Posts Tagged ‘voices from the unborn’
The Mysterious Power of Children-To-Be
By Elisabeth Hallett – contact: e-mail at soultrek@montana.com or by letter: Elisabeth Hallett, Box 705, Hamilton MT 59840; http://www.light-hearts.com
It was midwinter and pitch-dark when the Volkswagen skidded off the road into an icy river. Unable to fight her way to shore, C. was exhausted, ready to give up and surrender to the freezing water when suddenly a voice protested…
C. is a down-to earth, level-headed woman, and an old friend. The adventure she related to me happened three years before the birth of her first child, when she and her husband were driving home to Montana after a Christmas trip. In her own words:
“We were anxious to get to our cabin in the Swan Valley so we drove night and day. We stopped in Great Falls for gas and were warned not to cross Rogers Pass because there was wind and extreme cold. Being young, we went along anyway. After crossing the pass we stopped for a cheeseburger and fries — it was about 9:00 P.M.
“As we started up the Swan Highway we encountered a snow packed highway. As we came around the corner, a large amount of snow blew off the bank above us causing a glare of snow and lights. I thought a car was coming toward us so I swerved, over-corrected, went into a spin and flipped over, and landed on our wheels in the Stillwater River.
“J. tried to paddle the car with the snow shovel but we were in a small whirlpool and just went around in circles. He climbed out the window into the river and got the spare tire out of the trunk for me to float on. He swam for shore and I tried to push off from the car on the tire. Unfortunately the tire was attached, so that I couldn’t use it for flotation as it was going down with the car. By this time I was ready to give up, death seemed a treat (I thought I would see my mother again). J. hollered at me from shore and then seemed to disappear under the ice. I resigned myself to an easy death.
“Then I heard, ‘But I haven’t even been born yet!’ This didn’t seem relevant at that time, but a hand or force or whatever seemed to grab me by the collar of my jacket and much as a cat carries a kitten, propelled me to shore. Later, when we had broken into a cabin and were running out of energy, I woke up and seemed to hear the same admonition — “I’m not born yet.” We were rescued in the morning.
“Three years later my son was born. The first night I was home with him he woke in the night to be fed. As I nursed him I had a vision back into the past of my mother, grandmother and so on nursing their children, and I felt connected to this pattern or plan. Then I knew it was my son who had spoken the night of the accident.”
This wonderful story illustrates one of the intriguing patterns in communications before conception: they often seem to have a definite purpose. In this experience, as in many others, the apparent purpose is to overcome an obstacle to conception. The untimely death of your intended mother would surely be a serious problem! But there are other roadblocks on the way to birth, and other stories that suggest the same amazing possibility–that children-to-be are somehow able to intervene and deal with obstacles to their own arrival.
In the story of Miriam and Steven, for example (see part I, this column), Miriam was not only emotionally opposed to motherhood, but had even undergone surgery to prevent it. It took a whole series of visionary and dream contacts with a very appealing little boy to overcome her resistance.
When people have lost a child, their grief and fear can become barriers to risking pregnancy again. Patricia and her husband were devastated when their first pregnancy ended with a stillborn baby girl. They were inclined to shut the door on parenthood forever — and then, as Patricia says, “I met another child in my dreams. His name was Luka, and he said he would wait for us to welcome him into our lives.”
But Patricia was not ready. She still had months of anger and sorrow to endure, and most of all, the fear of another loss. Yet the dream-child was persistent. He appeared again the following year, with the same message that he was waiting to be welcomed. “Why was this happening?” says Patricia. “How could I get this out of my mind?” She continues: “That autumn, I started to realize how depressed I really was. I was functioning in the outside world, but it was apparent in therapy that this sadness had a grip on me. I even thought about whether life was worth continuing. I had had so many losses in my life, and this was about all I could endure.
“Then, the vision to end all visions happened. I’ll never forget it. I was taking a shower, alone, on a sunny Saturday afternoon. I heard this voice (There was no visual). I can’t say the voice was loud, or startled me, or anything like that. But it spoke in no uncertain terms to me, and then vanished. He said that I was perfectly ripe to accept him into our lives, and that this was our last chance because he had to move on.
“I opened up like a lotus to the notion of having this child come into our lives. I felt a cloud lift. But I stood in the shower in slight disbelief. I didn’t know what to do, but I felt lightness, love, hope, and happiness. I told my husband (as I had always done when I got these visions), and asked him if he would be interested in reconsidering our baby decision. When Peter said he wanted this baby, too, I can’t tell you how elated I felt. Maybe I’ve never felt such joy. We made love once, and the rest, they say, is history. Luka was conceived that day.”
Where does the parent-and-child bond begin? The editorial of the APPPAH Newsletter of Spring 1997 made an important point. “Considering what we know about the realities of life before birth,” it proposes, “shouldn’t we be setting the clock of parenting back from ‘early’ (birth to three) to ‘very early’ (conception to birth)?” Now, these stories of a presence even before conception have me wondering: Is it time to look even further back for the beginning of our connections with our children?
INVITATION: Please join in exploring the mysteries of communication before conception. If you have had such an experience, please consider sharing it here! You can contact me by e-mail at soultrek@montana.com or by letter: Elisabeth Hallett, Box 705, Hamilton MT 59840.
A Book for Further Exploration
Conscious Conception, by Jeannine Parvati Baker and Frederick Baker, 1988 (Freestone Publishing Co & North Atlantic Books) was one of the first books to talk about parenthood as a relationship that begins in a spiritual dimension. Subtitled “Elemental Journey through the Labyrinth of Sexuality,” this classic book really is like a labyrinth to explore! It’s an unusual blend of earthiness and spirituality, with a wealth of interesting material from several contributors.
Through all the stories and articles runs the daring assumption that an unborn child is a conscious presence before conception. There are many examples of pre-conception communication, as felt by men as well as by women. For example, a father describes a reverie he experienced, some months before the conception of his child. While half-asleep, he found himself in a rose garden. “Just about the time I started thinking about leaving, I felt something move. It was more like a shift in energy than anything else. I looked over towards the fountain. Seated on a marble bench was a robed figure. It was smiling at me.
“I’m not one to go around seeing things, visions or otherwise. However, I was now very curious. So I asked the figure who it was. I started to repeat my question when I suddenly knew the answer. This being was waiting to come through us. The ‘us’ was my lover and I. This being would be our baby, our child. It was now making contact with us. It had decided to start with me.”
Coming from the Light
Sarah Hinze: Coming From the Light: Spiritual Accounts of Life Before Life (Simon & Schuster, 1997).
It is often said that when the time is ripe for a new idea, it will occur to several people at once.
Unknown to each other, Sarah Hinze and I both gathered stories of pre-birth and pre-conception contacts over many years. Her book, initially published as Life Before Life, has been revised and reissued in a Pocket Books edition as Coming From the Light: Spiritual Accounts of Life Before Life (Simon & Schuster, 1997). The new edition is enhanced by an Afterword by Sarah’s husband, psychologist Brent Hinze, Ph.D., in which he draws comparisons between near-death and pre-birth experiences and analyzes the aspects of a “typical” pre-birth contact.
Sarah’s approach is deeply spiritual and reverent. She presents more than thirty inspiring personal stories from parents and adoptive parents, describing connections with their children before conception and during pregnancy (or the pre-adoption period). Sarah’s own experiences are perhaps the most remarkable of all, told in the moving first chapter. It opens with the words, “My interest in life before life is very personal. Before each of our nine children was born, I sensed that he or she was preparing to come to earth.”
