Tiredness after Sex

I have been assured, many times, by well-meaning men and women, that ejaculation can never result in tiredness.  These well-meaning people have also assured me that if there is any resulting tiredness it is purely psychological, and that to deal with such tiredness or exhaustion one would need to explore it in a psychotherapeutic setting.

My present response to such statements is a gentle smile.  Since the very beginning of my sexual activity at the age of eleven, I have experienced tiredness, or even exhaustion, after ejaculation.  The tiredness was sometimes so extreme that it blighted my otherwise wonderfully pleasant sexual experience.  It led me to avoid a sexual relationship with my wife or partner, and this had extremely negative consequences in the relationship. It also led to years of misery and a sense of inadequacy as a male.  So I explored every avenue I could to deal with the problem.

One of these avenues was indeed psychotherapy.  I did not explore this tentatively.  My problem caused me so much misery I threw myself with abandon into attempting a cure.  I plumbed my depths using a variety of approaches.  Other problems, such as those arising from infant trauma at birth, difficulties in the relationship with my mother and father, were uncovered and dealt with.  But dig as I might, I could never find a psychological basis for the tiredness following ejaculation. But eventually The Final Healing

Sex is energy

I did in fact discover feelings of guilt regarding masturbation that were planted with great energy by my mother.  But these were gradually dealt with and disappeared.  That confrontation by my mother occurred to me at age thirteen.  Yet I clearly remember from the very first time I masturbated at eleven, an event showing the physiological result of ejaculation.  The tiredness usually takes some hours after ejaculation to arise, no matter how thrilling, full, or otherwise the sexual experience might be.  In that early memory, some hours after masturbation I ran to catch a bus.  London buses in those days had an open platform at the end that you could run and jump onto.  As I ran to jump onto the platform I realised it was really difficult to move my limbs because I felt so tired.  Subsequent experiences strengthened the connection in my mind between such episodes of tiredness and ejaculation.

Another factor adds to my viewpoint of such tiredness being physiological rather than psychological.  I have always been a very active person physically and psychologically.  I love exercise and being fit.  Even in my middle sixties I still have a strong muscular body.  But throughout my life I have suffered from lack of energy – tiredness.  It has always seemed to me that my premature birth has something to do with that.  I have no proof of this, but comparing myself with other people I feel as if my body wasn’t quite fully formed, and my metabolism is never quite as efficient as it might be.  But that is only a guess.  What I have observed as a fact though, is that for most of my life I have had to manage my energy like a bank balance.  I had to be careful of my expenditure because my balance is so low I easily tipped over into the red.  My observation with other people is that they can expend enormous amounts of energy and not tip over into the red.  I guess there are many people like myself who have to nurse their energy levels to live a normal life.

What I am leading to is that when my bank balance of energy is very high, I can experience ejaculation and have no following exhaustion.  But if my balance is low, exhaustion will follow ejaculation.  It throws me right over into the red.

The ‘Bank Balance’ of love making

This leads me to conclude that ejaculation actually involves a large expenditure of energy.  If you have a high “bank balance” of energy, this is like somebody with a lot of money who can spend easily without going into the red and facing problems climbing back into credit again.  But if, like myself, you are a low energy person, then orgasm – or to be more precise – ejaculation, leads to some level of tiredness.  This is physiological, although it might be made worse by psychological elements also.

Something that is very strange about this is that the mention of tiredness after sex seems to be almost taboo.  Whenever I mention it in conversation, as I do where it is relevant because it has been such an important factor in my life, people maintain with great energy that it is purely psychological.  Looking in many sexual handbooks I cannot even find a mention of tiredness in the index or text.  Try it for yourself. Do a search on the Internet. If you search for something like vitamins to enhance sexual performance, you will find a whole list of sites to link with.  If you put in the words tiredness after sex, you will be lucky if you get four or five sites listed.

It is also strange that some males who have assured me they never feel tired after sex, I can often observe them sleeping for most of the next day after they have spent time with a sexual partner.  What is the problem here?  Why is it such a forbidden thing to mention?  Why does everybody try to assure me it is psychological?  Is there some fear attached to this?

Any study of wild animals in relationship to their mating habits, shows that some of them die after the mating season because it has been such an enormous expenditure of their resources.  Sometimes I wonder if the great pressure underlying advertising and the sale of books on sexuality, stating that sex is nothing but glory and leads to an enhancement of ones being, arises because there is so much profit to be made in that market. Sex is often problematic. It has social, emotional, economic and health factors that can lead to difficulties. If this were not so relationships would be much easier and less fraught.

Eastern teachings on sexual harmony

However, before you read on, I must say that I am mentioning these things because I found a way through the problem, and I want to express the many aspects of the situation before I come to the point of sharing the solution I found.  My reason being that there is so little written about this subject and I wish to explore it with you.

If you have been researching this area of tiredness after sex for any length of time, you will probably have encountered ideas arising from esoteric Chinese beliefs, yoga disciplines such as Tantric practices, and other ideas about the subtle energies within human beings.  My experience of these teachings is that they can be highly exaggerated, strangely mysterious, or downright misleading.  However, within some of them there are pointers of real practical help.

Of course, some of these comments apply to the thousands of straightforward books about sex.  Perhaps one of the most misleading approaches to sex is presenting it as the be all and end all of life. Again and again it is suggested that if only you could do it all correctly, or had a large enough penis, or could orgasm frequently, you would have a majestic relationship and have achieved spiritual enlightenment.  This goal orienting, this dangling of carrots, is a great snare that you may become entangled in.

Yes, I do now experience wonderful orgasms without tiredness.  But I experience similar wonderful feelings while walking in my garden, seeing wild animals, or achieving something I have been working toward.  Looking upon sex as a means toward final life happiness is as much of an illusion as thinking that having a certain amount of money, achieving fame, or getting a good pass in your studies, will resolve all your pains and life difficulties.  Like every other aspect of life, sex can be a great pleasure or a great misery.  But it is not something to hang your hopes of happiness on.

What the eastern teachings do state clearly again and again however, is that sexual activity and especially ejaculation uses energy and can be depleting.  They describe sexual activity as one way of expressing the potential that lies at your core.  A way of picturing this is to think of your psychobiological energy as building up, rather as it might in a battery.  But it is better to think of it as a wave rolling in toward the shore.  But in this case it is more like waves depicted when showing sound or radio waves.  The wave builds up its crest, and then the wave discharges its power and is flattened.  In a sense, the energy is grounded, rather like it is when lightning flashes.  With sexual energy the grounding or discharge that happens in ejaculation and can become the basis of another physical life form – a baby. See Energy Sex and Dreams

The wave theory of sex

What the eastern teachings suggest is that the energy should not be grounded or discharged. It should be lifted up to its peak, and then, instead of discharge it can be held there and pushed higher. If this can be achieved we burst into a new dimension of experience and expression.  In the natural course of life, if your energy is left to do its own thing, it will usually build up its wave height, and then discharge in some way.  The natural processes in you attempt this because one of your main drives is reproduction.  But just as we have learned to understand natural processes such as electrical discharge, and use them for our own purposes, such as light and heat, so also the natural flow of psychobiological energy can be used in a way to leap beyond its habitual course.

