Boyfriend or Ex
Dreaming about your boyfriend is usually about your emotional feelings, attachment to, or fears about the boyfriend. This includes the difficulties, struggles with feelings and sexuality felt in connection with boyfriend or other males. It might also be your insights into his behaviour. Please read Ages of Love
Boyfriend dreams often have an element either of fear or dreaming of possibilities. In other words the dream explores what you fear might happen in the relationship, and what you hope will happen. See Inner People
Example: I constantly have a dream that me and my best friend/boyfriend of 3 years just suddenly aren’t together. I never know why, but I am either with another guy or simply alone and just have this horrible feeling in my stomach, and know it’s not right. In my dream I get upset my bf never called or contacted me after breaking up, and I never know why we ended either. The dream ends with me giving in and trying to find a way to call him but then I wake up. The obvious conclusion would be I think I belong with my bf, but is there anything else possibly?
This is a wonderful example of how the mind works, and the play between what we allow ourselves to think – our conscious mind – and what we do not allow ourselves to know – our unconscious. As an example of this here is another young woman’s dream.
Example: During my teens I was engaged to be married when I found a more attractive partner and was in considerable conflict. Consistently I dreamt I was at my fiancé’s funeral until it dawned on me the dream was telling me I wanted to be free of him. When I gave him up the dreams ceased. I don’t understand what this means, and its really bothering me. Why am I dreaming of this? Can you help me understand the meaning of these dreams?
Each person we spend time with, fall in love with, make love to or grow up with, or even with animals, we develop an incredible and often invisible bond. For instance many women and men write and ask why they keep dreaming of partners, parents of even old friends they have moved on from. You keep dreaming about your ex from years ago or old friends because while you lived with them you experienced millions of memories, situations, conflict and learning experiences. So you carry them with you as memories, lessons learnt, love or anger still trying to find a way of being absorbed.
So in a way it is not your husband, ex or others you are dealing with but yourself – we dream about them and use them as a symbols of what we picked up from the relationship. We cannot have a mass of experience with someone and move away without it influencing us. Life is, in a very real way, a learning experience, and every new experience has to be fitted into what we are learning.
Cheated on: Many dreams of this are sent and here is an example:
Example: In my dream I’m with my ex girlfriend (who I still hang out with) we are hanging out being really close and lovey on each other. Then I leave the room for something and when I come back she is with a man. In this reoccurring dream she is always with a different guy and I don’t know who any of them are. When I walk in they are really close to each other and holding hands sometimes she is sitting on his lap. In my dream it always breaks my heart and I tell her how I feel and she acts like she doesn’t care. Then I wake up. In real life we were together for 2 years and I’m a girl. While we were together she cheated on me with men. We still hang out today but we are just friends with benefits.
This type of dream is usually from a young woman who either sees her boyfriend with another man or has powerful suspicions that he is seeing someone else. The dreamer is actually meeting her unresolved feelings of jealousy, of feeling not as good as the other person and not being lovable.
Ex-lover/boyfriend: This frequently shows any feelings or hopes still connected with him. The ex-boyfriend or lover often becomes a symbol for all the hopes for love that are not being satisfied at the moment, or in the present relationship. Sometimes it is a way of digesting or living in the past. It may occur in some dreams that the ex-lover is seen as a dead body, or a murder is involved. This is usually because we are killing, or have killed some of our longings and love for that person.
Example: Although married for almost nine years, I have been dreaming almost every night about an old friend. We used to date twelve years ago, but although we still meet occasionally, our relationship now is purely platonic.
About two weeks before I found out he was getting married I had a dream where he handed me a single red rose and said ‘I love you, but the time’s not right’. In the latest dream I was reading a paper with the heading ‘Broken Hearted Babies’, with a picture of both of us as babies, with our names underneath. Amanda – Teletext.
Obviously Amanda still has unfulfilled longing and dreams in regard to her ‘old friend’. Even so it is worth reading the things in the previous section.
Example: I dream I am in a room with my ex-boyfriend – Gary. I feel scared about having sex with him but want him to show me all the excitement and thrill of sex. I love him but can’t tell him how much I want the enjoyment of his body closer to mine. You are the first person I can write to telling about having sex with my ex-boyfriend. Donna – Lancs.