Excerpts of this lovely book can be read online at Sarah’s Story.
INVITATION: Please join in exploring the mysteries of communication before conception. If you have had such an experience, please consider sharing it here! You can contact me by e-mail at soultrek@montana.com or by letter: Elisabeth Hallett, Box 705, Hamilton MT 59840.
Children Of Our Dreams
By Theresa Danna
For most parents, the news that they are going to have a baby comes in the form of an EPT. But for others, the news comes in a less conventional manner, sometimes years before conception even occurs.
One night in 1994 as I was falling asleep, when I was in that half-awake/half-asleep hypnogogic state, there appeared before my closed eyes the close-up of a toddler boy’s face. At first he was looking down as if he was shy, then he slowly raised his eyes, looked directly at me, smiled, and said in his sweet voice: “Mommy, I’m coming.” His eyes were the same color brown as mine, and in general he looked a lot like I did when I was three years old.
I looked deeply into his eyes, so deeply that I was able to see beyond them. And what I saw was breath-taking. There was a bright white light and I felt pure, unconditional love pouring into me. I sensed that I was looking at eternity.
Questioning my own sanity, I soon began asking friends if they had ever heard of such parent-child contact. They hadn’t, and most dismissed my experience as “just a dream” or “wishful thinking.” I was frustrated. I knew what a night dream felt like; I knew what a daydream felt like; I had experienced hypnosis and meditation. I was familiar with the feeling of having something rising from my subconscious mind into my conscious mind. And what I experienced with my son’s spirit was nothing like that. There was a distinct feeling of another soul coming from the outside into me.
I continued searching for an explanation and for other persons who had experienced contact with their unborn child. I sent a letter to FATE magazine’s “Can You Help These Readers?” column, and within weeks after that letter was published, I received intimate letters from grateful parents all over America describing their own precognitive dreams and visions of their children.
The Little Boy Behind the Chair
Christine related a story about a mischievous little boy who appeared to her one night as she was sleeping on her couch. She was awakened by a cool breeze on her arm. When she opened her eyes, she was face to face with this little boy who was not either of her two sons. Even though she knew he was not her son, she said to him, “What are you doing up? Go back to bed!” The visitor giggled, ran across the room, and hid behind a chair. When she got up to look for him, he was gone. A year later she became pregnant and ultimately gave birth to a third son, a boy who grew to look exactly like the child she saw that night. She reports that she continues to have a stronger psychic link with him than she does with her other children.
The Son with Two Lives
Suzanne told me about a dream that she had when she was pregnant, in which she saw a tiny boy playing a huge French horn. She also had disturbing dreams about a young soldier dying in Vietnam, with pieces of his flesh splattered onto a barbed wire fence.
She did give birth to a boy and he did learn how to play the French horn. One day when he was practicing, she thought he looked so cute that she decided to take his picture. That’s when it struck her that her son looked exactly like the little boy she had seen in her dream.
Over the years, her son started telling her about nightmares he was having, in which he saw a young soldier being killed, and pieces of his flesh splattered onto a barbed wire fence. Suzanne was shocked, as she had never told her son about her own identical dreams. Through hypnosis and other analysis, they concluded that her son’s previous life had ended in Vietnam, just as they saw in their dreams. So in this case, the mother not only saw her son as he would appear in his coming life, but also as he appeared in his most recent past life.
Not Just Biological Bonds
I also heard from parents of adopted children. Sue told me about a memorable dream in which she was sitting in a rocking chair. Above her floated two cherubs, one on each side, and she felt completely at peace in their presence. Several years later she and her husband adopted a baby boy. When that child was two, the adoption agency called and asked if they would like to adopt a two-year-old boy as well. They were thrilled!
One day as she was rocking her sons, one two-year-old in her left arm and the other in her right, she was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of peace. She recalled her unusual dream about the cherubs and concluded that those baby angels were actually the spirits of her sons-to-come.
This and other stories from adopted parents led me to believe that the psychic link between parents and their children-to-be is not connected to biology. It appears that both biological and adopted children have knowledge of who their primary caretakers will be, sometimes years before the children are even conceived.
Fathers Share Stories, Too
This phenomenon is not only unique to mothers. Fathers also told me about their experiences of pre-birth communication. One man, a farmer, had fallen asleep one day out in the fields. When he opened his eyes, he saw four little faces looking at him, and they said, “Don’t worry, Daddy, we’re coming.” He now has four children who look like the spirits that comforted him that day.
Another father saw his three future children standing on the shore with his wife as he was close to drowning in a lake. As soon as he saw their images, he felt calm and knew that he would survive this crisis. Over the following years, all three of those children were born.
More Than Memories
Some skeptics have told me that they place little faith in these stories because their implications are dependent on the parents’ memories, which can be distorted over time. To these people I present the story of Marly.
When Marly’s mother was pregnant with her, she drew a picture of her unborn daughter as she would appear at age 10. When Marly reached that age, she did indeed look like the sketch her mother had drawn years before.
“Coming Out”
In the years that have passed since my own son appeared to me, I have continued collecting stories from other parents and have discussed this phenomenon in live lectures, on the radio, and on television. Each time I “go public” with this information, I hear from parents who thought they were the only ones that this happened to.
My purpose for telling people about my research about life before life is to bring comfort and support to parents who have experienced this telepathic state, and also to shed light on the nature of consciousness.
Cherub – Prebirth Meetings with your Baby
Quite a few people these days maintain they’ve been ‘touched by an angel.’ Others have an equally mysterious sense of being trailed by a cherub! Susan Clarke, for example, describes it this way: “During the months before my son was conceived, I could almost ‘see’ this little male cherub floating above my head, laughing.”
In a previous column, Steven and his wife described Steven’s initial vision of a beautiful toddler, a vision that was followed by a series of contacts with the same charming child. “He seemed to be continually tapping us on our shoulders, reminding us of his presence,” said Miriam. This kind of gentle persistence is apparent in many accounts of communication before conception. In many cases, the communicating presence is perceived as a baby or very young child, often manifesting a definite personality. It’s not surprising therefore that some people refer to their visitor as “a cherub.”
One woman speaks of the visits she received as a “courting relationship.” Trilby writes, “I most emphatically had an experience of contact with my little darling before he was conceived. In short, I just perceived a presence near me (with the awareness centered at my third eye) that always caused me to look slightly upward. As I paid more attention to the presence I began to apprehend it as a small flame, similar to what one sees off a lit candle. This ‘courting’ relationship went on for several months before I conceived. During those months I felt as if I were being tailed, and every now and then I’d be aware that somebody was trying to get my attention. It all felt very romantic.”
While some people have visual impressions, for others the communication comes in a different form. In Sarah Hinze’s book Coming From the Light, a mother writes, “My experience with the unborn is very simple. We had five children, plus one miscarriage, and were trying, at this point, not to have another baby. But in quiet moments, I would hear a small, almost audible voice say, ‘My name is James, and I’m ready to be born.'”
A Hovering Presence
Becky began to correspond with me while pregnant with her first child. She described in detail her experience of a pre-conception presence. “In November of last year I began to be aware of a little spirit presence hovering around me,” she wrote. “At first the awareness was dim, then it became so noticeable that I felt it whirring above my right shoulder.” Her story continues:
“A month or so after the dawning of this contact, I began to talk about it with people close to me. Several related that this was a common experience for women about to become pregnant. When I heard this, my inner eyes widened. For a while around this time, my little baby spirit seemed to have wandered away. I wondered if I should have kept its presence a secret. After the turn of the year, the spirit reappeared, this time hovering in front of my left hip.”
