In general dreaming of a pleasant affair is a way of enjoying or exercising the wonderful feelings of falling in love and sharing emotional and sexual pleasure. Many dreams are compensatory, and therefore make up for the lack of passion or excitement in our daily life. But having an affair in a dream may help keep alive or active the ability to love and be loved if there is not sufficient stimulus in waking life. It is not unusual for married and happy people to dream of an affair with someone else.

This may express nothing more than a desire for variety, but of course occasionally is the sign of an infatuation or desire for the person we love in the dream. Adultery dreams may also express release of sexual feelings; desire for another partner; desire for one’s partner to have sex with someone else.

The person you are having an affair with may represent a particular attitude or situation in your life. Therefore if the dream has a strong feeling such as failure or fear attached to it, the affair might well be dealing with your ?relationship? with such life situations. Examples include – infidelity; betrayal; failure; longing for love; feeling alone in a relationship; etc.

Many dreams of lovers are a painful and often desperate affair where the dreamer longs for the attention and ‘love’ of someone she or he has a crush on. These are often a natural part of growth where in dreams we wrestle with powerful emotions until we emerge with more mature responses. See Beware of Love.

Another possibility with dreams about an affair is that they express the constant process of trying to find a balance between what we deeply desire and what is socially or personally possible. Some people will marry or live with a person because that person is the best they could achieve in the circumstances. Nevertheless they may still long for someone different. Or perhaps there are aspects of relationship missing in their present situation, and they long for a fuller satisfaction but do not want to

destroy their present situation. See: boyfriend; sex in dreams.

Difficult affair: Because dreams are a safe area to explore our emotions and relationships, such difficult dreams may be a way of meeting fears we have about relationship. Often they bring to the surface painful feelings about a past or present relationship. There is thus a chance to work through such difficulties toward an ease with ones feelings of attraction and love. See: processing dreams.

Dreaming about someone you are having a waking affair with: Your feelings about, analysis of, fears regarding the state of the affair and where it will develop. See: Fifth example below.

Homosexual affair: For women their first love affair was with their mother, so was a love for someone of the same sex. So a woman’s homosexual dream may often have this element of seeking the comfort and love of the mother. In a more general sense such dreams may depict ones difficulties or fears of relating to someone of the other sex; ones hidden feelings and difficulties regarding ones father if in a male’s dream; the introversion of ones own sexuality and desires if one is being seduced or buggered; or meeting an autonomous or dissociated part of ones own nature; exploring what is involved at a more than surface level in the relationship.

Loving affair: Our experience or pleasure in relationship is one of the most profound experiences we can meet. It can be enormously healing if we can relate to pleasure in a way that does not cause tension or guilt. Therefore loving relationships in dreams are ways of exploring our own possibilities, not only within ourselves, but also in future relatedness. The person we are relating to in the dream is an image not only of our own desires but also of how we relate to intimacy, love and pleasure. The interaction with them reveals all your difficulties and skills in regard to living and being loved.

In Damon’s dream below, he gradually moves beyond a feeling of separateness to an experience of union. This suggests he is feeling at ease with his own sexuality and ability to melt, thus allowing another person to enter his feelings deeply. In fact when such union takes place there is a very real sharing of self in a psychological way, much as there is at a physical level when the sex cells merge and share genetic material.

Ones partner having an affair: If the dream is disturbing, usually displays the fears we have about being unlovable or inadequate – see example below; a deep wish to be rid of ones partner. So seeing him/her with another person makes it possible to leave him/her without feelings of guilt or responsibility. In a very few cases this depicts an intuition of ones partner having a secret affair in real life. See: autonomous complex.

Example: I was in a building with a number of people. Winnie, a woman I worked with many years ago was there, sitting cross legged on the floor. I went to her and kissed her. She responded and I put my hand down on her thigh under her skirt, and gently moved it under her knickers to touch her vagina. It was moist and wet with excitement and I pushed my fingers into the slippery crevice. As I did so my feelings rose in a beautiful soft and satisfying orgasm. I thought I had ejaculated, but had not.

Then I was in a street and met a dark haired young woman. We embraced and kissed. The feeling of mutual pleasure was intense. So much so I felt what she was feeling as if we did not have separate bodies. I felt an orgasm grow inside her pelvis and reach its pitch, flowing into the rest of her body. It was her orgasm but it felt as if it were mine also. It was a beautiful melting experience with no harshness or disappointment anywhere. Damon.

