Loss or Losing Something or Someone

A lost opportunity; forgetting something which is important. Depending on the dream content might also suggest actual, or feelings about, loss of virginity; loss of health; losing a lover-partner, or whatever the lost thing depicts. If one dreams often about losing things, like handbag, car, children, it could show that the dreamer is deeply uncertain about themselves. In other words they are feeling a loss of identity, wondering where they are going in life, who they are in the present situation, or what value they have. Often such feelings often come about from losing contact with your deep feelings and passions. Without them we may feel we have no rudder, no place to head for.  See: lost; lost husband 

Dreaming about the loss of a child or partner can cause a lot of emotional pain. It helps if you can open to the emotions and feel their depth; for sometimes it feels as if a part of you has been torn out. Withholding the emotion doesn’t get rid of it; a woman in a therapy sessions burst into tears about a child she had lost 17 years previously. A neighbour hearing her cry at the time told her she should not cry and so it took 17 years to release it.

A dream of loss might also indicate being frightened of losing the control they thought they had over their life and the world. Such dreams are often about meeting some massive apparent threat, such a huge wave or creature. The dreams sometimes have great fear in them. Some dreams about losing control are about sexual relationships and how much control you have. See Meeting the Huge – Being in Control

Fear or experience of being left or losing someone? Fear of abandonment can lead to great feelings of jealousy, rage, withdrawal from everyday life and depression. The pain of losing a loved one is frequently a sign that our infant or child self is still wounded or hurt, and needs the healing of being allowed into consciousness and thereby integrated into the adult personality. See Beware of LoveInner Baby and Child

Dreams about loss can arise through anxiety about losing friendship, or of illness creating a loss. It can also suggest that you feel unloved and unwanted. These hells and heavens we each carry within us in the form of fears such as losing the person we love are sometimes habitual attitudes such as that of feeling our partner is out to trick us; chips on our shoulder such as conflict with the society we live in or the authority figures we confront, and genuine childhood or birth traumas.

Many people have a real fear of losing their identity. People relate to this threat in two major ways. They either fight to keep control, and employ all manner of techniques such as keeping their attention focused outwardly by such things as talking, walking about, drawing, holding their breath or dancing – or they surrender to what is being experienced. To meet the parts of one’s nature that has previously been pushed into unconsciousness, one needs to surrender in some degree. If the person fights the loss of control as the new material from within is emerging, it sometimes feels as if they are disintegrating. Their body may feel as if it is changing or dying, and they are losing themselves. Such struggles arise out of the fear of losing oneself, or at least losing the sense of oneself connected with appearance, work, success, or financial standing – the loss of identity. See  Identity and dreamsIdentity and SexStuck in life – unable to move or grow – How do we change?

Death is often felt as a losing. The change that takes place in this experience of an inwardly felt death, may at times feel like losing everything, shedding the past, becoming completely insecure. There is not in the end a loss of anything, only a gaining that requires one to let go of the dominance of what was previously important. From this arises a feeling of wholeness and connection with the world and self in a new way. See Dreaming of Death

 Example: The other night I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend was killed in a car accident. I was mortified and became hysterical. I can only remember little bits of it now, but I do remember seeing him in his car, dead. I think I started crying in my sleep. I have been thinking a lot about him lately, before I had the dream. I’ve missed him so much and this worries me.

The woman in the example had actually parted with her boyfriend. The dream is therefore most likely an expression of her deep feelings about losing him.

 Example: My husband died over a year ago, and I live alone, no pets. Yet I dreamt I opened my front door and there was a cat waiting to be let in. It was my cat, and I knew I hadn’t fed it for ages or looked after it. I felt awful that I had neglected it for so long. The strange thing was that the next day as I walked around the supermarket, I kept wanting to go to the cat-food section to buy food. – Winnie P. – Exeter

In losing her husband Winnie has lost her source of giving and receiving affection and is feeling her need for this.

 Example: Suzanne told me my voice changed as I cried out again and again as I released the pain of losing all my children, my husband, even my parents.  My hands were clawing my legs in an effort to express the misery, and I was screaming that I could not bear to live any longer with such pain.  I cried out to God to take me, for there was nothing left for me to live for.  “Why?  Why did this happen to me?  Why has everything I loved been taken from me?”

Such an awful feeling of loss can be caused by the person having no or little connection with their core self in which there is a feeling of connection even after death. See Touching Your Core Self 

Being lost: This links with feelings of confusion, lack of direction or conflict, of not understanding what is involved in the present situation you are in. The dream environment you are lost in will define what the confusion or conflict connects with. Sometimes this lost feeling arises because there are issues or changes in your life you have not acknowledged or do not want to acknowledge.

