Control Controlled Not Controlling

There is a huge area of ones conscious skills given over to various sorts of control. This starts from a very young age when we gradually learn not to mess our pants, and later to ride a bike and drive a car. Being out of control can open us to a great deal of fear, or even terror. Yet being able to let go of control is also tremendously important. Many of the things we meet in life we are unable to control – even our own heartbeat and life processes; for many their own emotions that make them victims to great pain. But many external things such as a relationship, sex, opportunity, losses, accidents and other people’s decisions confront us with areas that we cannot control.

Therefore it is important to define what your dream is describing if questions of control or lack of control are portrayed. See if you can discover what you are meeting, and what a wise stance to it might be.

Example: I was swimming in the sea and a huge breaker swept me up and started bowling me over and over and to start with I tried to keep myself upright and fight my way to the surface for breath, but then I just relaxed into the wave and let myself be thrown all over the place, waiting for it to pass and trusting that I could hold my breath for that long. Susan.

This dream illustrates both the attempt to stay in control, and then the letting go and being out of control.

Control and letting go of control also relate very fully to what we know about ourselves. This is because with too tight a control on what we allow ourselves to feel or experience we build a barrier against the re-experiencing and healing of old painful events, and also for the arising of new aspects of our potential to emerge. See: prison; Life’s Little Secrets

However, as a child we have so little control over people and the world around us that we sometimes become overwhelmed and feel helpless. In response our only control might be either to shut down our feelings so nothing can touch us; a flight into mysticism and magical thinking; or the defence of anger and violence, or the extreme of self destruction. If these feelings are powerful it is difficult to trust or love people you can’t control.

An example of a child’s reaction who had been left alone for too long, “‘I don’t want anybody near me. I’m dangerous. Keep away. ‘I’m three. I’m only little. But I’m dangerous. I will KILL YOU if you get near me. I’ll bite you or something.”

Controlling our urges is a necessary part of growing up, but if we do not also have times where we drop the control, we can become unhealthy.

There is a philosophy being promoted that you are fully in control of your life, and can get anything you set your heart on. While there is some truth in that, but it is also as unbalanced as saying that to have full control is the way to be. Letting go of control is equally necessary. There is a middle way. We certainly cannot control the Universe, but we can learn to work in greater harmony with the forces of nature and intelligences we are interwoven with. For example you have no control of your digestive process, the process that pushes you through the ageing process as you pass through childhood, adolescence, and into mature years and on to old age.

Carl Jung says that, “An ability to control one’s emotions that may be very desirable from one point of view would be a questionable accomplishment from another, for it would deprive social intercourse of variety, colour, and warmth.”

Example: I witnessed a conversation between a man and a woman, and the man says, “Religion; that’s surely a direction for failures and people who can’t really cope with facing reality.”


And the woman he is accusing of this inability to face reality says, “You poor person! Is your mind or awareness so tiny that you have never realised the forces and processes of your own body are beyond anything you understand? Can’t you see that your very existence is brought about by things so far beyond your knowledge that it is only a statement of your impoverishment to suggest religion is an expression of some sort of smallness and failure. Have you never understood that? Have you not seen that religion is not only an acknowledgement of what we fail to understand and yet depend upon, but it is also an opening to it, a willingness to relate to it? It can also be something far more even than that. It is can be an active loving relationship. And such love is an exchange, a sharing, a way of merging one with another. It is an exchange – a sharing of bodily fluids – the very substance of life. Is that something you are afraid of?”

Controlling objects: A dam is an obvious symbol of control, as are handcuffs, chains or a rope. A prison, authority figure, police person, steering wheel, and lock or key. These are just a few things to give you an idea of what to look for.

Emotional control: In many dreams, and in life, we are often so connected with another person emotionally, so deep in dependence or fears, that in a real way many of our responses are controlled by the person we are dependent upon. See Ages of Love

Threats of violence are another way we might attempt to control of be controlled.

Example: With M, sleeping on a construction site near a sidewalk, like street people. She wakes me up in the middle of the night chanting some voodoo curses. It is very frightening to me. I think she plans to kill me. As I am  trying to get control of her – trying to reason with her – she tells me all the bad things I have done to her in the past, to women. PGW.

Personal Control: While we sleep our conscious self is largely or totally unconscious, and while we dream our voluntary muscles are paralysed – therefore another will or motivating force moves our body. So we have a Conscious Will, and what I will call a Life Will. The first one we have experience of as we can move our arm or speak in everyday activities; but the second will takes over when we sleep. See Sleep Paralysis

This Life will can move us to speak, to move our body, and in fact do things that we cannot do with our Conscious Will. As Freud pointed out this inner will has full access to our memories. It can do so many other things that are described else where – See Edgar Cayce and the Cosmic MindESP in Dreams.

So, we have another powerful will that moves us. This Life Will or motivator has been active for millions of years and we see it working all the time in animals. We are partly split in half because we are often opposed to what our Life Will in us wants. So the only way to express what is good for us is in dreams when our conscious will is largely passive or we are restricted by being tied down.

Life Will created your body and pre-existed you as a person you know today. It was working in you prior to your ability to speak or know in the way you do now. But of course it has fantastic wisdom and skills, as can be seen in animals.

