Decision

Whatever decision you make in your dream, it is wise to look at the drama and details of the dream to understand why the decisions was made, or out of what influences or needs. The dream process often brings to your awareness insights that help you to choose your way or direction, and these should be considered. But dreams should not be seen as totally saying what you must do, only as wise advisors.

But many decisions arise out of old angers, hurts or fears, so make sure you are not acting out of those. Unconditional and detached love and insight are the best attitudes to act from.

There are also life decisions we make that are not always made by clear thinking or as an adult. Even as a baby we can experience enormous feeling reaction to some situations we are confronted by. These reactions constitute a decision, even though not made consciously. From that point onwards we, as the baby or child, will respond to a similar situation in a given way. For instance a baby may have found so little love and warmth from it mother, and so much care from someone else, it alters its responses to its mother, and transfers it bonding and warmth to someone else. Such decisions have enormous influence on adult life, and are often not recognised for what they are, and so are not re-evaluated.

We are all the time deciding, although most of the time we do it unconsciously. We do it as habits of response, as habitual attitudes and feelings; even our habitual fears and beliefs are building blocks of our decisions and faculty of deciding.

Imagine a woman or man who constantly feels they are a failure; not only that they feel fear that they will never change and to find it they will have to die. Their fear and their beliefs turn them away from making or trying any new approach. As they say, “I cannot let myself express my feelings because I am frightened I will not survive”.

Of course we have met such people. They suffer crippling depression, and are convinced that what they suffer is incurable. And it is such etched in convictions that are the things that imprison them. See Life’s Little Secrets

Out of such things we create the decisions we make. But of course there is another route, and this person feels certain, from looking around at life in the plants, trees and animals. That Life is a process which constantly tries to heal any wound. It does it best to do this in vomiting up what we have taken in, or as a boil creating a situation to get rid of a poison. And as unpleasant as that is it is the way we are healed physically and psychologically.

It is not a case of thinking positively, but of being aware the direction our thoughts or decisions take us. So our decisions are important as the second example explains.

Example: “I had woke that morning with a headache.  This was very unusual so I knew another lump of pain was ready to come up.   For some weeks my sessions had all been centred around being a tiny baby left to cry.  As that baby I had hungered for my mother with every ounce of my being.  I don’t suppose many adults can conceive of a condition where any feeling or desire is totally engulfing.  We are used to thinking of that sort of being swallowed up and possessed by a feeling as madness.  Because of the pain most of us feel when we really begin to experience our deep yearning we do relate to our deepest feelings in a sick mad way.  Yet a baby is neither sick nor mad, but it is totally engulfed in its feelings. See LifeStream

I had been experiencing this in the sessions in which I opened to LifeStream (LS), and how as a baby I had killed my longing when nobody came.  And because of that I had not as an adult been able to really let myself feel deeply in relationships.  Or when I did begin to go deep into a feeling relationship with someone it brought great pain.  So I thought the thing coming up was another lump of baby pain.

As soon as I had an opportunity I had a session.  I had been sitting in with a friend while she had a session, and now we swapped roles.  As I lay down the pain in the head increased. I felt sick and dizzy.  My body began to jerk and it was like words being forcefully squeezed out of my body.  It feels as if those words, and the emotions pouring out with them, were literally in the body, like juice is in an apple, and the process of LS, squeezes out this painful juice.

At first the words were just a jumble of noise being pushed out as my body cramped up and squeezed.  Then I was shouting out ‘I’ve got VD  I’ve got VD’  Then every so often I would gasp out ‘A father…s father…’

I didn’t understand at this point what it was meaning, but I knew from the past it would explain itself if I let it come, and there was no need to analyse or think it out.

Now the body contractions became deeper and I could feel some real deep emotion in my chest just beginning to come up. ‘Dirty,  I’m dirty,’ I was shouting.  ‘I’m a father and I’m dirty’.  Then my body just gave a big heave like I was having a baby or something, or a tooth out, and I was just one frozen block of pain, and a great moan of pain came out.  I was sobbing and moaning about my children.  Hardly able to say it because of the pain and sobbing, nevertheless the words squeezed out of me ‘D…. Duh …Does.. a… Does a father…’  I just couldn’t go on for a while.  My body contorted up with this inner emotional pain again, and a sort of bellow of it came up from deep down.  Then the words came again.  ‘Does a father…Does a father kill his children?’

I couldn’t take it.  I just wept.  I knew that’s what I had been doing for years.  That’s what most of us are doing, only we can’t and won’t see it. We kill the bright hopes and joys of our children. We forced education upon them, and education thought up by people themselves with a hurt amounts of pain in them. But even though we hide from it, the pain of it is there like poison juice in our body.  Now mine was being squeezed out and the words were like pips forcing out of my mouth.

Example: Somehow I had managed to enter what people call the unconscious – yet I was far from being asleep or unaware. Instead I was wandering through the vastness of my own inner world and I could also see my waking self and everyday life. My outer life seemed to me to be like the surface of the earth, where things like plants and people sprout from seeds and grow. Whereas where I was I knew as the creator, the Source which gave all things life.

But as I wandered and was amazed at what I was experiencing I realised that I was looking for a way out, an escape from the awful depression and pain I was lost in. Knowing that I was in the very foundations of my being I thought there was a doorway out, a release; or else I could manipulate it to find some escape.

So I looked and sought, but all I saw was a world I had created, and as such a world I could not escape from. It was such a crushing realisation that every thing I had decided to do was my own work in creating a hell. It wasn’t a hell that was a punishment because I saw I had created it. And any release could only come through starting to create a new me. It was all so clear – no escape from myself.

In that clarity I saw that all the woes of my life, the terrible things I had met, the afflictions we apparently have as an accident, were all my own awful creativeness. As Kipling says, “And lose, and start again at your beginnings.” Fortunately the lesson was so well impressed on me that I could not blame my fortune on fate, God, others, my mother or the people around me – it was all my own work. And fortunately too I had time and strength to start again.

Useful Questions and Hints:

Am I aware that I constantly shape my life through my decision?

What is the driving force of my decisions – fear, depression, hopelessness or love?

Can I accept the responsibility of my life situation and not blame it on God or other people?

See Techniques for Exploring your Dreams – The power of Habits – You Are a Dual Being