Now Becky gained a visual sense of a baby. “She looked to be about six months old, dark blue eyes and dark brown hair, clearly an animated little girl. I tried to have dialogues with her in my imagination from time to time. She seemed to be communicating to me that I should hurry, that she could not wait much longer, that I had to heal my wounds in order for her to have a safe home to dwell in.” As Becky continued to postpone conception, the presence gradually grew smaller until it was only a dot, “still hovering but no longer communicating.” A week after it disappeared, Becky discovered that she was pregnant.
Becky wrote when her daughter was a year old, “Since her birth, my sense of our pre-pregnancy communing is even more grounded, partly because of the perspective of hindsight and partly because she truly is the baby spirit who visited me, physically as well as personality-wise. I will never get over how magical it is, from the pre-beginning all the way through and beyond.”
Playing Peek-a-Boo
Like the “laughing cherub” mentioned above, the visitor in the following story seems to express a playful, joyous spirit. Cambria Henderson writes, “I was busy in the kitchen, cleaning up after lunch for my three year old son, two year old daughter and one year old baby. It had been a hectic morning, but they were all quietly napping at the moment. Or so I thought!
“I heard the giggle behind me and supposed that my son was playing ‘peek-a-boo’ with me. I felt the glee, as my little one peeked around the corner, saw me, and then quickly withdrew before I could turn around. If he weren’t so delighted with himself (and so cute!) I would have scolded him and sent him back to bed. But that happy little giggle had me completely charmed.
“I went busily about my work, cleaning the countertops, pretending not to hear. I suddenly caught a reflection of a sweet little face, in the mirror that was sitting on my counter. I turned quickly, hoping to surprise and delight him and then chase him back to his bed with hugs and tickles. However, I was the one to be surprised! As my little one turned to run down the hallway, I realized that he had taken all of his clothes off. All I could see was the bare backside of this precious child.
“I thought it strange, as I went after him, that when I turned the hall corner, I couldn’t see him. I didn’t think he could run quite that fast. I also noticed and thought it strange that my house suddenly became very quiet. I stopped in front of the door to the nursery, thinking I would play a trick on him. I decided I would sneak up on him. The burst of laughter from him, when I startled him, would tickle my heart forever.
“I plastered myself up against the wall and slowly started sneaking around the doorway, suppressing my own giggles. Suddenly, I stopped short. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. All three of my children were quietly napping in their beds. All three of them fully dressed! I stood in the doorway in amazement. Who was my little visitor? Where did he go? And why did he choose to visit me and be so playful? I didn’t know. I didn’t have any answers.
“Many years later, as my youngest child was playing a game of ‘peek-a-boo’ with me, after getting out of the tub, she turned and ran down the hallway, giggling with delight. She was so pleased with herself, being such a tease with mom. A feeling of deja-vu swept over me, and it all came rushing back. I suddenly realized that she had been my child visitor. I had had the incredible opportunity of sharing a sweet, loving moment with my child, five years prior to her birth.”
A Grandmother’s Story
Most pre-conception contacts are experienced by parents-to-be, but this is not always the case. Grandparents, siblings, other family members and friends may also sense a communicating presence. Sheila Berry enjoyed many visits from her grandsons, from a realm that seems to be simultaneously after death and before birth.
In October, 1994, Sheila’s daughter-in-law gave birth prematurely to twin boys. “The smaller of the two boys had only half a heart and could not survive,” Sheila explains. “Moreover, the twins were in a single amniotic sac, a very rare occurrence. Because of the single sac, attempts to take the smaller twin resulted in the loss of both babies.” Sheila tried to deal with the loss by denying that the babies were real persons. But a year later, they became very real to her. During a group meditation at an A.R.E. conference (Association for Research and Enlightenment), Sheila suddenly felt her grandsons’ presence –a lively, bubbling presence. She relates:
“They stayed with me through the end of the conference, and I kept ‘hearing’ them say, ‘We have to get our mom a birthday gift.’ After the conference concluded, my husband and I stopped at the A.R.E. Visitor Center and went into the book store. I said nothing to my husband, but let the twins guide me in finding a gift for their mother. Angel wind chimes? No. A poster? No, not quite right. A tape or CD? No. Then my husband approached, holding out a book he had found: ‘Our Children Forever,’ messages to parents from their children, discerned by the psychic George Anderson. Yes! And they were clear about the inscription, too: ‘To our Mom, from your boys. Happy birthday. We love you.’
“Initially, I would feel the presence of both twins, but that gradually changed over the next year. It was as if the smaller twin stepped to the background; he had accomplished what he set out to do in that brief expression of spirit in flesh, and was content where he was. The larger twin, Taylor, began to ‘come around’ by himself. I would feel him around me from time to time in much the same way I had at the conference.
“When I learned in 1995 that my daughter-in-law was again pregnant, I understood why. But about three months into that pregnancy, when I once again felt Taylor’s presence, there was a strong sense of sadness around him. I knew something was wrong and called my daughter-in-law. She confirmed what she had just learned, that the fetus she carried was too deformed to survive. ‘Try again,’ I told her, prodded by the soul who wanted to be her child. ‘You’ll have a healthy baby the next time.’
“In March of 1997, I suddenly felt his presence again. This time it was bubbly and vital, playful and almost teasing. I called my daughter-in-law. ‘Are you pregnant,’ I asked, and she said she thought so, but no one knew yet, not even my son. But her son knew. He came around to visit me less and less as the pregnancy progressed and he fitted himself to his new life. On October 13, 1997, exactly three years after his first try, Taylor was born to the parents he was determined to have.”
Choice or Destiny?
These marvelous stories may lead us to conclude that the makeup of our families is a prearranged destiny. But is there evidence that choice also plays a part? In the next column, we’ll look at experiences that suggest the possibilities of creative freedom and flexibility.
Please consider sharing your own stories of communication before conception, through future installments of this column. Contact me, Elisabeth Hallett, by email at soultrek@montana.com, or at P.O.Box 705, Hamilton, MT 59840.
Special thanks to Sarah Hinze for the story by Cambria Henderson; to Sheila Berry for A Grandmother’s Story, and to Susan, Trilby, and Becky, contributors to Soul Trek: Meeting Our Children on the Way to Birth.
Gladys Taylor McGarey – Pioneer of Pre-Birth Communication
Elisabeth Hallett
See Elisabeth’s site and books at Light Hearts
As we become familiar with stories of pre-birth communication, the way we look at babies begins to change. That change must be reflected in how we handle pregnancy and birth, and in how we treat our children. To the well-known family physician Gladys McGarey, babies are “old souls in new bodies,” aware and involved in the process of their own birth from before conception. And she has the experience to back up her beliefs.
Gladys Taylor McGarey is a doctor twice over, trained in both allopathic medicine and homeopathy. In a career spanning five decades, she has courageously faced opposition and explored therapies beyond the medical mainstream. She is a founder of the American Holistic Medical Association and past president of that organization. Still practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona, she also serves on the staff of NIH’s Office of Alternative Medicine. But Dr. McGarey is a hero to me for a more particular reason. Nearly twenty years ago, she pioneered the concept of “soul communication” with unborn children.