Relationships are complicated and here Donna is experiencing the conflict of wanting him yet being separated. Remember that dreams are like computer games I which you can be killed, make love a thousand times, and come away none the worse – unless of course you feel that what happened was exactly like waking life. Then you would have the sort of questions and dilemmas you are telling me about. See Dreams Like a Computer Game; Dreams are a reflection of your inner world.
Daughter’s boyfriend: This may illustrate your judgements and feelings about the boyfriend.
Male dreaming of boyfriend: Usually this is about the qualities of weaknesses you witness in your friend. See the entry on Characters and People in Dreams to understand this. It can also be about the reasons you have become friends, and the intricacies of the relationship.
Useful Questions and Hints:
If this is about a past love, what do I honestly now feel about him and why?
Do the events in the dream show what I fear – and if so can I honestly see them as fears, not reality?
What relationship situation does the dream depict, and how does this comment on waking life?
See Growing Up to Love – People Animals and Objects of our Dreams are Projections
Comments
For about the last 6 months I was having a dream that I had went to sleep and never woke up and my boyfriend was trying to wake me and I told him I was dead but he didnt hear me. Now for about a week I am having a dream about a boyfriend I had when I was 15. He came to get me and my parents wouldnt let me go and he peeled out and about 1 mile away he ran a stop sign and got killed. In the dream he says he wished I could have gone with him.
Vivian – An interesting dream, and thank you for explaining the background to me, it makes a great difference to how I understand it.
I see that two things are going on in the dreams. One is that you told your boyfriend you were dead and he failed to hear you. This could mean that your feelings for your boyfriend are no longer alive, but somehow he hasn’t noticed the change in you.
The other thing is that you are still tied emotionally to the past boyfriend, and so that may be effecting your present feelings.
Please choose to live, however hard it may seem. Do not long for the past.
Tony
My Ex Girlfriend Cheated On Me She’s My First Love And I Still Have Strong Feelings For Her She Has A New Girlfriend And I Do Too But I Keep Having Dreams About Us Getting Back Together , What Does That Mean?
I’ve had some nightmares that reoccur about my ex-boyfriend and I’m confused on what they might mean.
I’ve had dreams that he is trying to take me back by force from my current boyfriend and I get really scared. Or sometimes he’s tried to almost kidnap me and I don’t wanna go because he hurt me before. In all these dreams, he tries to be sexual with me, and I usually am scared and want him to let me go, but want to stay at the same time. When I wake up, I’m really freaked out.
I always have dreams that I meet a guy and in my dream his changes to my current boyfriend. It happens almost every night I dreamt last night I was ordering food and this boy I didnt know asked me out I said yes then I was in my laundry room looking for jeens and the boy was there, but he was matt my boyfriend. what does this mean?
Carolyn – It means that we are always learning how to love and how not to love through experience. Your current boyfriend seems to be one who you feel flowing toward, so you transform any feelings of love into an image of him.
Our inner self that deals with dreams does not deal with experience as lots of separate things, but often links many pieces together. So any new guy you fancy gets joined with the present guy. I take it you are learning a lot from the relationship.
Tony
I have an ex-boyfriend that I really care for but we both moved on the opposite side of town from each other so we decided to break up. Recently i have been having dreams that aren’t about him but he randomly pops up. Like if I’m having a dream about school or hanging out with friends, he would walk by or be talking to another goup of friends beside me. At times when I’m alone i want him to be with me because he was my first love. What does this mean? Does it mean I’m getting over him or still caught up over him? i don’t know…
Thanks,
Allison 🙂
Allison – Because you have such good memories of him, whenever you think or feel similar feelings he will appear in your dreams. It is like having a CD, it can play the music again and again.
Who was it who made the decision to split up? I have the feeling it was him. If so do not hold out too much hope for him.
