Orphan

Feeling abandoned or unloved; feeling rejected or misunderstood – or part of yourself is being rejected and misunderstood. It may indicate feelings of vulnerability in independence and consciousness. Sometimes this reflects difficult events in your childhood, leading to you feeling abandoned or unwanted. If so there is often a link with feelings of belonging – whether you feel you belong to anyone, or anyone belongs to, or really links with, yourself. See: abandoned.

 Example: Dreamt I was standing on a street somewhere in the city of London watching an old-fashioned phone box. It was a weekend and all was quiet. The door of the phone box is open and on the floor are a variety of bones. At first I think they are from an animal, but quickly see they are human. A man enters the box to make a call. Suddenly three or four savage dogs attack, ripping him to pieces.

In exploring this by focussing my attention inwards and allowing spontaneous imagery and emotions, I found a lump that I had kept deep within that no one could touch or ever has. I split the lump and two halves of a walnut appeared. There was a picture of my mother in one half and my father in the other, as they were when I was a child. As I looked, the two halves crumpled into dust. I then saw myself go into the telephone box and try to make the call to reconnect with my parents. Again another shock. There was nobody to connect with. So once again the realisation came that I am an orphan. This brought another great wave of emotion that tore me apart.

I then turned toward the dogs as they came at me. I began to feel the sickness that I have always experienced in sessions, but I just shrugged and let the feeling wash over me. It felt like I have always ended up in hell by that route, and I realised afterwards that hell is hell and will never be anything else. I felt there was something deeper, so I kept to a centre line, trying to reach it. Again there was no feeling, so I turned toward in the God dream that I had, the look of total love for me in God’s eyes gave me the strength to trust my own process. I then experienced God holding my hand and telling me to surrender and allow myself to die.

Then the crisis broke through, and there I was in the kid’s home as my father was leaving. I saw myself, or I should say my being, go out to him. I felt that if I loved him he wouldn’t leave my sister and me. Then he left us in the orphanage, and I felt split in half between him and my mother, creating a schism in which I was left with a personality on either side. Schizophrenia is the word that covers this state. I felt what I would call the primal scream emerge from my being. Then I was through. I saw the dogs as my anxieties that have taken up two thirds of my energy through my life, constantly tearing me apart. I also saw that as a kid I didn’t have enough information to redirect the energy elsewhere. Kevin K.

Example: Last night I dreamt my wife was back from Australia. I was holding her very tenderly. As I held her she said, “While I was in Australia, each Monday a man I met uncovered a well or pool for Ben (us) to bathe in. I think it would be really good if we made love every Monday.”

I then said, “Why, did you make love with him?”

“Yes,” she said, “not once but twice.”

I felt myself unable to be near her any longer, and that was the end of our relationship.

I worked on this dream and the whole mass of emotions was triggered by not knowing when or if my loved one would come back – as happened in the hospital when I was three. That broke the seal and the rest just flooded out – weeks of it. Eternity of holding on, waiting for mother, terrified to let go because I would be consumed by anxiety and hopelessness. Ben was an orphan – so represents the deserted feelings. (Ben was an adopted child taken on by Anne. My wife was his nanny.)

Useful Questions and Hints:

Have I ever felt as if I am alone in life and unloved or not knowing how to love?

Was I ever feeling left or abandoned by my parents?

Am I in fact an orphan?

See Abandoned – Inner Baby – Edgar Cayce – Secrets of Power Dreaming