Man In Your Dreams
The man you dreamt of last night, more than likely represents the male you have the most important emotional bond with, or a male you either associates with love or else a man you would like to be a partner.
I Don’t Wish to See That!
Sometimes dreams about the man in your life may be attempting to express something you are trying not to see. Sarah repeatedly dreamt that her boy friend, Ron, had died, and she was attending his funeral. The dreams disturbed her and she wondered if they might be a prediction. Then she met another man whom she liked, and realised she had been trying to get away from Ron for ages, but didn’t know how to do it.
In fact many women have dreams or fantasies about their partner dying, sometimes out of worry, but frequently because it offers an easy way out of feeling trapped. In this way they are secretly hoping that no effort of will and confrontation will be demanded of them.
Of course an older woman dreaming her man is dead or dying will probably have a very different underlying cause for the dream. This may straightforwardly be an anxiety dream about their man dying – men die before women on average. The dream may be a way of looking at this and exploring or dealing with feelings in connection with the possibility that your partner’s life will end before yours.
Wider View
Ninety nine percent of the time, dreams are not prophesying what is going to happen to the man in your life. What they do pictorialise or dramatize is what you are feeling or fearing about him. A number of women have told me they frequently dream their man leaves them for another woman. I haven’t observed those particular men leaving yet, or even being unfaithful. What is obvious though is that the women who have these dreams experience a lot of unnecessary anxiety about being left. Therefore they dream about it, partly because that is what they are feeling, and partly as a safety valve for unexpressed emotions.
The Big One
Many dreams of the man we struggle with or dream of love with, are actually either a way we release the tension of our enormous desire for love – or are actually developing a relationship with the most important man in our life – our real soul mate. I am talking about your real other half, the man you are, under the influence of having a female body. See Womens creative power
But I suppose one of the most striking things I experienced in recent years is that a dream image is just a ‘front’ for massive data banks of experience and information. For instance, supposing we liken your memory to a huge filing system – rooms of it. Within those rooms there is a whole section marked ‘MAN’. Within that section of ‘MAN’ are countless folders with experience and information in about particular men in your life what you have learn or experienced – from father onwards.
Apart from that there is a big file or system of files dealing with what you inherited culturally about MAN, and also what you have absorbed from mother and other women. Then there is the media and books. There is so much. What particular aspect of all this a dream is expressing depends on how the dream presents, clothes, acts, speaks and relates as the man. So the dream image is a communication between your waking awareness and those massive files of information, and dealing with a particular aspect of your life and development. There is a whole book here somewhere. As for the female male, and the male female, this is one of those lifetime areas of growth we each face and achieve in lesser or greater degrees. Fundamentally we are without a particular gender, but in connection with our body we often have very marked female or male characteristics and responses to life. However, as we move through the major problems we are wrestling with we start meeting our other half and finding symbols of blending. Eventually the male and female are one in us, though we can easily continue to live as a male or female. A way of cutting through to direct understanding is to use Being the Person or Thing
If it is a man’s dream it is an aspect of your own personality expressing in your dreams. See Characters and People in Dreams
Dreams are ways in which the feeling urges which unconsciously direct so many of our decisions express themselves, are gratified, or are explored. Therefore the male, who appears almost as frequently in a woman’s dreams as her first love, is the man she is fantasying a romance with. For instance, Christine’s deepest impulse was to be wholly in a relationship with her husband Andrew. Difficulties he experienced in regard to sex frequently led him to withdraw his warmth, leaving Christine uncertain about where their life together was going. While alone visiting her family abroad, she met David, her own age, an old friend of the family, and separated from his wife. As Christine was depending on friends and relatives instead of hotels, David offered his own place.
Christine turned it down, but she dreamt she was secretly meeting David. The meetings were very pleasant, except that Christine constantly had the ‘looking over her shoulder’ feeling.
From the dream Christine realised that she was at least considering the idea of looking for another partner. There was still too much good in her relationship with Andrew, however, for her to sever connections with him and be wholehearted about another man. This is why the meetings in the dream were ‘secret’. In that situation though, there could be no real pleasure for her either with Andrew or another man. The dream was therefore a way in which she experimented with directions, and her reactions to them, in a safe way. It is like being able to do something quite different in life than you are doing, then wake up and find you are safely back with no changes. You are then left with the possibility of changing direction, or maintaining the present one.