Tony
i dream about my ex- boyfriends all the time and these days my sleep is very deep and i dream about all that i am thinking in the day time. i am really fed up of all these dreams as they are not helping me rather increasing my problems . at times when i go through situations in real life i feel like i have already lived them before ,possibly in dream that i dont remember. please help me . thanks
My boy friend an I have been going out for about two years we got in an relationship for one year and then had an one year break got back together for 6 months y another 3 month break and now were Together for another year ever since. I have had a couple of dreams that he cheats on me one time the dream was at a park he was sitting with another girl kissing and he wouldent mind I was thier. Another time I dreamed that he would talk to a girl on the phone and in front of me he would tell her that he loves her, another time dreamed that we were at a big party only young peolpe some family and friends we were having a good time my boyfriend always checks on time and that says let’s go so he never said anything I asked him why didn’t he want to leave he said he was comfortable and then time past I did not see him around I looked or him many times and then I forind him with another girl kissing in a car, I really want to know what my dreams mean thanks for your help. What dose it mean?
Lupita – It is difficult to know what these dreams mean because you haven’t said whether he has given any external signs that he wants to be with other girls. But I know from receiving many dreams about the same subject is that they are usually caused by you fearing that your man will leave you. Your dreams are not a real prediction, but are a mirror in which your fears are reflected and acted out.
Perhaps you see so many things saying how men leave their girlfriends or how girls leave their boyfriends and it causes you uncertainty. The best thing is to accept that such things can happen and plan and practice what you can do if it does. See http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/beware-of-love/
Tony
Dear Tony,
For the past couple of days, I’ve been having dreams about my ex boyfriend. We have been separated for 5 months. Throughout the period of time we were together we never argued, never fought, we loved eachother, treated eachother the right way & spent a lot of time together as well. But now after our break up we rarely talk or see each other when we ended our relationship we ended on good times & both decided maybe this was just a little rough time. But we are still friends. That is why I don’t understand why I keep having this dream.
In my dream, he sends me a text & I don’t read it because I am at work. Later on in my dream, he calls me & I answer the phone & he says to me “do you miss me because I miss you, let’s get back together” later that day he posted on my Facebook that he missed me also. When he calls I can literally see his face in my dream telling me that he misses me. It all felt so real.
What does this mean? He isn’t the type of guy to show his emotions or feelings. I just don’t know what to think of it. I constantly have this dream.
Abigail – In our dreams we often put other people into roles that we ourselves wanted acted out – after all, they are our dreams.
So it sounds likely that you want to get together with your ex again, but are putting the words in his mouth. But if you feel that is true you can easily ask him to get back together.
Tony
hey tony
i had a werid dream last night. me and the boy in the dream have been separated for almost a year now but we still hand out and i see his family all the time. so last night i deamed we were back in high school doing a musical together and we were back stage and we were talking and all of a sudden he said i love you to me, and he kept repeating it. and then finally later i said it back. then i woke up. it was weird cuz durning our relationship we never said i love you. the day i was going to was the day he broke up with me.
thanks
molly
Molly – I think you have confused the dream boy with the real boy. The dream boy you dreamt of is like a photocopy of him. It is not the real person and so may have nothing to do with him and what he feels.
It seems more likely that he is a virtual reality you have created and lives in the great resources your mind has. So it is you who wants him to say “I love you”. See if you can make it come true. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/what-we-need-to-remember-about-dreaming/
Tony
I have dreams about my boyfriend and my sister falling in love. Almost every night now. In my dreams they both usually deny it, but last night I had a dream and he broke up with me to be with her. :s what does this mean?
Marie – Your dream paints a picture of you feeling very uncertain about whether you are loved, and also that you feel your sister is the one who is more attractive.
But those are just your feelings and are not truth. But if you feel uncertain and react to your boyfriend in that way then it could become a truth. The more positive you are of yourself and that you are lovable the more attractive you will become to your male.
But ask your dream creator to bring you dreams how to become more sure of yourself. They are the best teacher.
