Boyfriend or Ex
Dreaming about your boyfriend is usually about your emotional feelings, attachment to, or fears about the boyfriend. This includes the difficulties, struggles with feelings and sexuality felt in connection with boyfriend or other males. It might also be your insights into his behaviour. Please read Ages of Love
Boyfriend dreams often have an element either of fear or dreaming of possibilities. In other words the dream explores what you fear might happen in the relationship, and what you hope will happen. See Inner People
Example: I constantly have a dream that me and my best friend/boyfriend of 3 years just suddenly aren’t together. I never know why, but I am either with another guy or simply alone and just have this horrible feeling in my stomach, and know it’s not right. In my dream I get upset my bf never called or contacted me after breaking up, and I never know why we ended either. The dream ends with me giving in and trying to find a way to call him but then I wake up. The obvious conclusion would be I think I belong with my bf, but is there anything else possibly?
This is a wonderful example of how the mind works, and the play between what we allow ourselves to think – our conscious mind – and what we do not allow ourselves to know – our unconscious. As an example of this here is another young woman’s dream.
Example: During my teens I was engaged to be married when I found a more attractive partner and was in considerable conflict. Consistently I dreamt I was at my fiancé’s funeral until it dawned on me the dream was telling me I wanted to be free of him. When I gave him up the dreams ceased. I don’t understand what this means, and its really bothering me. Why am I dreaming of this? Can you help me understand the meaning of these dreams?
Each person we spend time with, fall in love with, make love to or grow up with, or even with animals, we develop an incredible and often invisible bond. For instance many women and men write and ask why they keep dreaming of partners, parents of even old friends they have moved on from. You keep dreaming about your ex from years ago or old friends because while you lived with them you experienced millions of memories, situations, conflict and learning experiences. So you carry them with you as memories, lessons learnt, love or anger still trying to find a way of being absorbed.
So in a way it is not your husband, ex or others you are dealing with but yourself – we dream about them and use them as a symbols of what we picked up from the relationship. We cannot have a mass of experience with someone and move away without it influencing us. Life is, in a very real way, a learning experience, and every new experience has to be fitted into what we are learning.
Cheated on: Many dreams of this are sent and here is an example:
Example: In my dream I’m with my ex girlfriend (who I still hang out with) we are hanging out being really close and lovey on each other. Then I leave the room for something and when I come back she is with a man. In this reoccurring dream she is always with a different guy and I don’t know who any of them are. When I walk in they are really close to each other and holding hands sometimes she is sitting on his lap. In my dream it always breaks my heart and I tell her how I feel and she acts like she doesn’t care. Then I wake up. In real life we were together for 2 years and I’m a girl. While we were together she cheated on me with men. We still hang out today but we are just friends with benefits.
This type of dream is usually from a young woman who either sees her boyfriend with another man or has powerful suspicions that he is seeing someone else. The dreamer is actually meeting her unresolved feelings of jealousy, of feeling not as good as the other person and not being lovable.
Ex-lover/boyfriend: This frequently shows any feelings or hopes still connected with him. The ex-boyfriend or lover often becomes a symbol for all the hopes for love that are not being satisfied at the moment, or in the present relationship. Sometimes it is a way of digesting or living in the past. It may occur in some dreams that the ex-lover is seen as a dead body, or a murder is involved. This is usually because we are killing, or have killed some of our longings and love for that person.
Example: Although married for almost nine years, I have been dreaming almost every night about an old friend. We used to date twelve years ago, but although we still meet occasionally, our relationship now is purely platonic.
About two weeks before I found out he was getting married I had a dream where he handed me a single red rose and said ‘I love you, but the time’s not right’. In the latest dream I was reading a paper with the heading ‘Broken Hearted Babies’, with a picture of both of us as babies, with our names underneath. Amanda – Teletext.
Obviously Amanda still has unfulfilled longing and dreams in regard to her ‘old friend’. Even so it is worth reading the things in the previous section.
