Posts Tagged ‘visualization’
Fertility and the Mind Body Connection
Column Editor’s Note: Teresa Robertson offers preconception sessions to assist clients to connect with an unborn child, to promote fertility, to heal pregnancy losses such as miscarriage and abortion, and to assist adoptive parents to connect with their unborn children. For more information about long distance sessions, lectures, or workshops please call (303)258-3904.Teresa’s contact information is: In Health Teresa Robertson RN,CNM, MS Intuitive Counselor 3011 N. Broadway, Suite 23 Boulder, CO, 80304, USA. Email: tann@indra.com
One Couple’s Story
Emily and Nicholas, a vibrantly healthy couple in their late thirties, were unable to conceive despite all medical tests affirming their ability to do so. After two years of working with traditional infertility specialists, several insemination efforts, and three months of fertility drugs, Emily was still not pregnant. A friend gifted her with a preconception session.
During this session, Emily used a simple guided visualization exercise in which she explored and conversed with her ovaries, tubes and uterus. While communicating in this open-hearted manner with her body, Emily discovered and healed the block that had prevented her from having this little boy being who was hovering just above her shoulder. Below, Emily shares her experience.
“When I looked into my right tube I suddenly felt something dark stuffed there. Teresa asked me if I had ever experienced any sexual or reproductive trauma. I then shared with her that I had an abortion when I was nineteen. When I dialogued with this tube further I realized that this is where I had stored the trauma surrounding that abortion. My abortion experience had involved a great deal of heartache and pressure from my boyfriend at the time, who begged me to have the baby and marry him. I loved him deeply, but I was consumed with guilt resulting from a very religious upbringing that clearly defined premarital sex as both sinful and shameful. This, combined with the intense fear of my family’s reaction and taking on the responsibility of marriage and a family, played heavily as I made the heart-breaking decision to abort – an act that also was prohibited by my church.
“Teresa helped me to make this connection that my body simply made a decision to protect me from any future trauma of this nature by never getting pregnant again! Once I identified this phenomenon, I was able to empty this darkness out of my tube by simply connecting the tube to the center of the earth and asking for it to release. I also employed a wonderful visualization using colors that are healing for me, to wash my uterus and to reline it with warmth and welcoming energy for this little being. Once this area was clear and clean I was able to easily connect with the little boy spirit who wanted to come to me and Nicholas. Upon going home, Nicholas and I constructed a ‘Baby Altar,’ in order to welcome this baby boy spirit to come into our lives.”
A few days later, Emily conceived after making love with her husband, and nine months later joyfully gave birth to her son Adam.
Emily’s story dramatically illustrates how connecting and communicating with your body and your unborn child can increase your fertility and your ability to conceive. Over the past four years, during preconception sessions with women and their partners, I have frequently witnessed miracles like Emily’s. The extent of fertility intervention these women have employed has included herbs, acupuncture, intrauterine insemination, IVF and donor egg IVF. Time and time again I have witnessed that when a woman authentically connects to her body, and begins to listen and honor her body’s inner truth and wisdom, she cultivates a feedback relationship with her body and her unborn child. As a result, a dramatic shift occurs in her belief in and ability to conceive.
The success of using meditation, visualization and journaling techniques to heal and cultivate fertility has been strongly documented by Alice Domar in Healing Mind, Healthy Woman and by Niravi Payne in The Language of Fertility. Fifty percent of women who have participated in Domar’s groups, in which meditation, relaxation, and journaling techniques are employed, were able to conceive and give birth. In contrast, only 20% of women who solely used traditional “infertility treatments” were able to conceive. Niravi Payne’s work focuses on illuminating and healing family secrets and beliefs surrounding fertility. Her program also reports increased pregnancy and birth rates for her clients.
We live in a time in which a commonly held belief is that our fertility is diminished and that we need outside help to conceive. This belief has become very evident for women in the “baby boomer generation” who have embraced and mastered the male aspect qualities of doing and making it happen – yet conceiving eludes them. Creating a baby is a receptive act that requires embracing and using our female aspect. For many women, there exists an inner conflict and imbalance between their inner female and male aspects. As many women have learned to accomplish success by relying strongly on utilizing their male aspect, many have forsaken, forgotten and invalidated their female side. This female side includes qualities and abilities such as to be vulnerable, open and to receive.
