Posts Tagged ‘anxiety about sex’

Relationship and dreams

Most dreams depict relationship in one form or another. Some dreams however, specifically show you in a particular relationship. Such dreams are usually highly significant in that they reveal aspects of what you are doing in the relationship that you may not admit or realise consciously. It can therefore be transformative to gain insight into any dreams that show you in relationship with present partners or lovers. See Techniques for Exploring your Dreams

Example: I was with Lorna, a woman I was having a relationship with but not committed to. She told me she was pregnant. I said to her this was impossible and it couldn’t be my child. She looked at me and shrugged saying ‘Okay, I’m not pregnant’. Neal C.

On exploring the dream Neal realised the enormous feelings involved. He had not realised consciously that Lorna had completely offered herself to him in their relationship. The dream shows him rejecting this complete offering of her sexuality and womanhood, and her turning away when he rejected her. This had actually happened, but Neal had not been conscious of what was occurring between them. The dream enabled him to realise how he pulled away from a woman’s full flow of self expression, and begin to change this. In the world of dreams our most intimate fears and longings are given an exterior life of their own in the form of the people, objects and places of our dream. Therefore our sexual drive may be shown as a person and how we relate to them; or given shape and colour as an object; or given mood as a scene. Our feeling of ambition might thus be portrayed as a business person in our dream – our changing emotions as the sea or a river; while the present relationship we have with our ambition or emotions is expressed in the events or plot of the dream. So any dream shoiwng a relationship needs to be looked at as if the drama and people, even the objects in the dreams, as if they are words in a sentence.

Example: I was in a very loving relationship in which I had developed powerful emotional links with D. We communicated many times each day while apart at work, etc. But one day there was no communication. I felt tremendous anxiety and emotional pain and shock, really frightened that she had dropped me. In fact she hadn’t, but my fears were very real and difficult to deal with. A real shock.

The feelings of being left or dropped, even if not real, are difficult ot deal with. Looking at ones dreams can give a real insight. Looking iwth the eys of truth.

Relationship is a vital part of life

Relationships in their various aspects, are one of the most vital and fulfilling parts of your life. Every dream you have has as its key theme, or as an underlying fact, an experience of a relationship. The quality of your relationships is vitally important, and determine how another person, or society, rewards or rejects you, what your dreams reveal about the hidden side of how you deal with other people can transform your life.

Relationship can be joyful of painful – but dreams can smooth the path of love

Also, love, whether for children, for a marriage partner, or a lover, can be a source of great joy. Or it might be experienced as conflict, or pain. The insights dreams can bring concerning the way your love flows or is blocked, can change conflict or pain to a feeling of wholeness and satisfaction. Relationships are made or broken by passions, pains and responses, many of which lie hidden, and arise from the very foundations of what we experienced of love, or its absence, in infancy and childhood. The present grows out of the past. The past pain of broken trust can still disrupt the trust we feel in our present love. The insights dreams give you can enable you to understand such influences, pinpoint their source, and move beyond them. Dreams do this by using mime and drama. While in a loving relationship that was sometimes painful to him, and thereby provoked doubts, Vincent had the following dream.

“I was visiting a children’s hospital for two days, and in my dream I woke in the hospital and saw a book placed carefully by me on the bed. I knew that Diane, my partner, had quietly come while I slept, and left the book as a gift. I picked up the book and the title was, ´Flaming Heart´. I felt very happy, and knew the book was about the power and fire of love”

Vincent’s pain arose from the fear of being abandoned by the person he loved. This was from childhood wounds, at times making Vincent wonder if he was really loved by Diane. In his childhood, Vincent had twice being placed ín a hospital. Each time he experienced a terror of being abandoned. So dreaming that he was in a hospital shows him revisiting those feelings. And they are feelings that had been disrupting his relationship with Diane. The book suggests that from his connection with Diane, Vincent has become aware of an as yet unexplained — unread — experience of love. There is no suggestion of hidden problems in the dream. Therefore Vincent felt he should trust the positive side of their love, and patiently allow unfoldment in himself. Through such imagery and feelings as Vincent met in his sleep, dreams guide us towards greater love and satisfaction in our relationships. See Dealing with Husband or Ex; Integrating An Ex; Beware of Love; Surviving Love and Relationships; Ages of Love; Love Sex and Desire.

