Dreams Are Much More Than You Can Expect

This morning at about 3am I was woken by an amazing dream, probably one of the most amazing dreams of my life. It started while I was asleep. I was in a spare piece of ground which was on the corner of a road I lived in after the war. It had been a house but when I knew it was flattened and slightly overgrown. There were stairs leading down to what must have been a basement. But I, with indeterminate sex, was sitting in the middle of this place with several others in the area. It was somewhat private as my memory is that it had a twelve foot wooden fence around it.

I was sitting with a great book in my lap, and I knew or was informed in some way that the book was special as only a few were available, and I had the book through an amazing sequence of coincidences. In fact the book had been promised to a man for his birthday, but had given up his right to it when he found out I had requested it or sought it.

At first I didn’t know much about the book, but was constantly informed by an immediate intuition what I should do with the book. I had it open to a page and I was told that I could go in any direction, so I took one of the sentences in the book and said it – I want that. And now as a woman I admitted to myself that I wanted to have sex with a very attractive young man who was looking at me. I had only just thought this when the young man, seeing my interest in the book, came over and we started talking. Subsequently we did have sex.

And that was my introduction to the power of the book. At this point I began to wake and a very distinct voice spoke to me telling me that I could follow the directions or suggestions in the book, or choose to strike out in any new direction by making a decision to do so. Or if I was uncertain then I could stick my index fingernail into the edge of the closed pages and open the book at random page. He told me that this might be difficult because the book had not been used and it needed effort to pull the book open to each new page; not that I had any awareness of it.

At this point the man who was instructing me became very real to me although an invisible presence. I started to think and visualise what I would like to do. I saw myself walking up to a stranger and asking them if I could talk with them for a while, explaining that it was because of an unusual dream I had experienced. But then I realised the power of the book and thought I would like others to be able to use it.

After I had made that decision the man now told me – I was now a man – that he would give me the book. It seemed necessary and he asked me to hold my hands ready and he put it in my hands, explaining that this was The Book of Life – my life or whoever used the book. He intimated that it was not an external book but in giving it me it had become conscious and I had been in possession of the book, that in my own mind could be also called The Book of Decisions. And at some point I was told that if I approached a person or an opportunity and they were not interested or said no, then I should not pester them or keep trying but walk away – unless there is a very different approach that worked.

Then all sort of wonderful things happened, although I cannot recall the sequence of them. For instance he said that I had made a choice of my partner, Ros. And the quality of our love that had survived things that many other relationships would have been shipwrecked by anger and bitterness was a source of great creativeness.

Now I was experiencing the life of past dwelling places. I have a sense of the beauty of the individual I became aware of. Then suddenly I identified with her and spoke as her. I am a woman. How beautiful I am. I am a woman who lived. I am a woman – living in – Austria. I am a woman who was killed by people – how do people do such things? I was killed when I was raped.

And I feel love for this being that was once an expression of my spirit. I tell her I love her. “I love you ancient form from which I have grown. I give you life now here in this time. I honour you. Do I need to know who you are fully?”

There followed an understanding of a pain that I have carried for many years just under and left of my heart. I have had many chest x-rays and medical examinations over the years for various reasons, and none of them have shown or found a physical problem in that area. So, I have seen it as some form of psychosomatic pain. In this experience I understood that I had been stabbed to death after being raped. And this pain was what I carried from that time, but it exists because I as that woman I swore I would never forget that love and sex could be a murderous weapon as well as an expression of the human spirit. The woman told me it was the pain she had as she died. She said several times, “I swore I would never forget.” I still have that pain.

Then slowly the voice no longer seemed to be an external voice but was a part of my being, a sort of higher awareness. I was directed to ask myself where I had got the book in the first place, and saw myself back in that spare ground standing on the steps down to a basement, running away from my friend Eddie. He had a small chrome plated revolver with at least one live round in it and was pointing it directly at my face. I cannot remember being terribly afraid, but I did feel awful with him pointing a gun at me. And it was then I made a decision – that I wasn’t aware of at the time – that I would never taunt anyone like that. And that decision was a shaping influence in my life. (The business with the revolver actually happened, though I had forgotten until asked the question).

From that a whole sequence of decisions was seen. I saw how I made a decision to stay with my first wife when another woman came offering to be my partner – and then again when I was asked by S. if I wanted to go with her as her partner. I decided I couldn’t leave my children. It was a hard learned lesson. And yet when I walked out on my family with Brenda years later I did it easily – but faced years of terrible guilt. So, the lesson that was learnt was to meet the consequences of the choices, and in meeting the awful pain instead of running away, it always leads to some level of an enlightening experience. Running away presses one deeper into pain that is hidden and can lead to illness.

As I was experiencing an overview of my life I could see that who I was had been shaped by the choices I made.

I saw that after that we could live anywhere we chose in a beautiful location with plenty of room. And then came the question I had on my mind for ages – can I ever escape from being trapped in the discipline of working every day to answer all the emails. I was shown the misery I had caused many people in the past, sometimes over lifetimes, and I was assured that the work I am doing is a recompense, a burning out of that darkness, and when it is finished it will again be a new day dawning.

Oh yes – another question on my mind was who am I – what is behind me or my actions. How this came about was that the voice was clear in me – my own inner voice but with much authority and conviction. I had struggled with this question for days, and the voice said to me, “Are you ready to see this?” I answered yes and was told to now wait and watch. And there it was – the darkness, the void that is everything and yet is nothing. And it was explained that I had known it since I was a teenager, and had never fully accepted it – or at least never really understood its place in life. I had always felt it was a far distant thing, not an ever present daily experience. Yet now I could look back on my life, and I realised that we became what we are by our choices. Our choices make real a potential that was previously hidden within the darkness. That is a great secret. A secret I had realised many years ago and are still trying to live.

See https://dreamhawk.com/…/a-lighthearted-look-at-my-teens/ – https://dreamhawk.com/drea…/shapeshifter-or-shape-shifter/

 

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