The all too common picture I witness, is the career woman who is creating, doing, and nurturing everyone else and has no time to receive or give to herself because to do so would be perceived as a weakness. Instead of interpreting their bodies’ not conceiving as a message or cry for help, often these women further invalidate their bodies as being “non-productive” and “an infertile failure,” and often force their bodies to create from an empty well. As Christianne Northrup, MD writes: “Many infertile women are working 60-80 hours a week and are exhausted; then they pursue having a child as though they were writing a PhD dissertation. Conceiving a child is a receptive act, not a marathon event that can be programmed into your Day Timer.”
How often does a woman who is on the fertility merry-go-round hear someone tell her to just go home and relax? Yet rarely does someone actually sit with this woman and demonstrate to her how to do this. I have heard countless stories of women who gave up trying to get pregnant, who then got pregnant after going away with their husband to just have fun. In the past year, I have witnessed two women conceiving on their own, after “failing” IVF cycles! Both these women had stopped focusing on their in-ability to get pregnant and had rediscovered their creativity when they conceived.
Sure, it is easy advice to say just let go of being in control or stop trying so hard. However, anyone who has wanted anything desperately knows that can be a near impossible feat. That is where meditation, relaxation, journaling and visualization techniques can be of vital assistance.
Meditating and relaxation exercise can serve as empowering processes which can assist you to reconnect to your core self as the creator of your baby. More importantly, they teach how to relinquish control. As mentioned before, conceiving a baby is a receptive creative act, so often the work and exercises I explore with my clients include exercises which connect a woman to her female creative power (as described in Emily’s story) and cultivate skills to relinquish control.
Physiologically, meditation and/or relaxation exercises are known to decrease blood pressure, to lower heart rate, and to decrease the production of stress hormones. A study in Italy found that “an increased vulnerability to stress is associated with a poor outcome in in-vitro fertilization – embryo transfer treatment.” Dr. Lorraine Bonner explains the connection between stress and decreased fertility. “The mind-body knows that in situations of extreme tension our sex organs are our most expendable parts. The mind-body knows that when times are tough, that is not the time to make a baby.”
Meditation also stimulates the pineal gland. This gland produces several hormones, two of which are serotonin (necessary for libido and well-being) and melatonin (another hormone connected with feelings of relaxation and well-being), which in turn stimulate the pituitary gland. The pituitary is the gland which predominantly regulates female reproductive hormones such as FSH (follicle stimulating hormone which matures the eggs in the ovaries), estrogen, progesterone, and oxytocin in labor.
It is possible for meditation/visualization techniques to work with your body to enhance and/or change the level of certain hormones. For two years my dentist extensively tracked the relationship between food, supplements, and saliva pH in order to learn which foods optimally affect the pH of the saliva. One day he realized that his patients could simply convert their saliva pH by thinking about eating, or thinking about the desired pH level!
Consulting with the Child
Susan and David integrated communicating and meditating with their unborn child, to infuse their individual sacred and loving essence as a couple into the procedure of an intrauterine insemination. During a session one week before their anticipated insemination, they connected with their unborn child and dialogued with her about her specific needs and desires for this insemination. They learned that she wanted candles, soft music, and communication with her before and during the insemination. Susan says, “I remember her asking for chocolate truffles because I was avoiding sugar and chocolate at the time.”
During the break before the insemination, Susan and David went to a nearby park, cuddled and shared a luscious picnic lunch and connected with Amanda. David shares, “A year before Amanda was born I wrote lyrics to a song which I feel was channeled by our baby. During our picnic lunch and the insemination we read her lyrics. We continue to celebrate Amanda’s conception day as a day to honor and to reaffirm Amanda as a spiritual being; this always includes reading her lyrics.”
I urge you to not approach meditation/relaxation as another regime, project or task to get you pregnant. I would, however, invite you to covet this quiet time as a time to rejuvenate, refresh and to give to yourself regardless of what the outcome will be. Create for yourself opportunities to go inside to release the pressures and stresses of trying to get pregnant. Use this time to nourish yourself by authentically communicating with your body and to develop a relationship of working in cooperation with your body, instead of commanding and directing your body to perform and to produce. Love your body for where she is right now instead of invalidating yourself for failing to conceive. As you embrace this quiet space, don’t be surprised to find yourself feeling more empowered, alive and fertile.
References:
Christianne Northrup (1998), Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, (2nd edition). New York: Bantam, page 418.
Christianne Northrup, Health Wisdom for Women Newsletter, July 1997, page 6.
Niravi Payne (1997), The Language of Fertility. New York: Harmony Books, page 37.