Example: I dream I am in a room with my ex-boyfriend – Gary. I feel scared about having sex with him but want him to show me all the excitement and thrill of sex. I love him but can’t tell him how much I want the enjoyment of his body closer to mine. You are the first person I can write to telling about having sex with my ex-boyfriend. Donna – Lancs.
Relationships are complicated and here Donna is experiencing the conflict of wanting him yet being separated. Remember that dreams are like computer games I which you can be killed, make love a thousand times, and come away none the worse – unless of course you feel that what happened was exactly like waking life. Then you would have the sort of questions and dilemmas you are telling me about. See Dreams Like a Computer Game; Dreams are a reflection of your inner world.
Daughter’s boyfriend: This may illustrate your judgements and feelings about the boyfriend.
Male dreaming of boyfriend: Usually this is about the qualities of weaknesses you witness in your friend. See the entry on Characters and People in Dreams to understand this. It can also be about the reasons you have become friends, and the intricacies of the relationship.
Useful Questions and Hints:
If this is about a past love, what do I honestly now feel about him and why?
Do the events in the dream show what I fear – and if so can I honestly see them as fears, not reality?
What relationship situation does the dream depict, and how does this comment on waking life?
See Growing Up to Love – People Animals and Objects of our Dreams are Projections
Comments
recurring dream over the past 5 years of my boyfriend getting other women pregnant
i had two dreams about my boyfriend of 8 years cheating, in the first one we were leaving lunch together in his car and i jokingly asked him if he took his other girlfriend to lunch ever and he seriously answered yes. i wanted out of the car but he wouldnt stop, so when he came to a red light i jumped out, and he didnt come back for me! i told him about the dream and he laughted and asked who it was he was cheating with? so the next night i had almost the same dream (the same feeling) in the dream i asked his friend who it was he was cheating with and he told me her name was jazmine, it was a friend of someone we knew, (in the dream) when i wanted to confront him he acted like i wasnt there, he was very cocky, not like him at all!
i woke up both mornings visibly mad, and it stuck with me the whole day, now i cant stop thinking about what this means?
Thea – I can’t be sure about this, as I can’t ask you questions, but it seems that I have heard this dream so many times from different young women. It is about an awful feeling that you are not loved or lovable. It probably started in your childhood when you were not given enough assurance that you were loved. I suggest you read http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/beware-of-love/
Tony
I had a dream that I was packing to move (somewhere?) but my boyfriend wasn’t coming with me. We have been together 3 yrs and FINALLY I’m ready to move forward with him, so this dream made me wonder WHY I was moving away AND that he was staying. He has always been the one that knew from the start that we would be together and I was the one taking things slow.
Blue – Dreams mirror our honest feelings and doubts, and your dream seems to mirror doubts about your ability to stay in a relationship.
I think you need to explore the doubt, maybe using to help http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/processing-dreams/
In any case if you can talk over your doubts with your partner it might help. Such doubts are usually growing from a past experience and so you might need to dig deep to find its roots. Also, digging will bring up more dreams to help you.
Tony
Dear Mr Crisp
I have been searching for someone with your abilities for a lonnggg time! I hope you can give me the response I need.
The Dream: I’ve been haivng these dreams of my boyfriend cheating and in these dreams, my boyfriend is a complete jerk but so nice in real life. Sometimes I’ll have a dream where my BF is cheating with my best friend, I’ve had TWO dreams with her in it. But most of my dreams are with different girls. Some I know some I don’t know. I started having these dreams during my pregnancy but later stopped around the end of my 2nd trimester. My daugther is now 2months and I’m back having these dreams again. Sometimes I wake up mad sometimes I wake up sad and crying. And the cheating is never done behind my back, its always right in front of me and he seems to never care?? I don’t get it. WHY?? He hasn’t given me a reason not to trust him but these dreams keep giving me these “what if” thoughts. I really love him and don’t want what we have to end. We have a beautiful healthy daughter together and I don’t want to lose him with my insecurities. But i REALLY feel like these dreams are trying to tell me something. I want to get to the bottom of it and I want these dreams to STOP! Please help me understand why I’m having these dreams
Lately I’ve been having dreams about my boyfriend cheating on me with his daughters mom. Last night I had a dream that he wrote on her facebook that he’ll always love her, even though she’s blocked on his facebook. I don’t know how to stop these dreams, or why they are happening but its making it harder to trust him since I dream about it all the time even though I know he doesn’t have feelings for her.