In her 1980 book Born To Live, Dr. McGarey makes the bold statement, “It is reasonable… to believe that we are in reality dealing with a ready-formed individual personality when we usher a baby into this world.” This respectful attitude toward babies underlies Dr. McGarey’s approach to the pregnant women in her care. “I often ask the mother to try to make contact with the baby,” she explains. “I ask her to record her dreams and see if she can contact the baby, also to write letters to the baby telling him how she feels about things, and talk to him, trying to establish an early, helpful soul communication.”
It’s no longer so unusual to advocate talking to a child in the womb, but it’s rarely suggested that we might also try listening and being receptive to impressions and communication coming from the baby. Dr. McGarey has been a pioneer in recognizing that pre-birth communication is a two-way flow. In Born To Live, she shares remarkable stories of contact between parent and child-to-be. As the attending physician, she has an insider’s view of these events and is able to put them in context of the mother’s life experiences and the family situation.
According to Dr. McGarey, contact happens in various ways. For example, she writes: “I have seen (pregnant) women who discover emotions foreign to their nature and experience, emotions they could not understand. As we watched their dreams, we began to understand that they were apparently picking up psychically the emotions and feelings of the incoming entity. The baby, of course, has feelings and emotions, residuals perhaps from an earlier incarnation.”
One story illustrates Dr. McGarey’s contention that family planning may be a mutual process, with the child-to-be playing an important part in the arrangements. This family already had four children and had decided that four was enough. However, several years after the fourth arrived, the mother was taking a shower and she saw a blue light appear in the top corner of the shower. Instinctively, she knew what the blue light meant. Another entity was wanting to make its appearance. “Go away,” she said, “You know I don’t need any more kids!”
A month later, the blue light came back. Again the same dialogue. And again it happened. And again. Finally, the reluctant mother gave in to the persistence of whatever the blue light meant, and she became pregnant. Child number five arrived, a boy, and her family was larger. And more complicated, of course, but more enjoyable.
Two years passed by. The mother of five had not ceased to take showers. And the blue light came on once again. This time, she didn’t have the energy to fight it any longer. It was almost as if she was getting a message from these two souls, as the blue light came on, that said, “Look, this is the place where I’m supposed to be. You are the people I am needing to live with, and this is the right time. So please get ready for me, cause I’m coming.”
Dr. McGarey remarks, “It seems likely that babies do really choose their parents; only some, like the “blue light” babies, are more persistent than others.”
The past twenty years have seen enormous controversy surrounding abortion. Dr. McGarey considers abortion from the viewpoint of the child soul, which she maintains is aware and telepathic and has some power of choice. In her new book, The Physician Within You, she writes: “In all the struggles between the pro-choice and pro-life factions, no one seemed interested in what the child thought.” Dr. McGarey believes that in some cases communication offers an alternative to abortion.
In one instance, a young woman was facing an untimely pregnancy but did not wish to have a medical abortion. She made a practice of talking to the child, suggesting it would be better for him to move on, yet leaving the choice to him. One night, she recalls, “I was able to move my consciousness down to my uterus. It felt like a cavernous, secure shelter. In a rather suspended yet elevated space, this soul and I had some serious communication. It felt completely natural. I explained that it wasn’t the right time for me to become a mother. With love I let him know that it had nothing to do with him. I urged him to find another mother.” The following day, she spontaneously miscarried.
The story of Susan, from The Physician Within You, takes pre-birth communication full circle and illustrates the apparent flexibility of “family planning.” Susan found herself pregnant at seventeen, just as she was about to enter college. She decided to talk to the child, whom she perceived as a girl. Speaking softly, she explained why it was the wrong time for her to have a baby, promising, “You will only be away a little while. We will be together again.” Soon afterward, she miscarried.
Two years later, Susan’s best friend Fran, who was older and married, had her first baby. The night of the birth, Susan woke to hear a child’s voice announcing, “Mama, I’m coming back.”
“As I heard the child’s voice I jumped out of bed,” says Susan. “I could almost feel her presence… A thrill of joy swept over me. In that moment I knew it was my little girl – a promise fulfilled. I could hardly wait to see her. Nobody thought anything of my rushing over to the hospital. I was family.”
“From the beginning we had this special bond,” Susan says, “like we both knew of our previous connection. I thought of her as my child. She would throw up her arms to greet me with the happiest smile. When she was able to toddle she would rush into my arms. I could see that Fran and her husband were amused.”
Wishful thinking? An important point is that Susan had kept secret both her own earlier pregnancy and her impressions of Fran’s daughter. When the little girl was three, her mother was again pregnant and Susan was visiting. Sitting on Susan’s lap, the child suddenly asked, “Do you remember when I was in your tummy?”
“No, honey,” Susan said, “you were in your mother’s tummy.”
The child shook her head. “Not that first time.” Uncertain of how to respond, Susan asked, “What did you do in my tummy?”
Sadly the little girl replied, “I cried.”
“Why did you cry?”
“Because they said I couldn’t stay. They said it wasn’t the time. They pulled me back.”
“Who were they?” Susan finally asked.
“The same ones that brought me to you.”
Some doctors may wonder why they don’t hear about pre-birth communication from the pregnant women in their care. While gathering stories for my own book, it was remarkable to me how often women confided that they had been afraid to share their experience with anyone. As Dr. McGarey observes, “These things really happen. Perhaps I hear about them because I am willing to listen to these women who have feelings and experiences they don’t want to have disregarded or made fun of.”
Dr. McGarey’s holistic approach to medical care is detailed in her new book, with Jess Stearn The Physician Within You: Medicine For the Millennium (1997). Two chapters are devoted to pregnancy, birth, and babies. But it’s well worth tracking down a copy of Born To Live for the full story of Dr. McGarey’s philosophy of childbirth and many other remarkable stories of “old souls in new bodies.”
References:
Gladys Taylor McGarey (1980), Born To Live: A Holistic Approach to Childbirth (Available from Gladys McGarey Medical Foundation, 7350 E. Stetson Dr. #120, Scottsdale, AZ 85251.)
Gladys Taylor McGarey with Jess Stearn, (1997), The Physician Within You: Medicine for the Millennium (Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, Inc.)
Editor’s Note: I am currently planning a new book on pre-birth communication, and invite you to share your experiences and insights. Please e-mail me at soultrek@montana.com or write to Elisabeth Hallett, P.O. Box 705, Hamilton MT 59840
Meetings with an Unborn Child
Elisabeth Hallett
In these columns, we go out on a limb to catch a glimpse of patterns that can’t be seen from safer ground. The “limb” on which our explorations depend is the premise of pre-existence-that we exist in some form before conception. With that premise, we’re free to consider the implications of parents’ pre-birth communication experiences and the revealing comments of young children. As we shall see, it is exciting when the evidence from these two sources overlaps.
The stories in this installment suggest one of the most intriguing patterns of possible connection between parent and child. Imagine the situation: In childhood, you encounter your own future son or daughter as a companion who visits your dreams and reveries or flashes across your mind’s eye at odd moments.