Remember that your psychobiological energy expresses in many different ways.  It can express as motor energy in muscular movement; it expresses all the time as the self-regulating processes of regeneration and repair in your body; it expresses as the urges you feel to eat and breathe, to make love and to communicate; it is the energy behind your emotions, you’re thinking, speaking, and behind the higher functions of creativity and inspiration.  What the eastern teachings say, and I believe rightly so, is that if this psychobiological energy is redirected in the right way, then it can lead to what in the east is called Liberation or Enlightenment.  What this means is that you arrive at an enormous synthesising of your whole life experience, and understanding beyond rationalisation, in which you know your essential self.

But perhaps the most important thing to recognise here in regard to this energy and the subject of sexual tiredness is that the psychobiological energy is the way that Life itself expresses.  It is the energy that forms and maintains your body.  Of course you could call it a process rather than energy.  But it is still a process that moves, that directs, that effects change.  So bear with me if I use the word energy.  It is also the energy lying behind emotion, thinking, fantasy, dreaming, and the whole realm of experience we call self.

This is important to recognise.  The reason being that if your energy is grounded, or discharged time after time, there is less chance of it building up to flow into different forms of mental and emotional activity.  As Freud so rightly pointed out, frustrated or repressed sexual energy can easily become neurosis.  It is the energy of life and flows into mental and emotional experiences that seem completely real, completely absorbing.  So if you take the path I suggest that enables you to achieve an orgasm without ejaculation, you must understand that it will challenge you in certain ways.

Greater energy will heal and unveil weaknesses

I needed to be specific about this to help you clearly understand the situation.  If an enormous amount of energy is passed through any machine or circuit, the weak parts will be revealed in some way.  In the human being the build up of psychobiological energy actually attempts a revitalisation and harmonising of mind and body.  But in doing so it pushes toward consciousness the problems, such as childhood trauma, limiting ideas and concepts or beliefs, and physical problems, that stand in the way of that revitalisation. It doesn’t simply wipe them away. It pushes them into your awareness, into your life experience. Previously they were unconscious and buried within you prior to the energy buildup.  There is usually resistance toward meeting such feelings or problems.  And if they are not met and dealt with, the energy might flow into the craziest of fantasies or beliefs.

There is a simple way of dealing with that possibility.  It is to remember that the energy or process behind your existence is life itself.  As such it is enormously creative.  It has in it the power of life and death.  Every possible experience that human beings speak of arise out of it.  There is nothing other than the process of life.  Everything relates to it.  Therefore you, as an expression of that Life, are also incredibly creative.  With the energy of your Life you can create a heaven or hell in your own experience.  You can create a sense of God or the devil, angels or demons, and death pits or exuberant life.  So as long as you remember that whatever you meet is a projection, a manifestation, of your own creativity, and you own it as such, you will be able to handle the enormously increased potential arising from the following practices. See Inner World – Avoid Being Victims

It must be understood that the things I am about to describe are principally for the male.  However, some of what has already been said, and some of what will be described, can be useful for a female to use and understand.

The natural inclination in sexual orgasm has been described as a wave that presses mightily toward discharge.  There is a tremendous urge toward ejaculation in the male, and in the female a discharge of lubricating fluid and other excretions.  In the male, every natural urge is toward planting his seeds, or laying his eggs.  In the woman there are similar urges, but toward wanting the male inside her and urging him to fertilise her.  Obviously, for personal reasons, these urges are often frustrated in one way or another to avoid pregnancy and its consequences, or are not really acknowledged.

Don’t spill your wonderful life energy

It is very important to understand these natural urges in yourself.  If you are to succeed in moving from the misery of exhaustion after sex, you have to learn to work with these waves of energy within yourself, and not to be in conflict with them.  What you will learn is not massive control, but the gradual development of a new possibility in your experience of sexuality. In fact you will learn to gradually lead the drive to plant your seeds – the cresting wave – up into your being as heightened feelings, instead of it spilling out of your body in the discharged wave.  You will do this by learning to masturbate in a new way.

So, to start with, recall to memory the times and the experience of ejaculation.  Remember those moments when your body reaches the cresting wave, like going past a point of balance, and dropping into full of ejaculation.  It is that point, that balance, that we have to work with.  The urge to go past that point of balance is intense and natural, but that does not mean it cannot be changed. Evolution in humans and animals only occurs because there are almost unlimited possibilities of change and development.  This means that although it is natural for you to fall over the edge into its activation, this can be changed.  It is a part of the possibilities you hold within yourself.

One of the things that getting near to that point of balance without tipping over into ejaculation causes, is massive fantasy. This arises anyway as sexual energy rises in its cresting wave, but it is stronger when you get right up to the crest. The fantasy takes hold of your mind and emotions and makes almost any woman appear wonderfully attractive, and in owmen’s fantasy like a wonderful loving man. It makes attractive women appear like angels, angels you must make love to. See Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow

The learning experience of masturbation

The change that you can bring about is that instead of toppling over the edge into ejaculation, the energy that produces ejaculation and such fantasies is redirected into an internal and heightened experience of orgasm without ejaculation.  This is done by what I call playing on the edge.  I sometimes think of it as dancing on the rim of the volcano without falling in.  This is done by using masturbation as a practising of the new approach.  Personally, I don’t think this is worth trying with a partner to start with, only once you have learned to master it through masturbation.

The practice is as follows:

1) You need time alone during which you will not be disturbed.  This can be anywhere you feel secure and can relax.

2) Before you even start you must learn to relax.  Relaxation is a key feature of transforming your sexual impulse.  Without relaxation the experience of sex remains genital, and it is difficult for it to transform into non-ejaculative orgasm.  Rather than attempt to teach relaxation here, and make this feature very wordy, I suggest you inquire into relaxation elsewhere. Lessons in Relaxation Part 1

3) So, in a relaxed state, touch your body – not genitals yet – slowly and gently.  The aim is to gradually awaken the pleasurable feelings in yourself and to relax you further.  If you enjoy cream or oil being rubbed on your body, do this to yourself and slowly move to touching your genitals.  It doesn’t matter in the least if no erection occurs.  It is an exercise in slowness, relaxation, and the development of pleasure.