In the dream below Andrew’s fear of his wife’s desire for another man is being expressed. But the dream really depicts Andrew’s feelings of sexual inadequacy.

Example: I was on board a pleasure cruiser with my wife. As I stood on a high deck I looked down and saw her sitting below with very tight knickers on and nothing else. As a man walked toward her the knickers came off or slipped down. The man was sexually aroused and started attempting to penetrate her. She only put up a token resistance, mewing a bit, but not fighting him off. I rushed toward them and kicked him off.? Andrew P.

Example: I sit on a bed. Near me, looking at a book I am holding is a woman I know, Stella. I realise as we talk that her foot is touching mine. As my wife is on my left across the room I feel uncomfortable about this. Now Stella has her left hand on my penis. I have only underpants on. She remarks that it is interesting that my penis has its own little pocket, which is a reference to my pants, and seems to make sense in the dream. The contact is pleasant and undemanding, but I feel more and more ill at ease. I feel Stella is not having any respect for my relationship with my wife and start to tell her so. As I do this I realise I am sitting so near to the edge of the bed I am almost falling off. Rick D.

This dream presents the struggle Rick has with his pleasure at having the attention of another woman, and his feelings of connection with his wife. The edge of the bed and falling suggests he feels very on edge and insecure about such feelings.

Example: Someone was fondling my breasts. I felt the weight of whoever it was as they lay by my side. An electric like feeling ran up from my feet. It woke me up instantly as I was terrified. I dreaded going to bed. My husband and I have had separate rooms for years, due to his insomnia. The dream occurred a few times a week. Sometimes twice a night. Eliza L.

Eliza is a spiritualist, so believes the experience is a psychic event. As a casual observer there appears to be a direct connection between the lack of her husbands attention and the clear experience of a sexual partner. Her terror is most likely due to the fact that Eliza is actually frightened of her strong sexual feelings, and so may have chosen an undemanding husband. If not that, she is certainly afraid of this emergence of her dream life into apparent physical reality. See: hallucinations.

Example: I was sitting with my husband, my daughter or sister, and Rachel C. Rachel, who is the same age as my daughter, was telling us all that she wanted and would have a sexual relationship with B, my husband. As she kept talking about this, I thought, at first, how open and honest she was being and how easily she could talk about her sexuality, but as I listened I began to feel cross and upset as I saw B. was going along with what she was saying. She and my husband lay down on the wooden floor. He was being very encouraging and his eyes were shining very brightly. At this point I felt very upset. My daughter/sister pointed out to everyone that I was upset but no one seemed to notice until then, and I felt that B. was really teasing me and making fun of my not being able to cope with the situation. My husband came over to me with his arm out to touch me but I was so angry and I put my arm up to shield myself from his touch and then began to throw things at him to express how angry I was feeling. H.

Example: For the last year I have been having an affair with a married man. I dream I am visiting his home, and as I approach or should I say float up to the front door, which is open, I can clearly see him standing in the hall. One of his sons is shouting down the stairs and he is answering back. He seems agitated and harassed. I deliberately float by the open door and linger long enough for him to see me. At this point I am aware that something is following at my heel. My man then quickly comes out of the house and sadly indicates he cannot leave his family and home for me, and quickly returns to the domestic scene. I then sadly turn away, and as I look down I see a large scraggy Irish wolfhound. I realise he has come out of the back door of the house, and has been following me closely. The striking part of the dream is this rough looking dog, for when I look into its deep dark brown eyes I can see and feel such love and devotion and am so warmed. As I take the road away from the house, the dog stays close at my heels and I know I have a devoted friend who will never leave me and I feel much happier. As we walk away I can hear in the distance my man’s wife calling the dog from the back door. On getting no reply I hear her irritatedly say ‘Well, we can easily get another one’. and bangs the door. J. Y.

J. is working out her situation with her lover in this dream, realising for herself that he is not going to leave his family. Nevertheless, she does take something positive from the relationship, shown as the dog, which probably depicts devotion and warm love.

Useful Questions and Hints:

In what way does this dream comment on my present relationship(s)?

Are there lessons in this dream I can apply to my waking life?

