I can only report what I have slowly become convinced of – that none of us own our life and mother’s do not even own their own body. The fact is that it is the process of Life which actually forms an infant body, and a mother is a channel for it to do so.

I say this having faced death several times and come to terms with it. I have also touched the depths of my being and speak from there. I experienced a sense of being in the presence of Life, and understanding human relations with it. I saw once more that all life is holy. It is the inner attitude that abuses animal and human life that is wrong. I saw that there is only one temple to God, and it is the body, the holy of holies being the genitals, where life creates. I also saw that a lot of sexual activity has no regard for the fact that at base sex is about procreation, and this is out of harmony with life. Attitudes that see sex as lust, or manipulation, or purely a pleasure, are unwhole.

I saw that fundamental to all living or cosmic processes is interrelationship and the building of dynamic networks. In a human sense the most basic of these is that between the two sex cells. In a relationship of mutual trust they split their boundaries and risk death to merge and share – that is real love. At the next level of sharing, two people give of themselves in sexual relationship. Out of this a family group can grow, with its kinships and interdependence. At base, it only works well when a deep trust and mutual self-giving occurs. The trust and dynamic cooperativeness not only build bonds and a sort of organism of the group at a physical level, but I saw it builds then into an integral spiritual organism for survival in eternity.

What I saw next was what has happened to these basic relationships in our present times. There is still an element of caring for babies, but the recognition of their eternal nature is lost. Lost too is the realisation that we are co-creator’s with life. With poor mutual relationships, the quality of identities we create drops, until we create a society full of pained, twisted souls.

But the most potent of thing that was proved to me beyond doubt was a dream my wife had. In the dream Brenda saw the baby and a voice from behind her told her the child was ill. Its illness, she was given to understand, was serious, and would need to be treated with a drug taken every day of the child’s life. The reason for this illness and the drug use, she was told, was because in a past life the being now born as the baby had committed suicide using a drug.

I didn’t take the dream seriously, thinking it was some sort of personally symbolic dream. But we couldn’t seem to extract any personal meaning for Brenda, so just in case I sent an account of the dream to Jane and Bob. About a week later we had a letter from them saying that the letter and dream had crystallised their already existing anxiety about the baby. It had not been feeding well and was fretful. On taking it to the doctor nothing definite could be found but special tests were made in hospital. From these it was discovered the baby was dying. It lacked an enzyme that was needed to digest calcium. To compensate it was given a drug, which it has had to take every day of its life to make up for the lacking enzyme.

I use the example because it is not hearsay. It didn’t happen to somebody else who reported it to me. I witnessed every step of it. Recently I met the baby of that dream again. He is now a man of 35, and still needing the daily drug. I feel that pain people meet, and the pain I have met, is the working out of our own lives and does not mean we should kill people or commit suicide.

You may feel that you are unique and have only a physical life that started when you were conceived.  Yet any growing thing has a tremendous message. Any seed we plant doesn’t grow completely new, it doesn’t start from the beginning again but from the millions of years of the plants existence. So the seed is a sort of summary of the plants whole history. And the tree or plant that grows from a seed is a summary of the whole history of it, but it would feel unique and new if it were conscious. In fact it is new, but it carries within it the whole experience of its past, and will pass this on to seeds it produces. Obviously if you were a seed and planted you would feel you are completely new and unique; so it is with us humans, we carry our whole past within us unconsciously. And we touch that unconscious history if we are open to it.

Copyright © 1999-2010 Tony Crisp | All rights reserved