Sex In Your Dreams

Although sex is symbolised in many dreams, where it appears directly, it shows that the dreamer is able to more easily accept their sexual urges and hurts. What is then important is to attempt an understanding of what setting or drama the sexual element occur in. Our psychological and sexual nature, like our physical, never stand still in development unless a pain or problem freeze them at a particular level of maturity. Therefore, our sexual dreams, even if our sex life is satisfactory, show us what growth, what new challenge, is being met.

Example: ‘My lover was standing behind me, and John, my husband, was standing in front of me. I was asking John to have sex with me and at the same time thinking, ‘Oh, hell, if he does he will think we have something going between us’. I felt no flow towards John but felt somehow I was trying to tell my lover that I was desirable.’ Sally A.

Sally’s dream needs no interpretation. Such clear dreams show that Sally is ready to be directly aware of what she is doing in her relationships. If the sex in the dream is deeply symbolised, it suggests the dreamer is less willing to be aware of their motivations or connected painful feelings. Even though Sally’s dream was clear, it was still dealing with an area of her sexuality she was not clearly conscious of. If she had been aware, it is doubtful whether she would have dreamt it.

Chained up love

Example: ‘I was in a farmyard. A small boy climbed all over the bull. It became terribly angry. It had been chained without attention too long. Now it tore away and sought the cows. The gates were closed, but the bull smashed through the enclosing fence. I rushed to the fence and sat astride it, but on seeing that the bull smashed it like match wood, I looked around for some safe place. The bull charged the first cow to mount it, but so terrible was its energy and emotion that it could not express as sex. It smashed the cow aside as it had done the fence. Then it rushed the next and tossed it over its head, charging and smashing the next. I climbed into somebody’s garden, trying to get out of the district.’ Arthur J.

Although this dream depicts Arthur’s ‘chained’ sexual drive using the bull, it is still fairly obvious. If we consider the setting and plot of the dream, as suggested above, we see that Arthur is desperately trying to avoid responsibility for, or trying to escape, his own sexual drive – figuratively ‘sitting on the fence’.

Example: ‘My husband and I were walking down a road. We were going in the same direction together. I started to sing with a very happy feeling but then felt I should stop because he would say the happiness was because I had had sex. I sensed he knew what I was thinking as I walked along. He then quietly began to sing and the dream ended with me smiling to myself. We had sexual cut off for four weeks but had made love that afternoon.’ Joan W.

In talking about this dream Joan said she felt it slightly embarrassing to admit that sex gave her feelings of happiness. She liked to believe she was perfectly happy without it. It is probably out of the slight conflict between her conscious attitude and her feeling of well being after sex, that the dream was produced.

General information about sex in your dreams

Whenever a healthy man dreams, he experiences an erection, no matter what the subject of the dream. Women also experience such stimulus while dreaming.

While dreaming you can safely allow any form of sexual pleasure you desire. Don’t let the useful morals of waking life intrude into your dreams. If your sexual dreams are frustrating, or do not lead to deep pleasure, drop the fears and limiting attitudes that are blocking the full flow of your excitement.

Your longing for sexual partners that isn’t openly expressed, will attempt to become real in your dreams. It doesn’t mean that you are dissatisfied with your present partner if you have sex with other people in your dreams. All of us have such secret longings, and it is healthy for them to be allowed as we sleep.

Sometimes sexual pleasure is depicted in dreams as a tidal wave, or a snake, or something you may be resisting. This is because full sexual bliss floods the whole body, releasing tensions, bringing peace and a healing action physically and psychologically. To achieve this, learn to let go of rigid self control and be ready to be emotional.

Enjoying sexual pleasure with an animal, such as being kissed or licked by a cat, is the way dreams describe your own sexual urges at their most uncomplicated and basic level. It doesn’t mean you are weird. In such dreams you are dropping the complicated social rules that usually direct how you express yourself.

The energy behind the sexual drive is enormously important. It can flow in many different ways. It not only expresses as genital sex, but also in caring for others. If it is blocked illness can result. Your dreams show in detail just how you are dealing with this most important area of your life, and what is standing in the way of satisfaction and health. Do not accept the ready made formulas of popular sexual norms. Your dreams will show your own intimate and unique needs. Remember your dreams and be enriched by them.