Tony
hello again dear tony,
i’m trying to figure out the meaning of an ex-boyfriend’s mom. do you have any ideas? ofcourse the context of the dream and the personal background in reality is important, but i hope you have some ideas for me. the dreamer dreamt about her having a conversation with her ex’s mom, and when the ex came in she said to him – please let me speak to your mom, he gave her a kiss and left. the momappears to feel relactant for the relationship and when the conversation went on they didn’t get to talk about the relationship but continuewd to other topics.
my feeling about it – the dreamer feels that the mom of her ex interfered in their relationship on the ex’s part. like he was under her influence somehow and therefore could not be totally in the relationship.
hm.. am i going too far with this?
Yasmin – It is difficult to understand someone else’s dream. This is because the words they use in describing their dream are usually different. I seem to get a lot of information in that way.
However, it does sound as if the person whose dream it is feels that the mother is not supportive. Whether that is a reflection of the facts is difficult to know; the reason being that we always put images onto our own feelings. So it is the dreamer’s feelings in the image of the mom.
Tony
Tony:
I just had the weirdest worst dream ever.I’ve been with my boyfriend like 5months together, but 1 month with the title making it official.
The Dream: I was separated from him (don’t know for how long) and I date a girl 2 times and she thought she was already my girlfriend, so her mother a,d her little bro kinda stalk me all the time to make sure I wasn’t cheating. During the dream I went to a swimminf meet (have a swimmer ex lover which I still have as friend, but nothing else) so he appears in the dream and I desperately tell him my situation and he tells me to make things clear to her. Then I found my self in a rest. Table with old friends and the waitress(who I’ve never seen) knows my name. Then I found myself home trying to call this “girlfriend” but my phone won’t works, and I keep telling my mom repetedly I miss Felix(my bf), so then I call him and his cousin answers puts him on the phone, talk like 4 words with him and woke up stressed and about to cry, search for my phone on the bed and seeing how he had called me and texted me like 5 times including two I love you messages, made me feel relaxed again.
I just can’t go back to sleep again. Plis help me understand what this means. 🙁
Nats – Your dream spells out a story about you that causes you to feel split in two.
You feel that in fact you love your boyfriend, but also a girlfriend. This is shown because when you tried to phone her your phone wouldn’t work – a sure sign you didn’t want to not love a woman as well.
You feel that if you loved more than one person it would destroy your boyfriends trust and connection with you. But lots of women I know have very intense connections with women friends and it is understood by their male partners – unless of course if you take sides and leave one for the other.
In lots of countries the split is so obvious. The men tend to be with their men friends a lot, and women tend to spend a lot of time with other women.
Tony
I don’t necessarily have dreams about my recent ex, but I do wake up sometimes with a sense that he’s in the room, or he will be HEAVY on my mind. The last time this happened, I found out the next day he’d had a huge fight with a guy and went to jail. The time before that, I didn’t even want to but was lead to send him a photo slide for fathers day, he called crying saying thank you, and that he was having a bad day and no one sent him anything. He doesn’t want to be together, I’m hurt by it but trying to move on, why does he keep popping up heavily followed by a weird chain of events?
Jae – When we have a relationship with someone we build links with them that are invisible to our eyes but very real. Also it seems clear from research into past lives that we also have links still active from the past. Sometimes those links bring trials, but sometimes love.
You are obviously more sensitive than many people to these invisible links, so you feel and respond to them. In being supportive without being caught up in the negative side of his life you are being of great help to him and to yourself. Life isn’t about getting rich quick, it is largely about growing in this life, and helping others to grow.
Tony
Hi Tony,
I’ve read the links and looked at the video and I have been trying to incorporate these things into my life. So far so good but it’s no overnight change.
Last night, I dreamt of my x- fiancee again, this time I dreamt he was dead. And I saw his mom and dad at a stadium amd they were not really speaking to me. Insead they were sitting with an ex g/f and her mother who had caused ALOT of problems for him & I when we were together. And that ex-gf ( stalker, bc she used to stalk our relationship) was trying to present herself as me like she was trying to make presentations ( like to audiences) as I do. In the dream i was like lower on a bleeker and they were higher. And as all of this was going on I was like crying, it was soo horrible Icouldn’t believe he died I screamed I yelled I wished I could change things. Then the scen changed and we moved to the parking lot and i approached them and I was about to approch that x gf of his because I said to myself that he’s gone I want to preserve everything and all memories of him. My tears in the dream werwe so intense. I felt so hurt in this dream I and as I did she came beside me. Then somehow we all turned towards the East and she turned toward the west. Those facing East were actually facing the sun.
