Meeting the Unknown

I opened to the darkness within me, however, what happened was incredibly interesting. It was like being led to stand on the edge of something, on a border or frontier. On my side of the frontier was what I called myself. On the other side was something that I felt to be as yet unknown. Then gradually a knowing arose in me of what was beyond the frontier. I understood what it was I was opening to. It arose as if I were talking to myself. I was thinking, “What am I giving myself to? What am I opening myself to?” Then it was as if I were answering my own question. “Listen to me Tony. It is yourself. There is nobody else in there is there? I am your potential self, trying to free you. You are opening to the highest in you. In the wider self there is only one being. There is nobody else. You are opening to yourself.”

“I realized lying here wasn’t going to get me there back to the abyss. If I was going to do this, I’m going all in. I went to the fridge and ate another entire dose (this time 15g Hollandia Truffles/magic mushrooms) – feeling like a hero now. I went back to sit on my bed, and waited. The nausea came and nothing else. No effect. I observed myself searching for ways to guide me back to the abyss. Music, guided meditation, silence, repeat. Nothing. As far as I was concerned, life was nothing more than the waiting room. It was at this point is when I realized the abyss was death itself. I discovered the objective isn’t to go there (yet), but to see it and return. To know by self discovery that my existence is infinite, and precious.

I am reborn. A new life with no preconceptions. True freedom is to walk through life without the burden of familiarity and the idea that you know how things are. To see everything as it is. No more or no less. But this was first self-discovered through practiced meditation. Psychedelics are just another perhaps amplified and intentional path to the same enlightenment. I’m proud to say I’ve found my way there without the help – although this was a lot of fun!” Quoted from

I saw, for instance, that what I have called the borderline, the frontier, is actually functions in what I suppose we call our mind. But I also had a sure sense of knowing that it was also to do with parts of the brain, the very top of the head. Mostly we do not use this part of the brain unless we develop a very active inner life life where we really are opening to something beyond the boundaries of what we already know, what we already dare to experience, what we already are capable of experiencing. This all happened without any use of psychedelics’ but because I learnt to allow my unconscious to express. See The Waking Lucid Dream

I also saw that this higher brain functioning, this higher mind process, has a particular function. It is an interface between all that we are as our everyday waking personality; between all that we have gathered and understood and lived in this lifetime, and the immensity of what we are as a inner life being. I saw the details of this and it is quite difficult to summarise or to explain in any way. But as clearly as I can it was like the processing of information so that all that you have formed a sort of the pattern or a signal, and that signal called out of the immensity of the inner life what was relevant to you and your further development. Now that is a very clumsy description because even as I say it I sense an enormous subtlety of what I met and experienced. What I saw was that the interface is unique in every being. This is because every being is unique and creates their own pattern. And that pattern calls out of the infinite something different. So in this sense there are as many faces of God as there are human beings. See Self Help – Secrets of Power Dreaming

As I saw all this I realised that if one could help people to come to that point, to bring themselves to that meeting, then they would begin to receive that influence that frees them. It frees them by growing them, by giving them more of themselves.

Recently I have been having pains in my head. This wasn’t something that I saw in exploration, it is something I’m thinking now. But during the previous exploration of the column dream in which the energy descended right to the base of my body and then rose up, and there was pain and struggle as it rose and as things were opened and widened, it makes me wonder if these pains in the head of part of the uncomfortable process. I like to think that this is so.

There followed another huge influx of experience and realisations. To properly describe this huge area of experience I have to wander off in different directions before I can come back to the central statement – The Oasis.

Now there are several incidents that I had not inserted in the above. But they are important and I will describe them now.

As I stood on what I have called the borderline, that interface with the highest in oneself, I understood that the interaction needed to be complete. One needed to bring everything of oneself to that meeting. This is because the relationship is a transforming one. If you do not come to the meeting completely it is like leaving half of you, or some of you, outside the door. Therefore the process cannot work in you. Also it means you’re not really opening to the process.