Does the dream show things I am denying myself in waking, or that I could express in waking life?

What problems are shown in the dream that I need to be clear about and work on?

It could help to read Growing Up to Love and Beware of Love. See: Adultery


-W. Lyall 2017-08-22 17:44:00

It’s not exactly an affair dream, but it is a dream where I felt like I was betraying someone when I came onto the woman in the dream. Before her and I were alone, I was for some reason seriously injured and was being met with final goodbyes. Some through sadness, most through a slap or punch. After they were done I started to feel better, and looked on in front of me to see the being that had hurt me. It was a large being with arms that seemed to hand on by tendons, and I just watched as it swung tied to a wheel. Talking with those around me. There was my friend, a woman, and her daughter. The woman offered me food to gain my strength back, but I said I was fine and instead offered it to her daughter. The daughter said “that’s too much for me to eat”, but I could tell she was just being polite. So I cracked a joke, and offered to food to her daughter again and she accepted. This made the woman smile, and my friend as well. I then stood up and walked towards the being feeling much better now, but then it cut to the woman and I in a kitchen. I checked the burners making sure they were all off, so no gas was just leaking out. One burner was lit and being used, but with no pan. I turned to the woman and started to say something, I can’t remember what, as she was drying dishes. I took a few steps towards her, but she retreated a few steps as well. Out of respect I stopped walking forward, and she then picked up a stack of bowls to put them away. While putting them away she told me “You know we all care about you”, or something along those lines. I think I felt a bit embarrassed at her compassionate comment, because I remained quiet and put my head down. I saw her smile from the top corner of my eye, and asked if she wanted a water from the fridge. She said no thank you, and so I grabbed just one for me as I was thirsty. I took the cap off the water bottle as she walked back over towards the lit burner, I started to say something that suggested I was coming onto her. She said I shouldn’t because someone might see us, she said a name but I can’t remember who it was. It could’ve been her daughter, my friend, or maybe a love of hers she was talking about. I said nothing and went to take a drink of my water but dropped the cap, and it fell underneath the stove. After I had taken a drink of the water I walked up behind her and held her tight, she again said we shouldn’t because so-and-so but I didn’t listen. I leaned in towards her neck and gave her a gentle kiss, and then woke up immediately after. I’m not sure if her appearance makes a difference but she was a bit short with black hair, wearing a black dress, and had a thin band in her hair. I am not in a relationship, and am not helping anyone cheat. So it wouldn’t represent a parter or mistress, but what could it mean? Who would that woman represent, and was I helping her cheat or did my friend maybe have feelings for her and I would’ve caused him jealousy? I remember most of it pretty clearly, it’s just bits and parts including words I can’t remember. Thank you for taking the time to read this, have a good one.
W. Lyall

    -W. Lyall 2017-08-22 17:50:50

    Or could it mean this was my friends mother also, so I felt bad coming onto his mother when I woke up? My bad, just thought about this. But again thank you for taking the time to read this, have a good one.

    -Tony Crisp 2017-08-25 10:26:36

    Hi – It would help you to understand your dreams, if you would read – and also which has so much information in.

    Nothing can replace your own ability to understand your dream. With a little effort you can do this by practising what is described in – or


    W. Lyall – You are still thinking in a way that might fit everyday life, but dreams take place in a totally different environment. People are very confused about the difference between their waking life and their dream life. They believe that what they dream is the same as what they meet in waking life. Most of us interiorise our morals or beliefs into our dream life. In other words we take as a truth that what is important outwardly is as important inwardly. Such mistakes make us feel things that are ridiculous. This happens with the morals we live by, and may be necessary in waking life, we try to make them fit to our much bigger and freer dream/inner life and that causes conflict because the two worlds are completely different. See

    It may be that this causes you to hold off really loving the woman, and in fact she is an aspect of yourself, because all the people, animals, places you see in your dreams, are simply your own feelings, fears, hopes and wonder projected onto the screen of your sleeping mind as images. So, it makes sense to take the image of your dream person, thing or animal back into you and own it. In that way, you are meeting and dealing with the things about yourself you are not owning or conscious of. That is why dreams are often difficult to understand, because we are hiding things from ourselves.

