I Knew That When Two Hearts Beat as One It Is the Beginning of Love.

Most people suffer terrible amnesia/forgetfulness and they think they are normal. One of the easiest ways to find out who is a suffering amnesia involves a simple memory test. Ask the person if they can remember their childhood. If they say, “Oh yes, I remember my aunt Nellie telling me how I used to wet the bed. I remember that.” Well that is not real memory. It is more like having photographs that you are acquainted with. So ask them if they remember being a baby. Ask if they remember being in the womb. The real person remembers all this.

If cannot remember then you are suffering terrible amnesia. As an adult I learnt how to knock out the bricks between my adult self and the feeling memories of myself as a baby and child. It may seem strange for adults with their wall still firmly in place blocking their memory of this when I say that I can remember being born.

Many adults think of babies as incapable of intense learning or conscious response to anything. Certainly if one remembers birth or life in the womb, there is no sense of being a conscious person as occurs later in life. There is no sense of identity in the way we achieve it in adulthood. But we do have extremely sensitive receptive faculties and responses. Even a tree or a plant can be seen to respond very quickly to light or water, and a baby has an immensely more complex nervous system and brain than a plant. Yet the baby has a functioning brain and so can remember; adults are so sure memories are images and words spoken, but the baby in the womb has no images because it is in the dark and has never learnt words, so it is a wonderful creatures that lives and feels sensations.

I came across my baby self still in my mother’s womb and it was totally different to what one would imagine it was like. I experienced myself as an egg. There was no sense of the body actually being just a yoke and a jelly mass. The body was formed.  But the sense was of not having wide spreading arms and legs; not having the sense of myself in the head. The centre of myself was in the genitals, being a very sensitive and pulsing centre. The rest of the body felt like an undifferentiated mass around the centre, receiving the wonderfully pleasurable pulsations transmitting from the nucleus of the genitals.  The pulsing was in time with the heartbeat.  At regular intervals the thrilling pulsations increased their pleasure enormously.  This I understood to come from the mother’s heart and the baby’s heart beating at the same time as their rhythms crossed.  I also knew that the two hearts beating as one was the beginning of love.

A woman I was working as therapist with experienced this: “Then the whole thing began to flow. I suddenly knew with utter certainty that when I was in my mother’s womb I was totally loved. I can’t tell you how marvellous it felt to know that love again – being totally, safely, securely lapped in love. I simply lay there experiencing the love. I knew, with a great sense of compassion, understanding and forgiveness that as soon as I left the womb my mother couldn’t love me the same way, couldn’t cope with the stresses life put on her. I remembered a vision I had when I was with Tony in Devon. I saw my mother’s breast dripping milk, a thin watery, vinegary milk and I burst into tears saying I wanted full-cream milk. I now felt totally linked with my mother again. All the rage and anger which had gradually been dropping away over the past few months was now gone. The tremendous linking remained.”