Man In Your Dreams

The man you dreamt of last night, more than likely represents the male you have the most important emotional bond with, or a male you either associates with love or else a man you would like to be a partner.

I Don’t Wish to See That!

Sometimes dreams about the man in your life may be attempting to express something you are trying not to see. Sarah repeatedly dreamt that her boy friend, Ron, had died, and she was attending his funeral. The dreams disturbed her and she wondered if they might be a prediction. Then she met another man whom she liked, and realised she had been trying to get away from Ron for ages, but didn’t know how to do it.

In fact many women have dreams or fantasies about their partner dying, sometimes out of worry, but frequently because it offers an easy way out of feeling trapped. In this way they are secretly hoping that no effort of will and confrontation will be demanded of them.

Of course an older woman dreaming her man is dead or dying will probably have a very different underlying cause for the dream. This may straightforwardly be an anxiety dream about their man dying – men die before women on average. The dream may be a way of looking at this and exploring or dealing with feelings in connection with the possibility that your partner’s life will end before yours.

Wider View

Ninety nine percent of the time, dreams are not prophesying what is going to happen to the man in your life. What they do pictorialise or dramatize is what you are feeling or fearing about him. A number of women have told me they frequently dream their man leaves them for another woman. I haven’t observed those particular men leaving yet, or even being unfaithful. What is obvious though is that the women who have these dreams experience a lot of unnecessary anxiety about being left. Therefore they dream about it, partly because that is what they are feeling, and partly as a safety valve for unexpressed emotions.

The Big One  

Many dreams of the man we struggle with or dream of love with, are actually either a way we release the tension of our enormous desire for love – or are actually developing a relationship with the most important man in our life – our real soul mate. I am talking about your real other half, the man you are, under the influence of having a female body. See Womens creative power

But I suppose one of the most striking things I experienced in recent years is that a dream image is just a ‘front’ for massive data banks of experience and information. For instance, supposing we liken your memory to a huge filing system – rooms of it. Within those rooms there is a whole section marked ‘MAN’. Within that section of ‘MAN’ are countless folders with experience and information in about particular men in your life what you have learn or experienced – from father onwards.

Apart from that there is a big file or system of files dealing with what you inherited culturally about MAN, and also what you have absorbed from mother and other women. Then there is the media and books. There is so much. What particular aspect of all this a dream is expressing depends on how the dream presents, clothes, acts, speaks and relates as the man. So the dream image is a communication between your waking awareness and those massive files of information, and dealing with a particular aspect of your life and development. There is a whole book here somewhere. As for the female male, and the male female, this is one of those lifetime areas of growth we each face and achieve in lesser or greater degrees. Fundamentally we are without a particular gender, but in connection with our body we often have very marked female or male characteristics and responses to life. However, as we move through the major problems we are wrestling with we start meeting our other half and finding symbols of blending. Eventually the male and female are one in us, though we can easily continue to live as a male or female. A way of cutting through to direct understanding is to use Being the Person or Thing

If it is a man’s dream it is an aspect of your own personality expressing in your dreams. See Characters and People in Dreams

Dreams are ways in which the feeling urges which unconsciously direct so many of our decisions express themselves, are gratified, or are explored. Therefore the male, who appears almost as frequently in a woman’s dreams as her first love, is the man she is fantasying a romance with. For instance, Christine’s deepest impulse was to be wholly in a relationship with her husband Andrew. Difficulties he experienced in regard to sex frequently led him to withdraw his warmth, leaving Christine uncertain about where their life together was going. While alone visiting her family abroad, she met David, her own age, an old friend of the family, and separated from his wife. As Christine was depending on friends and relatives instead of hotels, David offered his own place.

Christine turned it down, but she dreamt she was secretly meeting David. The meetings were very pleasant, except that Christine constantly had the ‘looking over her shoulder’ feeling.

From the dream Christine realised that she was at least considering the idea of looking for another partner. There was still too much good in her relationship with Andrew, however, for her to sever connections with him and be wholehearted about another man. This is why the meetings in the dream were ‘secret’. In that situation though, there could be no real pleasure for her either with Andrew or another man. The dream was therefore a way in which she experimented with directions, and her reactions to them, in a safe way. It is like being able to do something quite different in life than you are doing, then wake up and find you are safely back with no changes. You are then left with the possibility of changing direction, or maintaining the present one.