4) Make slow movements across the penis rather than up and down.  I call this “playing the guitar”.  If you are a woman the same applies, but with the clitoris. It can excite the sexual pleasure without leading directly to ejaculation.  Gradually make this movement more intense.  Use the tips of your fingers to press hard at the root of the penis, still crossways. One of the things you are aiming at is to reduce sensitivity, and this rough handling can help to do this. It thereby enables a much fuller contact with your partner before any process of ejaculation occurs.

5) Now you are reaching the point of the exercise.  Slowly make the movements more intense.  Do this until you begin to get near to that point of balance, the crest of the wave, that leads to ejaculation.  There will be an intense urge to complete the process, and thus ejaculated.  But before you get to that point, stop, relax, let the whole urgency of genital feelings gradually melt and slow down.

6) When your being has pulled back from that crest, start again.  Move toward the crest of the wave once more and draw back.  Do this three times.  And DO NOT take the process to the point of ejaculation.

7) There is a difficult point here that you must gradually learn.  As already stressed, every urge in you will push you toward ejaculation.  Of course there is a certain satisfaction in the ejaculation.  But there is also a satisfaction in heightened feelings of pleasure.  So what you are trying to do with this practice of dancing on the edge is to gain great satisfaction without falling into the volcano.  This can only be done if you learn to gradually relax more and more until the excitation in your body can express very fully.  I need to be specific about this so you will understand what is meant.

Relaxation is a major key

If you cannot let your body’s excitation lead to spontaneous movement, spontaneous sound or moans, then you still have had a lot to learn about relaxation.  Relaxation means freedom.  It is the freedom to move, to cry out; and especially the freedom to feel extraordinary depths of emotion, fantasy or inner experience.  This freedom is a key factor.  Without it you will not reach the enhanced sexual orgasmic experience that is possible through non-ejaculation.  All that will happen is that you will feel frustrated because ejaculation has not taken place, and there has been nothing else to satisfy you.

The practice of non-ejaculative masturbation, dancing on the edge as I have called it, will take some time to become accustomed to.  Don’t forget that your body is gradually learning a new skill.  Give it time.  Do not be discouraged by failure.  Even when you have learned the process well, there will still be times when your body actually needs to ejaculate.  You will know when this skill is being learned because sometimes you will reach great pleasure without ejaculating, and you will feel satisfied afterwards. See Life’s Little Secrets

You must remember however that you have frustrated one of the most urgent drives in nature – the drive to procreate and to do that by planting your seeds.  Therefore, afterwards, your sexual feelings will be heightened.  Your erections do not disappear simply because you have experienced orgasm.  When you apply this to your partner, even when she is satisfied, your erections will still be maintained.

In fact, I believe some cases of inability to attain an erection, are due to unacknowledged depletion from too frequent sexual activity with ejaculation.  Erection returns once the frequency of ejaculation is lessened.

Dancing on the edge of the volcano

As you practice this non-ejaculative masturbation and learn to draw back from the edge and relax, a turning point occurs.  Your sensitivity decreases in terms of the urge to ejaculate.  Gradually you go right over the edge without ejaculation.  In other words you move beyond ejaculation into enormous orgasmic feelings that flow right through your body.  In fact this is an important point because, through your relaxation, you need to learn to allow the pleasure to flow up your body rather than out of your penis.  If you are blocking this through tension, or by not allowing your body and feelings free expression, this point of transition cannot occur.  But when it does, it is an extraordinary experience.  You are them ready to begin to enjoy that freedom with a partner.

Do not be upset if you cannot immediately transform your ability in masturbation to non-ejaculative orgasm with your partner.  Be patient with yourself.  Also, help your partner to understand your need to stop and relax at certain points.  If you have a partner who frantically wishes to push on with powerful movements at the point that you need to slow down, then you will simply be frustrated in your efforts to experience this new pleasure with each other.  If you can work together however, then your partner can also move on to full enjoyment of multiple orgasms without your needing ejaculation.  This is because after a certain point you can completely allow your own full movements, and the movements of your partner.  In fact tremendous joy comes from being able to move on and on without tipping over the edge.

Now I find that I can have more orgasms than my partners, because they are still experiencing their own form of ejaculation.

I have kept the instructions simple.  Remember that it takes time to learn.  Give yourself that time.  Practice until you can get to the edge and draw back again and again.  When you can manage that together with your partner you will have a completely new sense of yourself, and an open doorway to a new experience of life.  

The Final Healing

I was born prematurely in the 1930’s, before great efforts were made to care for such babies.

So my premature body was thrown aside after its umbilical cord was cut and I was not breathing. This led to the infant me meeting death, but fortunately my grandmother took hold of my body and bathed it in hot and cold water and my breathing started.

I learnt to go deeper into myself by using the techniques that allowed me to have such an  experience – Opening to Life – LifeStream and LifeStream – People Experiences Using It

“I am so alone. Even when someone loves me I can’t feel it. I want to change. I don’t want to keep hurting. My wife feels like she is feeling like she isn’t there at an emotional level. But that is the feeling world I have lived in – who is there for me? I was part of something and I lost it. I was part of something that was good, and I lost it. I was a part of a woman and I lost her. I was rejected. Now I face this struggle just to exist, just to breath, just to be. This feeling of life being a terrible struggle just to keep going has pervaded me all my life. I’ve got to struggle to exist just to keep alive. Got to struggle just to keep alive! GOT TO STRUGGLE TO EXIST – JUST TO KEEP ALIVE! GOT TO STRUGGLE BECAUSE THERE’S NOTHING THERE. I WANT SOMETHING TO HOLD ONTO. I’VE GOT TO STRUGGLE JUST TO KEEP ALIVE.

I cry like a baby. The question burns in me – Why is life like this? I cry again. Then I realise that at first when I was born I was too small and undeveloped even to be able to cry properly, so I couldn’t let out my misery. It is such a relief to cry now and be understood, to have known what I felt at that terrible time.

I am aware of my connection with my stream of life having been broken – the umbilical cord. What I realise as the adult watching this, is that because of its proximity to the genitals, there is an unconscious connection made between the genitals and the connection I seek to sustain my life. So even as a baby I am reaching for that connection with my genitals. I want to be fed. I attempt to reconnect through my genitals, but the pain of the separation is so acute even when I do try in adulthood through sex, the pain of the separation turns me back. This is the story of the Garden of Eden. I was in the garden and was cast out. Now when I attempt to return, an angel with a burning sword turns me back. Not only was it painful every time I attempted reconnection/sex, but I had the unconscious expectation to be fed, to be nourished. Instead of that every time I had sex I felt cheated, deceived and betrayed. I was not fed, but deeply sucked dry of what small nourishment I had managed to build up. I wasn’t fed, I was fed upon by a predator. Each sexual act was a betrayal, a predation, and a torturous pain. Yet I had to find my way to the garden again, because there lay the secret of my genesis and myself. So, I would return, to be wounded once more. It is even painful to look back on those years of misery now. Why is life so painful?”

