Father Dad
General positive: Your father is often the authority figure in your early life, and may represent this influence or power in you as an adult. Your dream father is a link with the patterns of survival behaviour passed on for generations. It was the attitudes of how to cope with social activity or work – the external world. But he is part of your creation.
He therefore also depicts the ability to be productive in the external workaday world. Depending upon what level of relationship you have developed with him, your dream father is the power of creative life in you, the power to do, to create, to transform; the power in you to grow and unfold your potential. It has to be remembered that the dream father is not an image of your external father, but of what you carry of him inside you; what you have managed to develop of a working relationship with the power he represents. So you may, because of difficulties with your external father, be in conflict with your internal father, and so be lacking your full power to transform and create. See Integrating Parent of Ex; Power Dreaming; Family.
The dream father may depict family or social conventions along with physical strength and protectiveness; the will to be and to do, and so your outgoing energies. As such he represent your confidence as you go out the door of your home into the arena of public life. A poor relationship with your external or internal father leaves you somewhat crippled in that area. But by working with your dreams on your relationship with your internal father this can be changed. See: Using Symbols to Change Life Problems; working with dreams.
General negative: Introverted aggression; dominance by fear of other people’s authority; uncaring sexual drive; feelings of not being loved, inability to be creative in the world, in your outer activity; inability to relate well to men. See: archetype of the father; man.
If there are feelings of abandonment then it can feel very emotional. Please see abandoned
Either represents the feelings you have about your father, or the characteristics in your nature that have arisen from this relationship; or can represent an authority figure. Can also stand for a teacher, or person by whom you are much influenced. Or else your own positive, protective qualities. How you relate to the ‘doer’ in you; physical strength and protectiveness; the will to be.
Example: Began to go into the back pain again. Words came about carrying feelings about on my back all these years. Get of my back. It’s my father. I wanted my father to be perfect like God. I wanted a strong, perfect father, not a human being.
Then I saw how I was trying to be the perfect father with my own children, instead of the human me. “It’s too much of a bloody burden being a perfect father.” I could see how this idea of drive to be the perfect father has directed a lot of my relationship with my children. In the early days I hated them at times because they showed me so often how human I was. Recently I still planned things out of that desire instead of letting what I want. Although lately there has been a swing to the human me. Yesterday I took them for a walk instead of a sauna. I do want to take them to a sauna some time, but yesterday I did not have enough cash, and to go would have been out of the perfect drive. Instead we went for a walk.
Hurting, burying or killing parent: In the example below Audrey’s height shows her as a child. She is releasing anger about the attitudes and situations her father forced ‘down her throat’.
To be free of the introverted restraints and ready made values gathered from our parents, at some time in our growth we may kill or bury them in our dreams. Although some people are shocked by such dreams, they are healthy signs of emerging independence. Old myths of killing the chief so the tribe can have a new leader, depict this process. When father or mother is ‘dead’ in our dream, we can inherit all the power gained from whatever was positive in the relationship.
Seeing parent drunk, incapable or foolish: Another means of gaining independence from internalised values, or stultifying drives to ‘honour’ or admire father or mother.
Dead parent in dream: Either the beginning of independence from parent; repression of the emotions they engendered in us; our emotions regarding our parent’s death; feelings about death. See: dead people.
Example: Dreamt that while talking with my wife I remembered that my son and I had murdered someone years before, and buried the body under a great slab of cement. After the murder the guilt – or rather the fear of being found out – was awful, but as each period of time passed, we gradually managed to lose memory of what we had done. But now I had remembered and felt the anguish of the guilt and fear of discovery. C.R.
When exploring his dream, he says: “I was led to a direct feeling link with my mother as the dead body. I saw, or felt, that when I cut off from her at 5 and attempted independence of my need for her, because of the pain she brought about in me, I had killed her as an inward figure in my life, and buried my feelings of need for her. The cement represented the energy I had used, the decisiveness, to bury her, to get her out on my life. I went on to recognise that killing and burying my mother, or my relationship with my mother, in that way was not in my own best interests. It was really an expression of my own lack of love and awareness of my best survival direction. So imagined I took the bone’s and carefully and reverently buried them, along with my father.”
Example: ‘My father was giving me and another woman some medicine. Something was being forced on us. I started to hit and punch him in the genitals and when he was facing the other way, in the backside. I seemed to be just the right height to do this and I had a very angry feeling that I wanted to hurt him as he had hurt me.’ Audrey V.
Sometimes a dream about our family is a literal statement in symbols, of what we sense is happening in the family.
Example: I was on a train with my family – wife, and two daughters. The train was derailed but nobody was hurt and we got off the train. I was walking in a field near the train. I thought my wife and daughters had got back on the train. Then suddenly another train smashed into the rear of the derailed train making it concertina into a heap. I wasn’t sure if my family were still on the train.’