A Dreamer’s Comment

As a 50-yr-old woman dreamer, I want to add that these men of ours may be more numerous and more varied in person than, perhaps, the men in a man’s dream. Yes, over time, one of the men might dominate, but I don’t believe he is necessarily the most important. The stranger may be absolutely as vital to our female Life as the “husband.”

See Archetype of the AnimusSurviving Love and RelationshipsLearning to LoveLoveTeenage Girl’s Love DreamsArchetype of the Lover




-amy 2014-12-09 5:17:36

Hello there….
Im confused to what my dreams are telling me…

I’m always having dreams of a friend of mine… We are both Sunday school teachers I’m 22 and he is 27-28 (an english high achool tearcher)

We talk every now a then but not as often.., I had a crush on him for a while

These dreams started at the begnning of this year.. I would a always dream that we would always talk with each other … Everything is normal… We would hug and talk and always hold hand… But while in that dream I feel as thought it wasn’t as much as I think it would be… One day see him with another girl… Of course I was jealous and. Took off.. He keeps trying to contact me but rejects it…. So one day we accidentally bumbs into eacher I looked at him with anger and turned away and as I tryed to walk away he grabs my arm which made me stop .. I looked at him with sadness and he looks at me and tells me that he’s sorry … But wants me to be in his life…

I’m awake now I’m just so confused because I’m always constantly having dreams of him and us being together …. Me wanting to be with him and he wanting to be with me… Please help me by explaining to me…. Thank you

    -Tony Crisp 2014-12-12 11:27:11

    Amy – You have lit the fuse that started the most powerful force – the mating urge. It started with being together at the Sunday School. Your dreams are not actually about him, but are ways in which you can experience your own growing womanhood. It starts with you not getting the response you wanted, the jealousy, and the final positive meeting as you are ready for a meeting with an actual male.

    It is the way we mature in our womanhood, meeting, disappointments, jealousy – which is a strong connector – and then the readiness. See

    You are a strong healthy woman, but recognise that the dream male was just you trying out your wings in fantasy.


-Cassandra 2014-10-29 4:39:25

Hi. I had 2 dreams with similar scenes. Both dreams I’m being chased. Both dreams I called my girl-friend for help, hence she asked me to seek help from her guy-friend which stayed near me. Both dreams I found him, and the house he stayed is totally the same in both dreams. Both dreams he rescued me, asked me to remain in his house and took care of me until it’s safe enough to return home. I have no idea who he is, but I’m sure that I developed feelings for him when he took care of me.

What’s the meaning of this dream?

-Madison 2014-10-24 6:11:08

I had a dream about a man I’ve loved for years and never told him how I felt (because he’s my best friend. ) In the dream, I was talking to him and he stood up to go and greet my grandmother who was anxious to meet him. (They’ve already met in real life. ) While he was walking he looked back at me and I knew from his eyes that he was telling me that he loved me, but at the last second he did something strange and went running to this fountain of holy water and dove in. I knew suddenly that he was very ill, I just felt it in my soul, and I ran to see him. He grasped my hand and while he held onto me, still submerged in water, a nun nurse was holding him too and telling me that his love for me was why he was so ill. And when I looked back at him, I realized that he turned into a small child who was holding my hand for support and I could still feel him telling me that he loved me.

What’s that about?

    -Tony Crisp 2014-10-31 10:34:41

    Madison – Love can cause much pain or illness. To quote a man’s experience:

    “First a chest pain that stayed constantly and made me want to bend over to ease it. The doctor told me there was nothing wrong with me and suggested a pill – which I didn’t take. As I went deeper into myself I realised that the pain, head pains, enormous floods of feeling, were a cleansing process. They were the many things I had held back, killed out, repressed or did not live out in my life. For instance the chest pain I saw, years later as it emerged, was the love, physical and emotional I had felt in connection with a woman I had fallen in love with and never expressed. I was married with children and was scared that if I let it be expressed I would be swept away and leave my wife and children. So instead – pain. When it did emerge it was a huge relief – along with the other hurts and held back love.”