A Dreamer’s Comment
As a 50-yr-old woman dreamer, I want to add that these men of ours may be more numerous and more varied in person than, perhaps, the men in a man’s dream. Yes, over time, one of the men might dominate, but I don’t believe he is necessarily the most important. The stranger may be absolutely as vital to our female Life as the “husband.”
See Archetype of the Animus; Surviving Love and Relationships; Learning to Love; Love; Teenage Girl’s Love Dreams; Archetype of the Lover
Comments
Hi there. I was wondering if you could help me out. I had a dream last night that surprised me. I am happily married but had a dream about one of husband;s good friends that moved a couple of months ago. I rarely saw him but when I did see him, he was fun to be with and we got along just fine. he, too, is happily married.
In my dream, we were just following each other around the house. I went to the bathroom, he knocked on the door and i opened it a little but I wouldn’t let him in because I said “I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to get caught.” but I let him in eventually and we started kissing then his sister walked in (he doesn’t have a sister in real life). She talked to him and i felt awkward but after the talk, he came up to me and said “it’s halfway done. I’m getting the papers ready.” and he kissed my forehead.
In my dream, I felt awkward/guilty, but it felt good being around him. What could that mean!?? Thanks 🙂
As a teenager (now 29) I had a family/ old friend and have seen this person twice since I got married. Both times were long drawn out conversations, and people always think he is an ex but we never had that kind of relationship. I keep having dreams about him. In the dream we both live with other people in a large house and I go on walks to the beach close by. In this last dream he comes with me and as we are walking on the waters edge a big wave comes over us, and the road and nearly drowns us and we come out of it holding hands. Then we r back to the house and can’t speak to each other. What does this dream suggest?
Tony, I saw your prompt responses to other people and assumed you would be able to reply to my question as well…sorry to be complaining, hope everything is all right.
hi…i would appreciate your help in the following dream i m seeing the last few years…So, what I see frequently, maybe twice a month or so, is one of my old friends, whom i used to like a lot when i was around 10, (now i m 29). in reality, we dont see each other, i just happened to bump on him on the street, saw him with his girlfriend, and that was it. in my dreams however, i see us being totally in love, him saying to me he has loved me ever since we were young, and myself really striving to tell him how much i love him, how much i care, how much he fulfills me, and that he s the man of my dreams indeed…and then i wake up feeling so sad i dont have this thing in reality…i m currently in a one year relationship, which i think is not giving me what i really really need…and this makes me very stressed.
by the way, i should mention that i also see my real boyfriend in my dreams quite often…and the subject is always the same…me finding out he s cheating on me, him admiting it, and then me shouting and being furious and then exhausted…
please please please, any help would be very appreciated.
Sophia – Thank you for reminding me. I am sorry to take so long, and even now I have jumped the queue. The reason I answer some so quickly is that I can see an easy way to answer it. But yours and many others I do not have a ready made answer to, so have to, as it were, dig into it. So here we go.
I feel the most sensible thing you can do is to see if you can find the man you used to like a lot when he was about 10 and meet him. In that way you will see whether he is in fact the man of your dreams who will fulfil you, or a dream figure you have created because you are in an unfulfilling relationship.
Please, please, let me know the result as I haven’t a lot of information about this – except that original love can be a wonderful thing and is worth waiting for.
Tony
Tony, thanx a lot for jumping the queue and answering to my question..i guess what you said about being in an unfulfilling relationship was totally right…I broke up a month now, and I m feeling better to be honest…more relieved I would say and optimistic about the future.. I take that as a sign that breaking up was something that needed to be done, and my dreams were warning me about it…warning me to take action since I was not feeling well. As for finding the guy I used to like and talk..I will try to…although difficult, but I will make my effort.
Thank you Tony!!
i had a dream(more than twice) that ive fallen with a man(i dont know who) and we had a relationship together and i am very happy with him but i have a husband thats why i keep the relationship a secret(of course), and i keep crying at the near end of my dreams… in reality/real life, i have a husband but i dont love him, we are almost 2years now but nothing is happening between us and i dont feel like i can ever love him,(its an arranged marriage)… im really afraid that maybe my dream represents the future, i mean, that maybe i will fall in love with someone else..
