Thrown out of school

What I find is a big boost is that I was thrown out of school, bottom of my class in most subjects, yet I discover inside myself the most amazing form of intelligence and vision. It seems to me from what I have been experiencing in listening to my own inner self, that part of me is like a computer. All the things my senses and emotions have experienced are carefully recorded and then scanned for information. Practicing listening to my inner world is a way of listening to what my inner computer has gathered from all the experience. Some of that is very much about me personally, but a lot of it is about life in general, and even political and religious issues. Children are often programmed to be idiots by teachers and parents telling them they are basicall idiots who are too young to know anything.. But if we drop those deadly suggestions put into us we can shine with our own light. Later when I went for a test to do national service with a lot of other guys, I was asked to stay behind, because they told me my score was excellent and they asked me sign up for officer training.

Recently my son Neal a parent of two boys wrote the following: “I just saw the film, ‘The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind’, about an uneducated boy who changed his world, the other day and really enjoyed it. In the film he said to his father, who had told him many, many time that he didn’t know anything at all about what he was trying to invent,  “I know things you don’t”. Something that’s happening with every new generation.”

So what I learn in this way makes me even more unique as a person because no one else, nothing else in the universe, has experienced or seen things quite from the time, place and situation that I have. But also I learned things that are universal, that are general to everybody, and enable me to see how much a part of everything else I am. Also the computer action not only records everything it also put many separate bits together to show a new realisation. What this does is to summarize what it scans, putting together unrelated bits of information in new and creative ways, and this action is a major way these insights are expressed.

To be more specific – because I grew up in an environment in London with many prostitutes and homosexuals something happened inside me that I was completely unaware of until I listened to this inner information. The scanning process saw what a huge percentage of people were manipulated through their sexual urge. Put rather crudely it was similar to the way humans trap animals or farm them. We know that if we put food in a trap an animal will be led into it by its urge to eat. We know that if we put a ram with the sheep, they will mate. Sexual hunger can be used to get people to part with their money, or to lead them where you want them to go. I recognised those things from the many bits of experience scanned, but I didn’t have the courage to listen to what I had inwardly learnt until recently. On listening I saw how, deep inside, I had decided to work with my sexuality so I would not be so easily manipulated. That unconscious decision influenced whole areas of how I developed relationships, yet I hadn’t even known I had made such a decision.

What may be even more important is that out of that scanning, realisations about the social conditions in the country I live in had also been formed. For instance, what attitudes within us create prostitution anyway, and what leads us to manipulate each other? When we are so manipulated, often en-masse by political and commercial forces, why do we remain so sheep-like and follow? When we do that we are like cattle, having no self awareness at all. What sexual and social codes have we adopted, or been led to adopt through the manipulation by church and state, that place us in this sleep-like condition in which we can be farmed by people shrewd enough to do it? As far as I am concerned one of the major reasons is that WE HAVEN’T GOT GUTS ENOUGH TO LOOK AT WHAT IS HAPPENING TO US. We prefer to remain unconscious, and so avoid feeling the heightened emotions which allow us insight into ourselves and the world. We are far too busy congratulating ourselves on how well we are doing; how stupid the other person is, to really see who we are, and what the world around us is doing. And, quite frankly, that’s just the way the manipulators want it. I personally want to wake up. I want to increase the understanding I have gained about myself and my environment, even if it hurts or shocks me sometimes. It is the most exciting and adventurous thing that has ever happened to me, and I’m certainly not going to give it up. Quoted from my book – also see –

The painting is by Carlos Caban – a great Mexican painter.

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