I now am able to experience ejaculation without feeling like I am dying.

Some Interesting and Helpful Comments

Hi, Tony. I just read your article about Sex and Tiredness. It’s exactly my
experience – and I’ve gone through exactly your experience of finding very
little information about the situation for several years. I put a little of
my own story below, but I’ll put my question here at the top. You seem to
have walked a similar path to the one I’m on now. I’ve had similar energy
concerns all my life. Right now I want to get into a good relationship with
my nutrition, and I wonder –

Do you have any tips on where to start to get to know nutrition?

And a little of my story, in case you’re interested.

I’ve also been at a seemingly low energy level all my life, and I’ve always
had to be very careful and selective, in the same way you describe, about
where I spend my energy. I’ve made leaps and bounds over the past years in
coming to a place where I have a healthy relationship with sex, and raising
my general operating level of energy, and just becoming happy with life. I
explored the psychological aspects of feeling bad after sex, and uncovered
and eliminated them. But even with the taboo/guilt about masturbation and
sex removed, I found I continued feeling tiredness, exhaustion, or even
dropping straight into a kind of instant depression after ejaculation. So
after going through the long process of becoming comfortable with my
sexuality, I’m tackling what seems to be the next thing on my path to health
– nutrition. I seem to have completely ignored the physical component. Which
is a little funny, because it’s clearly the most obvious 🙂

So any tips or pointers you can offer will be appreciated. Thanks for your
time. Loved the article!

All the best, N…..

(The thing I found most helpful was Co-enzyme Q10 – or ubiquinone. It was an enormous help. But I took the dose from 30 to 100 mlg per day and it triggered severe vertigo which stopped as soon as I stopped taking it. )

Oh, also, I’ve had my sights set on multiple orgasms for years now. I had so
much crap to clear out before I could really start making progress towards
it. Reading your success story with it has got me inspired. So thanks for
that! It came at the perfect time, actually, since I’ve been doing exactly
the exercise you describe with masturbation this week, and really feeling
more relaxed than was possible for me before. Just that whole energy of
tension and the need to ejaculate has kind of faded away, replaced with this
new ability to just get higher and higher every time. I’m not quite there
yet, but I feel like I’m on the way.

All the best again 🙂 N…

Hey Tony. Thanks a ton for the enzyme recommendation. I’ll definitely check it out. I’d be really interested in hearing about the homeopathy approach. There are a few homeopathy clinics nearby; I hadn’t even thought to go in there with this.

Thanks for sharing your insights about the root of this for you. It gives me something to think about. As far as I know, I didn’t have a premature birth. But I’ve always seemed physically a bit smaller than other people, for my age. I thought of that when I first read your article. I’d say I’ve always felt a kind of striving for nourishment that I just couldn’t seem to find anywhere. Would you say you’ve stopped looking for that now, or have you learned to live with it? And thanks for just the pure encouragement! It’s really nice to hear an understanding voice! N…


Dear Tony, I discovered your excellent article about tiredness after ejaculating, a few years ago. I kept a note of it and finally came to a point where I had the time and space, and need, to try it. I have always experienced tiredness after ejaculating. If I have sexual activity in the morning, it can often ruin the whole day, and whenever I have come it leaves me irritable afterwards until I have a nice sleep. I have also found it can affect my immune system and cause skin breakouts.

I have been experimenting with your techniques but must confess I am stuck. Here’s where:

“As you practice this non-ejaculative masturbation and learn to draw back from the edge and relax, a turning point occurs. Your sensitivity decreases in terms of the urge to ejaculate. Gradually you go right over the edge without ejaculation.”

I wonder if you could clarify exactly how to reach this turning point. What I have tried so far is thus:

1. Relax, enjoy myself, be rough in the foreplay, try to desensitise down there

2. Nearly come 3 times, but stop just before then relax, even soften

3. I do find a change in sensation, a much ‘deeper’ sensation inside the penis, and often pleasurable waves down to my feet

4. However whenever I play on the edge like this, I can’t seem to get to the stage you mention – and inevitably the only other way it goes when it has had enough of me playing, is involuntary ejaculation – albeit more pleasurable!

Can you help me out with this “turning point” please? Are there any techniques to move the orgasm away from the penis, yet whilst still masturbating with the very same penis?!  Should I be tensing the muscle that holds back the come, or pushing, or leaving it be? I find holding it back sends the waves down my legs which I assumed would work but doesn’t.

Many thanks in advance. C.

Hi C. – Sorry to take so long replying. Seem to run out of time lately.

It was so interesting to read what you wrote about your own tiredness, and especially the irritability. I used to experience that badly. Wasn’t at all sociable. Here is a bit from my journal of 1983 – Last weekend was terrible, physically and emotionally, because I ejaculated again. It is so terrible a result I am frightened of facing such consequences again. Yet where can I stand? If I ejaculate I feel exhausted and angry that my body and life betrays me. I want to leave my marriage because I cannot look forward to years of misery over sex. If I avoid sex then tension and frustration builds up between us, and once more the marriage is so unsatisfying it palls for both of us.

I haven’t got a ready made response regarding where you have got to in the technique. This is because I haven’t worked closely with enough people to have gained ways of helping others in this. So I am trying to trawl through my own experience to remember what happened.

Because I haven’t got a sure-fire answer Chris, I have to admit that what I am going to suggest is what I remember of the process in myself, and you will have to see if it applies to you. I say this because I was working on myself from many different angles, exercise, breath control techniques and psychotherapy, so I am not sure exactly where some of the effects came from.

What happened for me at the point you mention is that I began to imagine or try to help the energy/pleasure that you say goes down to your feet, to flow up to my chest and head. This is a yoga concept, but over the years it has helped enormously. What this gradually did was to allow the drive that usually pushes toward ejaculation to transform into emotional pleasure. I started feeling enormous pleasure and to cry out with it. So in a way the flow came up to my head and out of my mouth.

So part of the process was to help the purely genital feelings to flow up the trunk. I remember when I was masturbating that I focussed on dropping any tensions in my trunk and throat. This allowed pleasure felt in the genitals to move up to expression as movement and sound – but also also generalised pleasure instead of genitally focussed pleasure.

I never found the tensing the muscles to stop ejaculation to work. A Chinese book about the process suggests grabbing the penis and squeezing, but I always found once the involuntary spasms of the muscles that propel the semen and sperm has started it is pointless to stop it. It reminds me of the saying – when rape is inevitable lay back and enjoy it.