So I came to that frontier with everything that I had. I came with everything that I am, everyone and everything that I love, everything that I possess. And I understood that the process, although it is no form of judgment, nevertheless cannot help but reveal the shadows, the lies, the falsehoods one brings. Because of this it can be a meeting that we might avoid, because we may not wish to lose or have revealed certain parts of what we are, what we hold onto, or what we have hidden within ourselves. But the connection between Dakota and I was blessed, was seen as whole and a truth. This was quite a wonderful feeling. I understood why Abraham was asked to bring his son to the Mount and sacrifice him. It had nothing to do with killing his son. It represents a willingness to come with everything that you love with the risk that you might lose it. Or at least, it might be revealed to you that it has no real value or place in your life.

Now it seemed as if my awareness went beyond the frontier. This was a very visual experience. I was seeing a vast desert and I knew this represented immense periods of time, perhaps what we call eternity. So it could be called the Desert of Eternity. Here and there in the desert were huge rock formations, a little bit like what one sees in Monument Valley in Arizona. But these rock formations were not plain or slightly coloured rock. Also they were immense. They had the appearance of massive mosaics – brightly coloured mosaics. But the mosaics did not form illustrations or patterns. However, some pieces of the mosaics were larger than others. And each piece might be in itself multicoloured and a sort of miniature pictograph.

As I looked at these massive formations I understood that they had been carved or created through events in the passage of time. Each mosaic, each part of the overall mosaic, had been formed by enormous creative acts, or by long-standing actions. So these latter were like ideograms or archetypes. So, for instance, mother creatures have cared for, fought for, died for their young. This pattern of behaviour has been so enormously potent and perhaps we can use the word successful, that it has created, shaped aspects of eternity. It has left its pattern, its artwork, on time itself. Thus eternity honours that pattern by giving it a place in the very structure of itself. No one being created such a mosaic in the formations. Such a mosaic was large and had in it the essence of all the lives that formed it.

So the rock formations and the mosaics on them represented influences that will flow into the future. They were sources of power or influence that shaped the phenomenal world. They were the body under the coat so to speak.

I am not sure if I asked a question, or if I was led to see whether what Dakota and I are creating through our living has left any mark. In fact, at the base of the leading formation – at least, the formation nearest my viewpoint – I was shown a small part of the mosaics. I understood it to be a sign, an indicator. I called it a signpost, but it was more than that. Because each mosaic represented a pattern of activity, a force that flowed into the world. Therefore the small mosaic was such a force, such an influence that was both a sign and a way. Perhaps it would be better to call it an energy that could enter a person’s life if they wished and lead them or unfold them in a particular way.

One of the features about these experiences is that they are like focal points around which further understanding gradually gathers. And as I write about this particular experience of the Desert of Eternity, I realise that the very positioning of the huge formations also suggests something. Dakota and I are right here in this leading moment of time on our planet. And our little mosaic is right on the leading edge of the formation suggesting its newness of development. I have the sense that the formations represent huge periods of time. I don’t really have any sense of what period of time but it seems to me from what I saw that some of those mosaics would take extraordinarily long expressions of life on this planet to form. So the other huge formations stretching off into the distance suggest to me the formation of energies and patterns beyond my understanding at the moment. So the mosaic of which Dakota and I were helping form did not begin with us. It was a continuation of peoples lives from far past, their wonderful actions and living, and we were somehow a new expression of what was already ancient.

As I moved through the experience of seeing how individuals can emerge from social engineering and programming, I saw how an oasis was needed. By the word Oasis was meant an environment in which the main driving forces were not political, consumerism, religious indoctrination, and the genitalisation of all human relationships.

The sense here was that each of us have our own innate “genius”; our own unique relationship with the Core; with the Best in us; with Creator, the Universe. So this Oasis is an environment in which this can be allowed to, encouraged to, flower.