( In real life : it’s been a month since i told him to cut all communication with me because it’s not getting better for neither of us. I don’t even have, email contact with him but I miss him alot and I keep telling myself think positive a new person will come into ur life and things will change, You know everyone says look to the future better is ahead. )
Tony, can u please help me interpret this dream. That x and her family caused much problems for us while we were together because she wanted to marry him. She even was willing to buy the engagement ring. But he had dated her some 7 years before me. What is this dream telling me ? I should mention I never saw his face in the dream, but I saw hers clearly despite I was overwhelmed with grief.
Neena – It is a good step that you dreamt about his death. That is a step toward the changes you need.
But you are still very immersed in the feelings of being second best – remember they are just feelings and are not truths. So keep facing East and even use it as a meditation.
Remember that you are an attractive woman – no matter what you feel. You can exist without any man, and any feelings telling you otherwise can be laughed at. You have been alone for a month now and you are still surviving, and it will get easier. Of course you will miss him, but do it with joy, not pain. Realise all that you learnt from the relationship and feel strong.
Big changes are coming and I feel these will carry you along in a new life.
Tony
Hi Tony,
You are absolutely right, I did live with a back and forth with my parents and in the end I was abandoned by my dad.
I enjoyed your article. Can you suggest how I can grow past this ? Also I have similar feelings towards women. As in I am not trust worthy and I keep no female friends.
I would like to grow past this because at this time I feel abandoned in many respects. Any suggestions ?
Neena – I am so delighted that you asked for suggestions. I realise from a long life that is all they can be. I believe that we are like a plant with roots searching for exactly what it needs. Sometimes it is only a few words that catch us and we retain forever. So here are some of my suggestions.
1. Although we may have traumas buried in us, do not go in search of them. Each trauma or powerful life experience gives rise to habits, and habits are easy to find everywhere. No need to dig. So confront your habits and your traumas, if any will, rise before you.
2. The feelings of jealousy you mentioned is actually a habit and is not a ‘natural’ reaction that many people take it for. So whenever it arises literally stop what you are doing and confront it. Think or say to your self, “This is an old habit of reaction started in my childhood. I want to grow out of this, and will replace jealousy/anger/frustration/failure etc with what I can feel when I am my best self. I know it will take practice, but it is just a habit like any other habit and can be learned like riding a bike.” Each time you confront it will be easier to get to the other side. See http://dreamhawk.com/inner-life/habits/ and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYYXq1Ox4sk
3. Allow any emotions that arise as you grow. Emotions are not you, but they are a wonderful way of learning a lot of truths about your past and present – even future. If you can allow any spontaneous movement, shaking, shivering and watch it to see what it is saying. If you can do this it goes through stages. The most deeply buried hurts are physiological/psychosomatic. As they emerge they are first movement such as shaking or shivering. The next level is gestural. The movements will become gestures, cowering, hurt, avoidance etc. The third level if we allow it is the dream level – in waking not in sleep. The action then become a full acting out of something that was deeply unconscious, with sound, emotions, and actions. But remember this is still only a symbolic acting out – as dreams are. Then, if you do not get trapped in the symbols of dreams, you come to full understanding and insight as the whole thing rises into consciousness. See http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/the-lifestream/
4. You are the sum total of your past. If you stop blaming your present experience on others it gives you a wonderful opportunity to create a new future. Today, this hour, this moment is the most miraculous thing. What you do today, this hour, this moment reached far into the future in an unbelievable way. If you are honest you can trace back your present predicament to the past. So your present attitudes, actions, thoughts, love or lack of it is creating your future.
5. Remember that you are far more than you currently believe. You are Life, expressing now, this moment. Look around at what Life can do. It can express as an amazing number of forms and in amazing environments. That infinite potential is at the Core of you. http://dreamhawk.com/health-and-healing/notes-for-touching-your-core-self/
Tony