Dear Xianne – I don’t think this is a future, but it is a way that you can feel the love that you need. It compensates for the love that we all want. Of course with such a need, if you met someone who shows you love, you could easily fall in love and that could tear the structure of your life apart. Love and the need for it are so powerful. I know having survived several ‘loves’.
Are you not in a country or culture where you could get a divorce? If not, keep your inner love alive. In the end love is not our own, but flows through us if we allow it.
Tony
I had this dream its a mystery to me because i haven’t really met this guy for real but it feels like i know him and he knows me. he has a black dog with him ( i’m afraid of dogs) then he talks to me (the things we talk about are gibberish to me now i can’t remember) while the dog plays with me it feels so real and i kinda find peace when i was with this guy can some one help me REPLY.
Aaron – When we dream of people we haven’t met in waking life, they often feel like friends or someone we love. After all, in the dream state you are alone in your own mind. Eveybody in dreams are your own self. So it can help if you realise that just as your eyes do not directly allow you to see, but nerve impulses are sent to the brain where they are translated into living pictures, so thoughts are also translated into images as in our dreams. Nothing we sense in the world is directly known, but it is all impressions that are translated into a sense of smell, sight, hearing, etc. So the eye receives reflected light from an object, which is translated into nervous impulses, which is then received by the brain which translates what are formless nerve impulses into what we feel we see.
The dog is interesting, because it shows you not to be afraid of a dog. And as the dog is a part of you also. So it shows you relating well to the animal, the intuitive and instinctual aspect of you. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/animal/
Tony
I had a dream that I was a contestant on Americas Next Top Model. After the photo shoot I went back to the model house to wash off my makeup. When I took a shower my nipples fell off (I am a girl). I kept trying to put my nipples back on but they kept falling off. I was alarmed and talked to a worker on the show and it turns out I was a man but did not know it. Im very curious as to what this means.
I had a dream that I met up with my co-worker/best guy friend for some coffee at a cafe. After wards, I was heading to go to work at the hospital by myself, which is across the street. My co-worker/best guy friend who was at the cafe with me decides that he wanted to walk me to work. While we were walking beside each other I made slight physical contact with him but no holding hands. Some background about my co-worker/best guy friend is someone who I have crush on presently.
Dina – I think you are being very cautious in your dream about the guy you have a crush on. You are treating him – the dream him – as if he were real and he is simply your own wonderful creation. In our dreams we are totally alone in what is like a computer game – except in dreams we are totally enmeshed with it. It is like a magic mirror n which we see a reflection of our feelings, thoughts and fears. And your dream shows you as a caring person, but quite shy. But in the magic world of dreams you can explore, love and be passionate without any harm. So be anything you really want too be with the man of your dreams. It helps you in your outer life.
Tony
Katina – The thing that stands out for me is you say you ended up in your house – dream house – and you were cleaning it. That is a very definite image of you trying to clear out old attitudes or habits.
Then you were visiting a doctor in the guise of Harvey Lenin; another definite image of you dealing with an issue that needs attention. And the Kravitz one he was going to tell you the things he saw you needed to work on. So overall this is a way of showing you that you are or should deal with things you are aware that need dealing with.
And the famous people are, I feel ways that you look for clues in the lives of people you probably feel had made it in one way or another – a sort of searching for a marker of how you can succeed.
Tony
I have dreamt of the same man for four years. Ive seen his face, heard his voice, but not the eyes. I’ve noticed he’s always there even when I can’t see him. I’m a logical person..dreams are dreams but I can’t help but wonder who he is and what he wants. He keeps telling me ” not yet..its not time i will find you angel. I love you now, forever and always.” He gets really mad when I don’t let him know where I am, don’t do what he says but he always seems to find me.
Last dream he was protective..I was in a white room with a box. When I opened it..all sorts of spiders crawled out of it. I backed into him.
He put his arm around my waist, told me to be still, to listen what the spiders speak. Um…WEIRD!!
Candice – It would be remarkable if the man is what you appear to believe he is – in other words a real person alive in the body. It would not be impossible, but to do it you would both need to be masters of the dream world, and that would mean knowing a lot more than you apparently do. He would know exactly where you are for instance.
But it seems to be a dream figure you have conjured, possible your soul mate – the dream figure of your male self, your other half. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/archetype-of-the-animus-jungs-view-of-the-male-in-the-female/ Or it is possibly how you perceive your lover – your soul mate.