    The woman may be the inner woman who is your real partner – See

      -W. Lyall 2017-08-29 4:41:27

      Hmmm, this is a puzzling yet insightful reply Tony and I thank you for it. It has got me thinking, I only hope I can find my answer after all this pondering. Thank you again for your time sir, and have a good one.

-Don 2017-06-24 13:26:12

Can you help me,.

I am a married guy. I have a dream that I have affair with my officemate and she got pregnant. When I woke up I was surprised and I didnt know what happened. And its look real,. She was really young for me at age 24 and Im 38. I told her about my dream because I was bothered. Now she’s not talking to me anymore. But some point its strange that my feeling is connected with her. Now I am having problem with my wife because my feeling to her has been cutdown to half. Right now I was too confused about my dream. I was too worried that something bad might happened. I want to know what exactly about my dream and why I am connected to her like she’s something so special to me.

-S 2017-06-15 7:00:12

Hey can someone help me interprete this. I am having an affair with a married man in real life so last month I had a dream where I had gone on vacation and woke up in bed with a married man who is also a client at my work place ! Last night again I had a dream where I was seducing a married man whose face I didn’t recognize, he finally came over and started caressing me then we had sex!

-Kishia 2017-01-30 1:15:09

I am so afraid of this dream that I continue to have; where my husband has finally, admitted to having sex and some relationships on the side for years. He even has a children by several of the women. He’s also had sex in our bed regularly with a neighbor. In my dream the women all know about me and these women also know we are married. He doesn’t seem to care that I want to leave in the dream. He’s just very honest and very descriptive on the meetings and encounters. After years of asking and asking he sorta got Caught in the dream. Some of the women are people I sorta of know in real life, But most I don’t.
The crazier part is in real life my husband did have an emotional/sexual internet only affair, according to him, she lives across the country and a few other internet affairs, mostly all with ex lovers. he swears that it’s over now, but he’s also told me this several times prior and talked to her again. Not to mention he was on dating websites posting he’s searching for someone. My heart wants to believe him but I don’t think I can. I’ve been having strong feelings he doing something again. Is this dreaming a premonition of the real world? Or what does this dream really mean?

    -Tony Crisp 2017-01-30 9:51:27

    Hi – I am going to halt from answering your posts – the reason is that in so many of your post I give the same information to. This is because most people do not understand the difference between dreaming and waking life. Also I need to take time to update the site – dreamhawk.

    So, most of what I put in answers is my attempt at explain what dreams are really about. It would help you to understand your dreams, if you would read – also

    Nothing can replace your own ability to understand your dream. With a little effort you can do it by practicing what is described in –


    A difficult situation for you. A friend told me yesterday of her experience of living in South East Africa, where men and women understand that it is unnatural to have just one partner for life, and that attitude cuts out all the uncertainty or misery you feel.

    An insight was into the big argument between authorities over whether mankind, womankind, are basically a monogamous or a polygamous creature. It seemed to me the answer is so obvious it can be observed everywhere about us, and such arguments are based only on attempts to support theories. The observable fact is that human kind are neither monogamous or polygamous. They are obviously both. They have a strong urge toward a long relationship with one person, while at the same time capable of many other relationships. When either extreme of behaviour is enforced by society or oneself, neurosis and pain often arise.

    In the middle ages women and men had similar attitudes, and the women were in no way pushed down, they had contracts with young men and stated how long the contract would last. I think our culture has fed us stories that lead us to great misery. I suggest that realising your husband is not monogamous, either get a contract or understanding as to what you want, or tell him to go elsewhere.

-Maria 2016-09-12 3:05:56

My husband just let me know about one of his dream.
There is a black hired girl trying to have sex with him while I’m around. Every where he turns she just pops up. He keeps pushing her away and then he wakes up. I can’t figure it out. Except maybe someone in his life is trying to F him over. Is there any other interperitations I can give him?
Thank you

    -Tony Crisp 2016-09-12 10:27:54

    Maria – Yes, there are other interpretations. For a start he need to realise that he is himself not wholly male. So get him to read

    The dark haired girl is probably most likely his urges within him that are pushing up from his unconscious crying out for his attention. See

    To deny the girl is to deny a part of himself – but nearly always when people dream about someone they know or a strange new person or situation they automatically believe the dream is about that person, situation or animal. But when we think of our friend or partner our thoughts are not them – just our thoughts and feelings about them. So dream images are ways of communicating via our associations not actual things or people. In the world of dreams our most intimate fears and longings are given an exterior life of their own in the form of the people, objects and places of our dream.