Margaret writes, “I knew and played with my three sons (two yet to be born) when I was still a child. I had many recurring dreams, around age seven, of riding bikes with three boys who were my sons, even though they were about my age or older. Always the oldest was the most clear to me, and the other two didn’t connect quite as strongly, though they were all firmly present. I always thought the oldest was cute. He was also really nice, smart, thoughtful, and took his responsibilities seriously, looking after his brothers and guiding our play. But he was still fun.” Margaret clearly identifies her childhood dream playmate with her firstborn son. The next story is more complex and raises the question of how such an identification is made. Donna recalls: “Right around the time I reached menarche, I became aware of a loving, guiding female presence. I think I always knew she would be with me as my daughter. I don’t remember analyzing much, only accepting. I decided then that my first child would be a girl and her name would be Kirsten. Later I decided wedlock was a horrible idea and I’d never bind myself thus, nor would I ever bear a child. Still Kirsten was with me. Certain places, certain people would bring her to mind. A blond girl would appear, spontaneously, in my mind’s eye. As I approached my twenties, I began to ‘see’ her as a four-year-old. I could ‘see’ or be aware of the little girl in my peripheral vision-and only as long as I didn’t look.
“A few more years and the desire to have babies struck. Suddenly marriage seemed tolerable. My first child was a girl, and I named her Kirsten. Once we were home and settled in and starting to learn each other, I realized that this little person wasn’t Kirsten. After a bout with colic we fell in love and still are.”
Donna bore three more children, all boys, and felt that her family was complete. She thought her youngest son might be the embodiment of the female presence she had sensed for so long. However, she continues, “As the kids grew, I started having the emotional freedom to start meditating again. When I relaxed, I began noticing a glowing white disc with a lavender rim. It was always waiting. Then I read “Models of Love” and was overwhelmed at one point by the beauty of childbearing. As I was glorying, I saw a pillar of light next to me, and I knew I would have another child.” Finally, Donna conceived her last child. “In a meditation the glowing white disc featured a purple fetus. I knew I was pregnant. I knew it was my girl.” Cicely was born eleven years to the day after Kirsten. “Cicely has always been with me,” says Donna. “This being is her.”
We may ask, “How do you know?” But the answer is a mystery. The sense of recognition, which may be completely convincing to the one experiencing it, is really not open to objective validation. Linda, an English mother, identifies her firstborn daughter as the girl she met in a vivid dream years earlier. As she says, “There has never been any doubt in my mind that it was her-I knew it the moment she was born.”
There is a hidden aspect to these stories which may be coincidental, or it may point to a deeper meaning behind these experiences. Linda was eighteen-nearly grown up-when she dreamed of her future daughter. She says, “I knew that this girl was my daughter… I remember feeling so happy that she had shown herself to me, especially as I had quite a hard time growing up and it was like a little message of hope and happiness for me to help me along when I needed it. I wasn’t planning on kids at the time as I was preparing for University and travel. I also didn’t feel any urgency with the dream-she wasn’t saying, ‘Have me now.’ She was just saying, ‘Hello-this is what you have to look forward to!'”
Like Linda, each of the young girls in this survey was coping with difficult situations around the time of her initial experience-from simple loneliness to sexual abuse. Donna moved at thirteen to a place she hated, and recalls that she “retreated into herself” for years. Margaret, who dreamed of bike riding with her three sons, says, “I think they felt bad for me because I didn’t have many friends, and I had been recently assaulted by a distant family member. The nice innocent fun we had riding our bikes, plus the slightly protective feeling I got from the eldest boy, helped me get through that time.”
With these circumstances in mind it would be easy to say, Aha!–these girls created imaginary friends to help cope with their stressful situations. But it seems equally possible that here is a special grace and kindness in life’ s patterns, whereby an unhappy child can be comforted and companioned by her own future children. After all, they would have an interest in the welfare of their intended mother.
What of the enigmatic memories that little children express, usually between the ages of three and seven? Do they ever provide evidence for these early connections? Brent was six years old when he began relating what seemed to be memories of a previous lifetime with an abusive father, ending in an early death. Among other details, he told his mother that he had chosen her. She took advantage of a moment when Brent was quietly absorbed in play to seek more information.
“I asked him why he chose me. He told me very matter-of-factly that he knew he couldn’t stand to live like that with that other dad any more, and his mother had somehow disappeared, and so he looked for another mom. And he saw me, but when I was a little girl. Then he came back to me when I was an adult and chose to be born to me because he liked me. He answered promptly, without thinking about any of this for a second! As I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a big kiss on the cheek and looked into his blue eyes, I told him, Brent, I am so glad that you chose me. I love being your mom and you don’t have to worry ever, because I will keep you safe and love you forever. He smiled and withdrew to get on with his playing with his army tank!”
The final story is a rare treasure because it includes evidence from both sources: a mother’s childhood experience and her child’s mysterious remark. From Australia, Jenny writes: “When I was 10 years old I did a drawing of how I would like to look if I was beautiful. It turned out great, which was weird because I was just past stick figures. My eleven-year-old sister instantly grabbed it and criticized it. “The eyes are too slanted, cheekbones too high, jaw too square for this kind of face,” she said. She then changed it, saying she just wanted to fix it for me. I was really upset and took the drawing away to make it right. I couldn’t start again because I couldn’t really draw. To me it was a miracle. The drawing seemed to take on a life of its own. I began talking to the girl in the picture. She was the classic ‘invisible friend.’ I could really sense her there and occasionally I thought I heard her answer.
“Then when I was fourteen our family went to see ‘South Pacific’ at the movies. When the girl called Liat on Bali Hai came on, I thought, ‘Wow, she looks a lot like my ‘invisible girl.’ On the way home, I was thinking ‘I wonder why she looks like her. Maybe I should call her Liat.’ Then I heard her respond! ‘Because I’m part Islander and my name is Lee but you can call me Liat.’ She was yelling in my ear and I looked around to see if anyone else could hear. Naturally they couldn’t.
“I guess I had always been kind of weird compared with other people. My Scottish Nanna said I was fey. This time I thought, I’m really crazy now. My invisible friend refused to go away so I asked her who she was. She said she was my daughter. That was a stunner. I asked her when she would be born. ‘When you’re thirty-six.’ ‘Don’t I have any choice?’ ‘You have already chosen,’ she said.
“Liat hung around for years. We continued to talk and argue, discussing all kinds of metaphysical things. Sometimes she didn’t know much more than I did. Other times she amazed me with her knowledge. Occasionally I would get images of her at different times in her life. She was really beautiful.”
By the time Jenny was nearly thirty-six, she was twice married and divorced and had four sons. Now Liat started communicating about being born soon. “I banished her,” says Jenny, “but she came back and sat in the background not saying much.” Jenny soon found herself involved in a love affair and despite precautions she became pregnant. “I told Colin all about our future daughter and described her. He brought me a photo of one of his sisters. She looked uncannily like Liat. When I explained about the island girl, he said ‘Yes, that’s the Samoan in her.’ He just accepted everything. When she was born, Colin named our little girl Amy-Lee. I hadn’t told him the name I had used all those years.
“When Amy turned three she said, ‘Mummy, I used to know you when you were a little girl, didn’t I.’ It was a statement. She is six now and beautiful. Who knows what the future holds for her-she is already extraordinary and much loved by many people.”
Editor’s Note:
Special thanks to Jenny Strong for permission to reprint part of her story. Her full account can be read online at MuseNet.
Spirit-Child: The Aboriginal Experience of Pre-Birth Communication
by Elizabeth Carman and Neil Carman, Ph.D.
The stories that we hear of pre-birth communication are typically about a woman sensing contact with her future child — so much so, that it is difficult to keep the subject from being classified as “just” a women’s issue. How fascinating, therefore, to learn of a culture where it is primarily the men who experience contact before conception. This article, excerpted from Cosmic Cradle, a forthcoming book by Elizabeth Carman and Neil Carman, Ph.D., presents stories from Aboriginal groups as reported in anthropological research. It offers a glimpse into a world imbued with very different assumptions from our own, reminding us of the plasticity of the human psyche.
