Meeting My Dead Parents

Then I entered the realm of death and so had to face and go beyond the fears and images people have of death, and I was shown my father. “I have fathered you my son,” he said. “but you have led many of us to new understandings.

From this I saw my father in quite a different way than when he was in the body. He looked as if he was now a person of importance because of the knowledge he was communicating. It felt to me as if he had flowered into his manhood. Another strange feeling I had was that, maybe because if our cultural feelings that we live in a world where we believe that the past can never be changed and is past, sometimes full of regrets and feeling about what we feel we should have done or been, I saw that what my father had done was in some way reaching through all the past generations. In some way the present changes the past just as the past has tremendous influence on our present life.

Regarding this Mansfield describes an experiment in quantum physics where one particle/wave of light from a distant star is made to pass through a series of mirrors along different arms. A single particle/wave is called a photon. As the single photon is passing through the series of mirrors, the method of observing it and measuring it is altered. This means that on its entry into the system the photon is a wave, but when the method of observing is changed into a photon, the photon becomes a particle. The astounding thing is that not only does it become a particle from that point on, but its nature is also changed in the millions of years in the past it took light to reach the present.

We live in an astonishing world and we too are astonishing.

Then I asked to see my mother. It was an amazing experience. I saw her face, young full, but as I looked at it a change happened, for the image of her face became the faces of countless women. As this happened I realised that the personality of my mother was produced or had a background of countless women. And in the end, is connected deeply within herself with a synthesise of all women – The Great Mother.  See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/archetype-of-the-great-mother/

I began to realise that I was confronting something difficult to explain, something that was a reality at a level or a dimension I had not met or experienced before. It was a huge being which I began to see was capable of taking in and holding every mother’s experience and person, and was itself a complete synthesis of all mothers; in fact She was The Mother of everything.

It was difficult for me as a human being to grasp its magnificence. I realised in my own small way why people in every culture kneel before the images of this Mother. In some wonderful way She was my mother and yet behind and working through my mother was The Great Mother.

I saw too that every woman I had loved or dreamed of was in a way a meeting with this Great Mother. Then, because I saw and felt in the presence of this Figure, hurts I had done to the nature of women, I wept and asked forgiveness. I was shown that it wasn’t what I had done to any woman, but the hurt I had given to the nature of womanhood, with its great drives and energies that make women want a child and love from a man. Then in forgiveness She took me into herself and I felt and still feel AWE.

Also, I saw that the Virgin Mary is far more than I had previously understood. When we kneel before her, we are kneeling before all mothers. She is wonder-full. It is the face of every, every face throughout the ages. She bears all the pain and wonder of every woman who bears a child. She is the Mother of all. And the wonder of it is too much for me to understand.

Life is a holy mystery. Why has it taken so long for me to understand – it is because during my life I have gathered/integrated more people into me, so became larger.

My sin against womanhood was that by stopping, when I did, the ability to have children through having a vasectomy. It wasn’t that I had a vasectomy, but I did it in response to my wife apparently becoming pregnant, and so in response I tramped upon her feelings of love and desire to have a child with me. It was actually a false pregnancy. I can’t even find words for it.