Roger associated the theme of derailing with a change in direction – the change that was coming about through his children becoming independent. Some months later his wife and daughters left him. Divorce followed.
Example: The movements gradually led to feelings. These expressed a living connection existing between my ancestors and myself. This surprised me because I had years ago gone through the realisations of what I carried from my father and his fathers – the subjugation by church and state. But this was different. It was not that I was still carrying the attitudes and fears, rather that because I dared to step out of dependence and subjugation by authorities, deeper levels of influence of a transpersonal nature were being called out of my body. I experienced the sense of our family having lived for generations under fear – fear of death – fear of what people would do to us if we didn’t conform. My breaking away from such conformity was the activity that was squeezing it out of my body. It felt like changes had occurred in my body to adapt to that way of life.
Inner Father: Many people do not realise that they have an inner father equally as powerful as an external father. You have taken in millions of bits of memory, lessons learnt, life experiences along with all the feelings or problems met by loving and living with your father, and they are what makes you the person you are. This is true even if your father was never there for you – you still have all the memories of him not being there for you filed under ‘Father’. The memories and experience we gather unconsciously change us and are not lost. It is part of you and is symbolised in dreams as a person or event. Such an inner father can appear in dreams because you are still deeply influenced by what you hold within you.
The inner father can also signify what has been received via genes passed on or ancestral influences. See ancestors: parent integration
Many people are lost and feel as if they cannot more, are trapped, even by past loves. But in fact the more people we can ‘digest’ or accept as part of our own experience, the more freedom we have. Each person we have within us in this way is a new space, a new area or space to live in.
Example: Then I slowly became aware of a deeper sense of the discomfort. It was a feeling of being stuck in one place and not being able to move. It wasn’t anything to do with moving physically but was as an awareness. It felt awful and I tried to move but couldn’t. The only way of describing it was as if we are all made out of the same stuff – as an example concrete – and as such we filled all space. So the little space I filled could not move because all around was filled by others. I felt really stuck and wondered what I could do, but there seemed no way out of it. Yet I could not believe this was really how things were.
Most of this was spontaneous thoughts and movement through the experience, so that was how I was led to thinking about my cousin Sid again, and his situation of being constantly linked with his mother even after he died. Then I realised that I was linked with Rita, and in feeling that I realised that I could move in at least two positions – me and Rita – because of the loving connection I felt.
Then came a flood of realisation, every person I had loved was another position I could be in; and then I knew all the animals I had loved and even people I had a casual relationship with. But there was even more because in dreams and sessions I had become or encountered amazing things, people, creatures, the alien beings and others. I knew then that I was FREE to go anywhere and be almost anything, because their life pattern was now part of me. Then with a rush of wonder, I realised that the more people and creatures I loved, the bigger I became. See Digest
Useful questions and hints:
How is my father portrayed in the dream – dominating – caring – distant?
What does this say about the ‘father’ influences I carry inside me?
Does my dream show what impact on my present life my father has?
You can go back into the dream and become your father, and have a conversation with him.
See Life’s Little Secrets – Being the Person or Thing – Techniques for Exploring your Dreams – Processing Dreams
Comments
Hi, my father died about a year ago and last night I had a dream about me going to a train station to go home but right before the train started moving I began to look to say goodbye to my father I remember looking out the window and seeing him on his phone calling someone. The train lefted without me saying anything I asked to get off but the train was moving
This dream, some time ago I have see, can not forget. Maybe because I am trying to load a meaning in.
A scenery is kind of flat , treeless, open, sunny Arizona dessert looking place.Rocks, red, flat.. Not much hot. windy. I am with my mom (who is life) and with some others under the big tent. I see from far, my dad (dead in 98) is walking towards us. I go to him, ask him, what is he doing here. His response was “I create so much trouble over there, they send me here for 4 years.” with smile in his face. My dad was incredibly justice person in his life. Never stop pointing out, writing to government, media, what is wrong, what should be done… He was simple civilian. But never stopped. In fact he died while he was on the phone with TV programmer about one of the town problem. Back to dream; knowing this, my dad response did not surprise me in my dream , I thought I am sure he stirred some mud there too. I smiled and welcomed him. I brought him to my mum. She looked angry, said “you left me” and she crossed her arm, turn her back to my dad. I said to her, but he will be with us 4 years. Can we enjoy it?She turns back and says accepts him.