Cosmic Cradle (publication scheduled for early 2000) is an extraordinary compendium of evidence for the most mysterious phase of human existence–the stage before conception. It brings together traditional accounts, little-known historic references, and interviews with contemporary Americans. This broad-based research makes it clear that the experience of pre-birth communication has been known and recorded throughout history and across cultures world-wide. More information is available online at CosmicCradle.com or email Elizabeth Carman.
Communications with the unborn may be as old as human life itself. Aboriginal peoples of Australia, a territory slightly larger than the U.S., had unique economic, political, social, and linguistic characteristics. At the same time, they shared one extraordinary belief: conceiving a child is founded in a spiritual event–a “spirit-child” selects his parents and this event enables biology to take its course. A Forrest River Aborigine, as a prime example, dreams of a spirit-child playing with his spears or with his wife’s paper bark; the husband thrusts the spirit-child towards his wife and it enters by her foot. Conception then proceeds into pregnancy (except in certain cases where conception occurs several years later).
The term “spirit-child” roughly equates with the Western concept of the soul. Aside from that similarity, the Aboriginal pre-conception paradigm contrasts with science’s understanding of pregnancy. The first anthropologists to hear Aboriginal pre-conception reports assumed that the spirit-child pre-empted the role of male sperm, and labeled this notion “the most elementary belief concerning the genesis of the individual.”
Even more puzzling, Aborigines held their belief after learning about biological conception as an accidental collision of sperm and egg. They contended that sexual intercourse, though it may prepare the way for the child’s entry into the womb, by itself is not the sole cause of conception–since a spirit-child is necessary. As elucidated by anthropologist Ashley Montagu(1):
The Aboriginal world is essentially a spiritual world, and material acts are invested with a spiritual significance… The spiritual origin of children is the fundamental belief, and among the most important stays of the social fabric. It is absurd then to think…intercourse could be the cause of a child.
A contemporary researcher who lived with the Aborigines explains the spirit-child concept(2):
The new life which has chosen to enter the woman is a complete entity who has originated at some time in the long distant past, and is immeasurably more ancient and completely independent of any living person.
Perception of spirit-children depends upon intuitive ability. Aborigines generally agree that the spirit-children are tiny, fully developed babies. Four versions follow:
Ngalia: Spirit-children have dark hair with light-colored streaks. They sit under shady trees, waiting for a compatible mother to pass by. Meanwhile they eat the gum of acacia trees, and drink morning dew.
Tiwi: Spirit-children are small dark-skinned people who are two to three inches high, but reach nine inches in maturity.
Western Australian Aborigines: Spirit-children are as small as walnuts and wander over the land, playing in pools like ordinary children.
Central Australian Arunta: A spirit-child is the germ of a complete pre-formed individual, about the size of a tiny, red, round pebble.
Midwife, Intuitive, and Healer: A Conversation with Teresa Robertson
Column Editor’s Note: Teresa Robertson, RN, CNM, MSN, conducts private pre-conception sessions to help her clients connect with their unborn children, to promote fertility, heal pregnancy losses such as miscarriage and abortion, and to help adoptive parents connect with their children-to-be. Two of her articles are available in this column: “Fertility and the Mind-Body Connection” and “Communicating with your Unborn Child.” In this conversation, Teresa offers further insights into her work and personal experiences, in response to questions from Elisabeth Hallett, author of Soul Trek: Meeting Our Children on the Way to Birth. Teresa’s contact information is: In Health Teresa Robertson RN,CNM, MS Intuitive Counselor 3011 N. Broadway, Suite 23 Boulder, CO, 80304, USA www.BirthIntuitive.com www.LivingIntuitiveResources.com Tel: 303-258-3904. Email: tann@indra.com
Q. Teresa, your articles bring up many new ideas. Thank you for giving us this opportunity to learn more about your work. I often hear from people who are looking for ways to encourage a child to come into their lives. One of the practices you have mentioned is the “baby altar.” Please tell us more about this intriguing idea.
A: The baby altar is a way to create physical space within your home for an unborn child. It can also serve as a spiritual focus. Creating a baby altar is one of the things I urge anyone to do in preparation for conception or during pregnancy. Of course, my use of the word altar reflects my Catholic upbringing — substitute any word (puja, shrine etc.) which has significance for you.
The baby altar delineates a specific energetic space for the spirit of your baby. For several reasons, the bedroom is often chosen as its location. People with specific meditation rooms might wish to create a separate baby altar there. Your bedroom is usually a quieter and more private space, therefore it is an area that will gain the least attention and influence from other people. Secondly, for many couples the bedroom is their sanctuary and so contains that kind of energy already. Thirdly, your bedroom is where you are awake and sleepy — times you may feel more connected to spiritual realms and/or the world of dreams. And finally, your bedroom is often the location where you will be making love to conceive this baby.
The size of the altar and number of items on it are not important, but the intention of the space is. Again, maybe this is a reflection of my Catholic background, but I see a candle as an essential component of an altar. For many people the flame of a candle represents the essence of a soul quality, the spirit of life force, the spark of creativity. There are so many candle choices available now with many different colors, scents, shapes and sizes. I like to suggest placing a baby picture of each parent on the altar. Other objects which can be used include (but are not limited to) special cards, fertility symbols or amulets, baby booties, shells, stones, crystals, flowers or a plant.
Q: I’m intrigued that you mention putting baby pictures of the parents-to-be on the altar. Is there a special significance to this, a reason that you suggest baby pictures?
A: I mention placing pictures of the parents on the altar for several reasons. I first started talking about baby altars with pregnant couples. When a baby is born, these pictures come out anyway. The baby will be born from each parent’s essence, so both their pictures would be a draw. Secondly, the baby or soul essence of an individual is so apparent in a baby picture. This assists with drawing a baby essence to that other baby essence. And finally, for the parent-to-be it is important to get in touch with oneself as a baby. Often a baby picture captures a person’s original spark and love of life, their soul purpose or mission. Adults can glean an enormous amount of information from their baby pictures, and these pictures can also open the doorway to healing.
Q: I love the idea of putting baby pictures on the altar. I was particularly struck by it because I have a baby picture of myself on my bedroom wall where I often see it. It shows me with a big happy, trusting grin, and when I look at it I feel like I’m seeing my original nature as I came into the world, confident of finding it a good place to be!
While your work is primarily with women, we know that perhaps 35% of fertility problems derive from the prospective father. Can the meditation and relaxation exercises, such as you teach to women, also help men with fertility problems?
A: My experience with men and fertility has always been initiated by the women. I have not seen a man who came to me presenting with concerns about his fertility. However, while working with women alone or in a couple situation about fertility (often these are couples doing intrauterine inseminations or IVF), I have included visualization for the man. That is not to say that I could not work with a man, it is just that I initially don’t get approached for that kind of issue. I suspect that for a man there is a lot of shame accompanying a fertility problem since in our culture fertility is seen as being linked with virility.
For such a man I would first assess his nutritional status and use of supplements. I would teach him how to reset his sperm count, quality, and motility through the use of visualization. I would also explore with him any ambivalence and fear he may have about the possibility of pregnancy. In my experience, especially in working with women pursuing IVF, the partner often has ambivalence about becoming a parent, which frequently includes fear about their relationship changing and failing.
