Man In Your Dreams

The man you dreamt of last night, more than likely represents the male you have the most important emotional bond with, or a male you either associates with love or else a man you would like to be a partner.

I Don’t Wish to See That!

Sometimes dreams about the man in your life may be attempting to express something you are trying not to see. Sarah repeatedly dreamt that her boy friend, Ron, had died, and she was attending his funeral. The dreams disturbed her and she wondered if they might be a prediction. Then she met another man whom she liked, and realised she had been trying to get away from Ron for ages, but didn’t know how to do it.

In fact many women have dreams or fantasies about their partner dying, sometimes out of worry, but frequently because it offers an easy way out of feeling trapped. In this way they are secretly hoping that no effort of will and confrontation will be demanded of them.

Of course an older woman dreaming her man is dead or dying will probably have a very different underlying cause for the dream. This may straightforwardly be an anxiety dream about their man dying – men die before women on average. The dream may be a way of looking at this and exploring or dealing with feelings in connection with the possibility that your partner’s life will end before yours.

Wider View

Ninety nine percent of the time, dreams are not prophesying what is going to happen to the man in your life. What they do pictorialise or dramatize is what you are feeling or fearing about him. A number of women have told me they frequently dream their man leaves them for another woman. I haven’t observed those particular men leaving yet, or even being unfaithful. What is obvious though is that the women who have these dreams experience a lot of unnecessary anxiety about being left. Therefore they dream about it, partly because that is what they are feeling, and partly as a safety valve for unexpressed emotions.

The Big One  

Many dreams of the man we struggle with or dream of love with, are actually either a way we release the tension of our enormous desire for love – or are actually developing a relationship with the most important man in our life – our real soul mate. I am talking about your real other half, the man you are, under the influence of having a female body. See Womens creative power

But I suppose one of the most striking things I experienced in recent years is that a dream image is just a ‘front’ for massive data banks of experience and information. For instance, supposing we liken your memory to a huge filing system – rooms of it. Within those rooms there is a whole section marked ‘MAN’. Within that section of ‘MAN’ are countless folders with experience and information in about particular men in your life what you have learn or experienced – from father onwards.

Apart from that there is a big file or system of files dealing with what you inherited culturally about MAN, and also what you have absorbed from mother and other women. Then there is the media and books. There is so much. What particular aspect of all this a dream is expressing depends on how the dream presents, clothes, acts, speaks and relates as the man. So the dream image is a communication between your waking awareness and those massive files of information, and dealing with a particular aspect of your life and development. There is a whole book here somewhere. As for the female male, and the male female, this is one of those lifetime areas of growth we each face and achieve in lesser or greater degrees. Fundamentally we are without a particular gender, but in connection with our body we often have very marked female or male characteristics and responses to life. However, as we move through the major problems we are wrestling with we start meeting our other half and finding symbols of blending. Eventually the male and female are one in us, though we can easily continue to live as a male or female. A way of cutting through to direct understanding is to use Being the Person or Thing

If it is a man’s dream it is an aspect of your own personality expressing in your dreams. See Characters and People in Dreams

Dreams are ways in which the feeling urges which unconsciously direct so many of our decisions express themselves, are gratified, or are explored. Therefore the male, who appears almost as frequently in a woman’s dreams as her first love, is the man she is fantasying a romance with. For instance, Christine’s deepest impulse was to be wholly in a relationship with her husband Andrew. Difficulties he experienced in regard to sex frequently led him to withdraw his warmth, leaving Christine uncertain about where their life together was going. While alone visiting her family abroad, she met David, her own age, an old friend of the family, and separated from his wife. As Christine was depending on friends and relatives instead of hotels, David offered his own place.

Christine turned it down, but she dreamt she was secretly meeting David. The meetings were very pleasant, except that Christine constantly had the ‘looking over her shoulder’ feeling.

From the dream Christine realised that she was at least considering the idea of looking for another partner. There was still too much good in her relationship with Andrew, however, for her to sever connections with him and be wholehearted about another man. This is why the meetings in the dream were ‘secret’. In that situation though, there could be no real pleasure for her either with Andrew or another man. The dream was therefore a way in which she experimented with directions, and her reactions to them, in a safe way. It is like being able to do something quite different in life than you are doing, then wake up and find you are safely back with no changes. You are then left with the possibility of changing direction, or maintaining the present one.

A Dreamer’s Comment

As a 50-yr-old woman dreamer, I want to add that these men of ours may be more numerous and more varied in person than, perhaps, the men in a man’s dream. Yes, over time, one of the men might dominate, but I don’t believe he is necessarily the most important. The stranger may be absolutely as vital to our female Life as the “husband.”