See: Energy Sex and Dreams


-Meagan 2015-04-26 5:38:11

I keep having dreams about me my mom and dad having kinky sex and really getting off on each other and in my dream I really liked it but I knew it was not right and I hate waking up and having to live my day knowing that I had drempt of this incest thing and even tho it was wrong in my dream and I knew it I still did it. :,( I feel like I’m sick in the head or somthing it makes me really uncomfortable and I wanna cry . What is wrong with me do I need help? How do I make it stop?! 🙁

    -Anna 2015-04-28 6:15:54

    Dear Meagan – You are not “sick in the head or something”; your inner dream creator is helping you to move to the next stage of life.
    You wrote “but I knew it was not right” and “and even tho it was wrong in my dream and I knew it” and these thoughts are the reason why this kind of dream keeps recurring.
    If you can learn to accept these urges to have sex with your mother and father in the dream,
    they usually begin to mature into adult sexuality.
    And so these dreams are usually a reappearance of infantile urges which have not yet developed, due to a fear or guilt, into more expansive expressions of sexuality
    It is important to understand that we carry these desires from infancy to possess or be in control of the love and body of our parents. As a baby we have a sense that nothing exists outside of ourselves – therefore everything should obey our desires. That it does not – that parents do other than we need of them is a shock that is a part of maturing.
    Our infant emotions, uncensored by social rules and self-consciousness, are enormously powerful, and wherever unsatisfied or unresolved are stored unconsciously. If we are to integrate the potential energy locked in these areas, we must meet some of the incestuous desires and transform them into adult love. Also from the child’s view it is at one with its mother and father, and has no sense of separation from them. This changes as it begins to become independent from its mothers influence. Then there is a longing to be one with the mother again, a longing for its lost world.
    To move towards acceptance of this urge when you were a baby, I feel it is worthwhile exploring this dream again while you are awake, so you can move towards “embracing something” which was only natural at that age.
    For that purpose you can use “Power Dreaming”; so please read this first
    While awake and relaxed imagine yourself – more preciously your self at a baby stage level “wrapped up” in your present physcical body – back in the dream and continue it as fantasy or a daydream. While doing so go through some or all of the sex experiences with your father and mother and practice feeling okay with it.
    When there is no guilt left in you and so when you can perceive these experiences as a natural stage of the baby you once were and which part you still carry within you too, you can explore if you can transform it into a more adult form of love.
    For that purpose you can ask your parents to “leave the stage” and if you feel like it allow for a handsome male to enter the stage and go through (some of) the experiences again with him.

    (Day) Dreams often stand in place of actual experience. So through (day) dreams we may experiment with new experience or practice things we have not yet done externally. For instance many young women dream in detail of giving birth. This function of what might be called ‘imagination’ is tremendously undervalued, but is a foundation upon which human survival is built.
    Take some time to explore this all for yourself and then let me know how you are dreaming/doing/feeling.
    Good Luck!
    Anna 🙂

      -Meagan 2015-04-30 14:09:09

      Thank you so much Anna! I feel much more clarity now and understanding. I’m having normal dreams now 🙂 Thank you so very much for your insight! Take care
      -Meagan ☺️

        -Anna 2015-04-30 14:35:08

        You’re Welcome Meagan 🙂

-Kate 2015-04-05 16:18:00

I had this dream were I met a complete stranger and we fell in love after a few dates. We when to his house into a room with three beds, people were asleep in the other two beds, and we started to pleasure each other in the bed at the end of the room – was able climax (in real life I am a 20 year old virgin) however my lover was apologetic but still did not climax even when I was trying my hardest and even when having sex. I was aware of people being in the room, even an old lady who I did not know in the next bed, but did not care. In my dream I really felt like I loved this man and he loved me. what could this all mean?

-Megan 2015-03-11 7:23:34

I have had around three dreams where me and my boyfriend was leading up to intercourse but then when it’s about to happen he stops it. Why am I dreaming that he doesn’t want to have sex with me? We haven’t done anything more than kissing at the moment.