Q: Teresa, as I understand it, your work focuses on helping parents-to-be to make a real connection with their children before birth or even before conception. Do you find that most people are able to do so, with your guidance?
A: Yes. Many also have powerful experiences in meditative states or while dreaming, and really enjoy receiving validation of their experience.
Q: Is your participation an important ingredient to facilitate the connection?
A: Yes and no. I strongly believe and promote this field of my work to be self empowering — so that someone doesn’t need to seek someone outside of themselves to talk to their unborn baby. However, it really depends on who is trying to connect, why, and what state of being they are in. Also, if someone has a block or a blind spot it is often useful to have an outside person to help clear any blockages and facilitate the communication. We are raised and immersed within a culture which tells us that only “crazy” or special “psychic” people are able to hear or see spirits. Clients often use the time I spend with them to learn how they receive this information — do they know it, sense it, smell it, hear it or see it?
It is essential to approach this experience and techniques with an open mind and heart and with the quality of neutrality. It is also important to communicate in a manner which is cooperative and in which negotiations are made on both sides so that each party (parent and unborn child) is fully seen and heard. Trying to connect in order to orchestrate or engineer a certain fertility or birthing experience will evoke more of controlling energy and probably will not prove to be satisfying.
Q: I have many questions about communicating with one’s unborn child. Is there any way to tell the difference between genuinely connecting and just having a wishful daydream?
A: That’s a great question. In my experience there is nothing more authentic than when a parent first connects with their unborn child. When they feel that vibration of heat or sound, or hear “I love you” or “Everything is okay, you are doing a good job” — there is nothing to shake that knowledge.
What usually helps is to be in a relaxed, open, and non-judgmental state. The first experiences of connecting will often be visceral in nature — the parents-to-be will know, feel, or sense something which will be difficult to put into words. They will know that it is true in their bodies, not in their heads. After validation of that experience they will start to see colors or hear words. My job is to support and to validate them to trust their intuition and the way they get that information.
Q: I have a sense of what you mean when you say the parents will know the communication is true in their bodies, not in their heads. But I’m not sure I fully understand. Could you explain more about this?
A: It is a knowing within their heart, body, soul that this is true. They may sense a vibration of hot or cold, may hear the baby’s voice or (if already pregnant) the baby may start to move or kick. It is a visceral, gut knowing and understanding. They will know from every cell of who they are that this is true.
Q: Teresa, how did you first come to know and understand the possibility of communicating with the unborn child? And also, how did you develop the techniques you use with your clients?
A: I first learned about and joined APPPAH in 1985. During that time I worked at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies and was waking up to many healing concepts and ideas. “Grokking” (intuitively understanding) the spirit of the baby and his/her involvement in the birthing process became a part of what I was learning, along with an increased respect for power of the mind/body/spirit connection.
During 1987-89 I worked as a clinical coordinator for a first trimester abortion clinic. My involvement and connection with unborn babies became heightened because of this work and from reading a book named A Difficult Decision,* a compassionate book about abortion. Many times while witnessing an abortion procedure I would see or sense the spirit of the baby leave.
Early on I had a patient who needed a repeat procedure. What she shared with me dramatically changed my counseling approach. She said, in reference to her pregnancy, “I just wasn’t ready to let go of that part of me and my boyfriend last week.” From that moment on, I have talked to women who are considering terminating a pregnancy or who are miscarrying, advising them to connect with the baby and say goodbye in order to let go.
In 1989 I moved to Colorado to finally become a midwife. My approach during school and later in my practice was to promote bonding between all members of the family and their baby during pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period. One of my favorite (although not most skilled) things to do during a prenatal visit was to draw the baby on the mom’s belly. I always attempted to ask the baby’s permission when touching it either externally or during a vaginal exam. In these ways I was connecting with those babies.
Six years ago, a woman who did psychic readings on new babies and families came to my office and gave me a complimentary reading. We became friends, and eventually I studied with her for two years. The gift of that study enabled me to understand all of the input I receive and to discern what was mine and what was someone else’s. This study provided the finishing touch to present my work as I share it today. However, the style and flavor of my work very much incorporates all of my study and growth over the past twenty years. The work I now share with women and their families thoroughly integrates all of who I am: the midwife, the intuitive, and the healer.
Pregnancy and Dreams
Birth Dreams During Pregnancy
Pregnancy is one of the most powerful experiences any woman can face. A woman’s body changes enormously during childhood and adolescence, but to meet such enormous physical, personal and social changes as an adult is a huge challenge. A woman’s dreams at such a time not only show some of the detailed events that are occurring physically, but also comment on psychological and relationship events and subtleties too. See A Woman’s Creative Power
Robert Van de Castle made a special study of women’s dreams during pregnancy – (Our Dreaming Mind). Other studies were made by Carolyn Winget and Frederic Kapp.
Castle found that during pregnancy women tend to dream about buildings and houses a lot more than in a control group. The dreams would be about things like adding a porch to the house, or seeing distorted parts of a building. These he felt were expressing the change in physical shape the woman was experiencing. As pregnancy progressed so did the shape or size of the buildings.
Those Scary Dreams
Other themes more common in the dreams of pregnant women than in those of a control group are those of animals and water. At first such dreams of water or animals may be calm, even healing, but later on in pregnancy there may be dreams of turmoil or even nightmare. Several studies show this is normal in the sense that it is experienced by many women, and probably reflects the anxieties unconsciously held by the woman about her unborn baby and about birth.
It is also very common for women to dream about actually having the baby, and these dreams are often bizarre or even disturbing to the dreamer. Winget and Kapp found that a high percentage of dreams showed this theme of anxiety, and by following their research through, they were able to observe that the more anxiety dreams a mother-to-be had, the easier the birth was. They conjectured that the anxiety dreams release a lot of tension and fear, and the mother is therefore more relaxed at the time of the birth – usually less than ten hours.
The anxiety dreams include such images as giving birth to a baby who is only a few ounces in weight – the baby is malformed – the baby is born dead – the baby is blind or deaf or injured. (more…)
Do Children Exist Prior to Conception and Birth?
Elisabeth Hallett
See Elisabeth’s site and books at Light Hearts
Do our children really exist somehow before conception? And if they do, what are the patterns that bring us together as parent and child? Personally, I would love to believe that my children were destined for me and nobody else… that I was chosen as the ideal mother for this pair of wonder-kids. And indeed many stories of pre-birth communication do support the view that our children are predestined to be with us.
An Australian woman recently sent me her story. She had two daughters, and didn’t plan to bear any more children; her husband had undergone a vasectomy following the second girl’s arrival. But six years later, the mother had a vision at the edge of sleep. Three beings in luminous robes presented her with a beautiful baby boy and told her that she was ready to have her “next child,” and that this child awaited her. The message and vision were compelling enough to lead to a vasectomy reversal-and the birth of a baby boy the following year.
The stories in last month’s column (“Trailed By A Cherub”) suggest there are persevering souls who are determined to join their destined parents. But are these arrangements hard and fast? Some experiences point to a certain creative flexibility at play in the pre-conception world. For example, a four-year-old girl told her mother that before she was born, she and Jesus used to sit together while she decided whether to be a boy in one family or a girl in another. “She said she decided at the last minute to come to us as a girl,” the mother reports, “and then she and Jesus laughed and went off to play till it was time to go.” It may not be hard evidence, but it’s thought-provoking!