I also had a vasectomy, but that didn’t change the resulting tiredness one iota.

I am not sure, but I think the technique of slow breathing helped. See the slow breath feature.

Throw this backward and forward with me if you need to Chris. I am interested in what results you get as I would like to improve hat I have already written. So if you have suggestions or find a way through, let me know. Best wishes – Tony


Dear Tony. Thank you very much for your article on tiredness after ejaculation. It is very personal and courageous. I have experienced very a very similar response since the age of 26 and have come to a very similar method for working with it. I have also found some mineral suppliments (Calcium citrate, Zinc chelate amino acid, Iron) and some homoeopathic medicines (Sepia, Calc phos, tissue salts and a number of others) that have helped a great deal over the last 12 years. But what an experience of life to have to live with — in fact when it is really difficult, my entire mental functioning can come to a grinding halt for several days — a disaster when trying also to be productive at work… I came to a similar conclusion to you as to ‘dancing on the edge’ — could keep it going for hours! But my partner and I are trying for our second child — no dancing on the edge allowed…!

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks. A great article. I have decided to look further into it and what other people have experienced, but you are quite right that very little is ever talked about in relation to this. Interestingly, this type of response is talked about quite a lot in the homoeopathic literature (part of the reason that led me to become a homoeopath). Thanks and best wishes. D…




Dylan Forbes


-RazaShire 2017-06-27 12:33:08

I am also feeling like you described above,your techniqe is helping me a lot .l am 49 years old ,enjoying your advise.
Any new findings that can help?


    -Tony Crisp 2017-06-29 7:06:11

    Raza – I am 80 years old now and the problem has completely disappeared now. But I did find taking Q10 capsules was a great help. (Ubiquinone)


      -razaShire 2017-07-10 21:07:56

      thanx for replying

-Mohamed ismail 2016-10-24 14:16:11

Dear sir,

I need help for my sexual exhaustion please help me

-Songwater 2015-08-03 18:55:03

Dear Tony,

Many thanks for this page. I am a healthy 65 year old, I eat good quality (organic) food, don’t smoke or drink, have practised my own regimen of yoga, taken from books, for decades, and am rarely ill. I have always enjoyed a high level of energy, and from the ages of twenty to fifty, was very active sexually, but gradually began to notice a link between ejaculation and colds. I therefore cut down on the frequency of ejaculation, once a month or longer, and experienced a corresponding reduction in such illnesses. I read taoist and other related literature and experimented with blocking the perineum to prevent outlow during masturbation. However, the after effects of this, in terms of energy drain, seemed little different from normal emission. I also practised bringing myself to the brink, then backing off; which developed willpower, but didn’t really solve the problem in the long term. Is it possible to ejaculate too seldom?!

At one time, if I experienced difficulty getting to sleep, I would masturbate, and then sleep deeply. However, over the past fifteen years or so, the situation has reversed. Now, if I ejaculate, during sex with my wife, or if I masturbate, I can hardly sleep at all, and I then develop a dry throat, runny nose and, if it is winter and my energies are low, am in danger of hatching a cold.

I have never has erectile problems, and have a very active, not to say rabid, sexual imagination, but have reached the point that I quietly suspect ejaculation of being a threat to my health. My wife can understand that I don’t necessarily want to ‘come’ when we have sex, but my reluctance to run the risk has caused tension. At our age there are insecurities about oneself, and she sometimes complains, with justification, that I treat her more as a good friend than a woman. In fact, she’s very attractive, but understandably doesn’t see why, if that’s the case, I’m so evasive about sex.

Like other contributors to your page, I often hear confident assertions, even from doctors and analysts, who should know better, that ejaculation doesn’t make you tired, and it’s ‘all in the mind’, which I know from my own experience is nonsense. I read widely, am a professional songwriter and poet, and have kept dream diaries for years. So, I am tolerably well acquainted with my own inner landscape.

Sorry to have gone rabbiting on at such length, but it’s a great relief to find that I’m not the only one with this problem.

    -Luis 2016-01-13 12:11:12

    Hi Tony,

    Thanks for the nice article. Good food for thought.

    My five cents!
    I have read it all, and while at the beginning you try to explain it as a result of the exhaustion of your energy level (which for me makes sense) at the end you seem to be considering the fact that controlling your ejaculation is the key to solving the problem, which in my opinion is the wrong approach.

    I am not very old, but I have learnt to distrust all the explanations about Eastern teachings, or sexual harmony etc. Tantric sex tries to teach us to get endless pleasure by “not going over the edge”. The idea is useful … but for how long?

    In the end, after weeks of non-ejaculating sex, you will have to ejaculate (or you risk gettin prostate cancer very soon). And as soon as you ejaculate, tiredness is back, so you have not solved the problem, you have simply delayed it.

    Another point is that having sex without “cumming” is not the same as having sex and climaxing: call me old.fashioned if you want, but I prefer doing it fewer times and ejaculate, to doing it many times and not climaxing. So we go back to square 1.

    On the internet, people don’t mention that feeling of being tired very often, but some people mention that they feel sleepy after sex. I think it is basically the same “exhaustion” feeling, although some people identify it as “sleepiness” and some people identify it as “tiredness”. Probably one’s energy levels will determine how tired we feel, but in any case, we all want to sit down or lie down when we are tired, and many times we need sleep to repair our low energy level.

    So, many more people than you think may actually be acknowledging than having sex results in tiredness (more or less noticeable depending on their energy levels).

    If that is the fact, what is the cause? Some people hint at the chemicals the brain liberates or produces when having sex (they mention prolactin and other chemicals/hormones). That explanation is feasible, and for me it makes some sense. The effect of those chemicals would be that relaxation and well-being feeling that we experiment after intercourse.

    But I think it could also be related to the substances the body is going to need to replace whatever it is that we have ejaculated.

    We know that the ejaculation is formed by different substances: the sperm, the seminal fluid, lubricants, and probably others. Once we ejaculate the body has to “produce” more, and in that process it is going to need different things: minerals, proteins, vitamins, dextrose, etc.

    Probably there lies the explanation of why some people feel much more exhausted than others. The reserves of your body of those “manufacturing elements” (of one of them or maybe some of them) may be lower, or higher. In the process your body is going to suffer more or less to replace the lost substances, and somehow or other you will notice.

    I am convinced that if we could give our bodies plenty of whatever they need to make up for the lost “resources” during ejaculation, the feeling of tiredness, although inevitable (because you are giving your body a lot of work to replace what it has lost) wouldn’t be so intense.

    One example. When you ejaculate you are using part of your zinc reserves (among many other things). If you body is already low on that mineral, or you have a chronic zinc deficiency (even though you don’t know it), imagine the effor your body will have to make to find the zinc it needs to continue producing “milf”. In the end your body is going to be super-depleted of some substances it badly needs, and you may be entering a “fool-circle”.