    -Tony Crisp 2015-03-11 9:27:47

    Megan – Dreams are about a very different thing than your everyday life. So please read to start with –

    Your dream is not about your boyfriend but about your feelings and what your desires are about him. Obviously a real part of you doesn’t want to go any further than kissing, so respect that.

    But sex in your dreams is fine; it is a way of practising for the real event. So by all means dream about having sex and don’t hold yourself back.

    1. Dreams often stand in place of actual experience. So through dreams we may experiment with new experience or practice things we have not yet done externally. For instance many young women dream in detail of giving birth. This function of what might be called ‘imagination’ is tremendously undervalued, but is a foundation upon which human survival is built. See: imagination and dreaming.


-Kira 2015-03-04 7:13:36

Lately I been having dreams of my sister having sex with my husband the crazy thing about is I can remember everything in my dream, I don’t know why I’m having dreams of them having sex when she have a husband.

-jo 2015-01-12 13:57:09

Lately my husband has been telling me i was having sex in my sleep, last night my husband was very upset he said he sat up and heard me having sex with someone else in my sleep being very vocal and behaving in a way that i wouldnt normally. I have no recollection whatsoever. I love my husband very very much and am generally very happy with my marriage. I dont understand? Im worried this is going to affect our marriage.

-Alexa R 2015-01-03 8:22:38

I’m a teenage virgin, but I had a dream that I was in my twenties living in an apartment with an attractive guy. I never really heard his voice but I felt communication there. We went to the water park and had a very enjoyable date and all I could remember is us repeatedly having sex when we got back to the apartment. It seemed I knew what I was doing even though I’m a virgin. What does this mean?

    -Tony Crisp 2015-01-04 13:26:15

    Alexa – Dreams are the most wonderful virtual reality. And one of the many functions of dream is to practice life skills – and sex is an important life skill.

    You must be very in tune with you instinctive knowledge, because at the instinctive level of course you know about sex for your ancestors are versed in it for many, many, many generations. So you have a vast storehouse of experience that was passed on to you in your dream. See

    So it seems as if your instinctive knowledge already has given an idea of the sort of man you would like. So when it comes to being a sexual partner do not feel anxious – you already have a vast store of experience.


-Elliot 2014-12-12 16:16:34

I dreamed about this friend(who I haven’t met personally) and she showed up unexpectedly giving me an oral sex. I was actually dreaming myself being inside my room with “someone” but she appeared suddenly and it appears that we are a couple(not married, but bf and gf). What can you think about what this dream interprets?

-Shannon 2014-10-16 12:51:31

I dreamed that every where I went, I would get fondled friendly and enjoyably but when they would get into position to have sex, I would walk away.

-Zane 2014-10-12 21:33:21

Dear Tony,

Over the last couple months, these last few weeks especially, I have been dreaming about doing various sexual acts with random attractive men. I have been with my current partner for a year now and started dating him about a month after I broke up with my last boyfriend, who I’d dated for almost four years.

My current partner is overweight and not very handsome, in fact before we started dating I hadn’t looked at him as a potential lover at all where my last boyfriend was your typical tall, dark and handsome. I even said in one of my dreams “I miss being with someone attractive.” or something along those lines but I think it was more about the fact that other people find him unattractive.

I myself am a very attractive person and I worry about people judging me or my partner for… I guess being with someone that doesn’t suit us. Looks don’t mean a whole lot to me but I do think they are somewhat important. I’m not sure if these dreams are tying to tell me I am dissatisfied with my partners looks or if they are simply there to let me enjoy some eye candy without consequence.

I worry about dreams like these because in the past I was very flirty and would even kiss other people when I was drunk. I would also often think about having relationships with other people but I think that was because I was unhappy in the relationship. But now I’m not like that at all, I don’t look to others for attention and I don’t cross lines that make my partner feel insecure.

Also in a handful of these dreams I am worried or unhappy with the sex I am having because I don’t want to loose my current partner as he’s told me if I ever had sex with someone else he could not forgive me. Not being forgiven is a very scary thing for me as I myself will always forgive someone and I feel like I make a lot of mistakes so having something unforgivable really weighs on my mind.