So last night I had a dream my dad was drunk and him nd I were physically fighting. My dad nd I are close and in the dream he was crying because he was emotionally hurt. It was cuz there was this really nice Spanish looking house in the country but the inside was a wreck.. No sturdy floors, roof was caving in, bad windows, etc… In the dream he was crying for not being able to fix it in time for my sister and I. I tried to help him with the floor but it caved it. He started crying telling me to stop and left, my sister nd I knowing he went to drink. There was even a part where we set out beers for him so he would just drink. My dream sister saying, ” well he knows what he’s doing to us…” Right after in the dream, he was completely wasted, angry, and started screaming he was a bad father, and trying to jump out the 2nd story window. As the dream finished it was about me, practically trying to kill him, because I was pushing him on the sharpness of a chain link fence, trying to crash a car with him in it, and us just punching each other left and right, until I had staved something in his back and he fell down saying he was sorry and I said I was too. Then I woke up realizing it was a dream. Kinda intense.
My father died 9 years ago he was 79 and been ill for some time, Last night I dreamt I was sat in a room which was vaguely familiar and I was sat on a settee reading, the door opened and I looked up and my dad walked in smiling, I said Hello Dad how lovely to see you and I felt wonderful, he looked in his early sixtees well and healthy, we talked for a while but I still knew in my dream he was dead it wasnt as if I thought he had come back for good, when I woke up I felt elated not upset at all, although today I feel more upset about it and wonder if there is any meaning behind this dream at all, thank you
I bought your dream book from Amazon the other day and ran into your website looking for the meaning of my recurring dream. Thought you could help because the book hasn’t arrived yet. I dream of my deceased father walking around in a room needing some cash. I am sitting in a comfy chair and I open my wallet and give him $500.00 cash which was all that I had. He was pleased and moved on. End of dream four night in a row. Please advise. Elaine
My father died 3 months ago of cancer and i dreamed that he came back and sat on the porch of our old house while i called everyone to spread the news that he was no longer dead. He didn’t say anything and sat looking out onto the street, but when i took a closer look at him every place where he was known to have cancer before his death was covered in maggots.
Mr. Tony Crisp,
I had terrible dream last night. My dream was about my dad. My dad has been getting sick lately. So if its not one thing is another. The dream started like this….my husband is a painter. One of his clients (women) wanted for my husband to paint her house. She was gone for a trip and she asked my husband if we can stay at her house meanwhile she got back. We stayed my parents where there with me. So, for some reason my mom and kept one arguing about cleaning the lady’s house…i kept on insisting on not to. Couple days past and it was time for us to go back to our house. All i remember was that my mom said to me…honey their is another death in our family..its YOUR DAD. I started crying so loud…my father is my everything i’m daddy’s little girl. It was a very scare feeling. I woke up crying wanting to call my dad. But he had died at our house…he just stopped breathing. I’m very scared can you please tell me the significance of this dream.
My father passed away a few years ago on 8/29 and a few days ago I dreamed that i was sitting outside of a store. I was at table with other people who I cant remember and I said to some man there is my father right there. Right there in the store with the black suit ( i guess what he was buried in). Then he came out of the store with a bottle it looked like a wine bottle and turned and walked away. I yelled daddy come here, why didn’t you come to grandma’s funeral? (both my grandmothers are still alive) and I cant remember anything he said but I got upset and started telling him he was a bad father and he wasnt my father anymore.
I also had a dream about my late father with whom I had a very strong relationship. He passed away 4 weeks ago quite quickly after a very short battle with cancer. He was only 64. Last night I dreamed I came into my parents house and my mum asked me to go and sit with him upstairs as she had things to do. I was quite irritated until I realised he was supposed to be dead. I said to mum ‘you do know that he is dead and we actually put this body in the ground. He didn’t actually rise from the dead, did he?’ She answered that he had. I then woke up without getting the chance to go upstairs and see him.
Deirdre – This is an excellent example of what we take into our dreams – something that is obvious as you watch not only your own dreams, but other people’s, is that that we take into our sleep and dreams all the fears, terrors, sexual questions and longings, as well as all their speculations and beliefs. So I feel you have taken in a mixture of your belief that your father is dead and buried, and the information that he has been resurrected.
It is even more important for our understanding of what we are to realise the fact that as our body is paralysed when we dream, we also lose all sensations arising from our body senses – our eyes, ears, taste, touch and smell. In that condition we are bodiless, but to maintain our confidence, as people get terrified when they get near to realising that they are fundamentally bodiless consciousness, we create a dream image of ourselves with a body. Out of that arises all the fear of death – for even if we lose all our limbs we are still us. And all those who have explored deeply what the human condition is say that our core self – our spirit – is without any form and cannot die. But if we have no awareness of that we are lost in our senses and think our body and brain is all there is. In dreams we try to bridge the gap, so people have dreams like yours. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/questions/#SymbolDream also http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/what-we-need-to-remember-about-dreaming/
Tony
I recently had a dream that my father suddenly died (not from accident or illness), he just dropped dead. I dreamt I was back in school (I am in my mid 30’s now) and everyone in school knew before I did. I knew in the dream that something bad had happened but I had no idea it was related to me, until my teacher took me aside and told me. In my dream I dreamt that everyone was feeling sorry for me and that I called my good friend (who I am still close with today) to talk to her but she pretended not to know as she didn’t want to be the one to break the bad news to me. I then established that she knew and I was annoyed that this friend’s mother also knew that my father died before I did. I just felt so very sad in my dream and I woke up crying. For a moment I truly felt like my father had died, what does this mean?
