An emotional defense used against others. The sort of ‘I feel ill’ defense against relationship.

A defense used to keep others at bay, or to shut out the impacts of your everyday experience. We use all manner of feelings, thoughts, justifications, or even religious beliefs, to keep others, or the world, at bay.

Sometimes this is in connection with love or intimacy, and the underlying reason might be that love is so painful that we fight it off, even with anger. So it is helpful to ask yourself what you use to defend yourself. Is it some form of justification? Is it anger? Or do you create a numbness of feeling?

Example: Marne and Ellie and the younger set are there. They believe in fundamental religion and the Bible and I am going to debate them about reincarnation. I am walking around a large house with lots of interesting floors and no walls that I am aware of. There is a dirty water channel around the house like a moat. Dangerous fish monsters are in there and if you swim in it to get to the other side, you are eaten alive.

Example: I sigh and say, trying to kiss him on the mouth, but he pulls sharply back from my kiss, “I’d rather take the test and fail then not take the test at all.” I curl up around his chest and try to kiss his cheek. He pulls back coldly. His hair is nearly shaved off, he is skinny. I tentatively kiss him several times more and keep talking. I say, “You talk about me. You have five heavy cement walls, two moats with dragons in them, dungeons and two alien spaceships guarding the fort.” He smiles and returns a sweet kiss.


Useful Questions and Hints:

What am I defending against or what defences are holding me back?

Did I build the moat out of my insecurity?

Are there threatening things in the moat?

Is there a drawbridge connecting the other side?

See: Castle under house and buildings; defence; defence mechanisms.


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