-Monique 2016-08-24 21:19:21

Last night I had a dream that I had an affair with a famous person. My husband and family were in the house as well, of late my partner and I have had some bedroom problems due to his diabetes so I can only put it down to that

-Blake 2016-07-05 4:59:35

I had a dream that I was having an Affair with my husband, but I was married to someone else. Can someone tell me what that means?

-Bob 2016-05-21 14:08:11

Last night I had a dream where my wife was insisting that I have sex with another woman and throughout the dream the woman was changing. First my ex-wife then to mutual friends of my wife and I. In my dream I kept turning it down but she kept insisting.

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2016-05-26 10:52:01

    Dear Bob – What do you think might have triggered your dream or links with it in some way?
    If you enter your dream again while awake, what thought or feeling is withholding you from listening to your wife?
    Could it be that you have carried your morals, viewpoints, fear and means of protection into the inner world of dreams?
    Can you imagine that they are not necessary in your dream or inner life?
    See also
    What your dream may reflect is an unwillingness to grow in a psychological way.
    Uniting with other women can be a symbol of enabling growth; when such union takes place there is a very real sharing of self in a psychological way.
    A way to explore this could be by becoming aware of the feminine quality or qualities you see reflected in these women and then ask yourself if you would like to develop this potential in your inner world too.
    Your wife in your dream may also be a symbol of your inner female and she may reflect a longing for expanding your awareness and developing your feminine qualities
    Another way to explore your dream is to use for every dream figure.
    What does it feel like to “be your ex-wife” and each mutual friend of your wife?
    Perhaps you feel like exploring your dream with your wife?
    Anna 🙂

-confused 2015-08-25 15:20:04

I am happily married but for many years ive been dreaming about a specific man for many years! I do know that I’m married in my dream! In the beginning we are very passionate and have a huge connection! Our love is so intense! Though at the end of the dream it seems as if were so in love but he has a hard time commiting and he ends up leaving me! Im deviststed and the loss of his love is so heart wrenching! I feel he misses me to but we struggle to stay together!

-Rutee 2015-02-23 7:34:44

I had a dream while 5 months pregnant. I am happily married and love my husband of 2 and half years and we were together for 7 years. In this dream I ran into an old friend while on the run from someone I used to play online games with. While at his house, he tells me his girlfriend Laura left him and after one might there, I told him that I am not like Laura and made the first move. It was a fantastic moment for me. My friend was dead in the dream the next morning killed by whoever was chasing me. I have felt guilty about my enjoyment of the tryst and want to know what it means. I never had romantIc feelings for which leaves me lost as my husband knows all about him too. Any ideas what this all means?

-christian 2014-12-16 11:32:01

Sir can you help me interpret this dream of my girlfriend. She’s having a dream of someone that she doesn’t know who made her happy in her dream recently. In her dream that guy does what i am doing to to her like escorting her from school to her house. Thank you.

-Aaron H 2014-08-04 14:02:15

Last night I had a dream about a woman I used to work with. I always felt a strong sexual tension between us, but as I am married, I never responded beyond the flirting games which we used to play (declining invitations to visit her at home, even). She married a guy I know and is now pregnant. She recently (3 months ago) quit working here, and I have since left the feelings I had behind.

To the dream:
In the dream she was not pregnant. She confessed to me that was very unhappy in her marriage and stated that her husband (who works out of state) probably wasn’t coming back home.

It was night time, and we were standing in front of a pick up truck. As we were talking, we noticed two of my co-workers just down the street (maybe 100-200 feet away) exiting a vehicle and heading into a nearby home. As she and I knew both of them, and they both knew her husband, we ducked behind the hood of the pick up; we did not want to be seen.

As we were both ducked behind the hood of the vehicle, she confessed her love for me and I told her that I felt the same. She then began to unbutton and unzip my pants (I was apparently not wearing any boxers which is VERY rare) and just as I began to penetrate her, someone walked out of the house behind her. I did not know this other female, but the woman I was having the affair with did. She began to attempt to explain away what was going on, and I woke up.