Thanks.
Mr. Crisp: Last night I had a dream about my Dad. He passed away in July, 2009. He was laying in his casket, and I walked up to him, kissed him on the forhead and said I love you. He moved his head from left to right, opened his eyes slightly and mumbled back that he loved me. Can you tell me what that might mean? Thank you.
Jill – I believe that when we dream it is sometimes a mixture of our view of death and a message. I think your last impression of your Dad may have been seeing him in the casket, and that has been your view of death.
The message of the dream is that he is still alive and that he loves you. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/questions/#TalkingDead
Tony
Hello everyone,
I had this terrible dream with my father, that continued to haunt me the entire day. He passed 10 years ago in Romania, two months after I left that country to came here, in US. The action of my dream was in Romania, in my old apartment. My father was supposed to sleep when I entered his room – instead he was siting on a chair by the window with some sort of bloody bandage in his mouth. Realizing that I’m dreaming, I started to implore him to wake me up from this nightmare. He did not speak, he was just sad and looking at me.
Cristina – This is not an easy dream to understand, but I will tell you what I see and hope it is helpful.
The start, of the dream was in Romania, suggesting a period in your past. You say he was supposed to sleep when you came in the room, and such preconceived ideas can be a form of block to what are spontaneous actions of dreams.
Then your father with a bloody bandage in his mouth, as I understand it, is saying that the bandage blocks what he wants to say to you, something that is awful and he wants to tell you. But instead of allowing this you tried to block the action again by imploring him to wake you.
Tony
Tony I had a dream about my father who passed a few years ago. I can’t recall ever dreaming of him before. In the dream he was very ill but walking at a get together of some kind. My mother was complaining about his clothes which where womans and I walked to him and gently told him I would find him some nice clothes and not to worry. My father couldn’t speak when he passed and he didn’t speak in the dream and I wasnt really even sure if he understood what was happening as he was in and out of awareness at the end. I cant get the interaction between him and I in the dream out of my mind. Could you please help with what it could mean? Thank you.
Dear sir/Mam,
Yesterday night i dream about my dead father,He was ill and he was also complaining about pain in his stomach.The i told him to visit near by Temple as he agree to that.
Can you tell me the significance of the dream.
My father died three years ago from pneumonia along with congestive heart failure. Ever since, I have had dreams that my father is alive again. Sometimes I have dreams that he’s in a hospital somewhere I can’t find him. Sometimes I have dreams that he’s either died or is dying of something different than what he really died from. These dreams are very disturbing and depressing to me. What do they mean??
Jesse – I believe your dreams arise from a mixture of feelings and ideas you have about death. We have such awful images of what death means from films mostly, and so it cannot help but feed back to what creates the feelings behind your dreams.
The dreams that your father is alive again seem clear enough, but the dreams of him being ill do not fit well with what is recorded of people who have died. I had a severe stroke a couple of years ago in which I lost all ability to speak and to move my right side. So those areas of my brain were destroyed. Yet all the time I was fully aware of being complete and I saw that the brain is an organ that allows us to move and express through the body – it is not us. So damage to the brain or death is in no way destroyes or damages us. It is like when someone loses an arm or their ability to see, they are still intact within themselves, although they may feel bad emotions.
Having left my body I can tell you that one leaves behind all sickness and the weight of the body that we carry around all the time. It is a wonderful freedom. Also we can communicate via thoughts with the living and the dead.
Please read the book Closer to the Light: Learning from the Near-Death Experiences of Children
as this is so clear and very helpful and describes from people’s personal experience.
Tony
Jesse – I believe your dreams arise from a mixture of feeling and ideas you have about death. We have such awful images of what death means from films mostly, and so it cannot help but feed back to what creates the feelings behind your dreams.
The dreams that your father is alive again seem clear enough, but the dreams of him being ill do not fit well with what is recorded of people who have died. I have a sever stroke a couple of years ago in which I lost all ability to speak and to move my right side. So those areas of my brain were destroyed. Yet all the time I was fully aware of being complete and I saw that the brain is an organ that allows us to move and express through the body – it is not us. So damage to the brain or death is in no way destroyed or damages us. It is like when someone loses an arm or their ability to see, they are still intact within themselves, although they may feel bad emotions.
Having left my body I can tell you that one leaves behind all sickness and the weight of the body that we carry around all the time. It is a wonderful freedom. Also we can communicate via thoughts with the living and the dead.
Please read the book Closer to the Light as this is so clear and very helpful and describes from people’s personal experience.
Tony