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The Strange Love Affair
Many of us have a strange love affair. It is almost as if, at our birth only a
part of us was incarnated, not born with us. It is never expressed through our
body and therefore is not made a part of our life or work or love. It is
almost as if we have a spiritual twin, a ghost, a spirit guide. It is
influencing our life and yet our twin is so frustrated. Frustrated all the
time because it can’t live its life. It does not have physical form. It is a
ghost, a chimera, felt as an urge, a constant conflict of interest in your
life. It pushes and pushes you toward what it wants to do, yet it is not felt
as wholly yourself. It is not something you have built into your life and
trust, and so you do not live it in the same way as you live the other areas
of your life.
How can this be integrated into your life?
The twin is the life of your spirit. It remains ephemeral because we hardly
dare believe in it as a reality. It is easier to believe it as a pleasant and
inspiring story. Something to lift your feelings occasionally. Not something
to allow into your business or professional life. Not something to live as if
it were the central power in your being.
This spiritual twin is not to be allowed into the street with you. It is fine
to be seen with it in Church. Perhaps its influence there might even be
allowed to create a change in your expression. You might look uplifted. But
you must not be seen to meditate on the park bench, or pray before eating
lunch with your business friend.
In these times, and in this culture we have a certain view, or a certain way
of doing things. This view does not encourage you to express or live the
hidden side of your nature – except in a psychic manner such as telling
fortunes or giving people psychic readings. In Eastern countries you don’t
have to produce anything to be supported as a monk or sanyassin. In this
country you have to produce the goods. You have to be more commercial. You
need a product if you are to be considered.
The nature of your spiritual twin however is so intimate, so personal, it can
only be made real by allowing it life – by living it. It haunts you less and
becomes more real the more you allow it to communicate itself to others. The
more you give that part of self to others the more it is built into the life
of the body – the more it is expressed and expressible in the world. The more
there is willingness to expose it and give it to others, the more it grows.
Can you develop a working situation with other people from that point of view?
Can you declare this side of yourself openly?
If you can, then there is no need for rituals of observance and spiritual
development. You cannot develop your spiritual twin into a reality while you
deny it life. If you give it life though, it will emerge into an observable
reality like hairs on a mans chin. They grow when he reaches a certain stage
of development. He doesn’t have to keep rubbing in lotions to make them grow.
That would be unnecessary ambition.
There is a small book, Light On The Path, which says at the very beginning
‘Kill out ambition’.
What is there one needs? What is there one could hope for if one already has
ones spiritual twin? Ambition is a misconception. It is an ignorance. It is a
part of the problem which holds back the realisation of the Spirit. Personal
striving does not make our Twin any more real. It may even shut them more
fully out of your life. Yet avoiding ambition has nothing to do with doing or
being inactive. It has nothing to do with that. In fact the book goes on to
say one must work or strive as those do who are ambitious. Of course one does,
one lives, one breathes – non of this matters. It is the personal attempt to
achieve your own spirituality, to develop it as a creation of your own that
shuts the door to your twin. This is like saying – ‘You don’t exist. There is
no spirit, so I must make one of my own.’
There are many beliefs which can trap you into preventing your spirit from
becoming real and introducing you to that wider life; which stop it taking
wing, flying into that immensity, going home. That is why the film E.T. was so
moving for many people. This lost creature from a much wider life, a much more
inclusive life, a much more powerful life, a much more connected life, is
lost, trapped and injured in our everyday life here. It is the story of the
human spirit and it’s desire to go home again. Its attempt to regain its
original state – not to be lost and deserted in the physical state. That
means to be lost in sense impressions and the belief we are cut off and
The film illustrates the importance to reestablish connection. We have to use
whatever is at hand to do that, as E.T. does in the film. We live in the
belief we are alone and separate. We believe it therefore we create it. We
create a prison out of our beliefs.
In the past there was a period in human growth where it was necessary to be
shut off from that connection. That was the fall mentioned in the Bible.
Immense periods of time elapsed. What it was for, what it means, there was a
process which occurred which was to limit human beings.
It was a period when human beings fell, became smaller, became more involved
in the processes of the Earth. They built around them a body in a way they had
not done before. They created a situation which cut them off from each other.
They could only see each other through the senses, hear each other through
their ears, touch each other through their fingers and flesh. That wasn’t the
There is a story about this event. And the story is about a man falling in
love with a woman. We call it the story of Adam and Eve. And in this love
there generates a temptation. The temptation is such that a situation is
created. To have the experience of such male and female love, to do that, they
had to unbalance themselves. To have the form of love which might exist
between a she dog and a male dog, to experience that drive, they had to
unbalance themselves. From a whole being which was at once male and female,
they had to cut off a part of their nature – the male or female. They had to
repress it, to push it down, to hold it at bay, to make it unconscious.