Losing something or someone: This probably relates to feelings about a lost opportunity, something that you have forgotten that you need to remember, or the loss of an important personal quality like confidence or virginity.

Losing ones husband-wife: Often dreamt by people in middle age. It shows them fearing-exploring the possible death of their partner. It is not a prediction, only an awareness of a likely situation.


Useful Questions and Hints:

What did you feel was lost and what feelings were involved?

Have you recently experienced a loss in any way?

How do you deal with loss?

See Opening to Life – Self helpMartial Art of the MindKarmaAvoid Being VictimsBeing the Person or Thing



-Loretta 2015-08-16 4:13:13

I had a dream that combined people from my old job to my current one. Most of the people were insignificant or I did not know them. My old boss from my current job was handing out our pays and telling us our jobs were done and they were closing Everyone seemed content and saying goodbyes and chatting, I felt very left out. I noticed one friend come in and the one I felt I was waiting around for. This person played a big role in my real life at one time. He picked up his pay and chatted with people and left. I followed him outside but lost sight of him. I noticed that I had socks on but not shoes and felt lost. I ended up in a shop or street that was quite intriguing. Hanging bottles and candles and jars of sorts. It looked colorful and pretty but I felt a huge loss and loneliness and scared. I woke up and was crying and am still crying off and on all day. It felt heavy and so very sad. Please help me understand this if you can.

-Eva T 2015-08-11 16:57:50

I had a dream where I was performing in front of a crowd and after I had to find my phone to call my parents to pick me up. I couldn’t find my phone, and the room I was trying to find it in kept on changing every time I went in. There were adults there but I never thought to ask them for help. Then my dream changed into me being trapped in a house with an unknown man who was apparently my boyfriend. I was extremely small, like a fairy and he proposed to me with a very homemade ring. Somehow, he got decapitated (we were in the kitchen) and I felt like I couldn’t help him at all. He was dead but then came back to life, completely okay seconds later. Then, I somehow convinced him to sneak outside with me to a market outside. There was a girl who was getting a cover for her prosthetic leg and I helped her for the fitting, but as soon as she saw me she said, “make a new one” to the designer with a sneer on her face. Her mother then came up to me and told me that she was very sorry but she slept with my husband (we weren’t even married yet) and the daughter said that he was only 4 (years old?). I still found myself getting mad at him for it and started yelling at him. I woke up right after I threw hot water in his face.

    -Eva T 2015-08-11 16:59:04

    What does this mean?

-Wildcelery 2015-08-05 0:38:12

I had a dream that I was with my 15-year-old niece and we were driving a semi truck but I lost the keys and I lost the truck and I didn’t know where I was and I couldn’t find my way back it was a lucid dream. What does this mean ?

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2015-08-07 10:26:59

    Dear Wildcelery – Not knowing how old you are and anything about your waking life, I am not sure about the symbols in your dream.
    Anyway, I believe that your 15 year old niece is a symbol of you at that age and the changes you had to go through in order to become more self- conscious.
    See http://dreamhawk.com/body-and-mind/every-seven-years-you-change/#14-21
    And so I wonder if you are going through major changes now as well and feeling somewhat lost within these changes, which makes that you have temporarily lost your sense of direction, and so your drives, such as ambition and what motivates you?
    In this context losing your keys can also be a symbol of the loss of motivation, mainly because you do not know yet in what (new) direction to travel.
    It is like an in-between-stage where the old way has fallen away and it takes some time for the new way to manifest.
    I am not sure what you perceive as a lucid dream http://dreamhawk.com/inner-life/lucid-dreaming/
    Perhaps the approach of “Incubating Dreams” could give you “a hand” at this stage of your life?
    See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/incubating-dreams/
    Anna 🙂

-Mary 2015-07-27 10:38:27

Hi I had a dream last night that my boyfriend’s best friend was female and in love with him but he had no idea. They would walk around holding hands and he didn’t see anything wrong with it. Now tonight I had dream the world was ending. My boyfriend and I would go out looking for our families but then he went missing too. I would go out searching for him until I found out he had died. I was very stressed in both dreams. We recently went through an abortion. Is this why I am having these?

