Bonding Bond

Each person we spend time with, fall in love with, make love with or grow up with, or even animals, we develop an incredible and often invisible bond. For instance many women and men write and ask why they keep dreaming of partners, parents of even old friends they have moved on from.  You keep dreaming about your dead husband, your ex from years ago or old friends because while you lived with them you experienced millions of memories, situations, conflict and learning experiences. So you carry them with you as memories, lessons learnt, love or anger still trying to find a way of being absorbed.

So in a way it is not your husband, ex or others you are dealing with but yourself. We cannot have a mass of experience with someone and move away without it influencing us. Life is, in a very real way, a learning experience, and every new experience has to be fitted into what we are learning. See Moved on from

But there is another type of bonding that many people do not acknowledge.

Example: While at work I saw deeply into Flo some weeks ago. She was just standing talking to Vic, the boss. There was nothing in conversation or obvious actions that showed – yet suddenly every tiny movement they made seemed to tell me about them. It showed, suddenly, that there was a wider awareness in me, that sometime back, Flo had a physical, sexual, relationship with Vic. I saw as though words could have been said, that any intercourse, especially if with deep feeling, forms a tremendous although invisible bond between people. They literally become linked in their souls, and intercourse must therefore not be lightly undertaken. I saw as if a real action was taking place that things flowed between them all the time from this usually invisible linked they had forged trough sexual intercourse. Afterwards I asked Flo whether she had been deeply related to Vic. She told me she had slept with him, and said she would never look me in the eyes again.

Also another form of bond is formed. We know that if we do not feed the baby and protect it there will never be the full development or flowering of it in a physical way. That is equally true of the infant consciousness, and the bonding it is attempting is the formation of another type of umbilical cord, but this time a more mature one that flows two ways. If this does not form the child will be as restricted in the growth of its psychological and spiritual potential as the infant body is when not fed.

This bond is subtle, and if it could be seen, it would appear as a cord of energy connecting mother and child, or carer and child. Through this bond the child and mother exchange vital psychological and spiritual nutrition. If the mother is emotionally, intellectually or spiritually impoverished, then so will the child be – and by spiritual in this context is meant an awareness that extends beyond the mother’s physical senses, her external environment, and the limits of her own mind and understanding.

What the baby learns at this point about making a connection at this level forms the foundation of all later relationships. However, like any living and growing thing, what is established or learned at this basic level can be extended and transformed later as long as the feelings evoked at the time can be met.

Although this new umbilical cord is subtle, we can of course see when such a living bond exists between mother and child. The exchange of glowing pleasure in each other is obvious, as is its absence. With such a positive experience of relationship the baby soon starts, as it grows, to reach out to others to enjoy the wonder of that exchange with those who can respond. Even when very small such children reach out their arms to those they recognise as being able to exchange what we usually call love, but might be defined as a sharing of their own feelings, responses and pleasure, at a physical, emotional and mental level appropriate to both of them.

If this bonding is not well developed the individual may lose their direct perception of kin relationships within the group; of how they are an integral and useful or respected member of the group; what part they play in the group, and of any shared bonding experience within the group.

We still need meaningful shared activity within which we can find bonding. That millions of people watch a TV soap at the same time is not bonding in the same way that gathering and celebrating a harvest together was bonding to older communities.

Useful Questions and Hints:

What part in my life as the character or bond arisen from?

Can I see how memories or lessons learnt are causes of our dreams?

What is your dream telling me?

Please see Past People also Talking As