Vehicle control: Many dreams about control involve driving or being in a car or public transport. In general the control or lack of it are about being able to stop or navigate easily. They indicate you life skills in dealing with people, social situations and opportunities; or more importantly beingin control of your own urges such as anger or sex. Being in control of your life does not mean being uptight and scared of letting go, it means you can express in any way that is suitable – control/letting go of control.

Some such dreams are also about sexual relationships and how much control you have. This statement from a dream illustrates this perfectly. “I’m out of control and I can only hope that as I merge into oncoming traffic, I don’t hit anybody. I do manage by luck, not skill, to merge successfully. BS” See: car.

Useful Questions and Hints:

What is it I am trying to control or is out of control, and what can I gather from that?

Am I controlled or controlling in this dream, ad can I see evidence of that in my life?

How do I, or can I, deal with this, and is there any suggestion in my dream?

See Opening to Life – Arm Circling MeditationLife’s Little SecretsDream Yoga


-Dina 2018-04-24 7:17:18

Look i had a weird dream where i completely changed into something else i dunno if it was a human being or something else bit if it was a human being then i can say it wasnt clear i was with somebody but then i disappeared from in front of them and i was invisible trying to speak to them or shouting but no words come out..i felt like maybe i was some kind of a human monster maybe who lost complete control of himself and the surroundings.. We stayed like this for a while and then that person started acting normal and forgot that i existed ..and when it first happened the person was worried and kept calling for me..well would you please explain this to me?

    -Tony Crisp 2018-04-25 7:55:30

    Dina – We have another completely different dimension of life in sleep. In this wider awareness you leave the limited view of the three dimensional world most of us are trapped in, and enter a world beyond time and space. Beyond time we can be aware of all time, past, present and future – all at once. Also in this different dimension changed rules apply, for in dreams you are a shape shifter, you are male as well as female, you have no physical body and use an image of yourself, and nothing can hurt you, because a dream is nothing like outer life where things could hurt you, but is an image like on a cinema screen that even if a gun is pointed at you and fired it can do no damage – except if you run in fear; so all the things that scare you are simply your own fears projected onto the screen of your sleeping mind.

    I feel you were just waking up to these truths. So your feeling of losing control may be because whenever we dream all our voluntary muscles are paralysed. That is fine while we are dreaming, but if we become slightly awake or lucid we are often scared that we have lost control. See

    So please read and

-Hope 2018-03-11 0:06:59

I have a question. I had a dream, about mind control. Yes I was watching Jessica jones so the main guy was from this show. But here’s the thing he was controlling everyone around him but with me he wasn’t able to. I would just pretend sometimes like I was listening but then walk away and giggle and laugh. And other times I would just laugh or act like a little kid. Even with how severe he would yell or throw things I just would laugh and smile and skip away. Then when I woke up I was completely calm, all day it was like I was calm and seeing everything differently. It was like inner peace and even as I write this I still feel that way. What does this dream mean? Anyways thanks!

    -Tony Crisp 2018-03-11 10:41:13

    Hi – It is important that you read
    Nothing can replace your own ability to understand your dream. With a little effort you can do this by practicing what is described in – or

    Hope – A wonderful dream you can learn from.

    You see, we are all at the mercy of the guy/people who control us. Look around you and remember the enormous power people had over you by things that were said which led to despair – maybe for you but for millions certainly.

    Here are some classic examples: You’ll never amount to anything – I don’t love you and am leaving – It’s you that is ruining the whole thing – you can’t even sing in tune – Why can’t you be like other children – You must not do that because if you do I will whack you hard – The devil will get you – and so on. Because we are all victims of our own feeling reactions we live an awful life. Someone says something critical and you feel low – something positive and your spirits rise. So maybe you go in constant search for the good thing instead of realising you are a victim.

    But you learnt that it is only if we believe what is said or done to us that it controls us. The great truth that your dream revealed to you is that really we are in control of our own reactions unless we hand the control to others by believing them. You also learnt that you have great control over your feelings because you, “Would just laugh or act like a little kid. Even with how severe he would yell or throw things I just would laugh and smile and skip away.”

    I tried to teach this to one of my sons, and called it ‘verbal battle’. I would say such things as, “What’s up with your legs, they don’t look right.” Or, “You’re stupid, you can’t get it right.” Then as soon as he reacted I would say, “Verbal battle,” in an attempt to make him aware of how others could get at him.

-Jordan 2016-12-31 15:20:14

What does it mean to go through events in a dream that you want to make a decision in, but you have no control and the events play out while you go through the motions; like if you’re watching a movie and you cannot change the actor’s decisions/motives. All you can do is watch yourself.

-KastielRifkin 2015-03-12 6:35:08

1tu In all my dreams I always do what I want I fly Anytime I desire.. Im totally in controll is that normal? It like im a superhero!

-KastielRifkin 2015-03-12 6:34:10

In all my dreams I always do what I want I fly Anytime I desire.. Im totally in controll is that normal? It like im a superhero!

    -Tony Crisp 2015-03-12 9:01:34

    Kastiel – It is difficult to be sure with so little information, but such control as you describe in your dreams, can mean that you suffer from anxiety, and so fly away to escape from the demands of everyday life.

    Because having a self aware personality is such a vulnerable thing – look at the tens of thousands of people on anti depressants and other drugs like alcohol – all ways of trying to lessen anxiety. Please read


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