    Also many of us never grow beyond the child level of love, another cause of so much pain and illness. See

    But your dream shows the healing taking place from the nun/nurse and your hand. The dream is also suggesting that a new part of you is being healed and coming into your life. See and


-jane 2014-09-27 7:30:00

I had a dream last night about meeting a man and then he became my boyfriend. What does it mean ? I dont think I know the man in reality ! Please help Tony. Thanks.

-Lisa 2014-09-23 1:02:52

I keep having a recurring dream about a guy that I am secretly mad about. I’m in a relationship and have been for 6 yrs. been up and down and not always happy. This guy and I we don’t even know each other much we’ve only spoke now and then, but he seems attracted to me and me to,him. Recently he has moved away, and since then I can’t quit dreaming of him. I dreamt last night I was in his house, trying to find him, calling his name, over and over, eventually breaking down in tears. The house looks abandoned and gray, with nothing more than debris in it. I usually wake broken hearted….

-Arielle 2014-09-20 14:34:00

Hello my name is Arielle, I’ve been having dreams about one of my male best friends more and more .He is in a relationship that he hates and cheats so much and I am in a relationship That has it share of problems. But in the dreams we are always sneaking off to be together and he has even told me he has dreamt about me but not sure of the content of the dream . I love our friendship and would hate to ruin it please tell me what these dreams mean?

-Jessica C. 2014-09-18 15:07:14

I want to understand my dream of this silent man never seen before fallowing me an always looking at me an im not interested in talking to him because I see he’s not attractive. Can you help?

-Perturbed 2014-09-02 5:02:24

I have been having continuous dreams about my husbands best friend. In my dreams we are very close and and intimate which is not the case in real life.
I dislike having these dreams as I feel I am being unfaithful to my husband whom i adore and to his wife who I also love. At the same time, they excite me like a secret fantasy
How do I make this stop and why him of all people??

    -Tony Crisp 2014-09-02 7:11:10

    Patricia – You unfortunately are thinking that dreams are something that they are not. For example you are not dreaming about your husbands best friend. When you think about the man, do you believe your thoughts are him?!! Your thoughts and dreams are never him, just your thoughts and feelings about him.

    But to save me a lot of time describing what you need to know, please see

    Also you are in the dream world which has very different ways of being. So you are never being unfaithful to your husband by dreaming about another man. In fact by allowing the dreams and enjoying them you will find you are more loving with your husband.

    Most of us interiorise our morals or beliefs into our dream life. In other words we take as a truth that what is important outwardly is as important inwardly. In other words you are as upset by a dream as if it had actually happened in waking life. Such mistakes make us feel things that are ridiculous. This happens with the morals we live with, by and may be necessary in waking life, we try to make them fit to our much bigger and freer dream/inner life and that causes conflict because the two worlds are completely different. So in dreams about sex we do not have to live by the same small moral world often necessary in waking life. In dreams we experiment emotionally and sexually, so dreams often stand in place of actual experience. In doing so we expand our mental and emotional life without any danger or consequences. Through dreams we may experiment with new experience or practice things we have not yet done externally. For instance many young women dream in detail of giving birth. This function of what might be called ‘imagination’ is tremendously undervalued, but is a foundation upon which human survival is built.


-Misty 2014-08-10 8:34:26

Hello, I came across this paige and so far it has come the closest to helping me understand my dreams.

I keep dreaming about a man. I fall in love with him.I build a rerelationship with him while having a lot of sex. I dont normally have sex dreams. When these dreams started last week I had never had a sex dream that I can remember. I have the oddest feeling when I wake up. Im sad. I feel like I’m leaving him. I don’t know how to explain it. I just feel bad and deflated. I am not in love or even lust with anyone that I can think of. It has been a while since I have had sex and I’m not dating right now. But because of my job and being a single mother of 2 ,at 23 years old, I think its best for right now.

Any insight would be wonderful. I’m confused right now and can not tell if I want the dreams to stop or not. I would very much like to know what they mean.

Thank you!