See Archetype of the AnimusSurviving Love and RelationshipsLearning to LoveLoveTeenage Girl’s Love DreamsArchetype of the Lover




-meenal 2013-08-31 2:31:52

I keep dreaming about being close to or around an old friend. a really good friend infact. we hav lost eachother and touch over the years but back then we were like bonnie and clyde.. there was always a strong attraction between us but we never acted on it. however many nights, after drinking spree’s he would call me up and tell me he loved me …I just dismissed it as a drunken thing…anyway this friend I keep dreaming of..he and I were pretty close, attracted…just nothing ever happened

-Sam 2013-07-17 17:12:45

Iv had a reoccurring dream about a mAn with which Iv been madly in love for over 15 years. We were young and went our seperate ways and both married but started communicating about our feelings a little over a year ago. We had an affair and since have parted ways do to guilt and family circimstances( he has small children) Since then I am plagued by a reoccurring dream in which I am the surrogate for he and his wife. In my dream I am devestated and yearning for his affection yet he sees me only as the barrer if his child. It breaks my heart. What does it mean?

-brittney 2013-07-04 4:42:10

I keep having dreams about a man that I spent a summer with 3 years ago, we are still friends but I haven’t seen him since that summer and I have been in a relationships with the same man since then, my dreams always portray different scenerios but the same thing happens I always run into the man I spent the summer with and when I see him I’m so overjoyed and releaved to see him and the love that I feel is almost overwhelming but in my dream he always reacts to me as if hes happy to see me but not much else but it doesn’t change how happy I am to be near him again and I also dream that my boyfriend and I either break up right before I run into this guy or when I run into him I have to keep my feelings secret, do I guess my question is why do I feel these things in my dream, and why does the felling last even after iv woken.

    -Tony Crisp 2013-07-08 8:12:04

    Brittney – In our dreams we live in a world – a real world – that is very different to our everyday world. We live out the things we desire or long for, as well as what we fear, want to create, or even where we are going with our life.

    It seems you had a very good connection with the man, a connection that for one reason of another, you want to continue. But as your dream points out, “he’s happy to see me but not much else”. The part where you dream that your ‘boyfriend and I either break up right before I run into this guy’, is about how you create a situation which allows you, with your present views of morality, to continue to enjoy the feeling of being with him.

    Remember that dreams are a different world with different rules or possibilities. So why not drop the feelings that you need to get rid of your present boyfriend or try to hide your feelings and give yourself – in your dream-world – the permission to have everyone you want, all the time. See


-Ali 2013-06-19 0:05:43

I have had a very horrible start to married life as a year after we said I do, my husband started having an affair with his ex. We separated briefly but I took him back as I wanted to fight for my marriage. She has since past and my husband is still with me. Hence after seeing an old friend whom I know had liked me for a long time but never acted on it, I have been having these dreams of me leaving my husband and being emotionally connected and intimate with this other man and I always wake up happy. I feel guilty for feeling that way about another man.

-Anne 2013-05-25 14:53:38

Hi! I had a dream last night about a guy i fought with and were no longer friends. I use to be attracted to his looks but his personality and all of sudden to dream about him is weird. What does that mean and why?

    -Tony Crisp 2013-05-29 7:19:32

    Anne – Remember that in the your dreams your most intimate fears and longings are given an exterior life of their own in the form of the people, objects and places of our dream.

    So it is not your ex you are dreaming of, but your dreams are showing you your inner feelings about the past relationship and all the memories needing to be digested and learned from. Remember that because you were together for a while there is no way you can ‘have nothing to do’ with someone you have been intimately involved with. It doesn’t work like that. Most people are often totally unaware of the massive experience they take in during a relationship and how it interacts with them when we love someone. In other words the memories and experience we gather unconsciously change us and are not lost. It is part of you and is symbolised in dreams as a person or event.


      -Anne 2013-06-02 6:04:28

      Dear Tony,

      Thank You for replying. In a way I have to agree because in a certain feelings does come back and makes me think about the pass. I know for a fact that we are not suppose to dwell in our past and that to move on. Just for some reason such dreams ends up coming back. Another question is does dreaming of Spiders or Snakes symbolize anything? Chinese are very into “feng shui” and some believe Snakes are bad luck dreams. Do you think it is true that Snakes are bad luck dreams? Or does it symbolize other things.

        -Tony Crisp 2013-06-02 10:11:00

        Anne – Forgetting the past is one of those silly things people tell each other to avoid dealing with pain. See –

        If you could so easily forget the past you would no longer be able to walk or speak – all things you had to learn in the past. The past is incredible important, even when painful. It is by learning from pain that we actually become mature and can call ourselves a woman or man.

        Spiders is all explained at Anne – Forgetting the past is one of those silly things people tell each other to avoid dealing with pain. See –

        If you could so easily forget the past you would no longer be able to walk or speak – all things you had to learn in the past. The past is incredible important, even when painful. It is by learning from pain that we actually become mature and can call ourselves a woman or man.

