a higher power. But other stories imply more of a give and take, a process of mutual choosing with freedom on both sides-potential parent and possible child. Such accounts can provide creative ideas for entering into this kind of conversation.

APPPAH member Mary Knight (author of “Love Letters Before Birth and Beyond”) shares her own experience. “For years, I’ve felt a little girl presence waiting patiently ‘in the ethers.’ She appears in my mind’s eye as having dark, black curly hair and brown eyes. When I mentioned her to some writer friends many years ago, one of them suggested that perhaps I was imagining a character in a future novel. In the last few years, her presence has been seen by two psychics on two different occasions-unsolicited. The last one said that if I didn’t bring her in through my body that she’d probably find another way to me-which is what I’ve told her she needs to do.

“Still, there’s a pull… and a little guilt that I’m not complying. However, I know that she wants it to be a free choice for all of us, and I just can’t bring myself to it. There is a sense of loss with this choice. I know that I am missing a precious gift. I think I should probably create and perform a ritual in which we acknowledge letting go of each other. I will promise to be ‘looking for her’ in other places throughout my life.”

A mother of two found that the persistent visits of a potential child helped her to clarify her life’s direction. “About six months after my second child was born, I became aware of another female being who wanted to be born to us. She would always appear off to my upper right consciousness and even though I love babies and nurturing, I knew having another baby would be very hard for me. I sent those messages to her with love whenever she appeared.

“I can’t remember when she stopped visiting me; perhaps four to six months later. I wanted to get back into my music and I have been able to do that now. I feel so vitalized, so excited about what I am doing now that a baby would be quite an adjustment for me. I feel that she hung around a respectable amount of time, giving me time to really think about my priorities, yet not pressuring me in any way; I believe she stopped appearing when I made a firm commitment to pursue my music again.”

Some accounts even offer glimpses of the alternate routes a child may take, when the answer turns out to be “no.” Anne lives in a community of families with shared values. Early in their marriage, she and her husband decided to remain childless. “Around the time that the whole question got settled,” she recalls, “I became aware that someone was hovering around me quite often, hoping that she could be born to us. One day, as I was walking through the woods, the presence became much stronger than usual and it was almost as if I could see her-for it was clearly now a she. It would be an exaggeration to say that it was a vision of any kind. It was more like a clear picture in my mind. She wasn’t pretty, or even cute in the usual sense. But she was very interesting looking. She had lots of character in her face, and dynamic greenish eyes, a largish nose, dark curly hair. Very mischievous and looking very strong willed.

“I spoke to her definitely, telling her that I could see she would be great fun to be with and it would no doubt be a joy to be her mother. But it really wasn’t in the plan for us to have any children at all. So I suggested to her that there were many other fine families around the community that she could join. And if there was any particular reason she wanted to know us, we could still be part of her life. Shortly after this, I didn’t feel her around any more.

“Recently, it occurred to me that a certain girl in our community may be the same soul. Not because I have any particular affinity with her, but because she resembles the girl I saw in my mind and also because the personality she is apparently exhibiting-which is quite forceful and unusual-reminds me of the child that I met in my mind.”

A prominent psychologist has questioned the value of sharing personal stories that suggest pre-birth communication. He asks, “How much of this is wishful thinking or fantasy, combined with a modicum of intuition, and a certain level of inner processing that provides images and inner dialogue?” His point is well taken and sounds a valid note of caution; yet I’m persuaded the subject is worth pursuing in spite of such factors. Our colleague goes on to say, “The main question is what can be meaningfully learned from all of this?”

Perhaps to say “we learn” is not quite right. These stories can change us. They free the imagination to explore what was once an absolute void before the beginning of life. They allow us to guess at possible patterns in the mystery of relationships. On this frontier, our vision of reality may “shapeshift”.

More intimately, they’ve changed the way I see my children, bringing a certain grace of gratefulness. From time to time I find myself thinking — even saying aloud-“Thank you for coming to our family.” The possibility that they might as easily have joined some other set of parents is a humbling one. Consider the surprising conversation with her little boy that one mother recalls:

“When Brett was between three and four years old, he was very angry with me one day. He said, ‘I hate you, Mommy. You weren’t even my first choice for a Mommy.’ I somehow managed to stay centered and asked, ‘Who was your first choice?’

“It was a woman from the Philippines but she was already taken.”

Editor’s Note: Special thanks to Mary Knight for her story.

For more information about her book Love Letters: Before Birth and Beyond, email:singleeyeo@aol.com

Carol Bowman for a short quote from her message board at Children’s Past Lives; contributors to Soul Trek, and Light Hearts.

Please join in exploring this frontier. If you have had experiences that suggest communication before conception or before birth, please consider sharing them through future installments of this column.

You can reach the editor by email or write to Elisabeth Hallett, P.O. Box 705, Hamilton, MT 59840

Brief Book Review

Sarah Hinze: Coming From the Light: Spiritual Accounts of Life Before Life (Simon & Schuster, 1997).

It is often said that when the time is ripe for a new idea, it will occur to several people at once.

Unknown to each other, Sarah Hinze and I both gathered stories of pre-birth and pre-conception contacts over many years. Her book, initially published as Life Before Life, has been revised and reissued in a Pocket Books edition as Coming From the Light: Spiritual Accounts of Life Before Life (Simon & Schuster, 1997). The new edition is enhanced by an Afterword by Sarah’s husband, psychologist Brent Hinze, Ph.D., in which he draws comparisons between near-death and pre-birth experiences and analyzes the aspects of a “typical” pre-birth contact.

Sarah’s approach is deeply spiritual and reverent. She presents more than thirty inspiring personal stories from parents and adoptive parents, describing connections with their children before conception and during pregnancy (or the pre-adoption period). Sarah’s own experiences are perhaps the most remarkable of all, told in the moving first chapter. It opens with the words, “My interest in life before life is very personal. Before each of our nine children was born, I sensed that he or she was preparing to come to earth.”

Excerpts of this lovely book can be read online at Sarah’s website.

INVITATION: Please join in exploring the mysteries of communication before conception. If you have had such an experience, please consider sharing it here! You can contact me by e-mail at soultrek@montana.com or by letter: Elisabeth Hallett, Box 705, Hamilton MT 59840.