-Kristen Hansen 2014-07-23 23:54:32

I had a purely sexual affair with a man. I saw him walk by the window and it was tunnel vision. I was captivated. He was unlike any other man I had ever been interested in. He was 39, I was 25. He was insane skinny, grumpy, and a leo. I am a scorpio. I wanted him like I have never wanted anyone in my entire life. I left my husband that week. The night I put my husband on a bus to his family was the first night I slept with mystery man. I still remember those first 3 weeks of knowing him like it was yesterday. I was confused by my intense feelings for him from the start. A few months after I met him I picked up my life and moved closer to him. (To explain. My husband was a cheater, I should have left him long before I did. I gave us a final chance when my job asked me to go upstate for a few weeks to help manage and re-train a property. I had no family in that city, and mystery man was to be the new manager. So he was essentially my boss. I went back home after 5 weeks of assisting mystery man with his new property. I visited a month later under the guise of my soon to be sister in laws bachelorette party. I was there for 3 days. I moved up there a month later.) We had a sexual affair for almost a year when he told me that I needed to find a boyfriend. He had made it clear from the start that he never wanted anything more than sex. He never strayed, he always made sure I didnt get confused about our relationship. I eventually met my now fiance. And managed to stay away from mystery man. But he always tried to get me to sleep with him. After about 5 months with my boyfriend, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Once again mystery man tried to restart the sex. And I was weak. I gave in. I slept with him for almost 4 months. Then we moved so I could be closer to a better hospital. I had not seen, spoke to, or slept with him. (When I was actively sleeping with him he was my boss) ever since then I have not been able to stop having dreams about him. They almost always are of a romantic nature. And they are so real. I wake up short of breath and with my heart racing. It hurts me, annoys me, and makes me so damn confused. I have always felt this connection to him with a strength that I have never been able to understand. Its almost as though I am obsessed with him. I cant seem to understand why I feel this way, why I keep dreaming of him. And why I feel this way about him. In my dreams he almost always says that he loves me and always wanted more than just sex. He wants to be apart of mine and my daughters life. Other times I have dreams of him stalking me.. keeping tabs on me… letting me be the one woman who gets to be with him forever. He once stated that he could not be with me because he was a leo and I was a scorpio. And he was not a very nice man. He often made me cry. As a boss. Then that night he would want to sleep with me. Always in his home. Never in mine. Why am I dreaming about him so much. I truly love my fiance and am happy with him. But these dreams keep happening. And it has now been just over 3 years since I have seen, slept with, or spoken to him. And I still find myself trying to think of ways to contact him without his knowledge. It is a ridiculous behavior. Please help me figure out why I cant get away from him.

    -Tony Crisp 2014-07-24 9:04:22

    Kristen – It is a situation that many women and men find themselves in. I have been there too and it took years for me to climb out of it. Also it is not something that has any one cause or reason but is a part of the complexity of our human identity. To change it we often have to dive into the very parts of our inner and often unconscious nature to make changes. We are all very passionate and deep people, and these depths and passions need to be met – which many people have buried so deep they even feel that are without passion or depths.

    So I can only offer pointers that you will have to work on. So it is not your ex you are meeting, but you are meeting your inner feelings about the past relationship and all the memories needing to be digested and learned from. Remember that because you were together for a while there is no way you can ‘have nothing to do’ with someone you have been intimately involved with. It doesn’t work like that. Most people are often totally unaware of the massive experience they take in during a relationship and how it interacts with them when we love someone. In other words the memories and experience we gather unconsciously change us and are not lost. It is part of you and is symbolised in dreams as a person or event, and is a massive part of you.

    There are several things you could try that might help, but they really need you to work at them, for you are faced by powerful habits that control you, and need work to change. So if you are troubled by your ex, the best way to deal with them is to work on integrating the influence left in you from the relationship. You can do this by thinking about your ex and drawing on all you got from him, the good and the bad. So I would suggest you integrate all the good and bad things. Try doing this by taking the images of your ex and pulling them back into your body. Yes, literally making them one with you. Do this slowly and allow any feelings that arise.