Otherwise that love could not occur. That relationship could not occur. And
this was the original sin as spoken of in the Bible. It is that at some time
we have denied a part of ourselves and we are still experiencing the
consequences of that. We have built a body, a world, a way of life around it.
Each of us are haunted by the story of the stranger who knows and loves us yet
we do not know them, or we run from them; the loved one who is unearthly, the
beloved we can never find, the Christ, Krishna, Beatrice, the unearthly
stranger. We are haunted by this search for love.
We attempt to recreate this unearthly love in relationships with each other.
But of course we never actually find it, although we resurrect something of
our own being in our attempts to love each other, to forgive, to give
something of ourself to the other, to support each other in that loneliness.
For the love we seek is the self, the Twin we have not given life to, not
given our body to.
It is in this quality of compassion for each other that we can begin to
resurrect the denied part of ourself. The part of ourself that was lost,
pushed away, willfully renounced for the sake of experience.
There is a part of the story which suggests that at first it was not too
serious. The beings could pull in and out of the condition. Cayce tells this
story. It is something which is so difficult for us to admit – that we have
created this ourselves – this incompleteness. When we get near to touching
that wholeness again, we don’t want it. We don’t want it. We don’t actually
When I look into that past and see that period when I – we – pulled away, and
chose to abandon the life of the One, the life of community, I see that I
wanted to make something myself. I wanted to make something myself. There was
a desire for power. A desire to live in a way which enhanced my own being, in
a way which made it something unique, something godlike. I wanted to be like
my Father. I wanted to have all that power. I wanted to do it alone. I was not
by myself in this. The difficulty is that whoever made that decision, actually
created a movement, a sort of current. We caused a massive flow of energy in a
particular direction. Once we had set it into motion because we willed it, we
got carried along in it, carried along in our own creativity, in our own
desire, in our own expectations. It was like a great dream. A huge creative
process was begun. We created a world, we created a life, we created a whole
set of processes. We became the victims of our own creativity, our own desire
to be unique and unbalanced. In this case the word victim simply means we eat
what we have created.
When we begin to wake up – When we begin to look at what we have done with our
dream, we begin to experience a sense of guilt. Yet there is no blame. There
is no blame. But it is the guilt which stops us going back. We attempt to
justify ourselves. We press on. ‘I am perfectly okay by myself. I don’t need
anyone’. It is the story of the prodigal son.
One of the difficulties confronting us is that we actually repress or hide
from ourselves the knowledge of who we are. We deny it from ourselves. It is
difficult to accept because we are ashamed. Ashamed that we have lived in a
pig sty and eaten the food of the pigs.
Is this what is burning in you – that you cannot believe this? If it were not
a fantasy why don’t you live in your Father’s house? Why can’t you, with the
promised power, reach out a hand and say ‘Take up your bed and walk’?
Is that because there is such a strong I? What is this I that cannot believe?
Is it the observer? Maybe in a long life you have observed, that you haven’t
actually met someone who exhibits that kingship. Perhaps you have read about
such people, but there is always someone else who demonstrates they are a
fraud, and can actually do the ‘trick’ themselves. Despite a long life of
trying you still get to the point of disbelief.
You have prayed for your child, for your loved one, for yourself, and perhaps
your prayers were partly a call to that Twin to declare itself.
Now it is like someone talking to me saying – ‘Look supposing that all these
things you have said are not true – the fall, having a wider life, the inner
connections with all things. Nevertheless you are faced with your human life
here and now. It still becomes fairly obvious that what you believe and think
you begin to live and make real. You are therefore in a trap of your own
creation. It is not like somebody else can take it away from you. It is no
good appealing to God to take it away from you, because it is you who have the
power of creating it or recreating it. It cannot be taken away from you. You
made this trap. You have to find the combination yourself and undo it.
Whatever you find when you open the door, well, you will find whatever you
will find. But that is for you to discover.
‘In simple words, if you are living disbelief, then you are living disbelief.
You are actually living a belief in limitations. So you create your own
limitations. If you live a belief that you have wider possibilities – even if
that is a change from not communicating with your neighbors to the belief that
you have a right to talk to them – then perhaps you will go to them and say
‘can I have a spoonful of sugar’. If your belief in wider possibilities is
only that, you have still stepped beyond your previous limitations. You have
created a wider life. Can you say that you know where the boundaries are, even
if you made such small changes? Who knows what will be beyond the present
boundary of your life if you say, “I will go and see.”
Even making such small changes is almost like new radio waves reaching out. As
they change they tune in to a different spectrum of incoming signals. You are
changing what you are transmitting, and so you are receiving different inputs.
The radio wave transmitting also is itself the aerial. The change in what you
transmit changes what you do, but also who you meet.