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Mate Mating

If you feel there is a battle going on with your mate, it is likely that you are not taking responsibility for what is happening there is a good possibility, for basically we tend to reflect project our problems and weaknesses that we have within ourselves onto the one we love. What we dislike most in our partner is what we hate most in ourselves.

If you have no difficulty with your self-esteem/self worth there can be no feelings of jealousy for one is confident and independent. It doesn’t mean you cannot love but it does mean you are not capable of feeling jealous. True love is not bowed down by such feelings, and is completely without strings or conditions. See Beware of Love

Ask yourself if I know how to love your mate and care for any children. This is central to all that life has done in its many forms; it is this great theme of self giving in caring for offspring and mate. Through such feelings a woman or man would recognise in people and animals the urges that link one to a mate, the strength to protect and nurture children, and the natural within oneself. But our animal self has the inherited wisdom about survival and relationships, parenting and finding a mate. There is a lot to learn from it, and it is a wonderful resource. See Levels of the Brain

Because these aspects of behaviour connected with mating are so old, and have survived so long, there is often great wisdom in them if we can bring it to consciousness. Such urges as fighting over our territory or mate – grabbing what is available for ourselves – striving aggressively to provide for family, also need to be integrated in a way that socialises them, otherwise they exist in a primitive form still, perhaps in conflict with our present needs. This means behaviour that is deeply instinctive and not learned. Like the dancing mating rituals of birds, it is behaviour that arises through an external stimulus. For instance some lizards will nod their head and expand their size if something red is flashed in front of them. They cannot help but respond in this way, as it is hardwired behaviour.

Many young women and young men are triggered into mating behaviour simply by meeting someone who ‘looks nice’ and takes an interest in them. Often they have to learn that such behaviours are simply instinctive and not based on what is a good choice. Such learning can be very painful and can lead to feelings that they are not good, or all men or women are bastards. See Learning to Love

The courtship and mating behaviours in reproduction and the sexual drive that urges you toward the opposite sex or toward mating in some way, is often accepted in its naked power, to find a mate and to have sex in order to procreate. Unfortunately most of us have no real awareness of how we are instinctive creatures and so are driven largely by ‘nature’ in us. Most people explain it by the idea of romance and soul mates, and so often end up deeply hurt. Other instinctive drives are the desire to have standing and recognition in ones social group; the drive for dominance – or the resulting depression or sickness if no recognition or place in the group is found. This is most likely an influence form the reptilian brain we all have that is a basic prompt. It developed about 200 million years ago and is still an underpinning part of what influences your behaviour today. Dreams often portray these urges in you as snakes or lizards.

You need to accept you are a mammal, a natural creature, and although you have a conscious personality, it is like riding an ancient beast. So if you could imagine yourself sitting on a horse, and instead of being separate you were one creature, you would at times have to give it its way when it wanted to rub against a tree, or wanting to mate. So in a past age you would be old enough at the time of you first period or male erection to mate and have children, and that would be accepted. But being ‘civilised’ makes it difficult. Many young girls and women face the difficult of being a healthy mammal and being a civilised woman at the same time. I believe it can help if you do not suppress your natural urges, but direct them consciously by having plan of action, or taking the urge toward creativity. After all, a woman is a wonderful creative being, and should not suppress that but use it one way or another.

 Example: I put my nose into the grass the earth tells me what has lived and died in this field. I hear the earth tell me things. I hear this voice in me calling out ‘ME! ME! ME!’ There is that one voice calling out from deep in me saying everything. It is the bull calling a mate. It is the stag saying – I AM – I will fight – I will kill – I will care – I live – I die – I lust – I want. It is saying I am alive. I’ve got something – LOOK . I have this precious gift of the seeds of life. I am Life. I am the baby crying for the mother. I am the death cry. It is sex which turns this energy on. It is the female which calls it.

The following dream by a woman is obviously about her feelings about mating.

 Example: The three of us were on our way to a lively night out and I suggested a short cut through Richmond Park. Suddenly this old man stepped out and advised us not to do so as stags were rutting. I thanked him and replied they would be too busy to care about us. As we walked through, trying to ignore the fact the stags seemed to be stuck together, we felt relieved. Suddenly an enormously big stag with tremendous horns and a leering and vicious expression came swaying toward us after breaking free of a female deer. Jasmine C.

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