Many of us get stuck in life situations

Many of us get stuck in life situations from which we may never emerge. The situation might be one of never establishing a full and satisfying sexual relationship; constantly feeling hurt by the actions of others; existing in a state of depression or anxiety; forever having to seek activity or company to deal with one’s own inner emptiness; experiencing enormous jealousy or anxiety in a relationship – the list could be endless. We need to ask our self the question as to why we maintain such an awful relationship with life. To quote a woman’s’ words, “Is your mind or awareness so tiny that you have never realised the forces and processes of your own body are beyond anything you understand? Can’t you see that your very existence is brought about by things so far beyond your knowledge that it is only a statement of your impoverishment to suggest an awareness of God is an expression of some sort of smallness and failure. Have you never understood that? Have you not seen that religion is not only an acknowledgement of what we fail to understand and yet depend upon, but it is also an opening to it, a willingness to relate to it? It can also be something far more even than that. It can be an active loving relationship with what gives you life. And such love is an exchange, a sharing, and a way of merging one with another. It is an exchange – a sharing of bodily fluids – the very substance of life. Imagine that; a glorious love affair with the very spirit of life! A love affair with the invisible and forever indefinable. Is that something you are afraid of?” I think the woman was not talking about religion as the massive organisations and often dogmatic creeds they promote, but as the human recognition that neither we, your mother or father created you. Sure you mother was a host, but she was in no way directing the intricate workings of pregnancy and the forming of your body. It was the processes of Life directing it. Of course many people feel that is all automatic and without purpose, but that is because they have never woken up to and explored the unconscious and its workings. They have never realised that they have a relationship with Life and have to do their inner housework and activities of growth. See Makes Inner To learn to relate to Life you must remember that you are a living example and manifestation of Life, so in a real sense you have to listen to Life in YOU! But most of us are so focussed on relating to the outer world through their senses, trying to earn more, watching TV or hoping for the next sexual exploit they forget how to listen to themselves. Listening to oneself is often called intuition, and to hear what Life has to share with you, you must turn your attention away from the world, quieten the noise of your thoughts and emotions, and listen. I have called it at times learning how to become a virgin – See How I Became A Virgin; Using Your Intuition Of course we often think of relationships being sexual. In that case see Sexercises – Sex and Identity – Sex and Dreams – Energy, Sex and Dreams – Tune in to the sexual power of your pelvis Also we see relationships as being about friends, relatives and our children. So see Love – Love of self – Learning to Love – Surviving Love and Relationships – Teenage Girl’s Love Dreams – The greatest love story in the world – Love Sex and Desire – Beware of Love – Archetype of the Lover

Archetype of the Ascetic/Hermit

In his book Sex – Death – Enlightenment Mark Matousek tells how his direction in life was completely turned around when he saw signs of the Aid’s virus in a close friend, and realised he might have the virus himself. From someone totally immersed in the world of competitive New York work, sex and money making, he became more of an ascetic and hermit. Illness, loss, death, often turn people around to meet an aspect of themselves which is an archetypal form of behaviour – that of the person whose awareness is turned toward the non-material, toward realising themselves as part of something universal, toward the possibility of meeting a deathless self, toward a withdrawal or even avoidance of social life and involvement with others.

The archetype of the ascetic or monk is latent in each of us. As a form of human behaviour it has an immensely long history and is seen in all cultures. It may even be that some animals exhibit it, as in many chimpanzee groups, there is a ‘monk’ who lives alone and refrains from the activities of his group. In dreams and visions, the ascetic links us with experience that comes from beyond our personal life and memories. It arises out of a sense of connection with something that unites all the separate people, creatures and objects in the universe. Our relationship with the ascetic or monk depicts our involvement with the rest of life and with this sense of the Whole. In action it may point to a turning of the energies usually expressed in outward action and ambition in a new direction, usually inward toward self exploration or understanding. Perhaps the newly directed energy now goes toward self transformation. Part of this new direction is often the discipline of the mind, emotions and even sexuality.

The monk can also depict turning away from everyday life, the rejection of what the world offers, or a fear of or sense of inadequacy in connection with external life and society and sex. Difficulties with or withdrawal from sex frequently play some part in this drawing back from life. Sometimes this arises out of feelings of pain or alienation of some sort, or rejection of the sexual roles.

Withdrawal does not of course always mean ineffectiveness. Monks have in the past, and in some countries still do, form very large parts of a community, and have been and are great and effective workers in certain areas.

At a personal level the ascetic may connect with feelings of pain or failure in our experience of how we relate to sex or society. Through such pains we may have withdrawn our enthusiasm or involvement in what life offers. Positively it represents an internal question we may be unconsciously asking – what is the value of worldly goods, of worldly activities? What or who am I? Am I anything other than this changing body and constantly shifting emotions and thoughts? The denial of personal urges and hungers can lead to strength and ability to stand independently of the needs that control most people. It can also be an expression of fear and weakness, as when a person becomes anorexic through denial of their need to eat. The redirection of our energy can flow in two major directions. Negatively it can bring to life all the neuroses latent in the personal make-up. Or the can use the energy like a wonder tool to meet and transform the neuroses into more available energy and break through into a wider world of possibilities. See archetype of the outsider.

Useful Questions and Hints:

Is the ascetic influencing the way you relate to the world and people?

Are there difficulties I experience relating to sex or relationship – or do I feel repulsed by either of these?

Is my ascetic one that leads me to an awareness of unity and the world of mind beyond the limitations of my waking personality?

What if anything have I gained from my ascetic?