Chains of Fear

For the first time I stood facing the Light,
But my hands were chained at the wrists,
And I held them up to God, the Light, to be freed.
It was then as if God said,
‘Tony, you hold up your arms to be freed,
But you have never been chained – only by yourself.’

For a long time I have believed
In a personal God –
But always as me finding a
Personal relationship
With the Infinite Life.
However, lately
A stronger feeling of God
Being personal has come;
Not in the sense of my approach to God,
But in God’s approach to me.

And at this point of realising my freedom,
A wonderful awareness of contact
With God came upon me.
God was personal, warm, loving,
Communicating with me.
I stood before God,
Knowing I was nothing,
Yet loved by God.
I was, as I understood it,
‘No bloody good – yet wonderful.’

Now a great love rose up in me.
It was so tender.
As tender as the
Love one feels for a newborn baby,
For a flower, or a sleeping child,
Yet as passionate as for a lover.
And expressing these feelings
I said to God, ‘I love you.
I love you! I love you!’

I cannot describe my emotions
Or God’s presence –
Huge, benign, formless,
Yet close, and directed at me alone,
With great love,
Person to person.
There was no personality,
Yet there was person.

I saw I was not chained,
Except by my own fears
And restraints,
And laughter rose in me.
Not because of a joke,
But because laughter itself
Is as elemental as love,
As powerful as the sea,
And it began to flow through me.

I laughed because God laughed,
Because of God’s humour;
And God’s loving smile
Shone on me.
I laughed because I am nothing,
Yet I am wonderful and loved.
I laughed for unknown,
Unsensed purposes –
For I knew not what,
And because everything
Is so ridiculous;
Because we act all the time
Instead of saying
Or doing what we want.
Because we, as men and women,
In asking God to stroke our head
With a loving hand,
Go about it by complaining of headaches,
Of illness, or misery,
Instead of just saying,
‘God, I really want you to stroke me.’

Instead of saying to someone we love,
‘I madly want to get you in bed,’
We say, ‘What a nice dress that is.
Isn’t the weather mild now?’
And on we wander.

As for me,
Feeling so loved and free,
I gently and lovingly
Held myself in my arms,
And sang of my love to God.

Copyright ©2007 Tony Crisp