Lock Locked Locking

A problem, often of a logical nature, that can be unlocked, if you have the key. Also the female sex organs. The lock or locking can depict emotions or physical tensions we use to keep others from ‘getting at us’, or to prevent our own urges or fears from being experienced or expressed; desire to keep something safe or protected – such as ones honour or emotions; feeling trapped; vagina; sexual tension. See: Key.

The emotions or physical tensions we use to keep others from ‘getting at us’, or to prevent our own urges or fears from being experienced or expressed; desire to keep something safe or protected – such as ones honour or emotions; feeling trapped by ones own emotional responses; vagina experiencing sexual tension. Occasionally it can be a problem which needs a specific solution – the key; our ability to choose – whether to let someone into intimate relationship.

A key may lie in being able to express ourselves beyond the often iron wall of social normality. These are some of the spectrum of inner qualities you are healthily capable of as a whole human being. Sometimes people say ‘I have never expressed myself like this before; I wonder if I am bizarre’. The answer is that only whole human beings are capable of a wide range of expression which they can choose to end at any moment. It is the unhealthy person who is locked into compulsive and limited patterns of behaviour. Liberation is a sign of health.

Example: I was in a large house – probably the kitchen. I discovered a lock, bright and sparkling, that had its keyhole covered up. On it were drawn pictures of a young woman. I felt it was a part of the puzzle regarding the big house, and belonged to a room that was now so locked, and even the keyhole covered, that it had been forgotten and lost. Finding the lock was rediscovering the mysteries of the house. The room and lock associated with love for the young woman depicted on the lock – a very sentimental love. I felt very emotional just looking at the pictures.

The dreamer, on exploring his dream realised he was a latent homosexual who kept his female self locked up.

The next example so from a man exploring his feelings of being old, incapable, without creativeness and also without a female partner. His statement is important because it deal with a huge conflict that is not only his but is one that society itself has never dealt with.

Example: The sense of being lost, of hopelessness and of not going anywhere got so strong that I could see no way out of it. It was like a real environment surrounding me, a real perception of what was happening in my life, rather than a FEELING of what was happening. It was so real that I started to feel that maybe ‘this is it’. Maybe this is real and therefore I have to adjust to it, to accept it as the reality of old age and my life. This must be what old age is about and therefore it is escapism not to meet it and accept it. No wonder I wanted to die. In the end, as one ages, one has to take second best. If this is real, and at this point I was feeling it was, then there is no creative way out of the situation. I had missed the boat in career, in my teenage years, in my adult life because I had spent years trying to climb out of the pit of depression and psychological distress.

I know I am capable of creative resolution of any problem, of any life situation. I know we are all capable of creative resolution – if we are daring enough to feel, to explore, to sense, to be capable of change and adaptation. So why have I been in this situation for years now? Why am I stuck in this place? Having asked this question I had an insight that I had got into a negative feedback loop. Because I had got stuck in this place, then I feared I was stuck in this place, which produced the certainty I was stuck, which produced the inability to move out. We feed back to ourselves images of failure and feelings of unattractiveness, and all the other negative feelings we all meet during the week. Instead of looking at them and seeing them as passing feelings, we take them as impressions of reality and drown in them. We accept them as true and start to live them. When that happens we see conformation for the negatives and so it goes on.

I tried to find the way out of the loop. The only way out I could find was the realisation that the loop has no end. There is only one thing to do, stop it playing. Grab it and stop the crazy record. To help with this, to help grab the thing and kill it, we obviously have to realise it is untrue. I can’t remember the connections, but this led me to wonder what was happening in my relationship with Hy, and what part this negativity was playing in our relationship. I remembered the time we spent together, and the last night where I had rejected her reaching out to me. I saw that I didn’t have anything in me to respond to her. I was empty as I have been so often empty of late – empty and defeated – empty and pointless.

This was a very important question, and an important moment in the session. The event and the question sum up a huge mass of my experience and events in my life and in relationship with my wife. Suddenly the whole session opened up and I began to feel I was breaking through the restrictions and negative feelings I had been locked in for so long. This appeared to arise almost fully developed as an insight, as if it was already formed from past experience and realisation, but was being received and acknowledged now. It was that the whole difficulty arose around my sexual relationship with my wife and other women. The insight had many aspects.

It was because I had slowly killed myself to live a non-sexual life with my wife, and I wanted something more than that. Although this was obvious and I had admitted such to myself many years ago, yet it was such a difficult thing for me to accept fully. I could accept it as a fantasy. I could accept it as an occasional temptation from which I would recover. But it was hell to accept it as a fundamental fact of my nature, and as something I wanted to live out. That was so difficult that I had strung myself out in this difficult place for years. I had been creating a sort of self-torture, self-immolation, for years. I had hoped the pain and conflict would resolve in some spiritual way, but it hadn’t. In fact in the past two years it had got worse. But now I couldn’t lie to myself any longer. I wanted a sexual relationship outside of marriage.

I felt that I had locked myself in a prison of denial, and I could not admit to myself that our marriage had failed. I felt myself emerge from the difficulty, and be capable of admitting to myself and others that I wanted, and was ready to move toward, sexual relatedness. This was accompanied by a release throughout my body and feelings. I felt confident and creative. I felt ready to write and put down this dilemma we face as a society. It is a dilemma that creates prostitution. I felt that the issues I am writing about are strong and I have a real place in the world when I define and communicate them.


Useful Questions and Hints:

What is my dream showing me I have locked up?

Have I discovered what the key is to unlock myself?

Are my tension and depression signs of my locked position?

See Life’s Little SecretsAvoid Being VictimsSecrets of Power DreamingMartial Art of the Mind

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