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2015-08-01 16:22:01

    Dear Mary – I do believe that the process that both you and your boyfriend are going through at the moment is reflected in your dreams and is related to the abortion you recently went through.
    The first dream shows how you become aware that your boyfriend used the loss of life and the trial you went through together, to connect in a more intimate way with his anima; his inner female.
    In general we can say the inner female represents the man’s emotions, his nurturing and caring quality, forgiveness, his sense of what is natural and his connection with nature, its cycles and drives.
    See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/archetype-of-the-anima-jungs-view-of-the-female-in-the-male/
    You are more or less aware (and/or fear) that his inner growth will gradually change the way he relates to himself and to you; which is expressed by the end of the world and his death in your second dream.
    This inner growth process of death and rebirth as a whole is a psychological one which may take years to unfold and stabilise. With many experiences of archetypal nature, such as entering puberty and meeting the process that unfolds manhood or womanhood, we are working out psychic growth which involves our entire nature.
    I feel it will be helpful to explore if you perceive it as a threat that your relationship with you boyfriend will change into a relationship in which he is less dependent on you, because while growing more intimate with his inner female, he is simultaneously growing into a more adult love form.
    See also http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/ages-of-love-2/
    If you do not feel stressed – resistance? – about these changes, you are more likely to grow and unfold with him.
    See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/personal-growth/
    Anna 🙂

-Man SS 2015-07-22 17:01:15

In a single long dream,
I found my new helmet damaged into pieces by someone. Also when hanging out with my friends, i missed my Laptop and was in desperate attempt to find it back.. During this process i damaged my new cell phone’s display. What does it mean ?
Please reply, Thanks.

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2015-08-01 14:01:39

    Dear Man – I do not get a very clear picture of your dream, but this is what I see;
    The new helmet could be a symbol of a new way you have found to protect yourself – your head – from inner change.
    The head usually links with your thoughts, opinions, your intellect, and especially your ability to make decisions. Therefore it is an indication of your intentions.
    The head, as with the face, can also depict your self-image, which you like to protect.
    Dreams can often see what would be good or bad. They can do this because they have the sum total of who we are and what our potential is.
    See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/incubating-dreams/
    Whatever you had in mind with this “new helmet”; your dream could reflect (your fears) that you will not be able anymore to connect with your friends (on a psychological level) once you allow inner change and growth.
    See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/change-adaptation/
    If I explore this dream on another level it could mean that you have to drive (more) carefully, because with severe brain damage – “a helmet damaged into pieces” – you will not be able to connect with the outer world anymore at all.
    Can you relate to any of this?
    See also http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/practical-techniques-for-understanding-your-dreams/
    Anna 🙂

-adam 2015-07-17 19:33:40

I’ve been having a reccuring dream of my wife leaving me she never says it just leaves we broke up a year after dating and ended up getting back together my dream is always the same and is exactly the way she broke up with me then am I just insecure or is my subconscious mind trying to tell me something

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2015-07-19 13:03:39

    Dear Adam – Recurring dreams can arise because there is a need to learn something. Also the growth instinct is incredible powerful one and pushes us through growth, sometimes unwillingly. And if we resist it can cause recurring dreams.
    It is noticeable in those who explore their dreams using such techniques as described under processing dreams (See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/processing-dreams/) that recurring themes disappear or change because the attitudes or habitual anxieties that gave rise to them have been met or transformed.
    Although feelings of uncertainty might have surfaced because of this experience, I feel it will be helpful to explore the feelings of your dream figure as he appears in your dream; does he feel abandoned for instance, afraid, unwanted, unloved?
    If we take away the images and events occurring in a dream and simply look to see what feelings or emotions are evident, the dream is often more understandable than if we try to interpret the symbols. Feelings in dreams are nearly always undistorted. We therefore do not need to interpret them, simply to recognise them and see if we can recognise where they occur in waking life.
    Because facing the enormous emotions that are locked up with feeling abandoned are difficult, sometimes it needs us to grow to greater strength to meet them and release them, so feel for yourself what you can handle, while using “Processing Dreams”.
    Please also read http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/abandoned/comment-page-1/#comment-127400
    Does that give you a start with processing these recurring dreams?
    Anna 🙂

      -Man SS 2015-07-22 16:58:54

      In a single long dream,

      I found my new helmet damaged into pieces by someone. Also when hanging out with my friends, i missed my Laptop and was in desperate attempt to find it back.. During this process i damaged my new cell phone’s display. What does it mean ?

-Shane 2015-07-13 14:36:01

These past few weeks, my mother kept dreaming of me, being lost. She also added that I’m asking her to find me. What does her dream mean?

-nuris dante 2015-06-19 13:00:23

thank you for your dream interpretation. it is the best I have found on the web.

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2015-06-24 7:51:53

    Dear Nuris Dante – Thank you for your helpful feedback. I will pass your appreciation on to Tony.
    Anna 🙂

-David 2015-06-05 11:07:59

I had a dream i lost my lover over and over again and finally he died and i gave him my life and he was sad through the life we lived he didnt know what to do i sat next to him but i couldnt hold him because i was not alive and finally in the next life i went to the old house we lived in and i didnt know if i was alive or dead but we where together

-Kellie 2015-04-15 12:49:36

In my dream I was with my coworker Julia and we were both searching for my Boyfriend at the time. We were in a warehouse. What I remember is, I was searching for the younger version of him and not the age he is currently. We went from room to room and each room there were men fighting in every room but I never did find him.  

