How I Became A Virgin

I think a turning point occurred when I was working as a photographer in London at about the age of 25, (about 1962) and was all alone in a darkroom. I had been puzzling about the symbolism of the Virgin Mary, and suddenly felt that it represented the ‘virgin mind’. In other words a state of mind that did not hold fast to its convictions or beliefs, but instead was virginal and ready to conceive of the new and unknow. In the case of Mary she is shown as a young girl, newly aware of her sexual self, not offering herself to a man, but giving herself without preconceptions and with all her heart and body to the invisible that gives life.

Rudolf Steiner writes that we must learn how every preconception, every cherished opinion with regard to the things in question, must disappear; truth alone must guide. There must be perfect readiness to abandon any idea, opinion or inclination directly logical thought demands it. Certainty in higher worlds is to be attained only when one’s personal opinion is never cherished.

Having realised that – the plates I was developing were now in the fixer and I had time just to be – I wondered what would happen if I myself tried to be just like Mary, offering my being wholeheartedly and virginally to the unseen. Immediately I had images of a young woman I knew like a vision, and as if a new slide had been put in a projector and I saw it, then another image of a baby with a crown on its head. This was so extraordinary I didn’t know what to make of it. But it seemed to be telling me that the daughter of a friend of mine was pregnant and she would give birth to a boy who was a ‘special child’ – more aware than usual.

About a fortnight later I had to phone the mother of the girl, and after we had finished talking about our business together I asked her if her daughter was pregnant. She immediately laughed and I asked her why she laughed. She said she didn’t know if her daughter was pregnant, but her daughter was at the doctor’s at that moment to find out. The daughter was pregnant and later gave birth to a son.

This passage explains it.



This is a process that arises from the unconscious that most people do not know how to allow or work with, though Carl Jung has described it well enough, and ancient cultures knew and used it. It is the action of the unconscious process breaking through into waking consciousness. See Lucid Waking Dreaming


It emerges because the conscious mind takes on a listening and non–interfering attitude. Just as the dream process, while active in sleep, produces spontaneous speech, movements and drama, so, by taking on a passive receptive attitude of body and mind, this process is allowed while awake, and produces similar actions. It is a form of waking lucid dreaming. It is by no means something only known in present times. If you consider the function of the dream process in the light of what has just been described, what was the Pentecostal experience if not a breakthrough of unconscious material into awareness? It was a breakthrough occurring because the group took on a surrendered and receptive attitude to what they called the Holy Spirit. See Waking Lucid Dreaming

But the realisation about the virgin started long before Christianity claimed it as their own –

This reality, like many others, has a long history, and I wish to show how much longer it existed before it was enshrines in Christian belief. The belief was probably started in pre-history, and below are just a few historical mentions.

Hebraic – Melchizedek: The Second Book of Enoch contains a section, called Exaltation of Melchizedek, which says that Melchizedek was born of a virgin, Sofonim (or Sopanima), the wife of Nir, a brother of Noah. The child came out from his mother after she had died and sat on the bed beside her corpse, already physically developed, clothed, speaking and blessing the Lord, and marked with the badge of priesthood.

Greco-Roman religions  –  According to tradition, Zoroaster’s mother, Dughdova, was a virgin when she conceived Zoroaster by a shaft of light. Attis was born to the virgin Nana on December 25  – : Heracles was born on December 25 to a virgin. Romulus was born to Rea Sivia, a mortal Vestal virgin.

Mithras Mithra was born in a cave, and on the 25th December. He was born of a Virgin. He travelled far and wide as a teacher and illuminator of men. His great festivals were the winter solstice and the Spring equinox (Christmas and Easter). He had twelve companions or disciples (the twelve zodiacal signs). He was buried in a tomb, from which however he rose again; and his resurrection was celebrated yearly with great rejoicings. He was called Savior and Mediator, and sometimes figured as a Lamb; and sacramental feasts in remembrance of him were held by his followers. He was dated about 1400 BC.

Buddhism – Siddartha who became the Buddha. The story of Gautama Buddha’s life (567- 487 BC) starts at preconception when his mother, Queen Maya, is said to have dreamt that a six-tusked elephant pierced her side with one of its tusks. This produced an immaculate conception. She understood the dream to mean the resulting child would become a monarch whose domain was the world.

Because of his life story, a story that is confirmed, we learn of how a real historical character, Siddartha, sets out on a search for a way beyond pain and death. The search is long but he finds what is sought in enlightenment and becomes the Buddha. In a similar way Jesus becomes the Christ at baptism.

Egypt – The virgin Queen of Egypt, supposedly gave birth to Pharaoh Amenkept III through a god holding a cross to her mouth.  – The Egyptian sun god, was said to be born of a virgin.  – Horus was born to a virgin IsisMeri on December 25 in a cave. Isis bore Horus having impregnated herself with the semen of Osiris after his death [1]

Hinduism  – Krishna – In the story of Krishna the deity is the agent of conception and also the offspring. Because of his sympathy for the earth, the divine Vishnu himself descended into the womb of Devaki and was born as her son, Krishna. See Archetype of the Virgin Birth 

I Later Gave Birth to a Special Child

It occurred a while after experiencing being a virgin – I was in a basement. Brenda/Sonia – a woman I loved but never lived with -was giving birth to a Baby, but I was somehow the one who gave birth to it, without a doctor being there. I remember Sonia chewed through the cord. I looked at the baby, it was a lovely boy. Its lower face was covered by a tight caul, but I pulled this off and it began to breathe. It opened its eyes and looked about, fully conscious. Then said something about Jesus, and, “It is gone!”

I asked what had gone, and it replied, “The other ego; where has it gone?”

I said that the other ego still existed within, but was now lost in the newborn one – meaning the cosmic self existed in the newborn individual self.

The baby was then taken upstairs, and I felt it was a holy and wonderful baby. I was going to rest from the rigours of the birth, but on looking around saw how dusty and dirty the basement was. I began to clean it, and felt I would go upstairs and rest afterwards.

The man who gave birth to the baby felt it to be a new special part of himself, aided by the love he had developed for two women – Brenda and Sonia. A man’s love develops out of his feelings for women in his life, and this was what enabled him to form and give birth a new and special part of his potential. He says from there onwards he began to enter a new very creative phase of his life.

Here is another experience from the same man – the man who dreamt that an invisible being came to a room in which he and his wife were living. The spirit had a very powerfully presence and the dreamer felt afraid. Then the being spoke, saying, ‘Do not be afraid. I have come to ask you to make love to your wife to form a body for me.’

After the dream the man, already with several children, wondered about whether to take the dream seriously. He and his wife did make love. Two weeks later he dreamt that he heard his wife crying. When he went to her she told him she was pregnant and it was a difficult child to carry. Still in the dream he then knew that the pain was because the child was a special or unusual being who would be a male. Weeks later his wife was found to be pregnant. The child when born was a boy who in adult life was very intelligent and in later schooling the boy took more courses successfully than any other boy in that school.


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