Another possibility is that he is a spirit guide, and that may be why he can promise loving you forever.
As for the spiders, they know because in the dream world they keep their feet touching the worlds movements. So try being quiet and seeing if you can hear what they are saying.
Tony
I keep having dreams about my kids uncle. And I’m not sure what this mean. Because we don”t talk or speak to each other. Like we can”t get along at all. So I’m wondering what this mean, and does he know anything about this.
Sweets – You can be almost 100% certain that your dreams are not about your uncle. The people we dream about are aspects of our own personality that use the person we dream of because if our associations or feelings about them. So it depends upon what you feel about your uncle and of course what you dream about him. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/what-we-need-to-remember-about-dreaming/ and http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/characters-or-people-in-dreams/
And also you can be sure he doesn’t know anything about what you are dreaming.
Tony
Since college I keep on having dreams about a guy and in my dream we like each other.This guy is someone I haven’t met only in my dreams. At some point he would appear as a Caucasian and sometimes some what asian. But every time I see that guy in my dreams I know that it’s him. Before, he would just stare and look at me from a far, then other scenarios in my dream he’s standing beside me or walking beside me.Then this guy protected me from a situation in my dream. We only talked to each other once and he told me that he truly cares about me. However, at the end of my dreams he’s always in a hurry or something unexpected would happen and he needs to go. Hope you can help me interpret my dream/s. Thanks!
Chris – I believe this is about a love affair with you and your soul mate. You soul mate is not an external person, but the other half of you – the half that never got born; in other words the male half that has been held back because you have a female body.
We are always striving for balance in our dreams, so the sequence you describe is about finding the wonderful balance between the external female that you are and the wonderful male you have inside you.
Maybe that doesn’t sound exciting, but in fact it is the most exciting thing that can happen. Without it you will never feel complete even in marriage – with it you can really love someone and find an external mate more easily.
But you are holding of having a full union with your dream lover, and I think this is because you are uncertain that you are a beautiful woman and lovable. Yet he has told you already “You know I really care about you.” So drop all the uncertainty and open your heart and your body to be loved.
Tony
I have had a number of dreams that have the recurring theme of featuring different celebrities. One dream, I was being a designated driver, another one had a different celebrity who was my Dr. to name a couple of the dreams. None of the celebrities I have a relationship with and am wondering what is the interpretation I am missing. The only commonality is all of the men had different careers.
Katina – This is about the different qualities of weaknesses you see in the celebrities you dream about. It is difficult for me to arrive at an insight into your dreams as they are your own associations and you haven’t given me any clues to what these might be.
You could find out for yourself by using the following method. http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/acting-in-your-dream/
Tony
i had a dream about the guy i have been seeing (my ex). but i havent had sex with because i feel like hes using me and will just leave me after. i had a dream we had had sex, and afterwards he was so nice and said alot of things and started showing me he really cares. what does this mean?
Jodie – I feel that you have been hurt in the past by being left when you needed them – even your parents. So I believe you are a woman who really wishes to be loved and cared for, as shown by your dream. The question is can you trust your self to love and be loved? Can you face the hurts that ordinary life might bring?
Your dream suggests that this guy may be okay, but it is worthwhile checking his track record. How many relationships had he been in and how long did they last?
See http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/growing-up-to-love/ as this might help.
Tony
i had a dream about making friends with a bird. the bird told me that the man i was hanging out with does terrible things to people.Nobody else could understand what the bird was saying except me(or so i thought). the man caught me talking to the bird and seemed to understand the bird and killed it, in my dream i felt like my world had been turned upside down……weird thing is i didnt know anyone in my dream.
Chloe – The bird is the voice of goodness, wisdom and life in you. You experience it as feelings about what is happening about you, and the way you respond.
The man is the influence of people and the world around you, the views they have of life. That is poisonous not only to you, but to many others. Look around and count the people whose world has been turned upside down. See the number of people who cannot cope without drugs, antidepressants, alcohol or becoming criminals.
What you have if you listen and treasure it, is a guide through life – a very personal guide, one that doesn’t need others to tell you want to do and what not to do.
It might be interesting for you to see http://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html or read about Cayce who had such a powerful ‘bird’ talking to him – http://dreamhawk.com/interesting-people/edgar-cayce/
Tony