    You may be wondering why your body would use the few precious resources you have (or lack) to produce more semen?

    My guess is that nature rules dictate that, if needed, any resources in any living organism will be given to the reproduction system first, as that approach guarantees the continuation of the species. So we may be fighting a losing battle there.

    In my view the only thing we can do is try to find out whatever it is that our body is “exhausting” in the process of producing more semen, and try to give it plenty.

    But even in that case, the problem may have been caused because your body doesn’t produce/absorb/accumulate that substance in the first place, which is why you have always felt very exhausted while other people have barely noticed some sleepiness. As you know, some people have chronic anemia, because no matter how much iron the doctors give them, their bodies don’t absorb it.

    To sum up, I would try to find the explanation more in that direction, in the physiology of the body and the reproduction system, and I would forget about the “Eastern/tantric/spiritual” explanation you seem to be hinting at in some parts of your article.

      -Tony Crisp 2016-01-19 10:45:33

      Luis – Your post is all about tiredness. I know tiredness from often working all through the day and then all through the night and into the next day. That is tiredness, but it is not the personally crushing exhaustion I was writing about, an exhaustion that leaves one feeling as if some part of you has died, leaving one feeling like an empty shell, weeping.

      I see, or feel that you do not know that sort of feeling, one which I tried to avoid at all costs – so tried never to ejaculate.

      I have never ever had anaemia, having been interested in healthy eating and living from the age of 15. Also the statement that not ejaculating cause prostate cancer is an old wives’ tale and hogwash. I am nearly 79, for many years I experienced multiple orgasms leaving me satisfied without ejaculation and I have been recently tested for prostate cancer and there were no signs of any cancer. Cancer of the prostate may be caused by a life style that is far from natural, eating white flour and white sugar products, and eating a high protein diet – high protein diet promotes cell growth – even cancer cells.

      As for the mention of Eastern Methods I think I said I could not use them as they were described. I do not get tired by hard work, and as I said always took care of my health – vitamins, exercise etc. “I am not very old, but I have learnt to distrust all the explanations about Eastern teachings, or sexual harmony etc. Tantric sex tries to teach us to get endless pleasure by “not going over the edge” I agree, but only because most people haven’t actually practiced Hatha Yoga except what they call yoga – doing postures. But the traditional yoga taught that the head stand should gradually be held for three hours a day and continue for three months. And that same for other postures. In the West we want everything immediately expecting wonders without the discipline. But yoga has understood energy as we experience it for thousands of years.

      This leads to a change in your body and consciousness. This is what it leads to, “so I sat down with crossed legs at what I judged to be a suitable distance from him. He took no notice of me whatever and continued his exercises, and this put me at ease and made it easy to continue watching him. At first there was very little to see. He continued his breathing exercises for perhaps half an hour, and then his breathing grew fainter and fainter, and finally ceased altogether. For about ten minutes nothing at all happened, and, a little disappointed, I supposed that he would now remain in a deep meditative trance for a long period. But suddenly his body began to shake, from the hips upward to the head, and his face was transfigured as though in ecstasy; at the same time, I felt a throbbing in my own body like an electric current becoming stronger every moment. A voice sounded within me: ‘Beloved brother, move farther away, or you will be unable to stand it.’

      Although the request was couched in a solicitous and amiable tone, it gave me a shock and I hurriedly removed myself to a greater distance where the throbbing was no longer perceptible.”

      Or even this, “I am in a landscape and notice that everything is brown; the whole world is brown and lifeless. There is also a feeling of solemnity or dullness. I have enough lucidity to wonder why the world of my dream is so brown and dull. As I ask this I become more aware of what feeling the brownness expresses. It is seriousness – with no room for humour or fun. The feeling deepens, real enough and clear enough to look at and understand. I see it is my father’s attitude to life that I have unconsciously inherited. I realise how anxious he always felt about life, and how I took this in. That is how I became a ‘brown’ person. I see too that I do not need to be either brown or serious anymore.

      Then the landscape changes. There are trees, plants and animals in brilliant colour. I wonder what this means, and the landscape begins to spin until the colours blend and shimmer. Suddenly my body seems to open to them, as if they are spinning inside of me, and with a most glorious feeling, a sensation of vibrating energy pours up my trunk to my head. With this comes realisation. I see how stupid I have been in my brown, anxious existence, how much life I have held back. The animals and plants are the different forces in my being that blend into energy and awareness. I feel I am capable of doing almost anything, like loving, writing a song, painting, telepathy, or speaking with the dead. This sparkling vibrating energy is life itself and can, if I learn to work with it, grow into any ability or direction I choose. I wake with a wonderful sense of my possibilities.”

      It comes from using energy in a different way.


        -baso 2016-04-06 13:16:31

        I just found the website after searching google for an answer for the same subject. but as you mentioned very few results were there relating to the subject without a convincing reason. actually first i thought it was a common issue but i was surprised that its far less.
        I would like to share my experience with you, I am 32 male and since my puberty i suffered from this fatigue and achy body after ejaculation. the worst thing came with puberty is I used to get nocturnal dreams very often sometimes the least is two times a week and could be more than one time per night!! that left me very tired the day after at school where i remember I used to quit the sport hour if I had sport at that day!!.
        imagine you avoid masturbation although was premature in your adulthood but to have ejaculation during silly dreams that happen in a split of second. It could be due to a sexual dream or sometimes not even related. I recall one dream where I was being afraid of me having ejaculation and trying to fight this feeling but to wake up with me jerking.
        during this period this nightmare occupied me and I was on constant anxiety before sleep and during day and I think it was a cycle thing for me the more I think about it the more it happened to me.
        One day I was in bad shape after a bad week and during my day nap I had this wet dream, here I realized it’s not normal anymore it’s haunting me I started to have pain while walking where knees where aching and weak, back pain no energy. I thought to tell mom as it’s more than I can tolerate anymore.
        She took me to orth doc. old guy probably in 70’s couldn’t understand what am suffering, he started to knockme with the hammer on the knees and that’s it he told mom there is nothing he is just weak and let him eat lentils good diet and that’s it.
        mom thought maybe I was over doing it and told me not to do such things and the nocturnal dreams is normal to have but she didn’t understand its relation with being fatigue and body and joint aching. I don’t know if this dreaming thing was the cause that since young age I always enjoyed sex fantasies and so but never had any experience or access to anything related to sex there was no internet at that time and nothing just you and your imagination.
        I remember myself always had anxiety even at age 7 or younger and this aggravated it and led me to progress sleep anxiety and the worst panic attacks.
        and this nocturnal dreams continued but was less frequently happening over the time later where the anxiety was getting bigger and bigger and I had to deal with more serious thing the panic attack that kept me suffering in silence but didn’t tell anybody what all I was experiencing as all sounds crazy.