Alice Domar (1997), Healthy Body, Health Mind. New York: Doubleday and Company
Julia Indichova (1998), Inconceivable: Winning the Fertility Game. Adell Press
Midwife, Intuitive, and Healer: A Conversation with Teresa Robertson
Column Editor’s Note: Teresa Robertson, RN, CNM, MSN, conducts private pre-conception sessions to help her clients connect with their unborn children, to promote fertility, heal pregnancy losses such as miscarriage and abortion, and to help adoptive parents connect with their children-to-be. Two of her articles are available in this column: “Fertility and the Mind-Body Connection” and “Communicating with your Unborn Child.” In this conversation, Teresa offers further insights into her work and personal experiences, in response to questions from Elisabeth Hallett, author of Soul Trek: Meeting Our Children on the Way to Birth. Teresa’s contact information is: In Health Teresa Robertson RN,CNM, MS Intuitive Counselor 3011 N. Broadway, Suite 23 Boulder, CO, 80304, USA www.BirthIntuitive.com www.LivingIntuitiveResources.com Tel: 303-258-3904. Email: tann@indra.com
Q. Teresa, your articles bring up many new ideas. Thank you for giving us this opportunity to learn more about your work. I often hear from people who are looking for ways to encourage a child to come into their lives. One of the practices you have mentioned is the “baby altar.” Please tell us more about this intriguing idea.
A: The baby altar is a way to create physical space within your home for an unborn child. It can also serve as a spiritual focus. Creating a baby altar is one of the things I urge anyone to do in preparation for conception or during pregnancy. Of course, my use of the word altar reflects my Catholic upbringing — substitute any word (puja, shrine etc.) which has significance for you.
The baby altar delineates a specific energetic space for the spirit of your baby. For several reasons, the bedroom is often chosen as its location. People with specific meditation rooms might wish to create a separate baby altar there. Your bedroom is usually a quieter and more private space, therefore it is an area that will gain the least attention and influence from other people. Secondly, for many couples the bedroom is their sanctuary and so contains that kind of energy already. Thirdly, your bedroom is where you are awake and sleepy — times you may feel more connected to spiritual realms and/or the world of dreams. And finally, your bedroom is often the location where you will be making love to conceive this baby.
The size of the altar and number of items on it are not important, but the intention of the space is. Again, maybe this is a reflection of my Catholic background, but I see a candle as an essential component of an altar. For many people the flame of a candle represents the essence of a soul quality, the spirit of life force, the spark of creativity. There are so many candle choices available now with many different colors, scents, shapes and sizes. I like to suggest placing a baby picture of each parent on the altar. Other objects which can be used include (but are not limited to) special cards, fertility symbols or amulets, baby booties, shells, stones, crystals, flowers or a plant.
Q: I’m intrigued that you mention putting baby pictures of the parents-to-be on the altar. Is there a special significance to this, a reason that you suggest baby pictures?
A: I mention placing pictures of the parents on the altar for several reasons. I first started talking about baby altars with pregnant couples. When a baby is born, these pictures come out anyway. The baby will be born from each parent’s essence, so both their pictures would be a draw. Secondly, the baby or soul essence of an individual is so apparent in a baby picture. This assists with drawing a baby essence to that other baby essence. And finally, for the parent-to-be it is important to get in touch with oneself as a baby. Often a baby picture captures a person’s original spark and love of life, their soul purpose or mission. Adults can glean an enormous amount of information from their baby pictures, and these pictures can also open the doorway to healing.
Q: I love the idea of putting baby pictures on the altar. I was particularly struck by it because I have a baby picture of myself on my bedroom wall where I often see it. It shows me with a big happy, trusting grin, and when I look at it I feel like I’m seeing my original nature as I came into the world, confident of finding it a good place to be!
While your work is primarily with women, we know that perhaps 35% of fertility problems derive from the prospective father. Can the meditation and relaxation exercises, such as you teach to women, also help men with fertility problems?
A: My experience with men and fertility has always been initiated by the women. I have not seen a man who came to me presenting with concerns about his fertility. However, while working with women alone or in a couple situation about fertility (often these are couples doing intrauterine inseminations or IVF), I have included visualization for the man. That is not to say that I could not work with a man, it is just that I initially don’t get approached for that kind of issue. I suspect that for a man there is a lot of shame accompanying a fertility problem since in our culture fertility is seen as being linked with virility.