When parents-to-be experience a persistent “visitor,” there is sometimes the suggestion of a time limit-a window of opportunity. Patricia was fearful of becoming pregnant, although she had powerful dreams of a little boy for over a year. While wide awake one day, she finally heard a clear message that this was her last chance to bear this child, as he had to “move on.” Move on to where? Perhaps to another prospective family?
Sharon was the mother of two small boys when she wrote, “As Daniel is getting older, we think often about whether or not we will give birth to another child. I still feel the presence of a little one ‘waiting in the wings,’ a little blond boy.” After a year of uncertainty, Sharon decided against having another child. But she mused, “I have a question as to what happens to these little guys who seem to have such a strong spirit, when you say ‘no’ to their birth?”
In researching my book “Soul Trek,” I occasionally encountered a situation where a woman felt uncomfortably pressured by the sense of “someone wanting to be born.” In one such case, a mother already had three children but was reluctantly preparing to conceive another boy whose presence she felt around her. “I’m pretty resigned that I will do it,” she wrote, “because I don’t want to get to the other side and meet this person who will tell me that I just didn’t want him to come.”
True, there are stories of pre-birth experiences that seem to suggest we’re duty-bound to bear the children appointed to us by destiny or a higher power. But other stories imply more of a give and take, a process of mutual choosing with freedom on both sides-potential parent and possible child. Such accounts can provide creative ideas for entering into this kind of conversation.
APPPAH member Mary Knight (author of “Love Letters Before Birth and Beyond”) shares her own experience. “For years, I’ve felt a little girl presence waiting patiently ‘in the ethers.’ She appears in my mind’s eye as having dark, black curly hair and brown eyes. When I mentioned her to some writer friends many years ago, one of them suggested that perhaps I was imagining a character in a future novel. In the last few years, her presence has been seen by two psychics on two different occasions-unsolicited. The last one said that if I didn’t bring her in through my body that she’d probably find another way to me-which is what I’ve told her she needs to do.
“Still, there’s a pull… and a little guilt that I’m not complying. However, I know that she wants it to be a free choice for all of us, and I just can’t bring myself to it. There is a sense of loss with this choice. I know that I am missing a precious gift. I think I should probably create and perform a ritual in which we acknowledge letting go of each other. I will promise to be ‘looking for her’ in other places throughout my life.”
A mother of two found that the persistent visits of a potential child helped her to clarify her life’s direction. “About six months after my second child was born, I became aware of another female being who wanted to be born to us. She would always appear off to my upper right consciousness and even though I love babies and nurturing, I knew having another baby would be very hard for me. I sent those messages to her with love whenever she appeared.
“I can’t remember when she stopped visiting me; perhaps four to six months later. I wanted to get back into my music and I have been able to do that now. I feel so vitalized, so excited about what I am doing now that a baby would be quite an adjustment for me. I feel that she hung around a respectable amount of time, giving me time to really think about my priorities, yet not pressuring me in any way; I believe she stopped appearing when I made a firm commitment to pursue my music again.”
Some accounts even offer glimpses of the alternate routes a child may take, when the answer turns out to be “no.” Anne lives in a community of families with shared values. Early in their marriage, she and her husband decided to remain childless. “Around the time that the whole question got settled,” she recalls, “I became aware that someone was hovering around me quite often, hoping that she could be born to us. One day, as I was walking through the woods, the presence became much stronger than usual and it was almost as if I could see her-for it was clearly now a she. It would be an exaggeration to say that it was a vision of any kind. It was more like a clear picture in my mind. She wasn’t pretty, or even cute in the usual sense. But she was very interesting looking. She had lots of character in her face, and dynamic greenish eyes, a largish nose, dark curly hair. Very mischievous and looking very strong willed.
“I spoke to her definitely, telling her that I could see she would be great fun to be with and it would no doubt be a joy to be her mother. But it really wasn’t in the plan for us to have any children at all. So I suggested to her that there were many other fine families around the community that she could join. And if there was any particular reason she wanted to know us, we could still be part of her life. Shortly after this, I didn’t feel her around any more.
“Recently, it occurred to me that a certain girl in our community may be the same soul. Not because I have any particular affinity with her, but because she resembles the girl I saw in my mind and also because the personality she is apparently exhibiting-which is quite forceful and unusual-reminds me of the child that I met in my mind.”
A prominent psychologist has questioned the value of sharing personal stories that suggest pre-birth communication. He asks, “How much of this is wishful thinking or fantasy, combined with a modicum of intuition, and a certain level of inner processing that provides images and inner dialogue?” His point is well taken and sounds a valid note of caution; yet I’m persuaded the subject is worth pursuing in spite of such factors. Our colleague goes on to say, “The main question is what can be meaningfully learned from all of this?”
Perhaps to say “we learn” is not quite right. These stories can change us. They free the imagination to explore what was once an absolute void before the beginning of life. They allow us to guess at possible patterns in the mystery of relationships. On this frontier, our vision of reality may “shapeshift”.
More intimately, they’ve changed the way I see my children, bringing a certain grace of gratefulness. From time to time I find myself thinking — even saying aloud-“Thank you for coming to our family.” The possibility that they might as easily have joined some other set of parents is a humbling one. Consider the surprising conversation with her little boy that one mother recalls:
“When Brett was between three and four years old, he was very angry with me one day. He said, ‘I hate you, Mommy. You weren’t even my first choice for a Mommy.’ I somehow managed to stay centered and asked, ‘Who was your first choice?’
“It was a woman from the Philippines but she was already taken.”
Editor’s Note: Special thanks to Mary Knight for her story.
For more information about her book Love Letters: Before Birth and Beyond, email:singleeyeo@aol.com
Carol Bowman for a short quote from her message board at Children’s Past Lives; contributors to Soul Trek, and Light Hearts.
Please join in exploring this frontier. If you have had experiences that suggest communication before conception or before birth, please consider sharing them through future installments of this column.
You can reach the editor by email or write to Elisabeth Hallett, P.O. Box 705, Hamilton, MT 59840
Brief Book Review
Sarah Hinze: Coming From the Light: Spiritual Accounts of Life Before Life (Simon & Schuster, 1997).
It is often said that when the time is ripe for a new idea, it will occur to several people at once.
Unknown to each other, Sarah Hinze and I both gathered stories of pre-birth and pre-conception contacts over many years. Her book, initially published as Life Before Life, has been revised and reissued in a Pocket Books edition as Coming From the Light: Spiritual Accounts of Life Before Life (Simon & Schuster, 1997). The new edition is enhanced by an Afterword by Sarah’s husband, psychologist Brent Hinze, Ph.D., in which he draws comparisons between near-death and pre-birth experiences and analyzes the aspects of a “typical” pre-birth contact.
Sarah’s approach is deeply spiritual and reverent. She presents more than thirty inspiring personal stories from parents and adoptive parents, describing connections with their children before conception and during pregnancy (or the pre-adoption period). Sarah’s own experiences are perhaps the most remarkable of all, told in the moving first chapter. It opens with the words, “My interest in life before life is very personal. Before each of our nine children was born, I sensed that he or she was preparing to come to earth.”
Excerpts of this lovely book can be read online at Sarah’s website.
INVITATION: Please join in exploring the mysteries of communication before conception. If you have had such an experience, please consider sharing it here! You can contact me by e-mail at soultrek@montana.com or by letter: Elisabeth Hallett, Box 705, Hamilton MT 59840.