I’m unsure of why I’m having dreams about this woman. I love my wife. At risk of sounding like a pompous ass, I have turned down a number of women who have offered affairs involving anything and everything. I haven’t seen this co-worker in nearly 3 weeks (she came by the offices recently), and I’m not thinking about her at all during “waking life”, though admittedly, that has changed today and I can’t seem to get her out of my head now.

Does this dream make me a bad husband?

    -Tony Crisp 2014-08-08 8:46:33

    Aaron – The dream clearly shows how much you are attracted to this woman. And it also shows the struggle you have with it – ducking behind the vehicle and the woman who found you two together. Your longing for sexual partners that isn’t openly expressed, will attempt to become real in your dreams. It doesn’t mean that you are dissatisfied with your present partner if you have sex with other people in your dreams. All of us have such secret longings, and it is healthy for them to be allowed as we sleep. In fact if you struggle with it there is the effect that it cuts down your own feelings of love for your wife.

    Also you are not dreaming of the actual woman. Nearly always when people dream about someone they know they automatically believe the dream is about that person. But when we think of our friend or partner our thoughts are not them – just our thoughts and feelings about them. In the world of dreams our most intimate fears and longings are given an exterior life of their own in the form of the people, objects and places of our dream.

    While dreaming you are in a very different world than the waking world. It does not have the same rules and morals as our waking life, and is built upon different things. See


-Karou 2014-04-19 11:07:50

Hi, my name is Karou.
I have a boyfriend, and I am happy with him. I am not open sexually, but I had a dream of a man I had a thing for over a year or 2 ago, long before I had met my new male partner. What can this mean?
I hope you can help. Thank you.

-John 2014-01-05 20:50:29

Can anyone please assist with this dream?
I am a happily married man. I love my wife but last night I had a dream that I ran into this woman that I knew growing up. We were not tight friends or friends at all really. I just knew her. Anyways I was in my car and seen her. Called her over to my car and started talking. The talking quickly became flirting as I noticed how beautiful her hair looked and how nice he smelled. I grabbed her hand softly and smoothly telling her that I would like to take her out. We went to eat when my wife ended up showing up in the dream. As we were about to leave the location we were at I tried to make plans for my wife to ride home with family so I could take the other woman with me. I needed up going home with my wife no problems at all and was happy with it but then woke up. I don’t know why I would have ha a dream like that, can anyone help me determine what it means and why I would have had it.

    -Eric 2015-07-15 7:21:57

    I’ve been having this dream about a girl I went to high school with , haven’t seen her or talked to her in years , and out of no where I seem to have a dream about her. ( that was a year ago) ever since that initial dream she has been in most of my dreams in the past year. In my dreams she is kind of my secret lover we go on dates and do things similar to that of a married couple. Just trying to figure out why , and how do I stop these dreams from happening without telling her that she’s in my dreams ,

      -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2015-07-20 14:53:20

      Dear Eric – What creates a lot of confusion is that people fail to recognise the difference between their inner dream life and the demands of their waking life. In our waking life it is good to recognise that our actions and deeds can hurt others and change the way they feel – even traumatise them. But in dreams we are nearly always facing ourselves, and what we do is always a virtual reality that we can experiment in and try out all manner of behaviour.
      Also in the widest sense nearly all dreams act as a process of growth or a move toward maturing. Some dreams are very obviously presenting internal forces or dimensions of experience that might lead the conscious personality toward a greater balance and inclusiveness.
      The way I see your dream is that you are developing a more intimate relationship with your anima – which aspect is still maturing and learning; “a girl I went to high school with”.
      Perceiving “her” as a secret lover is merely a demand of your waking life that you took with you in your dream life.
      Helpful questions are:
      Can I recognise my own internal female, and if so what characteristics does it have? How is my relationship with my internal woman – perhaps in some way a negative image of my mother – influencing my relationship with my female partner? In my dreams am I ready to marry or unite (symbolised by having sex in your dream) with my female?
      I trust that you will reach a point where you can tell your wife about your anima dreams and be grateful for the wonderful growth process you are allowing in your inner world, which growth will have a positive effect on your relationship with your partner in your waking life too.
      Anna 🙂

-Ali 2013-09-27 11:33:46

Last night I had a dream that I was having an affair with my husband who wasn’t my husband in my dream. what does this mean?

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