        In college at around 21 I had extreme anxiety/ panic attacks for a period of two month where I collapsed and I went to hospital and I was diagnosed with GAD and panic attack sufferer where started SSRI and xanax.
        There came the good negative side effects came with the SSRI the nactoral dreams “the nightmare” came mostly to an end! It started to be a thing of the past and a very rare thing after the medication.
        This post brought me the bad memories which I almost forgot regarding this nocturnal dreams and just recalling it gives me sad feelings of all the bad times I went through alone. Actually when I decided to comment I just wanted to tell that I also know this fatigue experience but I couldn’t stop and memories started flowing.
        more than ten years now on anxiety medication continuously although now not very beneficial on the anxiety thing from the medication but saved me from the hell nightmare I had.
        Now I am married with two kids sometimes I do sex couple of times a week and sometimes a couple of weeks to have one time sex and if happened to be at consecutive nights i have this fatigue and needs a couple of days to restore my energy . Sex is not a big concern to me and gladly so my wife. I don’t enjoy it but a few minutes where I ejaculate early so its not my pleasure thing.
        I think each one has his uniqueness of body and mine has exceptionally these rare “characteristics or diseases” combined which I mentioned only a few here familial hypercholesterolaemia another thing , chronic dandruff and others..
        Sorry for the bad language and the long story..
        Hope all enjoy the health and life.

          -Tony Crisp 2016-04-15 10:06:55

          Baso – I too suffered hypercholesterolemia – abnormal amount of cholesterol – and it was a major cause of my stroke – see http://dreamhawk.com/interesting-people/tonys-experience-of-stroke/

          The crazy thing is I never ate fried foods, animal products or fats. When I asked the specialist why I had high cholesterol she said it was genetic. In fact, my mother died from multiple strokes.

          But now at 79 I do not suffer the exhaustion after ejaculation any more. I learnt, through the long years of battle with it, it has several causes – The physical health and energy you have – The psychological traumas we have buried in our unconscious – The enormous influence of anxiety on our energy – The inability to find unity with our Core self.

          A very helpful resource I found was Q10 supplements. You could try taking 100 or 200 mgs a day. They were a real help. But any increase in energy will also increase any anxiety you suffer. But a major healing came from practising what is explained in http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/lifes-little-secrets/


-Mark 2015-02-22 21:35:12

Saw your site a few years ago, as you were one of only a few who would discuss the issue. Probably a lot to do with male ego that most blokes don’t want to admit it. I’m similar to your self in having to manage my energy like a bank balance. I agree it’s mainly a physical/chemical endorphins release reason that’s pretty naturally causing sleep. But of course each person has a different level of energy to begin with and recharges either slower or faster. Not many of us Westerners are likely to use your Eastern mystical solution to the problem as most are not good at lucid dreams, OBE or meditating. Be good if they were as there’d be much less conflict in the world. Hope you are still with us Tony or at peace in the “Astral Plane”

    -Tony Crisp 2015-02-24 10:08:14

    Hi Mark – Yes, I am still here. I am nearly 78 and I have experienced a lot of change as I get older. I am not one of those guys who feels sex is the be all of life. So I do not try to stay young sexually by taking sexual stimulants like Cialis. So I find my desire to penetrate a woman has disappeared. But my openness to love has increased in the sense of nearness, caring, understanding etc. Becoming old has a lot of good things in store, like the loss of desperation to ‘be with’ a partner.

    It has also changed my feelings after ejaculation – I no longer feel as if I died and need to claw my way back to feeling human again. I think this has come about because my digestion has got better, and other things.

    Anyway, thank you for writing.


      -aarti 2015-03-06 13:51:01

      My partner too experiences this tiredness.
      I do think that it has something to do with a not so strong mars in his natal chart.
      Similarly in such cases the natal chart might give some clues.

-Peter 2014-06-21 5:42:53

I liked your article. I’m also very tired for at least a day after I cum. I have just gone over the wave 4 times in 2 hours (it has been over a month since I’ve cum). Relaxing and playing the guitar is sometimes a useful tool. Another tool is engaging in creative activities that enrich our life and remove (for a time) the need for sex. This is the better option. When I play the guitar I’m reminding myself of how good it feels and how much better it would feel when I cum. The subconscious becomes active in pleasure mode. I liked your article very much.

    -Jake 2014-06-21 6:55:25

    Good point. That’s redirection your attention. When you do yoga you’re redirecting. When you focus on some creative activity you’re redirecting. When you go jogging you’re redirecting. However when you pleasure yourself without reaching climax you’re only frustrating yourself. This is a great topic. Thank you for being courageous and open minded.

    -Tony Crisp 2014-06-21 7:19:06

    Jake and Peter – You will only get frustrated if you are totally centered on your genitals. It means you have little or no real human awareness but are almost fully controlled by the animal that we all are. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/brain-levels-and-dreams/

    There is a lot more pleasure in life than ejaculation, though that is sometimes pleasant.


      -Peter 2014-06-22 7:02:58

      Dear Tony,
      Yes we are animals with a bit of extra consciousness.
      Just as with our fellow creatures we have no awareness or control of the myriad processes that take place in our body. This includes the mind.
      This is enough reason for me to allow myself forgiveness of self.
      I am made a certain way and I have limited control.
      In my personal experiences I have learned that I must go a full circle.
      These are the stages that make up that circle:
      1) I have much control over my thoughts.
      2) I feel energy build inside me and I become more sociable.
      3) My mind starts to wonder and tests the resolve to safeguard the precious energy.
      4) The animal in me must be fulfilled and the energy is released fully.
      5) Drained, I’m uncomfortable around people. This lasts up to 3 days.
      6) Back to stage 1.

      The longer stage 2 is, the happier I am.

      There is a god framework in me that is not me.
      At it’s core it presents a truth.
      Give up your life for others.
      In the vastness of time, our lives, our children’s lives will be as if they never existed.
      I want to embrace it and live.
      It is nearly impossible to do.

        -Tony Crisp 2014-06-22 8:24:04

        Wow – Now we are communicating.

        Thank you.

        For me I am often a silly old man who loves Life and all the animals I am inside and outside – if there is such a difference and that includes the human animals – and I gave my life away to the wonderful influence that moves me and lives me. See http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/lifes-little-secrets/

        I do not believe from experience we or our children will ever be forgotten. Life/God has a wonderful memory that includes the synthesised whole and the particular things that are passed by.


-sanni 2014-04-26 8:18:49

Is there any permanent solution to this problem.