Jennifer – This is a sign of your own insecurity, and if you don’t deal with it will ruin the relationship. It is a fear that you are not as attractive to him as his ex lady is. So it is all your own fears.
To deal with it you need to stop whatever you are doing, close your eyes and face the feeling. See that you have been done this path many times and it always leads to trouble – because you believe it out of your fear of not being lovable. You must then decide whether you want fear dominate you or do you want a different way of living. This will take many repetitions to work, but if you can see the truth of the situation it will gradually get easier – though there may be some tears or bad feeling on the way. See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYYXq1Ox4sk
Tony
hey tony,
last night I had a dream that my current boyfriend told me he never loved me and that he liked pretty girls. he told me this and he walked away and I stayed in the room crying.
I had woken up, but then I fell back asleep.
We were in this office type place and I sat by myself, he sat next to me and told me how he wanted to get back with me. I said no, that I just couldn’t, not after what he told me. He had gotten mad and walked out and I sat in the office crying.
I dreamt this the morning of our 1yr & 7mnth anniversary.
Help? 🙁
i had a dream of my x boyfriend saying he misses m what doe that mean
Dewdharee – Dreams about someone else are actually about you. We make dreams ourselves – unconsciously – out of our longings, hopes, fears and inspirations.
So I believe your dream is about the fact that you often miss him and so you dream he tells you the same thing. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/what-we-need-to-remember-about-dreaming/
Tony
Thank you so much Tony, this has REALLY helped me. You’re right, I should live in the moment and stop wondering what’s going to happen in the future between him and I. There have been moments where I have done that and its when I’ve enjoyed being with him the most. And I do want this to last but in order to prevent myself from being hurt if it doesn’t, I “look forward to an end” like you stated. Thanks to you and this blog I will now truly be able to enjoy the moments I have with him and I will be able to think before acting childish. Over the past few days, my behavior has matured and evolved, thank you so much!
Corinne – Your reply brings a lot of pleasure for me.
I feel that as you mature in this way of being many other wonders will arise for you.
Tony
Yes, I recently discovered that my sister has been dating people and hasn’t told anyone. But you’re completely right saying that I expect too much from him. I realize that no ones perfect and there are flaws in relationships, it’s just something I need to work on. So the part where I felt free and joyful was because I dropped my expectations of it lasting? Does this mean that I should give up on the relationship because it won’t last or that I should stop planning for the future and just enjoy it while it lasts, however long it may last?
Corinne – Yes, I feel that you could do well to stop ‘planning for the future and just enjoy it’ – and cut out the ‘while it lasts bit’ – that is like looking forward to an end.
I find it difficult to put into words what I have glimpsed as the best in life. I suppose it is something like do not think ahead or presume outcomes, but live as if this moment is full of promise and look around at what is and respond to that. It is like being free to decide each moment.
I think you have it when you say ‘I dropped any expectations of it lasting’. And I would add – drop any expectations of it not lasting. So, drop any expectations.
I know it is hard – I find it hard living in that wonderful state – but it is worth moving toward.