    This may sound strange but all the images in us are projections from you inner world onto the screen of our mind and body; so taking them back into you is like owning them and integrating them. It is called honouring what we learned, bad or good, from the relationship. Think of it like digesting something. In a relationship, whether a feeling relationship or one in which you are learning something, you often absorb things from the person. You might take in such things unconsciously, as you did many things from parents and from the culture you were raised in. So the process of absorption in a dream may refer to such influences you are taking in.

    But in this process it is important to allow any spontaneous feelings or movements. Your body, sexual feelings, hungers, emotions, voice and mind need to be like keyboard that easily responds to what taking him into you produces.

    Also you need to read

    And good luck and blessings.


-sheena 2014-06-11 15:07:04

I had a dream that i was living in a big house
With a man i never seen before and we were
Married and the house was beautiful and me and My daughter and nephew and niece were all there but the strange part it wasn’t my man and then we Went shopping what does this mean

    -Tony Crisp 2014-06-13 7:11:21

    Sheena – People often dream of a very big and grand house, and often feel it is not theirs, but everything in a dream is created by your own thoughts, fears, and genius. While awake we think we have a view of what we are based on other peoples opinion of us, our parents lack of interest in us and their comments that may have made us feel small and insignificant, our own view of ourselves, what our body looks like, and so often we have a diminished view of ourselves. But being alive is a miraculous and amazing thing – probably the most amazing thing in the universe. Our astronomers are searching everywhere to find life on other worlds. In one way that is ridiculous. We spend enormous amount of money and time in such searches on other planets and yet forget that we are living beings with enormous – even infinite – potential and do nothing toward caring for and helping each and evey one to reach their potential.

    The big house is a sign that you are much bigger and have more space/potential than you presently believe or know. You need to explore that potential and develop it, for you are a miracle of life, and nobody fully understands what we are. So see and

    Your family are part of your inner life and the man is your complementary self – the other half of YOU. So please read and


-ain 2014-06-06 3:59:23

Hi I dreamt of a guy I love and have been fighting for last few months as the issue seems to be unnerving and I feel I am being used, last night I saw him in my dream in the same city as me and him coming to the place I work and walked right past by me then I see in the next scene that he is sitting in my house I my living room and his mother is also beside him , could you tell me what this could mean I have gone over every scenerio I can think of ? Is this an indication I should be away from him or what ?

-Serena 2013-12-10 8:10:51

hi i have a dream i was in this new place with new family i was young teenager and i met this gy and he showed up at my house later on my parents were gone w went shoppping and free food. then the guy was gone

    -Tony Crisp 2013-12-16 10:57:07

    Serena – There are three major themes you may notice in your dreams. One of the most important is the emergence of your sexual abilities as a woman. In all warm blooded animals sex is not just the urge to join two bodies genitally. It also involves desires to attract and bond to a mate; the urge to have a child, and the strength to care for and protect your children. Your dreams are a safe place where you practice or unfold these emerging facets of yourself. Dreams allow you to work out any difficulties in letting these qualities flower. It is quite normal to worry that you may not be attractive enough to attract a partner, or that if you do you may not know what to do. So you will probably dream of a boy you find attractive, and enjoy the pleasure of touching and loving. You will also encounter the fears or pains standing in the way of such a meeting.
    Your dream suggest you are practising looking for and keeping a mate.


-ladyglaiza 2013-11-23 17:07:30

Hi, so thankful that i came across with this site. I just need an answer and clarification with my dreams in the fast few days. I been dreaming this man, who has been my classmate since elementary up to high school, only after our graduation in high school that i realized that i had a crush on him, i like him a lot. We’re not friends nor acquaintance in any sort, hes a bully to me, he always teases me, there is a time that i dream of him and me talking and smiling which in fact we don’t do that in reality, there’s one time as well that i dream of him in our classroom, smiling to me again, then he disappear, in my dream i rode a boat, the whole trip was scary, it seems so real, after that, we were in the port already, along with my other classmates back in high school, he was there also, smiling again. and then disappear again. the feeling seems so real, that it seems like he likes me also or what? what is the meaning of this?

-jasmine 2013-09-07 21:07:24

The nightmare man.

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