-Jerry 2013-05-16 21:14:16

Interesting article. Thanks! The dancing on the edge part is interesting, but in my case, I don’t bother to last longer, when I know, I will be even more tired.

But there is a question I will only answer if I get divorced or cheat on my wife. Before her (over 10 years ago), I don’t remember tiredness after sex. I wonder if my tiredness is mostly related to her, not physically, but just, I don’t know, spiritually. She is an anxious woman, and I don’t mean it in a sexual way. Am I tired of her?

Maybe, but we laugh everyday together and I don’t really have a plan B.

    -Tony Crisp 2013-05-20 11:05:35

    Jerry – It doesn’t sound as if you are tired of her, but maybe your tiredness is due to your age or even your physical condition. I found that a daily dose of 30mlg of Q 10 was a wonderful energiser – not like coffee or a stimulant, but a real boost to ones health.


-Sincerely Anonyme 2012-12-29 12:32:04

Hey Tony! You have written very good information here, i appreciate!

I’ve struggled with my sexuality all of my adulthood, and i am now 32 yo. I’ve tried many things to cure the tiredness and some other symptoms i’ve got after sex/masturbation. None has been as good as abstaining from ejaculation over 1 week. However abstaining from sexual things for long period is very hard and i have felt it also frustrating. It is even challenging to fall into sleep if abstained long enough.

So, these your words made me enthusiastic, i am really going to give a try for non-ejaculation orgasms.

I think I may have actually had this kind of orgasms couple of times, unintentionally. I’ve reached them by without touching genitals, just have let my body to “do what it wants to do”, being relaxed, and “magic” happened. Breath gets faster and faster, body start to shake and move by itself. Leading to orgasm or orgasm like pleasure feeling. The orgasm felt good, amazing but someway strange and scary, maybe because it was not that kind of orgasm i expected, ejaculatory orgasm. I didn’t continue this practice because i was unsure was it healthy or not.

My goal was to reach ejaculation without touching but i couldn’t. However, i applied this practice to normal masturbation/sex and indeed achieved great, wild orgasms with ejaculation but still suffered post-orgasmic tiredness and so on. So the tiredness has been related mostly just how often i have been ejaculated. Thought, i think this kind of “free-orgasm” may have lessened a bit my symptoms but still far not enough.

So, really, i am going to try get again these non-ejaculation orgasm. Just, i think if i want to do it in sex i may need another technique than i have used because mine has led to ejaculations in sex. Or maybe i have just let it go over like you explaned in your text. More training needed i guess 🙂

-One 2012-07-05 19:24:05

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom it will most definitely help along this journey of life. One thing I would like to share with you and anyone reading your article is that one can also manage their ejeculation through muscle control. It takes a bit of time to master, as does everything worthwhile, though it can tremendously help along with what you have taken the time to share with us here. Once again, thank you.

    -Tony Crisp 2012-07-08 13:23:59

    One – Thank you for what you wrote.

    If you have any information about muscle control I would be interested – I suppose it is learning to tense the muscles that cause ejaculation. I could do that but it didn’t allow me the deep pleasure of allowing the impulse to travel up my trunk.


    -Sanjeev 2016-07-31 17:48:57

    Hello all, Brahmacharya is not very difficult to follow if focus of our energy can be diverted elsewhere. For example playing football or any other sport that makes you sweat and tired. Your sexual urge will remain suppressed. Diet plays a big role too. Try eating less meat and more vegetarian food. It definitely makes you energetic which can be felt in just an week.

    Sanjeeb, India

-Yann 2012-01-27 15:15:26

I’m glad you read my comment.
When you say that when you talk to others about how you feel after performing a sexual act, it is no surprise that others generally react as it is taboo .
I don’t know how to say it without seeming too cocky, but the biggest part of humanity, especially occidentals people are ignorant of simple truth and despise or fear what is not categorized as “normal” and “common”.
Few years ago, when i started self healing, i wanted to share with others my thinking and experiences but it resulted in awful discussions that made me feel bad and doubtful. Few years later, i healed my eyesight and skin and i can say that from where i stand now, it was almost incredible how much the masses can be totally wrong, ignoring a subject and yet thinking they know everything about it.
But to come back to our initial topic, you should learn about brahmacharya: it is an indian spiritual yoga which is very clear about sex and sexual energy.
In fact, every ejaculation just deplete the body a little more, wasting semen which is in fact pure prana destined to procreate and not to have sex.
While when you live a life of celibacy and chastety, you store your energy in order to regenerate the body and the mind, reaching spiritual improvement.
I don’t tell you more, if you are interested here is a good link:

My point is that in fact, just everyone is affected by ejaculation as you and me are, and you are not abnormal, you are just self-aware.
Maybe some handle it better, but in the world we live, i don’t see so many strong and healthy people around.
Coit is not the aim of life, and love (relationships) are not at all a condition of well being. The sad truth is that it is in fact the exact opposite, they creates a lot of perturbations.
I hope i was clear, because my native language is French!

    -Tony Crisp 2012-02-20 14:08:00

    Yann – I have only just seen you reply, and thank you.

    I started practising yoga at thirteen and threw myself into it, so in fact did read about and practised brahmacharya, though I adapted it over the years.


-Yann 2012-01-23 21:53:21

I totally agree with you, and in my case i have to say that not only am i tired after ejaculation, but i do feel bad. The weak parts of my body show sign of affection. I practice self healing and i noticed a week without ejaculation is ten times more effective in terms of progress than a week where i ejaculated.
It tooks me some times to understand it, and to apply it but now i achieve to do it no more once a week and it is life changing. I am aiming to not do it anymore but it is hard!
However i don’t know if i could have a partner anymore because everytime i ejaculate i feel pretty bad.
It is kind of strange for a 22 years old young man, i am quite in good health otherwise but i really have no choice and i totally understand you.

    -Tony Crisp 2012-01-24 10:51:47

    Yann – It is so good to read your very frank description of sexual tiredness. I have had years of misery through it, and a lot of misunderstanding. As I said, I think it is a matter of what ‘bank balance’ of energy you have.

    And also I believe, “Something that is very strange about this is that the mention of tiredness after sex seems to be almost taboo. Whenever I mention it in conversation, as I do where it is relevant because it has been such an important factor in my life, people maintain with great energy that it is purely psychological. Looking in many sexual handbooks I cannot even find a mention of tiredness in the index or text. Try it for yourself. Do a search on the Internet. If you search for something like vitamins to enhance sexual performance, you will find a whole list of sites to link to. If you put in the words tiredness after sex, you will be lucky if you get four or five sites listed.”

    Anyway, as you say it is difficult to stop, and it can make one not only feel bad, but in my case, really angry and not interested in carrying on being a lover.


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