For such a man I would first assess his nutritional status and use of supplements. I would teach him how to reset his sperm count, quality, and motility through the use of visualization. I would also explore with him any ambivalence and fear he may have about the possibility of pregnancy. In my experience, especially in working with women pursuing IVF, the partner often has ambivalence about becoming a parent, which frequently includes fear about their relationship changing and failing.
Q: Teresa, as I understand it, your work focuses on helping parents-to-be to make a real connection with their children before birth or even before conception. Do you find that most people are able to do so, with your guidance?
A: Yes. Many also have powerful experiences in meditative states or while dreaming, and really enjoy receiving validation of their experience.
Q: Is your participation an important ingredient to facilitate the connection?
A: Yes and no. I strongly believe and promote this field of my work to be self empowering — so that someone doesn’t need to seek someone outside of themselves to talk to their unborn baby. However, it really depends on who is trying to connect, why, and what state of being they are in. Also, if someone has a block or a blind spot it is often useful to have an outside person to help clear any blockages and facilitate the communication. We are raised and immersed within a culture which tells us that only “crazy” or special “psychic” people are able to hear or see spirits. Clients often use the time I spend with them to learn how they receive this information — do they know it, sense it, smell it, hear it or see it?
It is essential to approach this experience and techniques with an open mind and heart and with the quality of neutrality. It is also important to communicate in a manner which is cooperative and in which negotiations are made on both sides so that each party (parent and unborn child) is fully seen and heard. Trying to connect in order to orchestrate or engineer a certain fertility or birthing experience will evoke more of controlling energy and probably will not prove to be satisfying.
Q: I have many questions about communicating with one’s unborn child. Is there any way to tell the difference between genuinely connecting and just having a wishful daydream?
A: That’s a great question. In my experience there is nothing more authentic than when a parent first connects with their unborn child. When they feel that vibration of heat or sound, or hear “I love you” or “Everything is okay, you are doing a good job” — there is nothing to shake that knowledge.
What usually helps is to be in a relaxed, open, and non-judgmental state. The first experiences of connecting will often be visceral in nature — the parents-to-be will know, feel, or sense something which will be difficult to put into words. They will know that it is true in their bodies, not in their heads. After validation of that experience they will start to see colors or hear words. My job is to support and to validate them to trust their intuition and the way they get that information.
Q: I have a sense of what you mean when you say the parents will know the communication is true in their bodies, not in their heads. But I’m not sure I fully understand. Could you explain more about this?
A: It is a knowing within their heart, body, soul that this is true. They may sense a vibration of hot or cold, may hear the baby’s voice or (if already pregnant) the baby may start to move or kick. It is a visceral, gut knowing and understanding. They will know from every cell of who they are that this is true.
Q: Teresa, how did you first come to know and understand the possibility of communicating with the unborn child? And also, how did you develop the techniques you use with your clients?
A: I first learned about and joined APPPAH in 1985. During that time I worked at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies and was waking up to many healing concepts and ideas. “Grokking” (intuitively understanding) the spirit of the baby and his/her involvement in the birthing process became a part of what I was learning, along with an increased respect for power of the mind/body/spirit connection.
During 1987-89 I worked as a clinical coordinator for a first trimester abortion clinic. My involvement and connection with unborn babies became heightened because of this work and from reading a book named A Difficult Decision,* a compassionate book about abortion. Many times while witnessing an abortion procedure I would see or sense the spirit of the baby leave.
Early on I had a patient who needed a repeat procedure. What she shared with me dramatically changed my counseling approach. She said, in reference to her pregnancy, “I just wasn’t ready to let go of that part of me and my boyfriend last week.” From that moment on, I have talked to women who are considering terminating a pregnancy or who are miscarrying, advising them to connect with the baby and say goodbye in order to let go.
In 1989 I moved to Colorado to finally become a midwife. My approach during school and later in my practice was to promote bonding between all members of the family and their baby during pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period. One of my favorite (although not most skilled) things to do during a prenatal visit was to draw the baby on the mom’s belly. I always attempted to ask the baby’s permission when touching it either externally or during a vaginal exam. In these ways I was connecting with those babies.
Six years ago, a woman who did psychic readings on new babies and families came to my office and gave me a complimentary reading. We became friends, and eventually I studied with her for two years. The gift of that study enabled me to understand all of the input I receive and to discern what was mine and what was someone else’s. This study provided the finishing touch to present my work as I share it today. However, the style and flavor of my work very much incorporates all of my study and growth over the past twenty years. The work I now share with women and their families thoroughly integrates all of who I am: the midwife, the intuitive, and the healer.