I believe the contact we have with the Best in us needs to be expressed in clear everyday concepts. It has been expressed in religious, spiritual beliefs, literature and art, but it needs to be set in everyday language as well, free of the old associations with our cultures and, spiritualism, religion and mystery. Not that there is anything wrong with those, just that many people cannot relate to that language.

So what I saw here was that there is both a need for a clear statement of what oasis stands for, put in clear language, describing just how programming and social engineering can be recognised, but also there is a need for a physical place, all places, where people can stay or visit. These places would have to create an environment in which consumerism, and the other factors mentioned, did not dominate.

Part of what happened here was an awareness that many people have no idea what maturity looks like, feels like, or what its characteristics are. Looking around I see so many people longing for sweets in the way a child does. I see people dependent on alcohol or medical drugs to manage their everyday relationship with life. So I felt the need to define adulthood and how we reach toward it. The major thing I felt and saw was the need to, the strength to, actually experience themselves and what life presents. Many people have said to me that they seek to “enjoy life”. When I asked them what this means they describe things like going on a cruise; eating and drinking; getting drunk; being absorbed in diversions; getting away from their here and is now relationships. I have the opinion that these are often attempts not to meet their actual life situation or their own inner life, with all its powerful feelings and anxieties. So I need to clarify what I mean by “inner life”. A need to describe the process of maturing from infancy to adulthood, as a series of inexperienced emotions and learned responses that gradually lead to new abilities in dealing with the world and relationships.

I saw in connection with our innate patterns of behaviour, that many organisations – and I included in this category religious, political and commercial organisations – use the powerful drives we have to manipulate us. For instance one of our deeply embedded drives is that of relating asked to our family, our ancestors and our apparent race of national identity. So we see this still in the identification with a team, such as a football team; a political or religious leader, and any patriarchal or matriarchal tie that can be stimulated to manipulate us. I suppose Hitler’s influence is a prime example of how huge masses of people can be led by their feelings of racial superiority or identity. The rather strange and awful situation between Palestine and Israel is another example.

Such drives are incredibly ancient, and were deeply important, but need serious re-evaluation now. We are no longer living in that world, and such drives make as a subject for powerful manipulation.

It doesn’t produce a harmonious personal and social situation by ignoring those drives. You cannot any longer live in a rapidly changing social and world scene by responding from drives arising from ways of life tens of thousands of years old. You don’t transform them by denying them. But the question arises of how to you transform those in eight responses? I felt that part of the changing needs to be an awareness of present experience, a here and now meeting with whom we are and what conference us. What does confront us?

How are we dealing with that? How successful is what we are doing and how we are responding? Those questions of vital in self-assessment and the generation of new and functional strategies. This needs to arise, not from your social indoctrination, not from your religious or political indoctrination, not from inbuilt patterns of behaviour is handed to you buy your forebears or peers, but by a response from the very best in you to this present moment. It is an attempt on our part to bring our very best to bear on our life now, with a response to what is going on around us, what is happening in the world, and even in the cosmos.

This brought me back to the sense that Dakota’s early life that set up a sense of wonder, and orientation with the universe, that still lives in her. This orientation leads to a relationship with life of a particular kind. It is a condition, and orientation and a relationship. But recently in her life something has happened to bring about changes.

Now arose some insights about parenthood, and about life and growth in general. I saw that we sometimes become bogged down in what we have done in the past. Past failures, mistakes, and weaknesses or actions may haunt us or live in us as regrets. However, if we set ourselves upon the part of growth, of transformation, as we grow and change, what arises in us in some way alters the past. I am not suggesting a magical transformation of past events, although modern physics suggests something of that. What I saw was that because the quality of our life shifts, this flows into the lives of those around us, and our family. Your friends and children, the people you know and love, can see you have made the difficult journey of becoming something or someone more than you were. That is an enormously important thing to bring into the world. To reach a greater degree of wholeness is a gift to yourself and a gift to the world. See Opening to Life – Life’s Little Secrets


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