        Spiders is all explained at


-monic 2013-04-01 9:41:28

Hi, I had a dream about this man, we arnt friends any more, but I am in love with him, In my dream I was high on drugs and talking to him, I think I was saying sorry, I was also struggling to walk and old friends was in the dream as well , he was at there house, he doesn’t know them

-jackie 2013-02-27 21:22:53


i hope you can help me out in trying to figure out what it means to keep seeing things in pairs in dreams. one dream just 3 days ago i dreamt of a pair of goats,a male and female. the male one tried to get near me and i was ok with it first coz i found them cute and fuzzy, and sensing i did, he slowly walked towards me, crept underneath a cage, then appeared in front of me and slowly wrapped his front feet around me. when he did this, the girl goat tried to slowly get near me too but i shouted and screamed out of fear and then i woke up, feeling scared. another dream just last night was about a pair again of man and woman, they were like a couple at frst i thought they were good people so i befriended them but i foundd out they were witches, but then it was found out the girl witch wanted to kill the her partner but being witch himself, he was able to get away and managed to get back to the girl witch and stabbed her with a palm leaf bone, and i helped him do it as well, til the girl witch was without strength. what coudl this dream be telling me? could it be that i need to be careful and make sure not to trust anyone, esp someone who is trying to get close to me?

looking forward for a reply.


-nicky 2013-01-11 6:48:55

I really am glad i found this site because i really needed hhelp with understanding why i have been dreams of a guy i had feelings for once a month for he past year if not longer. In every dream i have moved on with my life but he either shows up just watching me, he gives me something of his, shows up no matter where i move and continues to try an get me to talk to him. I even had adream that his wife wanted to talk to me about what happened between him and i and when i refused she grabbed me and was insistent that we talk about it. Why is this happening and so frequent? i have found myself literally irritated because i have moved on an accepted that he is now married…so seriously what is up with the dreams and how do i stop them. thank you for reading this:)

-Ana 2012-12-25 19:59:32

I had a weird dream. Unknown woman and man came to my house. They seemed to be husband and wife. Actually they were in front of my appt doors. Lady had some form to fill out and i invited her in since i knew she can fill the form ( her forms ) standing. She came to kitchen and as she etered this man came in also. I didn’t invited him and i was trying to tell them that my husband will be mad if he sees unknown man in out house. All of a sudden, as lady was sitting and writting i was, sitting on floor, this man came next to me and started touching me so violently. Looked like he was ttempting to rape me. I was pushing him away with all my strenght and at the same time i was scared his wife may like notice and make me a scandal and i didn’t had to do nothig with that. I woke up after, and i knw that he didn’t rape me it was only violent sexual touching from this man. He looked like around 40-50 yrs old.

-leanna 2012-12-18 23:04:32

help me

-Kelly 2012-12-14 10:24:40

I had this dream last night, where i was on a bed with another man other than my husband. This man is a work collegue, who I am attracted to and visa versa. In the dream we were fully clothed, but he was upset and I was comforting him (hugging and stroking his hair). At the moment in real life we are not speaking due to an argument. What could this dream mean?

-Kate 2012-08-08 21:49:39

I dreamed that a man i secretly love invited me and others to go on a train ride. I’m looking for him, see him with arm loosely around (but not touching) a woman he is currently in relationship with. He’s thinking about me, wondering if I’ll see him with her. Later, a friend whispers that a union will bear children, the woman is pregnant. I’m sick with grief. Another image of an announcement about the marriage. I wake up so sick with grief but tell myself I have my novel to love, that I chose this, and that knowing grief will help me write my novel. Months earlier, I had a dream where same man was with this same woman and he was holding a little boy, calming the fussy little boy.

-Katlyn 2012-07-15 17:40:38

I’ve been having dreams about the same man for the past Decade. In my dreams he has aged alongside of me, and we have grown close. He has always played the role of my love interest/protector. Recently (this past week) I have come to the realization that the dreams that he has appeared in, as well as our relationship, have followed a linear progression. I tend to have very vivid dreams which I remember upon waking, but the dreams that he is in, I remember clearly for years. They all end the same way, I go to ask his name, and before he can tell me (or I can hear) I wake up. What am I to make of this?

-La_Rousseaux 2012-07-05 8:07:03

i have intimate dreams about my workmate, sometimes strangers. i have been married for 4 years. i wanted to be with that men more than anything. Even though everything happened very quickly i was still confused, and unable to realize that i was creating a family. i never thought about marriage or having kids. it just happened one day so i was happy. and i was too young. as time went by i have faced many problems, he is a musician and he has a character, that i thought i could handle but turned out i cannot. Now, i have attractions to other men. like my work mate, i am feeling guilty but i cannot help myself. i am just confused!

-bry 2012-04-09 2:42:59

I keep having dreams with of this older male friend that I have. We don’t do anything inappropriate but we talk and I always end up seeing him at a old house of mine that I used to live in when I was much younger. I don’t get why I keep seeing him and I especially don’t get why the house I use to live at keeps reappearing in a lot of my dreams.

    -Tony Crisp 2012-04-10 10:51:13

    Bry – The old house is easy to understand. It is a place where you had experiences or difficulties that are still very much a part of who you are. For instance I had a terrible struggle with my teenage sexuality at one house I lived in – and that is what that house represents in my dreams. We grow through adding to our store of experiences, good or bad. So the old house represents stuff that you experienced there.

    The older male could be representing your father, or again, experience you gathered in connection with the male friend. These are so much a part of your associations it is impossible for me to go any further with such a short description.


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