Tony
I just had this dream where I was going to church with my family and my boyfriend and while him and I were walking there, he stopped and sat down and I got sidetracked as well. I was talking to my sister who started to sell cookies and I looked over at my boyfriend who was talking to one of the girls who bought a cookie and I instantly got a feeling of betrayal and jealousy so I called him over and he heard me but didnt follow me. So I walked up the stairs and he then took notice of how serious it may be and followed me. I was crying and I was so upset and I just sat on the floor until he came next to me and held me asking what was wrong. Then all of a sudden we were in my room and I was upset because he had told me that before him and I started dating, he had done sexual things with other people and this upset me because I had never done anything sexual before and I’m a virgin. I wanted him to be the same way because I wanted it to be special for the both of us. Which this makes no sense because in reality, he’s never done a thing before. When I asked him in the dream who it was, he told me it was one of his old friends, MG, who I was once jealous of when we first started dating. I was so upset and hurt and I just kept telling him “I knew it, I knew it” but he kept holding on to me. And he was upset as well and he started crying too and since we were loud I thought that we should continue that in my backyard so that my family wouldn’t hear and I went outside but he didn’t come and I just felt so free and relaxed and I started dancing around and then he was watching from my window but I wanted him down there with me. And then I woke up. Any idea what this means?
Corinne – You start off going to church, which suggests that you had adopted the morals of the religion you belonged to. Maybe not accepted but influenced by.
The cookie scene could be an allusion to sharing or offering sexual favours. Has your sister had sexual experience?
But then you get an uprush of feelings which you act out being a child trying to get attention; which you got from your dream boyfriend. After going through a big release of such feelings you change direction. See http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/beware-of-love/
The feeling of being free and joyful comes when you have dropped any expectations of what you previously felt was real love. Then he wasn’t with you, and that may be a warning of expecting too much from him. See http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/growing-up-to-love/
Tony
Dear Tony,
i had a dream that my current boyfriend was receiving text messages from his ex girlfriend claiming that she wants him back and that shes going to change, she doesn’t know why they even broke up. once i read those messages he told me not to worry about what she has been telling him. Before i had went to bed i had told him that “i loved him”. And his ex and him have been broken up two months before we had gotten together. This dream kinda scares me because in less than a year they both will be going to the same college and since their from the same school they will be sharing friends as well.
Amanda – I can understand why you are worried, but being scared of the consequences only makes it worse. That is because any fear you have that he will leave you will only communicate itself to him in some way. Also the term ‘making love’ is about a truth. It is not about having sex, but actively creating an atmosphere of love through your responses and feelings for him that is the real act of making love. Love can easily be broken, but you can make it again if you have that skill.
Tony
Okay, I had the weirdest dream…
I have known this guy for almost 2 years and we have liked eachother for over a year and we just started dating.
Well, to the dream…
My boyfriend and my friends, and me went to this arcade and for some reason everyone including my boyfriend had different personalities! They were all opposite of who they used to be.
For ex, my boyfriend is a sweet, loving, gentleman which I am not used to. In this dream he was very hostilr and mean and I honestly don’t know if I fear this. My best friend was mean and hurt me, my friends were just crazy. The next part of the dream we were at school and at lunch… The weird thing is that we were sitting at our old table from last year. This girl I don’t like was mocking me (which she never does) , my boyfriend was nowhere to be found and my friends were at other tables.
I just don’t understand, this is the more boyfriend oriented part of my dream. The rest was about my friends.
I am sorry if their is gramatical or speling errors! I am on my phone and it is early. I was just so flustered and confused since it felt so real.
i had a very vivid dream about my ex-boyfriend… we were driving around in a crowded parking lot and couldn’t find a good spot to park… we argued and he took me home… but he called me and we agreed to meet at that same parking lot… when i got there the parking lot was completely empty except for his car… when i got into his car he told me that he loved me… what does that mean?
I had a dream last night about getting back with my ex boyfriend and dumped my current boyfriend. We were very sweet in the dream and my current boyfriend was heartbroken as I chose my ex over him. What does this dream mean? Does it mean I should really get back to my ex in reality?
I had a dream that i found my boyfriend having sex with my 8 year old sister. Me And him went outside and he told me he did have sex with her. Why did i have that dream? I dont understand. We do fight in real life but not about him having sex with other people.