I’d really like to hear your feedback if you have the time, thank you so much.

-Polly 2014-07-25 11:17:07

Me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 months ago and a few weeks after we broke up I had a dream where I kissed a guy in my class who I don’t like in that way. last night I another dream where I was with this guy who I don’t know but he is around my age and for some reason we went to this cafe to buy some cookies and for some reason the lady at the counter wouldn’t sell us the cookies. So behind us there was a man who was an actor but I don’t know who he was and he was making a film and he took us to the trailer where he was living while he was making the film. While we where myself and the man started to kiss each other and then he started having sex with the other guy that I was with and then the actor made the guy and myself have sex and I have never had sex before and when we were having sex it hurt a lot and I wanted to stop but the man made us keep going. There was a lot of other things that happened there and I don’t want to say what but finally he let us leave. When we left I met my sister and her husband and she knew that me and the guy that I was with had sex and I don’t remember what happened next.

-Gwen 2014-07-10 14:47:43

I had this recurring dream of having an urge to have sex with my mother. I feel so much physically attracted towards her in my dream. What does that mean?

-Fay 2013-01-18 17:40:33

I having a dream about the same theme,
I have someone like Jim Davidson (a comedian) trying to rape me with a sea urchin or similar then i get away and am naked in front of a mirror pleasuring my self to orgasam, its a bit weird i know but what does it mean

-Tati 2012-11-23 17:41:38

I keep having this same situation happen to me when ever I have a sex dream and I don’t understand it. Its either :
1) an ex-lover (or a fictional character or someone my mind created) and I are making out heavily and sex seems to be emanate, but then he’ll want to stop or he’ll walk away leaving me there begging for us to continue or waiting for him to come back. I awake feeling unwanted and frustrated.

2) it is for sure about to happen and right before we start having sex I am woken up by something or someone.

I don’t know why this keeps happening but it’s frustrating the hell out of me because I don’t feel in control of my dream, and I’m starting to hate them. Can you please explain what these dreams really mean and why I keep having them?

    -Tony Crisp 2012-11-26 10:45:30

    Tati – I feel the whole centre of the problem is your feeling unwanted. It is largely an unconscious feeling and appears in a lot of female dreams. Because it is hidden in you – unconscious – it controls your dreams. But it does so to make you aware of it.

    You can change this by using

    Of course it needs to be practised a few times to make it work, so try it and see the results.


-marie 2012-10-15 19:51:45

I’m still a virgin, but I have a boyfriend. I recently dreamed about us having sex, but it wasn’t at all what I imagined. It was painful and didn’t satisfy me. He then stopped at the middle and said we had to go outside to search for someone. When we came back, I felt quite dissapointed and sad. What can this mean?
I really love my boyfriend.

    -Tony Crisp 2012-10-21 10:08:38

    Marie – The first time sex isn’t usually good anyway. If you realise that it will be a good thing because you will not expect so much from it.

    If you can talk to a woman who has a lot of good experience sexually and can talk about it, it would help – or get a good book. But please get used to talking openly about your feelings with your boyfriend. That is important because at first you do not know what you like and if you cannot openly say you will end up being disappointed. It is so important to give feed back both ways. I have been helped so much by women who talked to me openly. See


-Amy 2011-04-23 2:01:07

I had a dream where me and a “friend” (I didn’t actually know who she was. but we seemed to be friends) Brought a guy over for us to have sex with. He was a pretty average looking guy and he was verry excited so he went into a room to get ready and my friend was egging me on the get undressed and go with him and I did. The dream stops before I could even get to the room.

    -Tony Crisp 2011-05-02 8:55:38

    Amy – Well it seems that your friend is a more amorous and adventurous part of you. So she/you are being egged on by your sense of adventure. But when it comes to just you going with him you block the dream.

    It is good to realise that the dream world is a very different one that the waking world. In the world of our dreams there are no hidden catches like disease, a bad lover, and the day after feeling. Dreams are what you make them, and in your case you created a lack of satisfaction.

    So while awake, and when you have time to be with yourself, imagine you are going into the room to make passionate love. Because there are no catches, you can really let yourself go and be and do anything. Isn’t that what dream lovers are for?


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