Public Toilet No. 1

I felt at this point that people need a toilet. I suppose this has partly risen from the broadcast I did last night in which the last woman to tell her dream was someone who could not find a toilet that was usable.

Most of us carry such a lot of crap about with us. Often we really don’t need to know what that stuff is, and neither does anybody else. We need a situation in which we can drop it down a toilet and flush it away. I have an urge to put such a thing on my web site – public toilet No 1.

I am not trying to be critical, but I honestly have learnt that when a person feels crushed by what another person says or has done, or live in a condition of depression, feels terribly lonely, experience a long period of grief or feeling shocked, pain, guilt, anger or even depression at the death of someone, it is because they have never learnt to get rid of so much shit they carry in them.

We are all so full of traumas that act as huge blockages that stop us from dealing quickly with such hurts. Unfortunate most suffers are not even aware that they have been traumatised. Traumas can occur at any time, while in the womb babies who are not loved or are stressed can suffer traumas. Some people are so full of crap that they hold on, blaming the smell on others, sometimes the smell becomes too much they have to end their life.

Trauma can occur during birth and any time afterwards. A trauma is rather like having made an electrical circuit that is a brain connection with a memory, because it is wired wrongly, directs events in the house/you in a messy way. Over time changes were made in the house that plastered over the circuit, as walls were built, and the circuit was no longer visible or even remembered. But it is still active even though hidden. And that is exactly what was happening with deeply felt decisions you make as a child, or hurts that were not really healed. It is still active even though buried.

For example a nightmare is an attempt by our reptilian and mammal brains to release and re-evaluate old trauma that has caused conditioned reflexes that may be interfering with the efficiency and well-being connected with our present physical and social survival. Such re-evaluation occurs when we become fully aware of the original feelings and events involved in the trauma that conditioned us. In a very real sense the nightmare is a symbolic presentation of an original situation full of important information. But it has got hermetically sealed within layers of resistances or defences. See Levels of the Brain and Dreams

We erect such huge defences when we feel but to not explore our fears, our avoidance of pain, and feelings of threat – so that we cannot integrate and understand what is causing such things as depression or apparently irrational avoidance, anger, violence, panic attacks, phobias and suicidal urges.

Unfortunately we tend to see our emotions and fears as ‘US’ – as our personal feelings rather than signs that we may not be facing our unconscious traumas.

Here is a man’s account of remembering the pain of his premature birth, for his umbilical cord – his  lifeline – was cut before his body was developed enough to cope independent of his mothers feed to him.

“One of the things I have learned about trauma is that to some extent being willing to deeply experience a conflict burns it out, but for some types of trauma only for a while. It is not like a childhood trauma that clears when it is experienced. This type goes on again, and again, even if experienced, because it arises not from past trauma, but from our present disposition, things like socially accepted things like. Marilyn, to use coex in regard to the pain and anxiety she was experiencing about her impending divorce.

In her exploration of her feelings, Marilyn did not sense anger or aggression, but she did feel like a predator which always had to TAKE to gain her own needs. This feeling immediately reminded her of her family life as a child. She remembered one time when she was sent shopping as a very young child of three or four, and as well as buying what she had been asked, she purchased some sweets for herself. When she arrived home she was treated as if she had done a terrible thing, and that was when she began to feel like a predator. It seemed to her as if her own needs were always gained at the expense of someone else. That feeling hugely affected her dealings with her husband.

But with this awareness, she could now see that the feeling  clearly related to her present situ­ation. Bargaining to gain a realistic share of the house and property jointly owned by her husband and herself during their divorce, felt to her as if she were gaining her needs at his expense, like a predator. That made her feel so awful, she was almost ready to allow her husband to take all, leaving her without a house or money to start again. Her awareness of where the feelings arose from however, and the unrealistic part they played in her life, allowed her to relate to the situation with less pain and more wisdom.

As Jung said, most human problems are insoluble. They cannot be solved, but sometimes we can outgrow them. I am having to learn to be decisive in where I want to go in life, and attempt to go there despite the pain and the obstacles of hopelessness, emptiness, and despair. I have to do that because I know there is satisfaction in the direction of growing beyond one’s old self that was so open to pain. Then the pain and black cloud lifts. To outgrow your life problems we may have to open to the primal force that grew us, the process of Life. So it might help to try using Opening to Life

Example: Began with a knotted feeling in stomach, went inside myself and found a lump that I had kept deep within that no one could touch or ever has done. I spilt the lump and there appeared two halves of a walnut with a picture of my mother and father in each half as they were when I was a child. As I looked the two halves crumpled into dust. This was the secret I have carried since childhood, that I had parents unlike the other children in the orphanage, yet the truth was I too was left behind in the orphanage by my parents. The emotions really came to the surface and I really cried. After this wave passed I was left in a very passive state. I then went into the telephone box and tried to make the call to reconnect, but again another shock, there was nobody to connect with, again the realisation that I was an orphan. Another great wave of emotion tore me apart. I then turned toward the dogs as they came at me, I began to feel the sickness that I have always experienced in sessions but I just shrugged and let the feeling wash over me, it felt like I have always ended up in hell by that route, and I realised afterwards that hell is hell and will never be anything else.

I felt that there was something deeper and so I kept to a centre line, again there was no feeling and so I turned toward the god dream that I had when Rob was here. The look of total love for me in his eyes gave me the strength to trust my own process. I then went into fantasy, God holding my hand and picking up all the people and events in my life and placing them all together on a stone alter, which he then placed me upon and told me to surrender and allow myself to die. This I did and images of great water falls, and molten lava flows filled my being. Then the crisis broke through, and there I was in the kids home as my father was leaving, I saw my self, or I should say my being go out to him. I felt that if I loved him he wouldn’t leave us. I then saw that I was already bonded to my mother and in that moment of transference there was guilt and I was caught in the middle, then he left creating a schism in which I was left in my spine with a personality on either side. Schizophrenia is the word to that covers this state about: Schizophrenia a mental disease marked by a breakdown in the relation between thoughts, feelings, and actions, frequently accompanied delusions and retreat from social life. I then felt what I would call the primal scream emerge from my being and then I was through. I then saw the dogs as my anxieties that have taken up two thirds of my being constantly tearing me apart, also saw that as a kid I didn’t have enough information to redirect the energy elsewhere.”

The man eventually found healing using Opening to Life

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