-Birdy 2015-04-15 12:10:09

I recently had a dream that my friend was going to kill herself. The background on this was the fact that I’ve recently found out that she doesn’t feel connected to my group of friends anymore, and doesn’t want to hang out with us anymore. She has been pretending to be busy and faking being introverted so she doesn’t have to be with us.
So in the dream she is on a porch with my mom crying and my mom asks her about suicide and then she starts talking in a mocking voice about how I felt about her not wanting to hang out with us anymore. I tried to explain myself but my mom kept interjecting and I couldn’t get my point across. What do you think this means?

-Secret 2015-04-13 4:02:48

I had a dream of trying to save the person I loved from being frozen and in turn I was frozen then I was unfrozen later on I ran into them but I was stuck as a kid and they were grown and married with kids and in th dream I relived memories from real life and it made me miss the person I “lost” reading this I saw that this was fear of losing someone I was surprised by how accurate it was because that is how I felt afraid of losing them (I woke up crying and didn’t even realize I was. I wasnt bawling I just had tears on my face. kind of weird but thought I would mention it)

    -Anna 2015-04-13 9:29:07

    Secret -Being frozen usually shows that you have repressed or be frightened of emotions, or that you have denied a part of your memories, feelings or sexuality. Also you, or someone near you, has been or is cold emotionally.
    Something what is frozen can be thawed – as happened in your dream for you were able to release your tears – also the frozen things can depict potential, personal assets not yet used or brought to life.
    After thawing and releasing, some aspects of your inner life, still have to grow; the part which is expressed as “stuck as a kid” while the rest of your (inner) life has moved on with its (inner) development.
    Many of us get stuck in life situations from which we may never emerge. The situation might be one of never establishing a full and satisfying sexual relationship; constantly feeling hurt by the actions of others; existing in a state of depression or anxiety; forever having to seek activity or company to deal with one’s own inner emptiness; experiencing enormous jealousy or anxiety in a relationship; feeling you have never made it in life – the list could be endless.
    I feel that this part of your dream “it made me miss the person I “lost”” is not about really losing this person, but about the gap which exists between the stuck kid and the parts of you which were able to grow.
    This gap can be bridged though 🙂 So what is this stuck child a symbol of?
    Try http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/acting-on-your-dream/#BeingPerson or http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/practical-techniques-for-understanding-your-dreams/#TalkingAs
    And please read http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/personal-growth/
    How can you help this stuck kid to continue to heal and grow?
    I trust this gives you a start to explore more of “what lives in your inner world”.

    Anna 🙂

-Jamie 2015-04-03 22:56:05

This was so accurate that it was almost creepy. My therapist isn’t a dream analyst but we looked this up and we were blown away.

    -Anna 2015-04-17 5:55:27

    Jamie – Thank you so much for your appreciation for this part of Tony’s life Work; he is still busy bringing the Dream Dictionary and the whole site up to date.
    I am glad that this feature was helpful to you and your therapist too.
    Anna 🙂

-Mahesh 2015-04-02 2:05:12

I saw today in my dream thatnwhile I was driving my flatemate car, I lost his car.
i was driving the car but my dad was also with me in my dreams.
What doesnthis mean?

    -Anna 2015-04-02 9:39:34

    Mahesh – Using your flatmate’s car is a symbol for borrowing his methods, skills or motivations to get somewhere or achieve something. Losing his car is a symbol of the loss of something that enables you to go where you want to in life, or that you are carried along by to your goals or toward something. This loss can be a belief or a fear or any strong feeling or motivation that carried you through life and enabled you to reach goals.
    Please also read http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/beliefs/
    If you connect this car with independence, then this links with the loss of that and your ability to have your own space or freedom.
    This type of dream sometimes comes while you are really questioning who you are and what you want – a turning point in your life direction.
    That is all I can say about it, for the dream is too short and does not have enough information for me to explore.
    So why not explore it for yourself and uncover what is going on in your inner world?
    See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/practical-techniques-for-understanding-your-dreams/
    Anna 🙂

-Mystic 2010-12-18 4:57:49

My best friend he had a dream I was lost in a park, and that he couldn’t find me. What does this mean ?

    -Tony Crisp 2010-12-30 12:30:50

    Mystic – This could suggest several things. It could be saying that he has not found a way to his inner feelings, although he is in natural surroundings. Without feelings we cannot really know each other, so his dream could be saying, “I am lost and cannot find any real contact with you.”

    It could be a case of indecision. So much the same result. Or as he said, he is lost. In which case he has no guiding influence in his life. So he needs to open to the very best in himself, or the very best he can sense, and open to it, asking for guidance.


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