Victim Victimised

This might be saying that you have a passive relationship with others, not acknowledging or expressing your own wants or needs. It might also be that you are victimising someone else who is not strong enough to stand against your desires or will.

Your ‘natural’ response to your environment is to be influenced by it. A disturbing event would stimulate you to feel fear, a calming event to feel pleasure. Your moods are usually influenced by what happens to you. So being in prison would in general be more depressing than being free. Being rejected would cause more pain than being admired or loved. People go through extraordinary emotional pain when someone they ‘love’ leaves them or dies.

Our emotions and feelings about ourselves are like a keyboard that is played upon by people and events. If we are praised or rewarded our self confidence and therefore performance will usually be enhanced. That is fine except it means we will usually depend upon the world to create our moods and our sense of our own value. This makes us victims. We may not be dependent on a drug, but on praise, success, money, being admired or wanted. Without them we may experience the lows the drug user does on withdrawal.

However, there is an extraordinary possibility. This dream of Ed’s explains it.

I was in a prison with several others – all in one cell. It felt as if I had been in the prison for years. I was standing near the bars angry and shouting about the injustice of my incarceration.

As I stood raging I suddenly realised that all my anger was having no affect on the world. I was the only one suffering it. I saw that the peace and freedom I wanted from release I could have now by letting go of my anger. I would then be in peace, and would be free of my own negative emotions. So I let go of he feelings I had about my judges and gaolers, and a change came over me. In the following years I learned to drop the other ideas and emotions I tortured myself with. Then one day I woke and was filled with joy until my bliss filled the cell. In this way all had changed for me. In a strange way I was now utterly free even though in prison.

The greatest prison of all, the greatest of torturers, is our own thoughts, emotions and our concepts or ideas. While Ed felt angry and held the idea he had been wrongly accused, he was tormented and trapped – imprisoned in his own ideas and emotions. To have received a public apology and released would have changed his feelings, but he would still have remained a passive victim of events. Instead he found in his dream the greatest freedom of all – a blissful freedom – the release from his ‘natural mind and emotions.

Being the victim: Feeling victimised; often depicts the chip on our shoulder. We may have been hurt sometime and go on bemoaning our fate. The ‘chip’ may be useful in avoiding real responsibility or in hiding from trying out ones positive creativity or sexuality. Thus we avoid possible failure or further hurt. This is a form of blaming that puts all responsibility onto others.

 Example: We all have so many feelings, like keys that can be pressed, and when pressed by outer influences such as social pressure, beliefs or things said to us, we can be played like a merry or awful tune. We react to them all in various ways.

And nearly all reactions are habits, and the trick of shifting them is to start a new habit. Such habitual responses may be built into us as instinctive reactions – to scary circumstances, feeling hurt, the fight, flight or freeze response and so on.

Other person as victim: May still be as above; the hurts and damage received from relationship with others; passive anger – by being the victim we get someone else to be a bastard and can thus sneer at them because we have manipulated them; hidden desires to avoid success, perhaps as a way of hurting parent.

See Avoid being aVictim –

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